The birds seem to be telling me
In harmonious chirps
That it must be abolished

Two miniscule bugs slowly glide across the keyboard
Green with a hint of yellow
Their antennas swing up and down
They’re speaking to me too
With subdued voices
They say
That it must be abolished

A pale red ladybug flutters
From blade of grass to blade of grass
From what seems to be an infinite pattern
Of green lushness
It seems to be showing me
What I must do,
Move on
Move on from this blade of grass
That it must be abolished

An adolescent fly lands on the screen
Rubbing its arms together
And then I blink
And it has vanished
Maybe this is a sign
That I must leave
And
That it must be abolished

Why is it that everything seems to be telling me
What I desperately don’t want to hear?
It’s irrevocable

I’ve tried
And
tried
I’ve buried it in the dank dirt
Like the earthworm that I found in the soil
But the rain soon came for a visit
And it arose from the soil and into a puddle of murky water
I tried to impel it back into the ground
But it was impossible

Now I seem to say to myself
That it must be abolished
And now it doesn’t seem to be so foreign to me

i'm holding on to holding on,
it's all that i've got left.
there's people here who need me strong,
they need me here, i guess.

time has been stretching on for me
and my patience is running thin.
i feel i've lost the will to be
happy with just about anything.

i'm struggling to keep away
from all the addictions i once had.
i hear them calling every day,
and i want to give in, so bad.

it's only knowing i've been here
about a million times before
that keeps my head clean and clear,
knowing i can survive once more.

i'm aware i'll make it through this,
but i can't say i'm glad that's true.
i'd like to say it's over, i wish,
but i feel stuck here, supporting you.

I write these things
To make myself feel better
And most of the time
I fool myself well

But sometimes it doesn't work

My nightmares are
The kind that
Make you terrified to
Fall back asleep.
Make you so scared you
Can't even move.
My nightmares wake me up
In the middle of the night and
Tell me to
Do very bad things.
Sometimes they spare me and
Other times I can't help what
Comes next.