Hello little child
You are wild
And you are free
Grow strong
And just be
Believe in magic
Don't be tragic
Although there is tragedy
There is comedy in grief
There is pain
And there is relief
But the belief
That good will prevail
From every bad thing
Will never cease to fail
Hope is the way
You can always cope
But you must fight
The delight
Will be when you overcome
But know this battle
Is never quite done
If you never give up
You have already won

One August day
I took your ring
You took mine
We lit a candle
We stopped time
Tear filled eyes
stares of disbelief
I still can't believe
that you chose me

Under the placid cerulean sky
Through flecks of light passing through the branches dancing of trees
flickering light illuminating
The turbulence inside of me
A cool breeze passes over
My chilled demeanor as I contemplate what is to be
I should be content but
This contempt is permeating
My being
I am seeing the beauty surrounding me
But the ugliness inside
Is a rising tide
Pulling me down slowly
As my soul floats with buoyancy
And I am currently
Swept in a current
Hoping this deterrent
Will not succumb me to the shelf of the sea
As I peer through the surface of the shimmering waters
Seeing the sky so near
I am filled with hope
But held by fear

Let us see
what is to be
but destiny can wait
we can make something great
that fate has yet to create
if we start now
no need for know how
we just begin on a whim
no expectation
for disappointment
or elation
just concentration
no frustration
or justification
just our imagination
free to explore
what else is there
but to do and dream
that is what our time is for

There is a little voice inside my head
that tells me I am better off dead

It tells me that I will let everyone down
subconsciously turning my smile to a frown

It tells me that I am miserable
it is truly visceral

I ignore it, I abhor hit
I endure it

I make it through
at the end of the day
I know none of it is true

I am alive
I will survive
and thrive
til my day comes
I will not retreat
til the battle is won
the enemy is me
but I will destroy myself
if only to save
my mental health
I am a mighty warrior
I move with strength and stealth
I wont let me
give me hell
To divide and conquer
I take the power away
to hear any of those things
I would rather not say
this internal conflict
fought with a half wit
serves no purpose
but to write verses
and I will reverse this
stigma I brought upon myself
because I am perfect
because I am no one else

I hate myself,
So, I need to change myself.
And be who I am, instead of being my self.

I am a mess

I am impulsive

I am obsessive

I am fake

I am a liar

I am neurotic

I am Insecure

I am ugly

I am as intelligent as I try to be

I don't try enough

I am lazy

I am annoying

I am imposing

I am assuming

I am afraid to know what others really think of me

I know what I think of myself

I don't know who I am

I am ashamed of my body

I am ashamed of my skin

I am ashamed

I am weak

I do not believe in myself

I do not follow through

I hate who I am

I don't love enough

I am not as caring as I should be

I am selfish

I am afraid of being alone

I am too distant

I don't use my time wisely

I am indecisive

I am not competitive

I am manipulative

I am an addict

I don't like being told not to do something

I am disgusting

I am overly critical

I am judgemental

To my loving husband
I see you, when your gaze is not fixed upon me because you are working so diligently.
I think of you when you are so intently transfixed on the endeavors that  occupy your mind.
I wait for you, knowing your time is so strained.
Like Pavlov's dog I am trained to listen for the bell that tells me when to eat.
Patiently at your feet
Hoping you'll throw me a hunk of meat.

If I could write a story
And I knew you would read
It would spew from me
Like the veins of a seed
That the morning dew sewed
And the sunlight freed
Blossoming like a flower
At dawns earliest hour
And folding into dusk
With the lingering aroma
Of natures sweet musk

In your absence
many lessons I did learn
like how to play with matches
and watch bridges burn

In your absence
many lessons I did learn
like how to see someone starving
and watch them yearn

In your absence
many lessons I did learn
like how to wait for karma
and watch the tables turn

In your absence,
many lessons I did learn
how I wish you wouldn't have taught me
how to feel so spurned

Bodies going down in my city
Man I tell you it's ******
No lobbies or committees to combat
The epidemic of systemic genocide
Man I'm so tired
Of losing all my friends to dope
******* shoot it up
Snort it like coke
All up in their nose
If you're into popping pills
They got those too
***** lethal but it's legal
The government's got you boo
Get addicted want to quit it
hit the clinic get your fix in a minute
******'s a game
But only the pusha man is in it to win it
Cause the dope is slaying
Dealers don't give a **** about the implications
Of the drugs they slanging
Saying man come back I got more of that
Homie keep on banging
Family trees rearranging due to falling leaves
But as long as they stacking stacks
They'll perpetuate the perpetual disease
The illness is the illest
The realness is the realest
And if you feel this
Tell me what the deal is.

