When you were just a babe,
They took you far away,
They cut your hair and sent you there
with boots much too big for your feet.
I still remember the november you returned with the title you had earned
You were so young, full of life and pride.
That was before the strife began
Before Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan.
You were different then.
When the day came that I finally saw your face, I rejoiced that you had came back from that awful place.
But in your eyes I could see that a part of you would always be so very far away.
I would have told you not to go if I had anyway to know that though you would stay alive a part of you would never survive.

My brother my friend
Together from beginning
Til the very end

I fall in love with strangers.
I wish to cradle their souls.
I want to be the one with whom
they share their secrets, dreams and goals.
I see so many walking completely void of smiles
and I wish to carry them for many many miles.
I long to fix the world although I am just a girl.
I aspire to open all of their hearts and replace the broken parts.
I weep for those without a home
I feel emptiness when I see those alone.
Why can't I be everyone's friend?
Why can't I make them whole again?
Why can't I solve them, everyone's problems?
I must admit, I know that I can not fix all of it.
So I just stare at passerby and softly wonder, wonder why.

I hope someday you may gaze upon your reflection and finally see the man you have always wanted to be
Until that day I hope you may work tirelessly
Fixated on your goals
Lost in your dreams
Your soul searching
For its' tenacity
Only seeing yourself
With voracity
Mercy and grace
Til you may come to love
And accept
The man you have come to be
A man you can respect
A man you can face

To the pen
That became the blooms of ink spreading across every page
To the tears that created tributaries for conduits
Which became the atlas to my heart
I’m not sure how life has become so strange
But I know that the ink is running through my veins and I am being held
But I flow freely like the tears that silently became rose petals of liquid metal

The African mother
Has genes like no other
Can create eyes with greens
Browns or blue
Skin with Tenebrae
Or lighter in hue
The African Mother
Created every color
We see
We all come from
The fertile crescent
So why are we so incessant
To worry about the melanin
In our skin
Iridescent or incandescent
Our descent from relative location to the equator
Has become the subject of debate or hate
But why can't we relate
That our fate
Should never differentiate
Based on differences
From interferences of light
Regardless of the color of our skin we should have the same plight
But I am privileged because I am white
I am not an apologist
Just a social anthropologist
Who acknowledges that its not right
We are all made of matter
And atoms
Or come from Adam and Eve
However, you perceive
But we deceive each other
To believe that we are different
Inherently and there needs to be a disparity
Of how we treat one another
But you are my brother
And I am your sister
Though my skin is alabaster
And begins to blister in the sun
I will fight this battle
With you by my side
Allied as one
Until we hold the same opportunity
There can be no unity
So we fight this war
For equality
Once more
Know that I am your friend
Not your enemy
And I'll defend you
Never condemn you
My brethren

A capricious capricorn born to daughter of joseph aloisious and mariellen
A wild haired blonde named dawn
Who had her at age six and ten
She had a brother named Ryan before her life began
Her father a man twice her mothers age
Not a wise man, nor a sage.
Her grandmother remarried to son of harry poole.
A man named Keith not a genius nor a fool.
Unlike estranged joe, he kept his cool.

Mother remarried to a man who did not.

Though her father said he missed her,
he never bothered to call. Soon she had a new sister and felt like nothing at all.

Some years later the step father would leave, finally she felt she could breathe.

Her mom relieved she began to see another man.

A man named mark she soon had a child.
A bright eyed boy named dennis, with a sweet smile.

The girl would run away in search of happiness wishing for more.
Her heart was free, and her dreams alive.

She returned to the place that she once escaped,

to make the mistakes she once made.
Like a blade of grass in tussle with the wind.
She felt defeated, and waited for her life to begin.

She waited for the day when she would leave on a whim.

In your absence
many lessons I did learn
like how to play with matches
and watch bridges burn

In your absence
many lessons I did learn
like how to see someone starving
and watch them yearn

In your absence
many lessons I did learn
like how to wait for karma
and watch the tables turn

In your absence,
many lessons I did learn
how I wish you wouldn't have taught me
how to feel so spurned

The essence of a memory
You are my treasured youth.
You alone are living proof
That when I tell him he's my first love
It is not the truth.
I can not forget your face.
It has a place in my mind.
You alone are the part of my past
I could never leave behind.

