The terror begins when each foot,
falling in front of the other,
echoes eternity lost in waters
as shallow as the words
that first breathed the waves to motion.

The terror begins when you realize
there's no need to run;
You're walking slowly
but surely
towards the finish line.

Stretching out on a word, a snapped twig totality, out here in this jungle of stars. A fevered recognition that you've gone nowhere that wasn't there, almost waiting for you to notice. Watching the world dress for the occasion, the wisest still find their walls close in, some pure language barred from discovery. There is no escaping this gravity of choice, no contracting this expanse plot, here, in this tumbling of stars.

I watched you
From my bedroom window.
Through the pines
I followed your steps
Going down the hill.
I saw you wait
At the foot of my drive
For life to come and
Sweep you off your feet.

A handful of moons
Cracked the pipe dream,
And I was there
To lick the wounds.

I watched as the fire
Gave a few heartfelt pops,
Then sunk into a bed of embers.
I don't think either of us
Expected to share that bed.

When I lose count
Of our satellite's transit,
When I lose it all
In the turning,

I'll be here;
A willing host for
The parasite of love.

Mercurial tongue of a backwards dog
Lapping up waters in the bog
Conjured up impermeable smog
Then wondered why no one could see

Unhealthy lungs, the guns of God
Croaking out like swamp frogs
Whispered in, the heavy fog
Then wondered why they stopped breathing

Married to the criminal;
Married to the saint.
Eventually the dreams are grinded;
Seasoning for the steak that
finds its way to the plate
Every single night.
When will I wake?, you say
as you take a bite.
'Tis all, I'm afraid, she replied
as she raised her knife and
portioned out her life.

A tear fell away;
The steak was seasoned, right?
Just another day,
A husband and his wife.

Who dropped a hat?
Now I'm ******, look at that.
Oh, nobody did?
Same effect, mad again.

It's funny, it's sad.
Calm down, lad!
It'll be fine, wait,
On a dime turned irate.
Off the tracks,
In the yard.
Jokers face
On every card
Look out,
Chugga choo.
Metal storm
Boom boom
In your
Living room
Going and
It's going
And it's
Down
The hall
Walk-in closet gone
All the hats fall.

Deny it if you wish.
We all live for this.
It makes no difference;
Meaningful, meaningless.

To dissolve your walls,
To play with this trigger.
To let it go off,
Then return it to sender.

Call it a holy act.
Call it something sick.
It is still a fact:
You want it.

Break a bone and wish
for a clear picture
of the day's history.

Stuff it down like it
won't matter later.

I take it personally.
It bites me to the bone.
You take what I have grown,
Then call it my folly.

I won't be sorry,
When you are without home,
No need to have a phone
Because nobody's calling.

I hope your eyes open wide,
To be pecked out of your head,
So you can see the red issuing
From your innocent white lies.

The spaces you carved out in me
left behind some figure
for the way I ought to be.

The traces of you, that fill me,
all I can remember,
leave me empty.

Grayyyveh,
Grayveh traaaain,

Sauce me dowwwn now,
Fill me uuup.

Grayyyveh,
Grayveh traaaain,

Wash me 'wayyy now,
Go on, take away.

Run me ovuh,
With that traaain,

It feels good, baybeh
Leave them stains.

I am but a word on a background.
I am the stone smoldering in the ocean, giving away every part of me that is touched.
I am the open book with the old pitiful spine.
I am the dusty remains of something great.
I am but one nerve-ending, firing off along these lines, catching fire to the page.
I am the knot that holds.
I am the words that let go.
I am the ragged welcome mat of a mediocre cabin.
I am the pine tree that blocks the view.
I am but one and yet around every corner.
I am the serpent that speaks to your apple, whispering you away from the path.
I am the soft breeze that leaves branches wanting.
I am the bird whose song spells LOVE.
I am the problem.
I am the solution.
I am of great division.

Pull the foliage;
Let the inner nodes get light.
Watch the plant prosper.

Damage the main line.
Like a twisted deity
Inspire instinct.

Care. Do not smother.
Give time and space to expand
The seed you planted.

Winter comes sloppy;
A-Quality money shot
On the world's face.

I threw my gun in your river.

The reason is rather moot.

I laid in bed, put it to my head,

Pulled the trigger; it didn't shoot.


I tried
drying it in the Sun and it withered.

Crumpled like sheets under an apathetic Sire.

I laid in bed, put it to my head.

Pulled-  the **** thing didn't fire.

Silent prayer heard,
The cosmic wheel catches gear
And away we go.

Time stops for appreciation.
Space moves through passions to be.
In time, your body fails,
And that space in your head
Discards veils
And moves.

