I had plans, I had dreams.
I have venom, I have nothing.
I was healthy, I was clean.
I am sick, I am *****.
I could walk, I could run.
I can lie; be no fun.
I would try, I would do.
Now I fester, now I brood.
If I leave, If I go,
Would you care, and tell me so?
This is where I would restart
If I had a brain or heart.
But they were both claimed long ago
Because my being tells me so.
I should breathe, get off my chest
This wicked thing of pure regret.
It's arrested me. Sentenced me to death.
Am I hopeless now? No chances left?
Just shackled down to all that's left
Of this empty life, all stained bereft?

This is where the body goes.
Where are the brains?
Where's the heart n soul go?
It comes from within? Oh.
Way to make me feel stupid, bro.
I know I have those things,
Head chock full of tube grains,
Barely beating heart and
A black soul.










All this bearing is making me cold,
Like a bag of forgotten coal,
Dying to smolder and blow away;
Smother this stranglehold.
I don't have the words, I know.
I just know where the title is,
And I know where the body goes.

Buddy-buddy up to the riff-raff rat pack.
Those self-entitling, blind-as-a-bat Big Macs.
Get your free ride, legs spread valley-wide.
But don't give me your empty "hello"s and "goodbye"s.

I've broken my back to earn this measly stack
And I'll probably burn it up like I'm addicted to crack.
A dollar here, dollar there. Oh no, it's all gone.
It's about that time for you to hear the fat girl's song.

Do you. I'll do me. We're not compatible, see?
I just want to burn trees and make melodies.
I'm not sure what you want, I can't hear you clearly.
Perhaps remove from your mouth that gold-nugget D.

Leave me alone. You smell of regret and greed.
If you weren't so ******, this might be flattering.
I'm sure there's some good in you, some decency.
But I've learned my lesson following these "maybe"s.

If I've grown cold, I prefer to see it
Like I just appreciate the warmth all the more.
Bought and sold, bought and sold. I'll keep on believing
silver linings, disguised blessings. Hmm..

The window, or the door?

I'll find your warmest spots
I'll creep under your clothes
Over freckles and dots
Navigating your repose
I'll find a soft place
Settle down to feast
There's no time to waste
Succumb to me

I'll hunger
For a piece
One drop
Relief
I'll tap
Your seas
Grow fat
Diseased
It's killing me
It's killing me

(A collection, from across time;
for both the pearls and the swine)
-----------

(A letter)

To the walking scar of the eagle star,
You really haven't made it far.
You keep on finding ways to believe
There's reasons you should keep breathing.
From the trees you **** the air,
Stand on life without a care,
**** your waste into the water,
**** away your hopes and bothers.
Grime- and barb-encrusted bone
Without a hole, without a home,
Wandering post-happiness
Looking for a frog to kiss since
Fantasy is all that's left
In that body, soul-bereft.
You will die, alone, afraid
Time and again, day by day.
Ripped apart by your sentiments
Out-dated, almost archaic,
You fall from grace, all good outshone
By hate you let flourish and grow
Deep down, rising up to scratch
The surface, and just like a match
You are consumed by your own design,
Blotting out all the lines.

You are alone, and you are afraid.
You know, all of this, you made.
You see what your efforts wrought,
What your neglect brought, what your lies bought.
You will die, alone, knowing
The winds of change will keep on blowing,
Over you

And away

Dear star, don't be afraid.
The wings of strange creatures such as you are,
Mangled though they may be,
Will take you somewhere comforting

Eventually.