The African mother
Has genes like no other
Can create eyes with greens
Browns or blue
Skin with Tenebrae
Or lighter in hue
The African Mother
Created every color
We see
We all come from
The fertile crescent
So why are we so incessant
To worry about the melanin
In our skin
Iridescent or incandescent
Our descent from relative location to the equator
Has become the subject of debate or hate
But why can't we relate
That our fate
Should never differentiate
Based on differences
From interferences of light
Regardless of the color of our skin we should have the same plight
But I am privileged because I am white
I am not an apologist
Just a social anthropologist
Who acknowledges that its not right
We are all made of matter
And atoms
Or come from Adam and Eve
However, you perceive
But we deceive each other
To believe that we are different
Inherently and there needs to be a disparity
Of how we treat one another
But you are my brother
And I am your sister
Though my skin is alabaster
And begins to blister in the sun
I will fight this battle
With you by my side
Allied as one
Until we hold the same opportunity
There can be no unity
So we fight this war
For equality
Once more
Know that I am your friend
Not your enemy
And I'll defend you
Never condemn you
My brethren

It is cold outside
Most hearts are frozen
We are the ones left
The others have chosen
There is a wall being built
To keep them out
But we are here inside without
Where there was a torch
Now there are pitchforks
And people who shout
Get out get out
People once devout
Saying love thy neighbor
Are saying they can't take our labor
Never have I seen my country
Rally with such hate
All the voices I hear
And I can't relate
I am not afraid
I am not angry
But I haven't heard
A single word that makes sense
When his supporters
Give defense
Build walls on the border
Order them home
But an America without different cultures
Is an America alone
United we stand
Divided we fall
But this division
Is leaving no one at all
Let the immigrants be
Help the refugees
For we were once
Searching for liberty
But there's no justice
Just us
Watching America get sold
It is exactly like a time of old
Where it mattered if your eyes were brown or blue
I look around and say no it can't be true
But yes, yes, it could be you.

ugh...
You disappeared
but I pushed you away
I always feared that you would leave someday
but I opened the door and showed you the way
there's nothing left to say
our words are verses to replay
but none of it makes sense
there's just reverb, delay, and
false pretense
of what should have been said
but there is only silence
the line is dead
and I keep rewinding it all in my head
your absence leaves me with a looming sense of dread
and I think back instead of forward
hoping for one more word
but there can't be closure
so I keep my composure
on the outside at least
on the inside
I yearn for release
of the mystery
and misery
threatening my peace
but I let you go
knowing I'll never really know

Color Sight

Men want breakfast in bed
and morning head
They want their clothes laid out
and your legs splayed out
They want the house clean
Do what you're told
Don't get mean
Never question whether things
aren't what they seem
Know your role
Know your place
Don't make up your mind
Make up your face
Rear their children
but keep your figure tight
Those stretch marks he gave you
are an ugly sight
Treat your man like a king
But who is protecting the queen
Who maintains the home
And raises the kids alone
Who works but finds time
to do what you do not
And you throw it in her face
all the **** she bought
So you would love her
As she thinks you ought
She wants to be perfect for you
but you tell her she's not
So she obeys her curfew
and never stays out late
You tell her what you hate
that she does
And she gets frustrated because
She can't please you
You're always at unease
So she bends to you
Breaking her knees
While she's down there
she doesn't pray
She tries to tease you
To make you laugh and play
Because you expect of her
What you neglect yourself
You make both of your lives
A living hell
The fire burns her
as she struggles
to earn your affection
The way you treat her
a reflection of how you feel about yourself
Because you know
what she does
You could never do
without her help
All these men
made themselves kings
Thinking rings were chains of slavery
Women calling themselves queens
Lacking any bravery

Sun shines on the plains
The rains have washed away at last
The storm passed
And with them the pains of yesterday
In which I hoped would pass
Are long gone
I am moving on
Forgetting the past
Holding fast to the faith in my heart
Reeling at the chance
To play my part
To dance with joy
And create art
I have found peace
I am calm
In heaven and earth
I haven't a qualm
With the love of god
I am becoming strong

