Smiles all around
But something seems different
Something seems wrong

But we ignore it
Ignore all the problems
Ignore all the hate
And hurt

We smile
We laugh
We hug
We dance

We forget tomorrow
Like it was yesterday

So the smiles keep on coming
Numbing the inevitable pain

One day
The numb will melt away
With the love of loved one
Like ice
In your warm hand

Today
We are together
Once friends
Now family

All with our own problems
But with our lives intertwined
Together
We smile

Tomorrow
Is yesterday
When we loose our smiles

And tomorrow
Is when
We work together

Close friends
Practically family
With smiles
And laughs

Because tomorrow
We have problems
And today we share smiles

Lonely sidewalk
Empty thoughts

The houses
Judging expressions
As if knowing
Who I am

Avoiding puddles
That dance with the wind

The wind plays with my hair
Pushing it into my face
Causing me to have difficulty seeing

Racing clouds
Rushing towards an unreachable destination

They shed their tears
A misty rain
Landing on my face
Like small, gentle kisses

A small sigh
Escapes my lips
As I absorb
My surroundings

The day seems dreary
Shadowed by rain
But it doesn't have to be
So it won't be

I'm told I need to forgive you
For everything

For all the things done
For all the things said
For all the things you became
For all the things we became

I'm told I need to forgive you
For the monster you were
For the control you forced

I'm told I need to forgive you
Because it's only going to **** me

The anger
The hurt

I get it
I really do
But I don't know
How forgiving you
Will fix that

But then again
I know they are right
I know that
If I forgive you
It will stop killing me

I was told that
Holding this grudge
Is like drinking poison
Hoping it will **** you

And I know
Inside
It's true

Killing myself
No matter how slowly
Isn't going to hurt you

It just gives you more control
It just brings me more pain

I was told I need to forgive you
In order to move on

And I know its true
For both me and you
But

It's hard to forgive you
And it's impossible to undo
What was done by you

But I'm trying
Trying to forgive you
Forgive your monster
And forget your name

Forget your name
That brings back all the pain
That brings the self hate

But that's why I've got to forgive you right?
So maybe
One day
It won't hurt
When I hear your name

I was told I need to forgive you
For the monster you became
For all the pain

I was told I need to forgive you
Before I can forgive *me

I'm sick of being the bad guy
The pain
Destruction
And torture

I'm sick of being the bad guy
In all the roles I play
Life is just a movie
And I'm always to take the blame

I'm sick of being the bad guy
Always at the end of the gun
Words being my enemy

The words are as sharp as knives
Feel like the bite of a bullet

I'm sick of being the bad guy
Who isn't ever good enough

I'm sick of being the bad guy
Feeling pathetic
With every word I say

I'm sick of being the bad guy

I'm sick of being the bad guy

I'm so SICK of being the bad guy

Is it time to change roles yet
When can I save someone
Instead of destroy them

I want to bring hope
Not despair

People say
I'm not the bad guy
But the mirror says otherwise

I see every fault
Which pulls out the demons
The monsters

I'm sick of being the bad guy
Always being the one to **** up!
Always being the mistake
Always being the bad guy

I'm sick of it!
I can't take it!
I want to be the good guy!

If I'm the bad guy any longer
I might just crack
Cave under pressure

When will I be good enough
Strong enough
Powerful enough
To be the good guy

**BECAUSE I'M SICK OF BEING THE BAD GUY!!

What do you see
When you see me

Do you see a beautiful young lady
Oozing potential

Bright grey eyes
And a big smile

Tall posture
Showing confidence

An outgoing girl
Ready to take on the world

When I look in the mirror
I see me

But who am I
Cliche really
The simple three worded question

I see a girl
With troubles in her eyes
And a smile full of lies

Being outgoing
Is my defence
Go all out
Let no one in

Tall posture
Is the result of a saying
"If you can't blow them away with your brilliance, baffle them with your *******."

In reality though
It's all self hate
Thoughts of

'You're not good enough'
'You're unforgivable'
'Nothing you do will ever be enough'

In reality
I am what you see
And what you see is me

And what you read here
Is another part of me
That I don't let people see

Is this what you see
When you meet me

Please don't hate me
For the secrets that chain me

I hoped you wouldn't see
What is underneath

I'm a monster myself
There is no way to deny

So shield your heart
Shield your ways

Because once your mine
There is no escape

No where to run
Or hide

The monster inside
Reaches out
Towards anyone close

Threatening to revel my secrets
Secrets that will destroy me
Destroy your affection for me

I'm ruled by a monster
That lives inside
It takes over

I'm the monster

I will butcher your heart
It's not a matter of if
It's a matter of when

You deny it
I see it in your eyes

Look at my history
My beloved
Everything I touch
Is destroyed

I'm a monster

And no matter what you say
It will happen

Because the monster
That becomes me
Is sedated at the moment
But it will come out

It always does
Through the hurt
The pain

It awakens
And swallows me

Then I'm the monster
And I'm destructive
And vicious

And unintentionally
Will DESTROY you

I am a **monster