Did you get your cake today?
Did you get a little money?
Did your family call and say
"Happy birthday, honey"?

Did you get your wishes sent
To be granted on a breath?
Did somebody ******* so good
It made you think of death?

Did you get a new tattoo?
Did you smoke some ****?
Or maybe now you huff glue...
Idk, happy birthday baby.

Drawing a blank
in the eye of the beholder
is high art
if I've ever seen it.

The fear of the unknown
is too often replaced
with the overbearing price
of certainty.

Faith only pays when it's shaken,
and yet we light fires
to find
the day.

To create is human.
To doubt is divine.
To live, to breathe,
is to cross that line.

I pull these flowers far too late and out of season.
My pockets fill with the premature and the dead.
I kick these rocks I used to never notice.
I put them in my pocket, in the back of my head.

All I have to do is as important as a cat's to-do list, very remiss with every scratching of a check.

Where are all my hands, for they are not all on deck?

All I ever breathe in this post-dream reality is as a wish upon a star, unbelievably close and undoubtedly far.

I mean this most sincerely when I say it all has meaning, as our world is run by the remains of dinosaurs who got stuck in tar.

Have you ever thought ' what is this I put in my car? '

I try to hold on to a figment of imagination, as it flakes away like paint on absorbent severed trees.

It brings me to my knees when I admit I haven't hit the bottom yet, for all I feel is the certainty of sinking.

Chasing a fading note, the volume swells and a bad grounding wire is evident as the buzzing grows until the next track hits and I'm left alone in this
mirage of some meaningful nonsense I let

sweep me far away. What a game to play, tip toeing in a giant's nest!

I forgot what I set out to say, forgot the melody, forgot the meaning and yet I still hear birds chirping.

The empty spaces where you should've done something
will be the air you'll cough up past those things you never said.

A word or two
For the sky so blue.

Just kidding, I lied,
That's four or five.

Empty empty empty empty
reflecting the given like the moon

Save me save me save me save me
Save me from the puppy love womb.

Lazy lazy lazy lazy
I'll get up, I promise, soon.

Maybe maybe maybe maybe
Maybe I'll get over you.

This will be my last report
I've done run the course
Got buyers remorse

Cold    startin this *******
Just ain't worth it no mo

I'll pull up on the Saturday night
Park n **** the lights
It'll be alright

Let it rust   n turn to dust
No need to fuss or fight

It's all waiting on the flippity
That I'll never see
Oh woe is me

What a waste, gone without a trace
What a dull ending

So long did I
Avoid recognizing
This play for
What it was.

No stars aligned,
No fire radiated
A single sign to
Pull me from these lines.

Long ago,
Deep below,
Treasures in the night
Only waited...

What was I thinking?
I could never let this go.
Forever is a long time
To be sinking...

So long have I
Gone without deciding.
So long, dear life
I'll never know...

I made it again.


What do I win?


A number,         plus one.


Another trip 'round the sun.

Twisted tongue spits,
Cooking God only knows what
Over hellfire.

I have been clothed
in despair; the
Golden circle
Crowning me.
I have known the
Silver tongue; the
bridge that's been there
All along.

I have been clothed
in fire; the
Golden glowing
like a brand.
I have met her,
touched her hand, and
Let her know I
Understand

I tried writing something for you
Since it's your birthday and all
But I have nothing left to give
I'm dead inside
Curtain call

I can't even think of you
as a memory,

but that's all you are
and it killed me so long ago
that

I don't know how to live anymore.

I was accompanied today by a dragonfly
as I rolled through a lot of small-town killers;
Weaving through the headstones my mind laid out
After first impressions marked them all dead.


I was reminded of when I was little,
when a cloud of dragonflies followed me
every day to the bus stop, every day home.
Long before vile things filled my head.

Bleed life dry, savior.
Set up shop and pay no rent.
Vacate the premise.

Go ahead, do it.
Leave me pondering "what if"s
An endless wallow...

Consider me gone.
There is nothing left for me
In this shell of fear.

It was okay.
I didn't feel it.
When you said 'this',
I didn't see it.
I remember for once
What I'm here for.
This isn't it.
I don't feel it.

Restrain me with these fleeting moments,
hold me down by way of laughter,
so I can resist this death sentence,
and stay below the here-after.

To the walking scar of the eagle star,
You really haven't made it far.
You keep on finding ways to believe
There's reasons you should keep breathing.
From the trees you **** the air,
Stand on life without a care,
**** your waste into the water,
**** away your hopes and bothers.
Grime- and barb-encrusted bone
Without a hole, without a home,
Wandering post-happiness
Looking for a frog to kiss since
Fantasy is all that's left
In that body, soul-bereft.
You will die, alone, afraid
Time and again, day by day.
Ripped apart by your sentiments
Out-dated, almost archaic,
You fall from grace, all good outshone
By hate you let flourish and grow
Deep down, rising up to scratch
The surface, and just like a match
You are consumed by your own design,
Blotting out all the lines.