***** before the age of seven
I lost my faith that day
told that I couldnt get in to heaven
because I had *** before marriage
I was a child thinking I had a miscarriage
because the toilet and my ******* were blood red from where my ***** bled
and I shed my virginity and a tear
and everytime I walked in that bathroom I had fear
when I was naked I felt afraid
when I laid in my bed at night
I would close the door tight
I didnt want a sliver of light coming in
because anybody could creep in on a whim
That day changed me forever
I will never forget it
and I will always regret it
when he asked do you want to play a game
I said yes and expressed excitement and delightment
but that moment should have been his indictment
there should have been punishment and violence
but instead there was shushing and silence
in my head the blood is rushing inside of me
as I share this memory
I see the face of my enemy
dressed as a clown on halloween
and I want to scream.
but this isnt something to shout about
but im angry about it everyday
and im still hurting in every way
because Im not certain
the pain goes away
and inside I die
knowing that im not right

Random dream entry
I dreamt that we were floating on a grand ocean liner. We explored islands of ruin and decay, turning over every stone. I was leaving the country with my family. I knew you were not coming with me. I kept making excuses, that I had forgotten my passport, or that I needed my cell phone charger. I was stalling an inevitable goodbye.

The sun shines on the plains
The narrow crescent wains reminiscent in the sky
Vapor trails from aeroplanes create narrow lines
Criss crossing stratus clouds that fail to shroud the light
Trees dance entranced by the breeze
Plants grow upwards
Wild beasts and creatures roam
And it all became begotten from sea foam
Every interaction, every reality
A fraction of the collosal whole
And my birth
A cosmic collision of cells
Tells me that my worth
Is only equal to my appreciation
And gratitude
That swells within
What a magnificent experience I have been given
To be living in time and space
Within the grand scheme of all things possible
I have found my place

I dream of a day
when we are freed from greed
We take not what we want
But we have what we need

I dream of a day
When hope is planted like a seed
It grows and spreads like a forest fire
It shows the path before us
And gives us desire

I dream of a day
When we meet violence
With broken silence
When we treat indifferance
With dicern
And through tolerance
We learn

I dream of a day
When we treat others with care
When we begin to love
And we begin to share

That day has come
My will is done
I am getting little and giving some
I am hopeful without doubt
I am not waging war with word
I am chosing to listen and not to be heard
I am tender and I am kind
I am giving in to surrender
instead of drawing a line
I am loving in the indignation of hate
I am creating a concious fate

A whisper inaudible
Left to the night
Falls not upon
Listener
Expressing delight
A secret
Meant not to be kept
But not intended to be shared
Is left to listless apathy
As noone cared
We all say things
That nobody hears
Hushing our shame and fears
Thinking shyly of dreams
In the silence
I can hear our screams

Make good
And give due
Learn to let go
And go through
Be true
Be kind
Be merciful
Not blind
Have faith
Let action over come doubt
Think of how to make do
And dont worry of going without

I tend to over think
I tend to over stay my welcome
I tend to over drink
I tend to over share
I tend to over speak
I tend to over bear
I tend to over care
I tend to over do everything,
but what needs to be done
Often enough
I tend to over come

The undetectable delectable soul
Contemptuously consumed
By the indelibly doomed
The spirit a commestible
Ingested in full
By the restless evil
eager for prey
Every morsel digested
In a remorseless way
gluttonous beast desires the taste
The lecherous feast goes not to waste
scrumptious for toothsome consumption
Vicious parasitic imbuing of
Delicious sacrament of ruin
Does not satisfy the appetite of wicked delight
The monster hungers for just one more bite

Theres a fine line
Between the dead and the dying
Some of us let go
And some of us are trying
But none of us will make it out alive
Some of us will thrive
Some will struggle
But none of us will survive
It's time we smuggle

My love is that of my own
The love I have never been shown
The love I could never accept
The love I lost to neglect
The love that I have chosen to reject
Is that of my own
So I will show myself some respect
Because I am not yet grown
But I am not inept

Nothing worthwhile is easy
Life is difficult
You have to challenge yourself
To exceed no expectations
To fail with grace
Not regret
It is not over yet

Letting the fear of rejection
Hold you back
Keeps you from accepting
What you do not lack
When you look at yourself
For what you are not
You lose sight of all that you have got
Be who you are and change what you wish
You can feel better if you try, I promise you this.

