Today I realized I was to small, to unknown, to middle class to fit in with the perfect smiles, the perfects weights, the people I thought kindness would be enough to yield their friendship.
In life we average people work hard to make a better life for ourselves. Sadly, no matter how well mannered or kind you are, despite how thoughtful you are, net worth & social status decides who these people are friends with.
They will hint jokes at the car you slaved and saved to buy yourself because it just doesn't quite shine as bright as the cars Mommy and Daddy bought them.
They were taught to smile bright, look good, and reach for the people who have value not people who will value them & these values say less about them and more about the people that taught them.
I guess that's why they smile in each other's faces and come to me to trash the people they were just pretending to love and care for so vigorously.
I guess that's why they tell lies without reasonable Premise, see they know the prices of material things, & know the names of the people who shine on Game Day & If you don't fall into those categories you're worthless to these people, literally.
Everything is perfect this. Everything has to be perfect that, & if you're a person with flaws you embrace especially those of the financial origin there's no place for you in their, well, I don't even know if I can say they even hearts.
If they do truly have hearts though you'll be sure to hear them complain about it being broken, because they're foolish enough to think they can just enter someone's life at the glorious finish & not care a single bit about the struggles in the start.

Every day when I stare into those eyes that capture my soul & silence my worries I wonder just what might be on your mind?
If I were somehow able to get pass that heavily secured guard you have around your heart what would I find?
Do you see the future flashes of me holding you so tight i don't have the room to stray, so close that to let you go would mean to let go of my self?
Do you see those same fall sundays in sweats grocery shopping & I'm just happy being dragged around like your puppet just to pick items off of really high shelves?
Have you ever wondered like I do what it might be like if we were to kiss, and kiss again until we could no longer feel our lips but instead our soul passionately clinching each other ?
I lay every night and wonder if you see the things I dream about, concerts where you stare at lights and i stare at you or lake days where I hold you tight while your teeth shutter.
When we're around them, when we're at pool parties and I have to act like I don't love you, like I don't hate guys hitting on you, can you see the desire to be yours in my eyes?
When I look at you and walk away, when i hug you and let go quickly, when I call you my friend, can you tell that these actions are all lies?
I guess I have so many questions that I'm bringing, but it seems it does matter if I'm sleeping or I'm drinking, whether I'm sweating my energy out on a track or singing, everyday, all day, I just can't but wonder what you're thinking?

Starting to believe I wasn't I meant for loving.

Everyone I care for, the emotion ends up being evicted & the population reduced to nothing

I sit the ones that love me on a slide and push until they can't hold on or sit any longer.

I see the ones I love at the bottom of hopeful slides & fall irresponsibly, faster and faster, the feeling getting stronger and stronger.

Now here I am again, loving another, loving you, & you don't want that, another smile I must part ways with.

I sit on a playground, laying in a sand box of my hearts sediments dampened by my tears, can't believe it took me this long to realize Love probably isn't the best thing to play with.

In my Dreams I see scenes I haven't experienced, I remember what I so wish to live & I miss nonexistent times.
My soul is now nourished by a mature heart, my actions overseen by a mind that lacks a bad intention, & my being aches for something which for there is a distant line.
As I sleep I see her & I miss her. My dear friend, I one day fell lost into the moon light gleaming on your face & stood ardently found in your chestnut eyes.
When I hold your hand I can feel my chest in your palm, as your breathe calms my heart races, & I feel the pain you carry from your past, & my eyes bathe in your cries.
You said you were scared to lose me, & just when I thought we couldn't be anymore similar I learned we share a common fear.
Friend or Lover, In the flesh or spiritually, your presence, your aura is one my being requests daily for emotional nutrition & no premise will ever exist to keep me from being here.
When I laugh with you my troubles become silent, my worries are the softest of whispers & my joys howl ferociously a pleasure that demands to be heard & one so true.
The day I stared into your eyes under wonderland painted concert lights in a moment to be cherished I felt myself die Only to be reborn, only to tell God I couldn't stay, that I had to come back, come back for you.

I couldn't point to the reason that you consume my thoughts when the sun goes down.

So mysterious is my desire to have your time, regardless if it's genuine return of interest or just the run around.

Your smile, that smile, precisely resembles the overwhelment of staring at waters so crystal clear the blurriest of views shutter no longer.

Your laugh, your voice, so tranquil my legs lose their brawn, my voice cowards behind my amazement & I feel my joy flourish stronger

I just thought you should know that you amaze me. That my eyes become frustratingly fatigue when I try to see the flaws you claim to have, those absent flaws no one else can see.

I just thought you should know, friend, or more. Whether we're sharing laughs or beds. Your uniqueness is eternal, your beauty goes unparalleled, and no matter what we ever are, you're surely a blessing to me.

Everyone should have a friend as prodigious as you atleast once in their lifetime, & I can see the pain you hold back from those who let you go unknowingly discharging a gift.

When ever you need a chest made pillow, a patient hand to dry tears, or just ears that don't judge and understand the language of scars; I will be ready to use the strength you give me to give your spirits a lift.

"Can't fly unless you let yourself fall"
Meaning God's blessings can't get to you if you imprison yourself behind a regretful wall

If you want to a see a view, a peak, you have to be willing to run uphill & stumble sometimes.
I'm inspired every time me and you speak, & even though I can't tell what will, I know no one can get to you if you hide behind those rubbled love lines.

I see your call for help
I see your cry for assistance.
& unlike your past friends
I promise not to miss it.
I see your tears fall into the seas
I hear you cry and beg please.
I see sharks surround you
Through your heart, out your soul bleeds.
I will offer the last of my will.
Give the last of my strength, anything I can do.
I'll save you & say goodbye.
& when you open your eyes to my memory you'll know you always came before anything else because I was drowning too.