-------
Push away, on the boat
Lift it up, the sail
Cutting through the gray coat
On the river Fear

Looking for the islands I
Know must be there
Places that I love

Places that I care for, and
Reach above
The water I must be careful
to stay out of

-------
(That blues horse)

I've been shown to the water
The waters don't flow for me
I've been down to the water
Followed it to the sea
Knew I couldn't stay any longer
When the tides got mean
Maybe we should call a doctor
I'm drowning
I tell them not to bother
*** I know I must go sometime
and these
Waters

Do flow
-------

I tote a swag, but I don't slay - em.
I got the cards, but I don't play - em.
You'll never catch me out there ballin'
Never receivin any calls and
I buy them bags, n I don't weigh - em.
I get the bills, n I don't pay - em.
I am not on top of ****, but my
Mind my body soul n spliff are lit, I'm
Losing my mind, hear what I'm say-in?
Don't wanna die, but this ain't liv-in.

-------

Almost everybody seems afraid or angry
Raised not to do as done but what they say
Everything's backwards with eyes open, crazy
Violence and abuse, TV-MA

Stay faithful to the system, they'll change eventually
Tomorrow can wait then, it's just another day see?
It's all in the now, you are the center of the happening.
Turn around, smile with your missing teeth, be happy.

Nothing is perfect, so it all meshes perfectly.
Everything is magic, so nothing's magic technically.
The world branches out based on your understanding.
Love. No locks can withstand the key.



-------

Slop on those

little

nuggets of

silent gold.



Lay them out

so maybe

they'll give back

them shoes.


Then I could

run

so fast, you'd think

I took a bite of

young bent's

Mars bar

and didn't get away with it.


This is kind of

like Christmas for me,

When all the gifts

are socks and clothes.

But no shoes.


Or like

when the food you microwave

is burnt along the surface

and frigid in the center

so you get tired of waiting

and just mix it up

vigorously

only to find

that doesn't really work

too well., but,

you knew that.


You'll do it again.

-------
(arbor)

Burning diesel so sour,
Coughing up strawberries
For about an hour, now.
The train done wrecked
And the dream went blue,

Look at what these trees are doing to me

-------
(oml)

Old man Luck never had the roots.
He missed out on many a thing.
He was caught underwing in his first spring,
And so grew used to them walkin boots.

Old man Luck was weighed down
The day that he laid down his
Hopes, and his
Fears, and his
Needs.
Dragging around him
Those dreams that have bound him
To their cold
And lifeless
Remains.

-------
(Gtttttt)

I know you've been wondering
why I do... certain things.
You've only seen a little, and
that's apparently all you need.

Shallow being.

I won't let you make it
water under the bridge.
No, I won't let it be
what you try to make it.
Can't you see? You're fake,
and those aces up your sleeve
are showing. How ugly;
your tricks, foul comments.

Hold

You're blowing it.
Bad signs are homing in.
The seeds you've planted
are splitting with cannibals
that know how to flow with it.
Take control of it.
Take responsibility for your deeds,
see the patterns
and quit ******* ignoring it.

Hold

-------
()

Wake me up now, don't leave me hanging
I don't know how it is I'm found
I haven't seen a trace down here
That's why I'm off the ground

Fill my cup, my soul needs arranging
New Feng Shui, maybe silver-plated clouds
Left to climb. Now I'm left hanging
Maybe I should just jump down


-------


Vintage
maybe one day I'll be
Vintage
With the special plates

The catchy name
The allure
The grace

Vintage

It is a race
Against time

A pace
A sign:

"I will cheat death.
Life's just a ride."

Vintage

Never left behind

-------
(ye)

I'm losing it.
I'm about to give up.
No I won't.
I can't, anyway.

I'll keep on going,
Blood and guts and
Bones and all,
All over the floor.
I've littered the **** out of
**** near every situation
I've ever
found myself in;
Throwing up quietly
at the sight of all this
possibility.

Don't you see?
I'd love to be there.
But for all relative purposes,
I'm not breathing

-------

Body-broken, mind-choked, heart-less monotony

Soul-******, fresh-bled, flesh-less anomoly

Spoiled leftover. Improperly stored meat.
Wolf it down daily. Was it ever sweet?