The undetectable delectable soul
Contemptuously consumed
By the indelibly doomed
The spirit a commestible
Ingested in full
By the restless evil
eager for prey
Every morsel digested
In a remorseless way
gluttonous beast desires the taste
The lecherous feast goes not to waste
scrumptious for toothsome consumption
Vicious parasitic imbuing of
Delicious sacrament of ruin
Does not satisfy the appetite of wicked delight
The monster hungers for just one more bite

Fake Ladies

fake hair, fake *******, fake *****, fake nails, fake smile, fake lashes.

It's tragic how we sell ourselves to be plastic.

We deny the beauty inside with instagram filter magic.

We change ourselves to fit the image that that sells.

We buy into the idea that our bodies and skin define us.

We let society redesign us as it believes we should be.

With all that is fake, our reality is only our facade.

No longer do we strive to be true to ourselves and I find it odd.

Where we had amelia airheart
Madam curie, and jone of arc.

We now have a bottle blond with a beauty mark.

She said *** sells, and nothing else, every woman there after was less herself.

Taught that her worth was under her skirt,
But still longing to be understood and always getting hurt.

Ladies, you are not the way you paint your face, do your hair, or the clothes you wear.

What makes you who you are, is your way of thought, your ability to empathize. Your refusal to compromise your value. Your honor can not be bought.

If you ever gaze upon the mirror and wish to see something different look in yourself and find, that the true you can not be seen, for the human eyes are blind to the soul, so be heard, listen, love, laugh, and help others to be whole.

Where make up, makes up for what we lack, I say we take it off and take it all back.

It is easy to be fake, it is hard to be real. This varnish that masks emptiness washes off to reveal, the real you inside, the you you hide, for the fear of being isolated, you mask your pain. You're tarnished in shame.

The next time you draw a winged line on your eyes, i wish you would refrain, instead draw a conclusion, try to explain a thought, realize this fake surely is not.

It is not as though you don't love me anymore,
I know you never did.
But who am I to blame you?
As if we have ever known what love is.
You say I am yours and you are mine,
But the truth is that we are only wasting time.
So take my body, take my mind.
But I don't belong to you
And I never will
Quite honestly that is just how I feel.

Theres a fine line
Between the dead and the dying
Some of us let go
And some of us are trying
But none of us will make it out alive
Some of us will thrive
Some will struggle
But none of us will survive
It's time we smuggle

Good morning,
The war is over.
We have examined the cause of famine,
And no more shall perish from hunger.
We have stopped aging,
We are becoming younger.
We are growing trees that fight disease.
Our natural resources are plenty,
We have done away with the archaic concept of money.
We now master over the natural forces of disaster.  
We have decided to stop fighting,
And start providing relief.
Good morning it is a new day.
I have just awoken from a deep sleep.

A dream come true is what you are.
A fulfilled wish made upon a star.
You are everything I had been hoping for
what I thought was just silly old folk lore.
An idea to imagine yet never obtain
A day dream to induldge in and quickly refrain.
Now I know you are all too real.
The perfect euphoria I can see hear and feel.

Don't fear the buzzards
That pick away at your flesh
Your carcass still encases your very best
Your bones are strong
You belong to the earth
Do not ever rebuke your birth
Never shy from the fire of the hearth
Desire, suffer, you give yourself worth
Don't die
It is all you have to do
To keep the buzzards away from you.

Random dream entry
I dreamt that we were floating on a grand ocean liner. We explored islands of ruin and decay, turning over every stone. I was leaving the country with my family. I knew you were not coming with me. I kept making excuses, that I had forgotten my passport, or that I needed my cell phone charger. I was stalling an inevitable goodbye.

My favorite things in the world are of the earth and universe.
Tulips and sunsets, stars, and pearls.
Tiny ants in thier colonies, apes in the trees.
The birds in the skies, the bees in the hives. The people and thier lives.
I love the oceans.
The land.
The dirt, the rocks, the sand and sediments.
The mountains, the canyons,
The glorious fruits and harvest.
The beasts that wander the plain.
The raw emotions.
The feeling of rain.
Water falls and waves that crash.
Geysers and volcanoes that explode.
The plates that corrode.
Tadpoles, and toads.
But I love art, where we take apart things and make them new again.
But in my heart I know that destruction and reconstruction are not creations but reductions of the majesty that is the tapestry of our home.
Our strife stems from our preservation and elimination of life.
Why do we build and destroy?
Why do we seperate and divide.
Why do we unite and create.
Why do we love?
Why do we hate?
Why do we imagine great gods that manipulate our fates?
Why do we engineer great and terrible machines?
Why do we covet shiny things.
I simply can not rise above it, my
confusion of the complex curiosity of my life as I know it, our lives, life.
Buy I know that my favorite things are of the earth and universe.
I wish I could live in the woods again
Then maybe I would understand all of our problems and all of our plans.
Until then, I stress with unrest, how these men could mold and blend the societies to arm aristocracy against starving masses.
My life is, our lives, are doomed to consume and be consumed.
I am not sure how to accept the predatorial ecosystem of socioeconomic thriving and surviving.
I feel left out with doubt that things are exactly as they ought to be in our so called democracy, and the powers that govern the boundaries created by man.
I just feel so sad to be a part of this plan.
I wouldn't choose to view the world from my subjective perspective.
I would be free.
I would not take as much as I have.
I would plant seeds, and eat plants.
Build my hut from leaves.
Wait and see what nature brings.
Do a rain dance.
I Realize I am only at the mercy of gravity and the skies, the stars that collide.

