Snip
Clip
Swish

Too long
Dangerous
Sharp

Trim them down
Round them out
No sharp edges

Red lines
Raised flesh
Proof of history

Rip it out
Rip it out
Rip it out
Can’t breath
Rip it out

No
No
No

Don’t scratch
Don’t claw
Rip it out
Can’t breath
No

I see a woman fall
She reaches towards the sky
Desperate to grasp the clouds
Her thick brown hair disguises her face
And her loose nightgown waves towards the sky

I can feel her gasping breaths
The terror that floats in her guts
The panic
The dread

She falls from her tight rope
A barely visible fishing line
Strung between skyscrapers so high
They disappear into the clouds

Her feet must ache
Covered in thin cuts
Unable to heal from constantly walking her path

Her bones must feel heavy
As she has to pace back and forth
Day in and day out
Along the line

Is it a relief to fall?
Or does that scare her even more?

I stand on this rooftop
I see this woman fall
I look to the street
But no one else seems to see her
Some glance
Some pause for a few moments, look, then move on
Only my world has stopped for the falling woman

Does she know?
Does that make her feel alone?

blink

I’m falling from my tightrope
And someone is watching me from a rooftop

32 headstones
Similar in size and shape
Only difference is weight

Each plot a different size
An ocean of death

I stand alone
The entry arch,
Woven with sea glass and tourmaline,
Towers over me

Paths extend like tree branches
Woven in and out of grave plots

A piece of me rests with each of them
A piece of them lives inside of me

Stepping forward
One, two, three, stop

Here lies [redacted]
Loving [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted]
2000 - 2021

My heart aches
Sinking with each word
Reaching out towards the patch of earth under my feet
It cries for her
Longs for her
My heart begs me to rip up the grass
Take the dirt in my fists
Throw it past the archway
Rewind the to the time before this

I move on

Here lies [redacted]
Loving [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted]
2000 - 2023

Repeat the process
Begging
Longing
Move on

32 graves
32 plots
Some covered in grass
Some with patches of dirt

I return to the arch
Gently touching the beautiful spiral
A quiet, solemn thanks

Mourning the dead
Would be easier if they were under the dirt

I can’t be your savior
I can barely save myself

I can’t fight your battles
I’ve got wounds under my skin

I can’t speak up for you
My voice is hoarse

I can’t hold you up
My body is cooked pasta

My own body, mind, soul
Too weak to support you
Too weak to hold you up
Too weak to fight your battles

I want to survive too

Concrete kitten
Hidden then found
The truest form of companion
A guardian of life

Slowly fading
Lethargic
Silent

Black sky and headlights
Faster, faster, faster
A rock tied to my heart
An ocean behind my eyes

Touching and prodding
Nothing
Shifting and moving
A single meow
No, no, no

A fork in the road
One real option
The stone pulling my heart through my intestines

Baby, baby, baby
MY baby
I love my baby
Don’t leave me

Wrapped in a towel
Held to my chest
Clock strikes midnight
Lungs slowed to a stop

A vet and fiance
Yet I was alone in the room
My baby
My reason for survival
My rock
Gone

Soul racking sobs
Driving down memory lane
Numb devastation

Ordered the urn
And stayed in my bed
A body made of stone
No food, water, anything
Stare blankly at the flashing TV
Cradled by my partner
Aching disbelief

Cold dirt, warm embrace
Starry sky looking back at me through the trees
The sounds of birds long gone
Replaced by the drawl of a distant owl

The end of me
And the start of earth
Blended together into one

Deep breaths with puffs of air
A heavy heart sinking towards my spine
Weeds entangled in my fingers
Vines growing through my legs

A blissful state between life and death
A slow return
A unification of the body and the cosmos

Wait for me starshine
I’ll be home soon

I will climb out of this hole
If it’s the last thing I do

I will see the light of dawn
A few thousand more times

I will fight
Tooth and nail

I’ve been fighting this long
This hard
To stay alive

I will not give up tonight