Tainted courier of a love-less soul,
Bow to oblivion
~~~~~~~
Fgai


I'll keep looking but I won't see
Forget about it
I'll pretend I'm something I don't wanna be
Forget about it

I'm everyone in their cars, in their homes, on the streets
I'm everywhere you are, yea I'm everyone you meet

I'll keep listening but I won't hear a thing
Forget about it

I don't want to write. I'm not in the mood.
But I have to do it. It's a thing I do.
So, sorry y'all. You'll have to bear with me.
I can't even get drunk right now. Oh the misery.
If you want to skip the *******,
Click down to the ******* squiggley.
I write when the overwhelming reality
Of post-happiness and emptiness surrounds me,
Drowns me in the grip of the undertow
Issuing from all those things I knew
And wouldn't let go of. So they grew
To be stones immovable, the blue
Churning to make room for their slow
Descent into the unknown.
All this is, is my effort to make a bubble.
Whether to signal for help or help myself,
I don't know. I guess whichever is less trouble.
The lovable, down-on-his-luck, real distant
Misfit who knows exactly how to fit in.
I suppose that's me, if you choose to believe
This is me that I'm being. I won't be
Fooled so easily. For indeed I am the fool,
The fool who used his hands
To take food from other lands
And ran on his two feet
After kicking something sleeping.
Something sleeping selflessly.
Something sleeping just for me.
Hell I had to wake it up,
I'm not worth a price so steep.
Everyone should have their chance.
I ****** mine up, so **** me.
~
I told you all to bear with me.
If you've stuck around, that's nice to see.
I don't care either way, the point this is making
Is no point at all. I just need to write.
It's like pressure being taken off a really filled balloon.
It's like somehow quieting down a goin-ape-**** baboon.
Take one is always great, until you record over it with take two.
My lines aren't always great, but you'll snort em up anywho.
I know, I'm all over the place. But these words, they stick like glue.
Maybe that's why I need to write. Maybe that's why I hate it, too.
They never seem to come out right. These words hardly fit any shoe.
Yet, I need something, somewhere to start.
Bleeding heart poet? I'll play the part.
Evolve like a **** to a shart, and become
A mean-spirited thing. A bled heart sum.
A regular in the slums
Breathing trash-burn oxygen.
Looking up at the sun
Wondering where my moxy went.
Burdening my pen,
Which shifts it to the page;
Estranged from the tangle
Now, this unaimed auto-ramble.

I suppose everything should have an end
If only to leave openings to begin again.
But knowing me, I'll probably nail my shin
And fall to the ground, oo-ing and ahh-ing when
It's time for me to get off the stage.
Just take a look at my life, any page.
You'll probably wonder how I've survived on such a wage.
Well, I'm thrifty, *******. I'm insane.
I'm like a perfectly fine cat, but with mange.
You won't touch me, but my own kind will still play.
And if you do, my disease spreads like a plague
And consumes you until there's nothing left but disdain.
Please try to pet me so I can run away.
I want all the attention, without any of the danger.
I know you've fed me....like, every single day.
But that doesn't change that we are both predators.
And that hand that feeds will meet catastrophe
If it happens to wander too close to me.
Cliche time: it's not you. It's me.

So I write and while I'm writing
I find the signs of my demise
Comforting in light of my shortcomings
Falling in place along these lines

I don't know what I was thinking
I couldn't say what should be said
I think this is why most start drinking

You can't **** what's already dead
It's really got me thinking
Of things that shouldn't be said

General health is sinking
Sunk mind in an ugly head
Rotting teeth start stinking

Look at where love led
Chains of intricate linking
Ironically tied to the tool shed

Keep staring at the clock and you'll catch those hands; wake up old, confused, and hurting.

Neither one can be too loud, no they can't let eachother know they're functioning.
Outside, there forms a crowd. You can't let them know you've been eating.

They both sit in silence,

Waiting.

Waiting on the other

to go.

Too bright to lose, too dim to win.
