I feel like one day I'll be the best Poet Alive.
Strange because the best Poet is never alive.
Why is it we're only appreciate after we've died?

Sins stack to compose the guest list.

Constantly attending Numbed parties because mistakes, tears, and guilt, aren't easy things to rest with.

Demons

Mysteries of life, like the desire to be Prince Charming, like that princess that wants to be his perfect woman.

What we desire to be can never be realized, Perfection can never be paralleled, How do you not hurt yourself or them but still be human?

Demons with me

We all Lock skeletons away, is to hide our past & our mistakes deceit? Haunted by the past, when I do right I hear them laughing.

I am now what you deserve. The chamber to my past never open or you'll bare witness to pain, selfishness, & highs that are never lasting. A ball room drenched in regret  & we farce carelessly laughing.

Demons with me Dancing

I think it means something when you crave to speak to someone when the world is silent, When the stars are bright & there isn't much to do.

I think it means something that you own my thoughts, that to hug you feels like holding my dreams, that I wake up to many notifications & I just hope one of them is from you.

I think it means something that I can see how special you are, that I can see your unparalleled beauty exudes much deeper than just physical attraction.

I think it means something that I can see what you have to offer & what you deserve. Stars sing about angels like you, poets they write about you at 5am & you deserve to be loved overwhelmingly beyond levels of satisfaction.

Seems we can unintentionally hurt the people that matter the most just by simply trying to enjoy life.

Confusion envelops my pleasures, what is Joy if not shared with someone cherished but yet to lie them under the knife?

The distance between us seems unconquerable as time trots backward and I agonize on shores clutching my chest where you once laid.

Irrational optimism assists my pain as the Aegean flows as a sea of regret from my eyes & I dive into my tears hoping to once again hold my mermaid.

Father I Love you dearly with all my heart.

Its like I can never stop, everyday is another mistake, another imperfection. Another start.

Forgive me Again.

Hallucinogens ingested to my flesh for reasons I couldn't name & the higher I become the further I feel away from you.

Meaningless flings are selected for evenings one in the same & I dive into eternal fires for pleasures only to hope you'll bring me through.

Forgive me Again.

I couldn't tell you why I make these mistakes but the ones with the heaviest burdens are the ones that bring harm to another temple other than my own.

But then again it is not mines to own. I am yours, & she is yours, they are yours, & I know there's no way to retrieve that pain from the mind of your child once she's hurt and gone.

Forgive me Again.

In my mind rests so many words of repent, of remorse and regret that never went through.

Times where it's been just Me for you, & I wish I could've explained how terrorized I am by the idea of living with another someone to lose.

Traumatic memories can lead to irrational caution, repellant actions that seemingly can't be prevented or contained.

Flashes of past nightmares during my happiest days, guess the losses of my Dad, brother, and cousin led me to push away sunshine filled companionship for lonesome walks in the rain.

My impulsive actions are precaution of loss, can't allow another person to mean so much to me, cause I don't think I can withstand another cut to my core that deep, it's still sore.

So because of that I feel less and fear Lord. Give myself excuses like "her parents made more." "What would she even look my way for?" Victim of my own my mind, holding my inner gentlemen captive to free an ******* and I push away the same girls I used to pray for.

Even though Bella's fingers fitted in between mines as if that's what they were made for.

I know there's no way to take away the pain I've inflicted just like I still feel the pain of my own losses.

Mature enough now to realize my methods were addled by fear & emotion, & if I knew where you were Kennedy I'd tell you how sorry I am, realizing that it was selfish of me to vacate unannounced just to be cautious.

Tears always consume me thinking about the well being of Imani & if it's my fault. Blunts darken your bright soul, stress has dampened your smile & I'm so sorry my behavior made me inconsiderable to come dry tears.

I'd tell Ariel she made me forget my fears, that everyday I counted the piercings in your ears, that my reaction was pure caution after discovering you had kissed him, & I felt a pain as if I had held you in your bed for years.

I'd apologize to Rachel just because, just for the mix up in a terrible time for her. Id tell Amanda that I forgive her for playing with my mind, for saying she wasn't ready to move on & then kissing him in a club. Guess she'd say I got attached to quick in attempt to sucker me.

But I'm proud of that due to my often and recent inability to attach at all, & I regret the day  Abbie looked me in my eyes only to see I couldn't say I loved her too, that no matter how many times she lifted me to my feet I couldn't force my heart to give her that luxury.

Every night when my spirits are low & my eyes close to watch horrors,  I just feel the tears in my soul filling up from the hearts I've broken because mines lay in fractions.

So to them all, the Angels sent to me as I stumble through hell looking for the next hand to guide me, my deepest apologies for the ache, for time lost, & any unjustified distraction.

Motivation & ambition will lead you to ascend to levels where you're put around guys that are handed things you earn & the women are far to pretentious.

False salvation, better circumstances often lead to worse people, more obstacles, & being enveloped by spirits heavily tainted by blood of the innocent & the witness.

Oil simply doesn't mix with water, in this same concept genuine and artificial will never blend.

So your mind don't lose, everyone hates to lose, but it's a disguised victory if you ever lose a pretend friend with impertinent ends.

Tell the young boys flaws equate to reality & organic Love. Beware the Barbie dolls with perfect smiles that aquire happiness by spitting on and walking over the less fortunate.

But who am I to stop them from seeing for themselves? Who am I to stop them from seeing these girls on TV, working hard to get here, to get them, & realize their values you just can't override & soon your unconsciously forcing it

Perfection by definition is irrational to exist in the flesh but yet that's what she fancies herself, from physical appearance, intellect, to how she Loves.

All these "perfections" glamorized to hide the flaws she knows exist. Ms. Perfect Is that perfect Trust?

Tell me Ms. Perfect, Ms. Mommy's money, how are you so much better than us?

The value of a person runs much deeper than attractions, far beyond the material things, & I feel by now you've seen this, your last man cheated on you, probably with someone who embraces their imperfections, guess you weren't  "perfect" enough.

Ouch, I know you felt that just now. Low blow I know & you have the audacity to ask "why?"

In your mind someone like myself is so below you, it's kind of impossible for me to hit you up high.