Our educational system is not serving our disadvantaged communities.

Public schools are funded by their respective communities' income because the taxpayers are responsible for helping provide money for schools.

This means that areas with low income are receiving less funding.

Without this funding, the schools are unable to hire more educators resulting in larger class sizes. The educators are also left with less funding for educational resources such as text books and supplemental materials. Extra curricular activities get cut completely.

These schools in disenfranchised low income communities are performing worse across the board and because of this their funding is being cut drastically.

We need educatiomal reform.

To awaken asleep
In a sedation so deep
No relation to a reality so obscure
No elation to basque in thats pure
Just lost in the system you have lost yourself in.
Frost bitten and bitter by the cold awful truth.
Your youth was sapped away and monetized
So you could be indoctrinated by thier lies.

Stand up straight,
pledge your heart,
tuck in your shirt,
forget about art,
shake hands,
make money,
make plans,
play your part,
nod and agree,
this won't hurt,
bend over and take it while the upper eshelons make it.
You're stuck in the dirt.
breed hate,
make war,
but wait theres more.
Be sheep,
eat garbage,
ignore the carnage on the screen,
open your eyes,
shut up,
listen to this party music pop,
be seen in these clothes,
drive these cars,
live in these suburbs,
Hang out at these bars
kiss the fat plastic ***** of these reality stars.
Get drunk,
get high,
get ******,
get by,
Work, dont stop.
why do we try to survive?
Why is the society we live in one where desparity thrives,
taught to covet a shiny rock,
Then told it is not for us to hold,
So we dig our own graves until we get old.
Hoping to find a nugget of gold.
a concept favored by the elite classes,
a smart lazy man with a shiny rock tricked the masses into believing that he possessed value with no skills,
we still believe
so we try to achieve the thrills that come with obtaining the shiny rock,
we will do so until the world stops.

I don't always write right
Sometimes I write wrong
It helps me right wrong

Men want breakfast in bed
and morning head
They want their clothes laid out
and your legs splayed out
They want the house clean
Do what you're told
Don't get mean
Never question whether things
aren't what they seem
Know your role
Know your place
Don't make up your mind
Make up your face
Rear their children
but keep your figure tight
Those stretch marks he gave you
are an ugly sight
Treat your man like a king
But who is protecting the queen
Who maintains the home
And raises the kids alone
Who works but finds time
to do what you do not
And you throw it in her face
all the **** she bought
So you would love her
As she thinks you ought
She wants to be perfect for you
but you tell her she's not
So she obeys her curfew
and never stays out late
You tell her what you hate
that she does
And she gets frustrated because
She can't please you
You're always at unease
So she bends to you
Breaking her knees
While she's down there
she doesn't pray
She tries to tease you
To make you laugh and play
Because you expect of her
What you neglect yourself
You make both of your lives
A living hell
The fire burns her
as she struggles
to earn your affection
The way you treat her
a reflection of how you feel about yourself
Because you know
what she does
You could never do
without her help
All these men
made themselves kings
Thinking rings were chains of slavery
Women calling themselves queens
Lacking any bravery

I am a mess

I am impulsive

I am obsessive

I am fake

I am a liar

I am neurotic

I am Insecure

I am ugly

I am as intelligent as I try to be

I don't try enough

I am lazy

I am annoying

I am imposing

I am assuming

I am afraid to know what others really think of me

I know what I think of myself

I don't know who I am

I am ashamed of my body

I am ashamed of my skin

I am ashamed

I am weak

I do not believe in myself

I do not follow through

I hate who I am

I don't love enough

I am not as caring as I should be

I am selfish

I am afraid of being alone

I am too distant

I don't use my time wisely

I am indecisive

I am not competitive

I am manipulative

I am an addict

I don't like being told not to do something

I am disgusting

I am overly critical

I am judgemental

You are my rock, my solid stone.
You are my shelter, you are my home.
You are my solace, when I am alone.
You are my answer in a world unknown.
No one could ever take your place.
No one but you could ever put this smile upon my face.
Never could you be replaced.
You're being is my pain erased.
Always together, I pledge you forever.