Learning to love myself
The way I love you
Is easier said
Than done
So I say
I love you
To me
Instead
Of hoping
To hear it from you
And so the process has begun

I will return to the dream world
I visit nightly
I go far away
Where all is
The way it
Should be
Even if it
Isn't, no
Consequences
Come to me
Because I awake
To make a new mistake
Daily

A belated thank you
To the men who taught me
I ought to love myself
And to the man
Who holds my hand
Know that I am trying
To understand
How to trust
But I must
First learn
To just
Let go

I keep looking at my self through others reflections
Measuring up our skins through the lens of my own imperfections
Thinking of corrections
Id much prefer
Everytime I compare myself to her

The pity is I'm prettier than she will ever be
But the truth is she is much more confident
than myself
She takes good care of her health
And she never chases wealth
shes much more successful than I am
Because she always has a plan

I am her, I just have to see
That I am the only person
I could ever hope to be

I am a butterfly
Unweaving my cocoon
Like a weavers loom
I am unraveling my silken thread
To shed the intricate prison
That I have been in
I am beginning
To grow
But I have to push my wings to learn to fly
It will only be shortly
Before I die
I must enjoy this beauty in brevity
To defy gravity and fly
I must push myself heavily
To reach the sky
I spent so long trapped on the ground
And I have only so much time
To enjoy this freedom I have found

Don't fear the buzzards
That pick away at your flesh
Your carcass still encases your very best
Your bones are strong
You belong to the earth
Do not ever rebuke your birth
Never shy from the fire of the hearth
Desire, suffer, you give yourself worth
Don't die
It is all you have to do
To keep the buzzards away from you.

I am just trying to tell myself
That you're no good for mental health
But I cant seem to make up my mind
If you'll hurt me or I'll be fine
Buying time trying for peace of mind
Who is we, who are you? Who the **** am I and what should I do? I can not decide!
I am trying to say something, at least I tried.

Give yourself what you want or suffer for not

This monotony has gotten me
Im impatient with complacent
I am training my replacement
And awaiting my displacement
My relationship is fleeting
I am always left needing
The confusion of the illusion that things can stay the same is driving me insane,
Everytime I get comfortable change brings refrain,
To my disdain every effort feels futile,
It can feel quite brutal getting up again,
But I gather myself up on a hopelessly hopeful whim,
That someday I will begin something without an end.

My mind is constantly racing,
The reality I am facing doesn't seem right,
This wasn't a part of my plan but now it is my plight.
I have to learn to accept the way things are, and reject the way I think they ought to be.
I can't change a thing.
Just me.

In my dreams, I am alive,
I can do anything without fear,
I know that I will survive.

Oh this pain
withers me
to my old bones
I wish I had a hand to hold
but every man that touches me
eventually turns ice cold
I always have to fly on my own
til I find the warm heart
That I'll make my home
then maybe
I'll learn to be happy
and warm
safe from harm
But right now
I'm lonely
with love
losing it's charm
I feel the familiar feeling
reeling up to the goodbye
I don't know what to do
So I just let it lie in silence
And I give up my reliance
Wait in defiance of how we will become you and me.
How I'll try to forget your name
That will scar my heart
As another one, who I believed could be the one.
And I'll remember how I said I love you,
And you didn't say a thing.
And I'll give up on what we had between us.
Kick myself for caring to much.
And brush it off, and be strong.
But maybe, I am the one who is wrong.

If I reach up real high,
I can touch the marbled sky,
I can walk to the sunset,
I can cry my eyes dry,
I can forget regret,
I can make change,
I can be happy and utterly strange.

It is not as though you don't love me anymore,
I know you never did.
But who am I to blame you?
As if we have ever known what love is.
You say I am yours and you are mine,
But the truth is that we are only wasting time.
So take my body, take my mind.
But I don't belong to you
And I never will
Quite honestly that is just how I feel.

A private symphony
Sings to me, sweetly.
Resonating notes float,
Aimlessly defying gravity and physics
Lingering in the brevity of time
But for a moment all is exquisite and divine
My hope is with it,
And the future to find.

25 years old at midnight.
Here is what I have learned.
  All that I know is that I know

                   Nothing.

My life has been quite strange, and I want to understand all that is around me.

Be kind today,
Make life the way
It ought to be,
for you and me.
We are here
We are free.
As long as you will be you,
and I will be me.

Good morning,
The war is over.
We have examined the cause of famine,
And no more shall perish from hunger.
We have stopped aging,
We are becoming younger.
We are growing trees that fight disease.
Our natural resources are plenty,
We have done away with the archaic concept of money.
We now master over the natural forces of disaster.  
We have decided to stop fighting,
And start providing relief.
Good morning it is a new day.
I have just awoken from a deep sleep.