You are alone, and you are afraid.
You know, all of this, you made.
You see what your efforts wrought,
What your neglect brought, what your lies bought.
You will die, alone, knowing
The winds of change will keep on blowing,
Over you

And away

Dear star, don't be afraid.
The wings of strange creatures such as you are,
Mangled though they may be,
Will take you somewhere comforting

Eventually.

Running through life,
not knowing exactly
where I'm goin',
or what I'm passing by;

It's always good to lie
down.

The blood in my cries
should let you know that
I'm just like you,
I'll slowly but surely die.

No need to cry,
now.



Solutions
are only
tem po rary,

when you solve
your problems
by being
a *******
clown.



Confusion's
the cornerstone
you'll marry,

if you go in search
for the meaning
behind the hounds.

A senryu is
Just like a haiku, except
It has ******* *****.

Something took away my eyes
Somethin made me forget my lines
What do I do? How will I make it through the night?
Everything in life seems to be passing me by,
I'm losing my mind with the passing of time,
I'm afraid...
                                             ...inside

Too late... to turn round.

Today...   I'll try to be...

Better...

                  Better....

           Than yesterday

Bear witness to this
Filling up of dead space
with dead things
Every word
Lacing disdain
Into a chokehold
Around my mind
Flowing out
Like so many chunks
In a mudslide
Until it stops
Suddenly
Uneventful
Uninspired
All that motion
Held up, choking;

The final thump
Echoes
In the empty room

Watching all the strings fly by
Look at all these knots I tie
Indifference, give it a try
More present than love

Watch as the world flies by
Watch as the doves take dive
Hit the ground in an instant die
A life summed up

You a flower pushed through dirt essentially birthed a soft-skinned element You a flower leathery hide many times died many times died You a **** through concrete grinnin a wayward seed in cracked walkway spinnin with everything else with everything else you turn catch sun and shade again and again and again grinnin and grinnin again and again you turn and turn give birth and die give birth and die while spinnin and spinnin and the world flies by and there you lie lost seed in concrete crack grinnin deep and deeper

I
re
al
ized
I
only
know
one
thing,
and
it's
just a memory now.

just a memory now.

just a memory now.

just a memory now.

just a memory now.

Thanks to your butterfinger slip, we have so much to look forward to.
The happiest little accident in human history; Bob Ross is surely proud.

Don't even think.
I'm here for you.
Just do as I say.
I'll steer for you.
Won't lead you astray;
You must have faith.
I honor, adore, and revere you.
I only ask the same,
in your own little ways.
I am yours as much as anything.
I am always here,
Never far away.
Through every year,
Through every sway.

There's this particular palette of feeling I lost, and now must be satisfied to watch dry.

In flickering light the fire drowned,

Peppering with crackle sounds

The egos of those standing 'round

As their walls came down.

Aged wood cramped up
when once they combed
stars deny the elements
their indifference; mercy
pressing the fibers of
pity to a low and unsteady
hum.

Holding the self hostage
breathing deep
the ashes of
tradition's corpse

Welcome to the wave, the fourth to come through.
The horror and the beauty, equally true.
In its death throes, a self portrait painted.
Kaleidoscope of worn hearts jaded,
Beating anew.
You'll have to choose.
Will you say you're grown or will you say you grew?

Welcome to the days they sang to you.
Where the bars in the cage suddenly move.
The clouds in your head, all but faded.
The flowers in the garden, no longer waiting
To bloom.

Truth be told, don't know where it's headed.
Think we're going up. There I said it.
Follow the current, set by the moon.
Giant for all, from a little by you.

Must.... make my mark...
- - - - - - - -
Lost in the gravity of your...
- - -
Prestation...
- - - - - - - -
I will... Climb...
- - - - - - - -
Pay homage to your...
- - -
Dedication...
- - - - - - - -

All that has bitten has let blood
All that has struck gives in
All that has held lets go
All that has feared now loves
All that was lost now given
All that was stopped now flows

You are the center
Through the heart it will enter
Saturn's task to the sun

Bodies fold in this smoulder, emptying the air from out their heads, evacuating the lingering dread that inside they're already dead.
Souls writhe in this disorder, touching anything that they can, reverberating the color red as the blue fire slowly gets colder.
From where
Did this
Empti  
             ness
Find
A wish
That arms
Could bear?
Every atom clashes, and in this disarray, ecstasy establishes a Winter King's reign.
As these fingers touch this skin, reason goes insane. Following the heat, as aimless as the rain.
How
Does one
Conjoined
Within
Reach  
            out
To heal
To mend?

Whispering denials in the grips of evidence,
The body draws to pleasures in lieu of spiritual penance

I love spending time
on these little writings, so
you can **** on them.

Don't be shy, now. Push.
Show me what you've got, what makes
you feel good inside.

Adorning cliché,
Polishing broken records:
That's how I spin now.

I'm not proud of it.
I think I'm dull, dry, sterile.
A filler, at best.