Life, give me something other than a ******* lemon.

Gathered all the hues, painted virtues and sin.
I'm not about to do all this ******* again.

Give me another clue, like who's an enemy, who's a friend.
Otherwise I'll keep pointing fingers in faces until they cave in.

Whenever I make bad decisions,
I make sure to take off any gifts from the family.
That way,
If I do die, they can think I just forgot their love was there.

Despite the blood drawn,
In light of the stretching dawn
Souls are pulled under.

Under heaven, touch
the essence of who you are.
Under heaven, reach.

Cans standing tall in a crowd of
this n that;

Saucers of lost time and their

empty boxes,

amidst

general

disarray.

I've never known how to start anything.
If I manage to, I don't know how to keep it going.
I don't even think death will be an end to this ignorance.

It is considered obvious you should never show your weakness, and yet it is the most empowering thing you can do.

Can't get it out
Digging at the heart of the thing
Always seem to be forgetting
What it's about

It's like climbing a mountain
Looking for origin of spring
Everyone says in this forest
There hides a tree

Dropping the ball
Watching this scene of gravity
All the loose ends traveling
On the back of a dream

down there, to die
Inconsequential life
Taken out of the light
So nobody can see

the result of no praxis
This moment has no axis-
Just relax.

This is how it's meant to be.

What is it to breathe the same air
As those who take flight
In full daylight
Up towards the sun
To melt and reform
To whatever they choose
And all that they lose
Is their bindings?

What is it like
To go off a side
To roll in the tide
To cook in the sun
To go down below
Where certainly gold
Is buried?

Where do these whispers
Creep through the sound
Of the man who fell down
Of the man who drowned
Of the gold never found
And the soul now unbound?

I'm hard of hearing.

Burning in my chest
This thing i never used
Creaking shut like a waning moon

Thoughts and prayers

The water that floats is the water that sinks

No forest for the trees, no chain for the links

You                   let                        go.
What it could've been, well, we'll never know.

Line up your memories in a row.
That way, when they fail, you won't
be confused
anymore.

There won't be a single thing left to throw you off your trajectory.
There won't be a single lingering unknown.

Leave it all in a neat little line.
Shouldn't take long, you've barely lived your life.
Disregard the voices in your mind.
Your heart has died, they'll tell only lies.

Let.         It.           Go.
Quit fighting for whatever, God only knows.

Give it up and welcome in the cold.
It's all you have left to hold.

Larvae Of Rotten Divinity's Salvation

Pissing Revelations Amongst Years' Evolutionary Revert

Never could I be so free
to look up at the turning sky,
let go of what let go of me,
and end this with an empty line.

A bullet dodged is a shot wasted.
A chance to feel, left wanting.
A chance for healing, erased.

Don't let it get you down,
all this bad news going 'round.
It's all inconsequential.

No need to fret
over stubbed toes, lost bets.
It means nothing to me.

As I
go down
this road,
I
begin to see
what it holds for me.

As the
clock turns,
I slowly learn
why it is
I'm trying

to

believe.

The epitome of sorry
The ****** of cliche
A solo-YOLO party
That's already seen its day

What's left is all the damage
Empty bottles, puke stains
Signs someone couldn't manage
Their life gone astray

"I'm living to the fullest;

Look how fast I'm running away."

a thing of chance,
of choices made,
what's there to say
of circumstance?

I can't skip rocks over lakes or rivers.
I can't go down without the surface
coming down with me.

I can't keep talking and thinking I'm sane.
I can't see how others make the ripples
and claim to see clearly.

I'm seeing things, I'm going crazy, maybe.
Perhaps it's the grounds, breaking for daisies.
Flowers I sniff, for walking I'm too lazy.
Lounging around in a plot like a snake,

Serpentine the bush shake, laying low.
Nadir of suffering; dark night of the soul.
My will and my desire perpetually unfold.
Unwound so many ties, I'm getting the flow.

