ugh...
You disappeared
but I pushed you away
I always feared that you would leave someday
but I opened the door and showed you the way
there's nothing left to say
our words are verses to replay
but none of it makes sense
there's just reverb, delay, and
false pretense
of what should have been said
but there is only silence
the line is dead
and I keep rewinding it all in my head
your absence leaves me with a looming sense of dread
and I think back instead of forward
hoping for one more word
but there can't be closure
so I keep my composure
on the outside at least
on the inside
I yearn for release
of the mystery
and misery
threatening my peace
but I let you go
knowing I'll never really know

Color Sight

Men want breakfast in bed
and morning head
They want their clothes laid out
and your legs splayed out
They want the house clean
Do what you're told
Don't get mean
Never question whether things
aren't what they seem
Know your role
Know your place
Don't make up your mind
Make up your face
Rear their children
but keep your figure tight
Those stretch marks he gave you
are an ugly sight
Treat your man like a king
But who is protecting the queen
Who maintains the home
And raises the kids alone
Who works but finds time
to do what you do not
And you throw it in her face
all the **** she bought
So you would love her
As she thinks you ought
She wants to be perfect for you
but you tell her she's not
So she obeys her curfew
and never stays out late
You tell her what you hate
that she does
And she gets frustrated because
She can't please you
You're always at unease
So she bends to you
Breaking her knees
While she's down there
she doesn't pray
She tries to tease you
To make you laugh and play
Because you expect of her
What you neglect yourself
You make both of your lives
A living hell
The fire burns her
as she struggles
to earn your affection
The way you treat her
a reflection of how you feel about yourself
Because you know
what she does
You could never do
without her help
All these men
made themselves kings
Thinking rings were chains of slavery
Women calling themselves queens
Lacking any bravery

Sun shines on the plains
The rains have washed away at last
The storm passed
And with them the pains of yesterday
In which I hoped would pass
Are long gone
I am moving on
Forgetting the past
Holding fast to the faith in my heart
Reeling at the chance
To play my part
To dance with joy
And create art
I have found peace
I am calm
In heaven and earth
I haven't a qualm
With the love of god
I am becoming strong

***** before the age of seven
I lost my faith that day
told that I couldnt get in to heaven
because I had *** before marriage
I was a child thinking I had a miscarriage
because the toilet and my ******* were blood red from where my ***** bled
and I shed my virginity and a tear
and everytime I walked in that bathroom I had fear
when I was naked I felt afraid
when I laid in my bed at night
I would close the door tight
I didnt want a sliver of light coming in
because anybody could creep in on a whim
That day changed me forever
I will never forget it
and I will always regret it
when he asked do you want to play a game
I said yes and expressed excitement and delightment
but that moment should have been his indictment
there should have been punishment and violence
but instead there was shushing and silence
in my head the blood is rushing inside of me
as I share this memory
I see the face of my enemy
dressed as a clown on halloween
and I want to scream.
but this isnt something to shout about
but im angry about it everyday
and im still hurting in every way
because Im not certain
the pain goes away
and inside I die
knowing that im not right

Random dream entry
I dreamt that we were floating on a grand ocean liner. We explored islands of ruin and decay, turning over every stone. I was leaving the country with my family. I knew you were not coming with me. I kept making excuses, that I had forgotten my passport, or that I needed my cell phone charger. I was stalling an inevitable goodbye.

The sun shines on the plains
The narrow crescent wains reminiscent in the sky
Vapor trails from aeroplanes create narrow lines
Criss crossing stratus clouds that fail to shroud the light
Trees dance entranced by the breeze
Plants grow upwards
Wild beasts and creatures roam
And it all became begotten from sea foam
Every interaction, every reality
A fraction of the collosal whole
And my birth
A cosmic collision of cells
Tells me that my worth
Is only equal to my appreciation
And gratitude
That swells within
What a magnificent experience I have been given
To be living in time and space
Within the grand scheme of all things possible
I have found my place