My favorite things in the world are of the earth and universe.
Tulips and sunsets, stars, and pearls.
Tiny ants in thier colonies, apes in the trees.
The birds in the skies, the bees in the hives. The people and thier lives.
I love the oceans.
The land.
The dirt, the rocks, the sand and sediments.
The mountains, the canyons,
The glorious fruits and harvest.
The beasts that wander the plain.
The raw emotions.
The feeling of rain.
Water falls and waves that crash.
Geysers and volcanoes that explode.
The plates that corrode.
Tadpoles, and toads.
But I love art, where we take apart things and make them new again.
But in my heart I know that destruction and reconstruction are not creations but reductions of the majesty that is the tapestry of our home.
Our strife stems from our preservation and elimination of life.
Why do we build and destroy?
Why do we seperate and divide.
Why do we unite and create.
Why do we love?
Why do we hate?
Why do we imagine great gods that manipulate our fates?
Why do we engineer great and terrible machines?
Why do we covet shiny things.
I simply can not rise above it, my
confusion of the complex curiosity of my life as I know it, our lives, life.
Buy I know that my favorite things are of the earth and universe.
I wish I could live in the woods again
Then maybe I would understand all of our problems and all of our plans.
Until then, I stress with unrest, how these men could mold and blend the societies to arm aristocracy against starving masses.
My life is, our lives, are doomed to consume and be consumed.
I am not sure how to accept the predatorial ecosystem of socioeconomic thriving and surviving.
I feel left out with doubt that things are exactly as they ought to be in our so called democracy, and the powers that govern the boundaries created by man.
I just feel so sad to be a part of this plan.
I wouldn't choose to view the world from my subjective perspective.
I would be free.
I would not take as much as I have.
I would plant seeds, and eat plants.
Build my hut from leaves.
Wait and see what nature brings.
Do a rain dance.
I Realize I am only at the mercy of gravity and the skies, the stars that collide.

Currently thinking of currency
What the concept means
A delegation of natural resources
Represented by variable things
And the credit lines in between
The debts and interest
The investments
Printed on cotton paper
Begotten from vapor
Minted and accounted
I can't make cents of dollar cents and dimes
Adorned with with deceased Presidents
Reminiscent of a simpler time
When we enslaved without the illusion of a living wage
When only the rich were educated
In institutions segrated from the working classes
The huddled masses
The breeders of poverty squished by sovereignty
Gasping for the thin air that brought them there
Hungry and bare
I dont think anything can change the hell
That came with the idea to buy and sell
We fell victim to the whims of the opportunists who compete to capitalize completely on the gifts given freely since birth by beautiful mother earth
Gifts that once processed are never given back in full.
Only to be borrowed and used as tool.
We humans beings are but fools being used and using tools that we don't need
To consume with greed as it consumes us
And we swirl into the cosmic dust of nothingness that created us and destroyed us just as we did to it. Money ain't ****. It was a joke, laugh *****. But our guns will oxidize and rust, all that will be left is our trust in the notion that gold will save us all,
Our belief the government can bequeath security the same way a man can present a diamond of perfect purity with the proposal of loyal betrothal. This illusion that all is right at with our present plight is something I detest but I will not fight.
To fight is to give in, to the illusion we live in. I cant accept this reality with altruism, I reject that we are secure, I deject the institution I have been subjected to endure since birth. I am not of your shared delusions
I am of the earth. My freedom is my kindness to make not my life that you may take.

Could have been moses in a basket
But it was a tiny syrian refugee who found no recipie washed apon the shore put in a casket with the hope he bore
No one blew a gasket
As they shunned them at bay
No justice for us
Who have no choice but to participate in the childish games mad men play
Kids in factories make toy guns for your sons so they'll grow up to fight a war for greedy men who will always want more
And we wave the red, white, and blue.
Don't tread on me. These colors dont run, they're tried and true. These colors don't run, they don't blend, the blood of the native American ran red, when the white pilgrim came, and then they took people with darker skin took them brought them from where they called home, skinned them of freedom and beat them black and blue never leaving them alone. These colors don't run. They bleed they're stained. Lady liberty greets all with her feet still chained, anchored by distain for her light does not put the night to shame, for the darkness is to great for the history and fate of the hate that our country creates but we remain indignant that the immigrants will destroy the reminants of the american dream. Wake up, things are not all as they seem, we're complacent within our placement at the top of the hierarchy but really we are at the bottom of a very complex conglomeration of an oligarchy
There is no way to rationalize with those who disguise corporate fascism as democracy. The hypocrisy and the lies.
Everything we do is for them to capitalize on
We are but used as simple pon.
But I hope a revolution might bring a new dawn.
We must unite to agree not to fight
To not let unruly hate and greed surpass love and need.
Then only then do I truly believe will we all be freed at last.