Do you see this?
I swear it's right there, hell you have said almost word-for-word, verbatim **** near to what I'm portraying.
I can't believe this.
I don't believe in curses in regards to the mainstream take, but it seems I've chosen a path seemingly forsaken.
I can't shake it,
This feeling of universal knowing creeping up my spine and reigning down from the sun, the divine link of this earthen station.
This sensation,
This ditch of difference that grows fatter and starves the matter of its reason, alienating me from those closest in relation.
It hurts me,
Worse than anything else I've ever experienced, and I've had one very unorthodox life,
When I see
You'll never see me.

Forgive me.
I know there's nothing I can do or say to show you what's red when it seems to be blue.

Lightning,
An element profound in its flash of expression, existence; as the Tahina spectabilis; as my sign.
Enlightening:
Embracing death and life with no suggestion, no alibi, no lies, no deception.

Do you see this?

I see old friends going on with their lives.
Having kids, some party, others husbands and wives.
Here I sit, reminiscing, can't forget how far I've
Grown from everyone I've ever known.

Time, it slips from open fists.
My mark on the world, a dusty to-do list.
I stand on the edge of a growing distance,
.......................................................­..........

Liquidate fear,
that you might afford
some closure
to this pain.

I can't help myself.
There's disaster everywhere,
teeth in every smile.


I can't help you now.
My hands are being washed clean
along with my mind.

Nobody noticed
the elephant in the room,
was dissipating.

Swallowed by the shade
you thought only tomorrow
kept round the corner.

Forgot the reason
it was there. Forgot all the
faces it called life.

You let the ability atrophy beyond reckoning. Nobody will be listening to your sickening, self-defeating reasoning, your words lacking anything resembling creativity, nuance, feeling. You've turned your past into a living thing, stripping the present of any wrappings, the only lasting ribbon is this crushing need for security. You're paralyzed at the thought of living, terrified at the thought of giving up this hungry passenger who leaves you weak and empty. You must let go of this broken thing you call on instead of surrendering, surrendering to the truth that this life, it isn't ending.

It ended. It's over.
This life you had is no more.
This life you wanted so dearly isn't hiding like some four-leaf clover.
It's gone.     Let go.
Before it's too late, before you grow so deeply in this wasted longing, that none of you will show.
Look above this water, be terrified of what you don't know, instead of drowning in some bottle, looking for some afterglow. Instead of swallowing some paper, hoping the lines will show you the road. Show us there's a heart still beating, a rhythm finally worth repeating, there's more than ghosts to keep on breathing, this pain will not remain undefeated.

Trying so hard for what
Waiting so long for who
Desperation bleeding like a cut
Calling fell flew

Finishing the thought with a but
Ending it with ifs; ands too
Subtlety coming off rather blunt
Why does everything remind of you

Childish here, an old man there
Angry about this, about that I don't care
A variety of gifts, none of them pair
Beneath this skin, there's nothing I can wear

I knew a girl with strawberry-colored hair.
I knew a girl who smelled like mustard.
I knew a girl with golden eyes.
I knew a girl who wanted to be a guy.
I knew a girl who invited me ovuh,
just to entice me by doing yoga.
I knew a girl who obviously had cats.
I knew a girl who thought lizards wanted her ***.
I knew a girl who let spiders crawl on her.
I knew a girl who is still a mystery.
I knew a girl who showed me great jazz,
but also showed me I'm terrible, generally.
...
I knew a girl with crooked teeth,
and a baby one, so little, so sweet.
I knew a girl with infinite kinds of laughs.
I knew a girl with a pinched ear.
I knew a girl who understood, and was, "art".
I knew a girl with long fingers.
I knew a girl who didn't give *****, ever.
I knew a girl who loved the beach,
and it seemed the sea salt dried up to meet her.
I knew a girl with poopshoots for eyes.
I knew a girl with all my inside jokes.
(oh garby, oh sorry, oh im not angry)
I knew a girl who was made for me.
I knew a girl who was made for me.

My heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body tells my heart tells my mind tells my body pick it up

Sink into your seat, all heavy and empty.
Look at this world you used to prize.
With a sigh, smile through broken, ugly teeth.
Best not to cut; better to untie.

Tell yourself again how the good ones die.
Tell yourself again you don't deserve pity.
Tell yourself again why you stay alive.
Even if every reason's a bit ******.

I'm tired of pretending.
I'm tired of this sensing
a thing that is denied.

I'll continue giving,
hoping in the taking,
they'll leave nothing behind.

I never knew a girl named June,
Never knew a girl named May.
The fourth of July was my baby's favorite holiday.
When explosions rocked the sky
With colors and festive flare,
And the smell of burning paper
Filled the nighttime air;
For her, this was the happiest time of the year.