A belated thank you
To the men who taught me
I ought to love myself
And to the man
Who holds my hand
Know that I am trying
To understand
How to trust
But I must
First learn
To just
Let go

I will return to the dream world
I visit nightly
I go far away
Where all is
The way it
Should be
Even if it
Isn't, no
Consequences
Come to me
Because I awake
To make a new mistake
Daily

Two towers that fell like inferno from hell with gravity reversed, a tragedy staged and rehearsed.

A plot to cover currency lost, a drop in the bucket of the price paid by the bodies that laid scattered. We were told it was terrorism and that was all that mattered.

The american people racked by grief of loss, gave up their freedom no matter the cost.

What we gave up that day was the hope to win the class war that had already began.
Embezzlement, fraud, lobbying, and racketeering were no where nearing an end. After all the rise of corporate fascism disguised as democracy, the hypocrisy that the peoples votes counted when the control of the oligarchy would always surpass and surmount.

The all mighty dollar stacked high like a tower came crumbling down. Built on flimsy lies and destroyed by greed, it was the want and never the need.

It all happened the day before. You just werent paying attention, nothing more.

I write the story with the inevitable ending.
You wont catch me pretending I am immortal.
I do not think death is a mystical portal.
I live each day like life will eventually fade away.
I find happiness is fleeting.
If you try to attain it, it can feel quite defeating.
Bonds that are made can always be broken
those that are not are quite the token.
The things you regret you will someday forget.
The things you cherish may someday perish.
These are truths I can not deny.
They give me comfort as each day passes by.

I dream of a day
when we are freed from greed
We take not what we want
But we have what we need

I dream of a day
When hope is planted like a seed
It grows and spreads like a forest fire
It shows the path before us
And gives us desire

I dream of a day
When we meet violence
With broken silence
When we treat indifferance
With dicern
And through tolerance
We learn

I dream of a day
When we treat others with care
When we begin to love
And we begin to share

That day has come
My will is done
I am getting little and giving some
I am hopeful without doubt
I am not waging war with word
I am chosing to listen and not to be heard
I am tender and I am kind
I am giving in to surrender
instead of drawing a line
I am loving in the indignation of hate
I am creating a concious fate

The sun shines on the plains
The narrow crescent wains reminiscent in the sky
Vapor trails from aeroplanes create narrow lines
Criss crossing stratus clouds that fail to shroud the light
Trees dance entranced by the breeze
Plants grow upwards
Wild beasts and creatures roam
And it all became begotten from sea foam
Every interaction, every reality
A fraction of the collosal whole
And my birth
A cosmic collision of cells
Tells me that my worth
Is only equal to my appreciation
And gratitude
That swells within
What a magnificent experience I have been given
To be living in time and space
Within the grand scheme of all things possible
I have found my place

I tend to over think
I tend to over stay my welcome
I tend to over drink
I tend to over share
I tend to over speak
I tend to over bear
I tend to over care
I tend to over do everything,
but what needs to be done
Often enough
I tend to over come

To take what does not belong to you is theft.
So why is there none left?
Why do you determine who gets what?
Why do you decided what hands are tied?
I was born as you were from the womb,
But you make earth my tomb.
You take the trees that help me breathe,
You cut them down as they grow,
and throw them into waste,
You use the textiles of the earth to replace good nature with a dead dictators face.
So you can breed war and hate and greed.
So that you may snub your nose at need to protect from the diseases that infect both I and you, to shield from the catastrophe of natural disaster these storms that destroy the crops we yield to feed the hungry, you ignore all of this, for monetization of earth and life, told from birth it is our god given right to pay taxes and follow rules, but guess what, not all of us are fools, to be used as pawns and tools, to become cannon fodder in the wars you wage on one another. I will not fight a fellow human being, I will not surcumb to these terrible things you expect me to accept, I will not be who you want me to be, an automaton to be used by the upper echelon. These are people, animals, all living things, connected, not to be attained.
Shall we continue to build towers that block out the skies, only to knock them out with the fatal powers of militarized warfare, or will there be a revolution? The solution starts with you and I. A choice to speak freely of freedom, a concept not granted or taken this life we are living in is not something we should participate in. Society is imploding on itself as the desparity grows between the wealthy classes and the starving masses the health of the earth dissipates, and seals the fate of it's inhabitants, and dependents, this greed, these wars, will leave no remnants of life.