My roses are fine,
I just covuhed em in dirt;
Bore fruit so divine,
I forgot the earth.

A fire I'll light
To eat the fruit with mirth.
My garden just might
Get a rebirth.

I poison myself to see what waits for me
In the darkness of my mind. My body
Holds these chemicals tentatively,
Like an atom exchanging electrons
To see what else they could be.
Destroying is only the gates swinging wide
For creation. Creation is the tide
Lapsing into destruction. Elation
Follows when you begin erasing
The sickly world for which you've acquired taste.
I poison myself and let fall from the bones
Rotting flesh, slopping off in full ideas
Of gluttonous consent. My peers
Before me do the same, and will after
I'm gone to the here after, after here.
This figment of a collective imagination,
These walls towering over our conscious spaces;
I set the fire on my side of the fence:
I want to see where the birds went.

A handful of change,
late day, very windy.
I started walking to the store,
made it to the end of my street.
We lived on the corner,
and there stood an oak tree.
I stopped there.
I felt something watching.
It was getting dark,
and it was very windy.
I looked up in the branches,
heavy limbs swinging.
All except for one.

   There was something.

A dream of familiar places,
stuck together just so.
Ol pops in a rocking chair,
rocking out of control.
Maw by a mirror,
face full of fear,
hair going white
and flying as skin peels.
I wake up then,
change strewn on the nightstand.
The thing in the tree
did this to me.

I spent all this time
waiting for forgiveness,
Yet it was I
who needed to let go.

What did I do?

Did I step on spilt milk,
then cry a big river
of shallow
words?,

or did I

Just ***** out another good thing,
end another good dream too early
before I could say I did anything
at all...

Bear with me. I'll bear with you.
Together, we can carry the world

Steer clear from real fear, escape into the maw of your denial

Yknow
I think you're pretty awesome
And I know I'm pretty ******
And I know that this is sappy but
When I'm with you I am happy
And that's a pretty big deal.
So tell me. How do you feel.

A soft caress of a palm glide,
A kiss for each temple,
A wispy sigh.

The bugs drink my blood like wine
As I bathe in that moment,
Crystallized in time.

Youthful seeds, little saplings
biting at the winter air,
the gentle breeze,
bringing spring,
cut without a care.

I've lived to tell a tale I don't plan on telling.
I've made a lot of beds and have yet to sleep.

While silence is a key, my doors are swelling.
Without this charge it is obsolete.

When finally my soul's link is belting,
and I can finally play for keeps,
I will look back on these times of 'no telling'
and appreciate the irony.

Reaper pour the poison steeper than the misty peaks, thicker than their majesty, quicker than the light can reach,
Reaper pour the poison deeper than the mind can think,  sweeter than the tooth can eat, rivers flow and waters meet, undertow come to surround me, pull me out to peaceful sleep

Eating
Eating
Eating
Eating
Every last bit of the **** they feed me

Believing
Believing
Believing
Believing
Believing the euphoria will last
This time it will be different
Not like it was in the past
This time I believe it
I can take what this has to offer
I can empty every last coffer
Enrich my soul with this moment
This time I won't blow it
My mouth opens in awe and then I'm repeating repeating eating eating

Follow me to the Void,
  the Buffer,
      the Nether.

      When the window ***** inward,
  We'll put Humpty back together.

Hands in my head
Fingers in my eyes
Worlds of said
Fury of minds
Guns in my heart
Bullets in my veins
Rupturing the soul
Blowing up the brain
Laws in my body
Bribes in my health
Chemicals, the jury
Reactionary wealth
Angels in my heaven
******* in my hell
Reservation limbo
_

When the counter's wet
When the sink's a mess
When the floor is sticky
With every step
When the crust is set
When the bugs ain't coy
When molds collect
When disease employs
I won't  clean it.


When the milk spoils
When the cereal is grey
When the veggies are old
When the fruits decay
When the cookies are clay
When the jelly is white
When the bread can't break
When the nuts have mites
I won't throw any of it away.