Hey
Hey you
Ya you
You with the pills

What are you doing?
Do you know what you're about to do?
You're about to end your life!
That doesn't just affect you
It affects everyone around you

It will make your mom cry
It will make your dad weak in the knees
It will make your brother question everything
It will make your sister afraid
Your best friend will cry
Over your loss

So please
For me
A random poet
Who has been there

Put down the pills
Put away the gun
Put down the knife
Put back the alcohol

Ya it ***** now
I'm not going to tell you it doesn't
But this is one small bump
In your entire life!

You've got so much ahead of you
I promise
It will get better
In some shape or form

I don't know
What pain your going through
But I do know suicide tonight
Isn't the solution for tomorrow

Because tomorrow might be
The best day of your life
But you'll never know
If you don't wait
And find out

Today I was in church
And we talked about suffering
The pain we all have
No one is exempt

Pastor had said
God sends us grace
Through people
And prayer
And trust
The Holy Spirit
And the bible

Accept the grace
You're not the same
You're better

Ignore the grace
You're not the same
You're bitter

Pastor told us to share our story
To share our suffering
So here I am
Broken and afraid
And here it is

My first boyfriend
Was mean
Verbally abusive
And extremely controlling

I lost my friends
And almost my family

I shut down slowly
Depression taking hold of me

With him
I dug a grave
With him
I wasn't me
But I let the relationship be

Daddy stepped in
And set me free
Of the poison
He used to control me

I finally saw him
For who he really was

I was angry at first
That God sent him to me
I was angry at first
That God didn't help me

But now I see
Why it was meant for me
I feel the pain
Of another's tough break up
I have a compassion
Different then before

So I give thanks to my God
Even if it ******
Because now I see
How it was meant for me

I can't seem
To hold it together

Oh gosh
I can't breath
This might be a problem

Here comes the shakes
Wonderful

Ouch
That hurts
My stomach is twisting
Am I going to *****?

I can't hold this pencil
My hand is covered in sweat
Fantastic

Ugh
I can't do this assignment
My brain is rushing too fast
How do you spell the again?

Is my heart still beating?
Did I just die?
My chest is so tight
This can't be good

I can't focus
Is that a penguin on my paper?
When did that get there?

What?
How long has he been talking to me?
Focus
Who is that?
Oh
That is my buddy
Hi buddy

What is he saying?
I know he is saying something
I can see his lips move
And hear his voice
But what is he saying?

"In and out, Monica.
In.
Out.
Focus on me."
Oh
There he is

Is it over?
Am I free now?

I can breath again
My tummy still feels funny
But that feeling usually likes to stick around

Is my heart trying to escape?
It must have been too tight
So it crawled into my throat
Interesting

The air fills my lungs again
It feels wonderful
Even if it was only a few seconds
I missed my oxygen

"Are you okay?"
Another buddy asks
She's cool

"Are you sure?"
My guy buddy is talking to me again
Cool. They must really care

"Ya. I'm okay. It was just an anxiety attack."

Today's society disgusts me
With the skimpy clothes
And must have Jordan's

I'm sick of seeing
How the women dress
And how the girls dance

I'm sick of how
Females are told to be skinny
I'm sick of how
Woman are told to wear makeup
In order to be pretty

I'm sick of how men have to be muscular
To get the girl
I'm sick of how
Men have to like cars and dinos

I'm sick of how
To some people, women aren't equal
I'm sick of how
It is strange to some, for guys to be in drama

I'm so sick of our society
And how there are so many standards

I see what is on TV
And magazines
And books

I feel the pressure
To be pretty
And skinny
And fit

I'm sick of our society
And how it makes me self conscious
I hate how society
Makes me worry about my weight

I'm sick of our society
And how we're all controlled
By a green piece of paper
And skimpy clothes
And fancy shoes

I'm sick off all of this
And all the pressure
That comes with

**** it up
Bottle it up
And put it all away

Weakness isn't an option
Vulnerability is pathetic

Don't let them close
You will be hurt
So much more

Smile
Hide it
Don't let it out

Ignore the flashbacks
Ignore the memories

You can handle the pain
You need those walls
Build them up
Shelter the pain

No one else
Needs to know
How broken you really are

Just show the surface
But don't look for pity
Pity makes it worse
But you know that

**** it up
Bottle it up
Hide the pain
It doesn't matter anyway

You can cry later
Feel the pain in silence
Cry yourself to sleep
When no one else is watching

Weakness isn't an option
And vulnerability is so pathetic