Could have been moses in a basket
But it was a tiny syrian refugee who found no recipie washed apon the shore put in a casket with the hope he bore
No one blew a gasket
As they shunned them at bay
No justice for us
Who have no choice but to participate in the childish games mad men play
Kids in factories make toy guns for your sons so they'll grow up to fight a war for greedy men who will always want more
And we wave the red, white, and blue.
Don't tread on me. These colors dont run, they're tried and true. These colors don't run, they don't blend, the blood of the native American ran red, when the white pilgrim came, and then they took people with darker skin took them brought them from where they called home, skinned them of freedom and beat them black and blue never leaving them alone. These colors don't run. They bleed they're stained. Lady liberty greets all with her feet still chained, anchored by distain for her light does not put the night to shame, for the darkness is to great for the history and fate of the hate that our country creates but we remain indignant that the immigrants will destroy the reminants of the american dream. Wake up, things are not all as they seem, we're complacent within our placement at the top of the hierarchy but really we are at the bottom of a very complex conglomeration of an oligarchy
There is no way to rationalize with those who disguise corporate fascism as democracy. The hypocrisy and the lies.
Everything we do is for them to capitalize on
We are but used as simple pon.
But I hope a revolution might bring a new dawn.
We must unite to agree not to fight
To not let unruly hate and greed surpass love and need.
Then only then do I truly believe will we all be freed at last.



If I could write a story
And I knew you would read
It would spew from me
Like the veins of a seed
That the morning dew sewed
And the sunlight freed
Blossoming like a flower
At dawns earliest hour
And folding into dusk
With the lingering aroma
Of natures sweet musk

Nothing worthwhile is easy
Life is difficult
You have to challenge yourself
To exceed no expectations
To fail with grace
Not regret
It is not over yet

Pain can be exhumed like a cadavre
The rib cage cincher of vulnerability
opening to display the once beating heart
Ventricles pumped passions of past trauma
In this observation my adrenaline races
My memories like a super 8 reel sliding backwards, stills stuck in time seamlessly creating cinematic macabre
The tangled film unraveling on the floor at my feet rendering me unable to move freely
The menagerie serves as a distraction from the retro active autopsy being performed and I quickly realize that this is not my observation
These are not my undying aches
I am not lifeless on a steel table
The current version of myself is very much alive thanks to the version of myself that wished my mortality was expendable.

Currently thinking of currency
What the concept means
A delegation of natural resources
Represented by variable things
And the credit lines in between
The debts and interest
The investments
Printed on cotton paper
Begotten from vapor
Minted and accounted
I can't make cents of dollar cents and dimes
Adorned with with deceased Presidents
Reminiscent of a simpler time
When we enslaved without the illusion of a living wage
When only the rich were educated
In institutions segrated from the working classes
The huddled masses
The breeders of poverty squished by sovereignty
Gasping for the thin air that brought them there
Hungry and bare
I dont think anything can change the hell
That came with the idea to buy and sell
We fell victim to the whims of the opportunists who compete to capitalize completely on the gifts given freely since birth by beautiful mother earth
Gifts that once processed are never given back in full.
Only to be borrowed and used as tool.
We humans beings are but fools being used and using tools that we don't need
To consume with greed as it consumes us
And we swirl into the cosmic dust of nothingness that created us and destroyed us just as we did to it. Money ain't ****. It was a joke, laugh *****. But our guns will oxidize and rust, all that will be left is our trust in the notion that gold will save us all,
Our belief the government can bequeath security the same way a man can present a diamond of perfect purity with the proposal of loyal betrothal. This illusion that all is right at with our present plight is something I detest but I will not fight.
To fight is to give in, to the illusion we live in. I cant accept this reality with altruism, I reject that we are secure, I deject the institution I have been subjected to endure since birth. I am not of your shared delusions
I am of the earth. My freedom is my kindness to make not my life that you may take.