Polarized penny-****** rubbing clam on hand to seal the deal of sweet body feels, the temple of joy for obtuse bush-beater toy.
Springs of regurgitated hate steep the pores with slime veneer seeping out of the hole you swear holds silver spoons for delivery to the mass's benefit.
Stuffing slits with ignorant mindless droll to make it feel full of life while seeds rot in your gums and thighs, the tides don't curb friction hide.
Polarized poker gives the charge to the joker in the root, rendering the point and the poke moot, popular for being the first smoker, slack grappling super-soaker satisfaction ******* shoot me in my ******* make me feel cute.
Step down to justify rotting apples in the eye, pungent odor from the motor of super-sized ego hoarder. Super-sized meat-fold folder.
Sniff it. Eat the thing. Lift it up to sing, bring me everything for I have nothing. Teeth on petals sting.
**** the stems and never breed.

You
Precious little thing,
You'll die, stuck here
In this honey.

Oh,
Poor little thing.
You won't even
See it coming.





In your abandoned colony,
Your echo will mark tracks
Of these empty promises
You can never take back.

I saw a shooting star,
The most beautiful I've seen.
Long and luminescent,
Falling away from me.
I knew then I shouldn't regret
What I've been doing.
It's gotten me this far. I
Learned this from a shooting star

When I find feathers
I think it's something special
A ticket to the skies,
A fraction of a wing

When I find feathers
I think it's something precious
Money couldn't buy this
Feeling that they bring

Courtesy of circumstance I can give a ****,

or maybe I can muster up two:

One for the countless who bled for this chance,

and one for little ol' you.

Wanting what's wanted and doing what's to be done leaves only what is seen to be seen but wanting what's wanted and doing nothing at all might bring peace swiftly or slowly in joy or misery so wanting what's wanted and running from it all does nothing at all except ruin it all so wanting what's wanted and acting from the heart in my experience is to plant a knife deep from the start so wanting what's wanted and ignoring your part in the world is the safe and easy way off the edge and I'm falling so wanting what's wanted and saying you'll do without is the evil vine strangling what would be devout following of truth and harmony so wanting what's wanted and digging a hole of possibility leaves nothing to see sprinkled with joy and misery basically seasoning nothing to ruin bleeding sincerity quietly locked in terminal velocity with the noose of neglect catching quickl-

So I see
Somehow,
Maybe
Accidentally,

You found
a key;
A suspicious
Mystery.

Head in the clouds,
As if
On a mountain's peak.

Bring up what is down.
Also,
Other way around.

Do not be meek.
No time. Just speak.

Feet on the ground,
As if
On a mountain's peak.

They crushed me with a rock
They drowned me in the sea
They have always feared
What I could be

I have been impaled down between the collar bone
As I still breathed, they forced my head into a honeycomb
Cooked me in the bull, eviscerated by pulling
Culling every instance of my corporeal form

I've been shot in the left temple
My throats been cut, quick and simple
Beat me to a pulpy matter
Thrown from a bridge, down down to splatter

Burned at the stake for owning a cat
Eaten alive by a single rat
Twisted my body until my spine snapped, then
Thrown in the cold for my upcoming nap

They will try, they will try to best me
They will only succeed in killing me
Reconciliation's the only thing resting
Is it destiny they do not see?

I will rise, eternally.

I've gone mad in the empty
I've breathed in too much hope
I've collected one big memory
Bit it, chewed, and choked

When something dies within me
A slice of life maudlin
I'll spit out my misery
Bite, chew, choke again

I'll keep this up forever
It will be my effigy
The loss that keeps me together
Until it, too, is empty

'Right' being the word for
those things I never do.

'Right' being the word for
those things I choose to
ignore.





Write me up a story,
telling me about the world.

Something soft and cozy,
with a tinge of scorn.








Blinded by morning glory,
saved by a girl.

'Right' being the word for
those things I choose to
ignore.

Dear God,
Flowers need spit to grow.

Dear God,
Flowers need spit to grow.

Silence is silver in winter,
Green is gold in snow.

Dear God,
Flowers need spit to grow

I stopped going with the waves.
I turned and let them crash against me.
I had my anchor, pulling up the ground.
You'd think it was an island in making.

We made this scenery.
The way you folded arms around me.
No contenders, by your spell I'm bound.
It was a dream we dreamed in waking.

I relive this forever.
A miserly toll.
To these waves, I would surrender
Everything I've known.

But there's a catch in me.
A ****** hook of reverence.
This isn't love, I know.

I can't help this reveling.
This decadence in limerence.
It pulls me down, fearful and spellbound.
If I'm ever found, will there be anything
Worth taking?