But please, spare no blow.
You are the only reason
these aren't my last words.

Answers, biological bonds, communication can cause definite decisions demanding dominance, expansion eternally endeavoring enrichment equally for friends, for foes, forever freely giving generously, gemüt gestalt generating genesis growth.

Once

upon a time,
this friend
told me
if I  keep
d e g r a d i n g myself
I'll come to believe it
and I believed him
and I believed  it
already,   so
it wasn't
shocking
or anything
, but

I was already doubting a lot of other things
at the time,
so I
decided
one more
couldn't hurt.

Whatever is left of me,
if you can remember anything
I've ever said,
down any path I've ever
led you, or
wherever you've led me,
if you can see me,
I'm free now,
for this world that is
always taking.

There's no need to lie to me,
there's no need to comfort this
dying fool who
wasted his time, pining in his
prime for a
chance
he knew
would never come.
After all, this
misery was by
design, to save the one
I love.
It's over now, I'm giving up.

I don't want your
sympathy, your
thoughts or your
prayers.
I wish I could illustrate
what I've won from this dare.
How do you
describe something
that isn't
there?
I lean on the hope that
what's left of me,
you'll share.

I took
so
much
effort
bleeding out this
place,
I've
emptied every coffer,
every altar
defaced.
I
scraped
away
the pretty paint
looking for the
matter,
and there it was,
this emptiness, getting fatter.

Now I sink in,
once again,
to this bog
I've been
stuck in,
struggled in,
woke up in,
fell asleep in,
dreamed in,
broke free in,
feared in,
**** and ****** in,
got cleaned in,
once again,
it takes me under.

Nostalgia of the pain,
Honeysuckle of emptiness.

Laughter of ancient jokes,
Transcendent punchlines.

Retrospect obsession,
Jagged edge reflection,

Crystal clear in the hollow nights of hurt.

Lofty existence, spent weighed.
Pounds of electric weather, paid.
Surreal ambiguity, made.
Clarity fades.

A personal ocean deep,
Tears for every wave.

Gritty, draining as the soil most inert.

Fearsome monument.
Terrorism, you call out.
Yet, terror, you spread.

I stand still, getting buried, under pressure, by the sands of time, I am covered, remembered, unseen.

You are up there, getting scattered, over mountains, by the hands of life, you are stripped, made bare, cleaned.

It is my remains you pump to the surface, it is my dead fire that gives yours light.

It is your straining to make villains out of victims, your commitment to love crimes that keeps me reaching through the night.

Meshed into the cosmic fodder.
Torn and strewn; universal lard.
Maybe this is dying...
Oh hi, Moirai!

This pendulating plane,
circumambulating
understanding.

An existential game,
I didn't know how to play.

Went back for round two,
Just to test the subjectivity.
At first I was astounded
By the sheer volume of mystery.

You crushed, you pulled,
You played me for a fool.
All the while, mocking me
Like some bully at school.

Oh hi, Moirai!
No need to hide or disguise.
My eyes are open wide, now.
I'll no longer try to slide out.

Ever since I stepped into this
Buffer between the gross and divine.
Nothing has been the same (lol).
I walk the middle line.

For ****'s sake I can't make anything.
A life full of **** not worth measuring.
Don't be like me, rotting in monotony.
Write your pretty words and spell out love.
Sing your little songs and make your little comments,
Criticizing, inquiring, handing out compliments.
Potential hardly tapped, my drive already spent.
Don't slow to my crawl, fly away like a dove.

The truth unfolded like a snake,
how much venom can you take?
Before you crumble down and break,
Will you admit to being bit,
close your eyes,
and at last, wake?

Why now, why not then
Stuck in the cliché of
"What could've been"

Sun rise, then sun rise again.
A cosmic punchline
For the hearts of men

Breathe in dust and dead skin.
Finish up your ****, and
Do try to grin.

A weakness is in me
and it won't stop eating,
meeting the maker soon,
be sure to ask just who
my anger should go to,
I can't see due to bad weather,
I've noticed it gather
around storms
like they need to be wetter,
so I'm hanging on
to the hopes
for some clerk or
automated
directory
to show me the perks
of the concentrated misery
I sweat out like lighters
after you finally buy one,
when I finally fly out
of my skin
to the sun,
I hope I won
a few
tickets
for something fun
for my special someone
who's memory
is
a **** ton
to be
forgetting
so I don't,
I let it
keep eating.

This crowded rock has shown me
What it means to be lonely
I had my pocket of glee
Misery
Misery

His notion for all this
Commotional,
Sappy, emotional
Dribble and spit,
Bargain-quality ****
Is just catharsis, a
Comical, slightly
Sardonic carnival
Of what it is to be
A man alone, loosely
Wearing his bones with
His heart on his sleeve,
Which is ripped and hanging
From a stick, declaring
His foolish little wish
On which he clings,
Desperately.

It may be fate's cold dish,
Either way, he's sinking