I am just trying to tell myself
That you're no good for mental health
But I cant seem to make up my mind
If you'll hurt me or I'll be fine
Buying time trying for peace of mind
Who is we, who are you? Who the **** am I and what should I do? I can not decide!
I am trying to say something, at least I tried.

My love is that of my own
The love I have never been shown
The love I could never accept
The love I lost to neglect
The love that I have chosen to reject
Is that of my own
So I will show myself some respect
Because I am not yet grown
But I am not inept

I keep looking at my self through others reflections
Measuring up our skins through the lens of my own imperfections
Thinking of corrections
Id much prefer
Everytime I compare myself to her

The pity is I'm prettier than she will ever be
But the truth is she is much more confident
than myself
She takes good care of her health
And she never chases wealth
shes much more successful than I am
Because she always has a plan

I am her, I just have to see
That I am the only person
I could ever hope to be

The Present
Is a gift
To unwrap
Slowly
Carefully
Not to ruin the paper
But to save it for later

This monotony has gotten me
Im impatient with complacent
I am training my replacement
And awaiting my displacement
My relationship is fleeting
I am always left needing
The confusion of the illusion that things can stay the same is driving me insane,
Everytime I get comfortable change brings refrain,
To my disdain every effort feels futile,
It can feel quite brutal getting up again,
But I gather myself up on a hopelessly hopeful whim,
That someday I will begin something without an end.

I have a wandering mind
It goes asunder at times
I pine over pitiless thoughts
I ought not to think
I become distraught
And I begin to sink
Deeper and deeper
Plummeting down
In the darkest muddiest murkiest
Of waters I begin to drown
But I realize that I am only in a puddle
And I begin my ascension
You see my anxiety transports me to another dimension
Where puddles are lakes and oceans
And I am incapable of controlling my emotions

Am I good enough?
Am I sensitive to ask such?
Should I be more tough?
Are my edges too rough?
Are you still interested in finding my diamond?
Can you see it shining deep inside?
Or did I hide it?
To where you are rendered blind
by my hindered mind.
Inside of my soul
There is nothing but coal.
And that pressure
Presses down.
To create my treasure.
A diamond for your crown.

I remember walking on crunching leaves and the sun shining violently through the trees. The light creating a twinkling in your eyes flickering vibrantly in the confines of my fading memory.
Everything was golden, gloriously golden in that moment.
Now, the decay is setting in on my once ambient vision.
I can still hear us singing, we could be heroes, if just for a day.

I am a butterfly
Unweaving my cocoon
Like a weavers loom
I am unraveling my silken thread
To shed the intricate prison
That I have been in
I am beginning
To grow
But I have to push my wings to learn to fly
It will only be shortly
Before I die
I must enjoy this beauty in brevity
To defy gravity and fly
I must push myself heavily
To reach the sky
I spent so long trapped on the ground
And I have only so much time
To enjoy this freedom I have found

A private symphony
Sings to me, sweetly.
Resonating notes float,
Aimlessly defying gravity and physics
Lingering in the brevity of time
But for a moment all is exquisite and divine
My hope is with it,
And the future to find.

To type black ideas onto a white screen,
Not hoping for a single word to be seen or heard,
But wanting to fill in the voids where my knowledge may lack,
With the intention to give what I will learn back.

Perhaps it is no good trying to be understood
So it is my plan to try and understand.
I will face this cold world with stoic grace
And I will make my spirit a warm place
To share with those who may have lost thier ways.

I was born without life
It was taken from me by the very vessel that fed me.
Science gave me another chance where fate had already written me off.
I had my body taken from me before I ever knew it was mine.
At the very same time my faith was taken from me because man had told me so.
I was born to a child, who was sold to a man twice her age for drugs.
Her hostage meant her home.
She herself ran from pain.
Never being able to perceive where her fears would take her next as she suffered so much pain.
She managed to marry a drug addict who beat her and her children everyday for 8 years straight.
I endured a mock kidnapping from the very man who would later take my body and faith.
I found myself burying the fear of clowns which arose from when I was just 6 at 17 when I rediscovered what had happened.
10 years later I would have to revisit that experience all over again when being robbed at gun point by clowns.
I am done running from any fears.
I am here to live my life and be present.
I belong to myself and no one else.
I am here to love and be loved and there is nothing that can stop me from protecting those whom I love most.

Like autumn leaves rustling in the wind
She swirled around in turbulence.

Anything she would begin she would later upend.

Her magnificence was her madness
Her extravagance was her sadness

Never was there ever a
girl so clever yet so dull