What I'd trade to
masquerade
this misery
as beauty.

It is all I have
as offering
to free me
back into the waves.

Take a sprung and spring,
Call the parts complete,
Give it everything.

You give me hope,
though you lived so far away,
in both time and space,
and no one remembered your name.
Quite the inspiration,
how you changed such rigid ways.
Quite the shame,
how you were forgotten in a day.


You shed the skin of a God-King,
all semblance of some divinity
that's somehow out of the common reach,
though we are all of the same being.
It's like you called "*******" immediately,
and began to deface
all the dogma and absurdity
of the human race.
You lived in equilibrium
with the science of life,
in a society full of peril,
fear, deception, and strife.
You could've turned backs
and fixed them with a knife.

But you didn't, you were in pace
with the universal grace.
You saw the waste that comes
from fanatical embrace.

But they killed you.
They didn't like your game.
All laced with change,
drastic change,
that would uproot their place
of power. So deranged.

They wanted you forgotten,
and so you were, for so long.
But now your words are resonating,
your anecdotes and songs.
You were the epitome of strong,
never faltered in rights and wrongs.
So now I hope your message carries on
to those aware enough to sing along.

It must be true
About the lost and found
That get around,
Believin'

The green
Could be much greener;
The scenery
Just over there.

When hair
Begins to thin
And you can't start again,
Don't care.

The *****
Stuck to the thigh,
Hello, goodnight,
Sweet dreamin'.

When all that's left
Is the lost and found,
Wash it down
With the tears wept.

Settling in the moment with a sigh
The times I'm never here,  I wonder why
What could escape this day,
And be seen fondly by tomorrow?

What could a beggar to royalty bring?
What treasures has the infinite never seen?
I'll give it my best guess.
I'll give it everything.

Let it go, now.
Let the ship go down.
You were never the captain,
Only along for the ride.

The waves roll out,
Touching the clouds.
And heavens never knew how to touch the ground.
Yet, they tried.

**** this funny bone.
It always finds a corner
Every single day.

A need to be done
A period to end this sentence
Did the time, then some
I need no more witness

In this moment hung
Within walls that mark off spaces
The air that fills my lungs
Can't blow away the traces

Left here, in these emptied lines
Simple letters twist into signs
that I cannot unwind
I cannot forget these faces

A moon is said to cause the tides
A sun is said to tan our hides
I know these to be lies, now
Love commits these crimes

The ebbing of my life

From wants towards this need

I've been sitting here
Writing and deleting
For hours now
And this
Is what
You get.

This sad excuse for an
Expression.
This
Unsatisfying
Pointless
Slapping together of words
That only exist now
For your amusement.
So laugh.

Life is short,

And judgement
Is godly.

Inspired to quit.
Perspire and spit.
Let them know it.
Flames grow silent.

Kick a pile of ****.
Track it on the carpet.
Lick a mile of mint.
Try to hide the scent.

Use it for the moment.
Hate it for the moment.
Confused in the moment.
Trade it for the moment.
Abuse it for the moment.
Use it for the moment.
Use it in this moment.
Use it in this moment.

Some days ago I realized I'm only getting older
So I tried to be bolder, shake the whole world off my shoulders
My failure has only made me colder
The fire inside, unfed and dying
I can't keep track of all the times I tried to hold her memory
Tried to forget all the lies I told her, silly
And all the lies told to me I let them roll over
Like Sisyphus and his boulder, forever crushing my four leaf clover

Deceit bred a hate I held dearly
A fear grew from what I'd see if I ever saw clearly
I drink what I drank and deny insanity
Still hoping for the change to spawn from monotony

To be continued, I'll see you when I see you
Today tonight tomorrow, next year, anywho
I'll still be a fool and you'll still be a queen
A jester in your court till the fat lady sings

Under a tree
Atop a hill
An iron altar
I made to fill
With my shame
And with my hate
Yet all the same
Stayed closed the gate
I knew was there
Above the hill
Where treetops sat
Never still

Nothing changed
But still I tried
When trying failed
The gates I pried
To no avail

With hinges bent
And keeper gone
My will is spent
And I go on
To remember
How I built
This temple that
I left to wilt

This altar now
Heavy as hell
Where wings to heaven
I hoped to spell
With good intent
Sunk far and down
Out of sight
Without a sound

I hoped I might
Salvage a chance
Of dreams come true
With this dance
Of right and wrong
Good and bad

Now I'm glad it's gone, good riddance


I forgot
I constructed this
Sanctuary
This stab at bliss
I had a shot
I knew I'd hit
Yet there's no chance
I didn't miss