I
re
al
ized
I
only
know
one
thing,
and
it's
just a memory now.

just a memory now.

just a memory now.

just a memory now.

just a memory now.

I don't want to write. I'm not in the mood.
But I have to do it. It's a thing I do.
So, sorry y'all. You'll have to bear with me.
I can't even get drunk right now. Oh the misery.
If you want to skip the *******,
Click down to the ******* squiggley.
I write when the overwhelming reality
Of post-happiness and emptiness surrounds me,
Drowns me in the grip of the undertow
Issuing from all those things I knew
And wouldn't let go of. So they grew
To be stones immovable, the blue
Churning to make room for their slow
Descent into the unknown.
All this is, is my effort to make a bubble.
Whether to signal for help or help myself,
I don't know. I guess whichever is less trouble.
The lovable, down-on-his-luck, real distant
Misfit who knows exactly how to fit in.
I suppose that's me, if you choose to believe
This is me that I'm being. I won't be
Fooled so easily. For indeed I am the fool,
The fool who used his hands
To take food from other lands
And ran on his two feet
After kicking something sleeping.
Something sleeping selflessly.
Something sleeping just for me.
Hell I had to wake it up,
I'm not worth a price so steep.
Everyone should have their chance.
I ****** mine up, so **** me.
~
I told you all to bear with me.
If you've stuck around, that's nice to see.
I don't care either way, the point this is making
Is no point at all. I just need to write.
It's like pressure being taken off a really filled balloon.
It's like somehow quieting down a goin-ape-**** baboon.
Take one is always great, until you record over it with take two.
My lines aren't always great, but you'll snort em up anywho.
I know, I'm all over the place. But these words, they stick like glue.
Maybe that's why I need to write. Maybe that's why I hate it, too.
They never seem to come out right. These words hardly fit any shoe.
Yet, I need something, somewhere to start.
Bleeding heart poet? I'll play the part.
Evolve like a **** to a shart, and become
A mean-spirited thing. A bled heart sum.
A regular in the slums
Breathing trash-burn oxygen.
Looking up at the sun
Wondering where my moxy went.
Burdening my pen,
Which shifts it to the page;
Estranged from the tangle
Now, this unaimed auto-ramble.

I suppose everything should have an end
If only to leave openings to begin again.
But knowing me, I'll probably nail my shin
And fall to the ground, oo-ing and ahh-ing when
It's time for me to get off the stage.
Just take a look at my life, any page.
You'll probably wonder how I've survived on such a wage.
Well, I'm thrifty, *******. I'm insane.
I'm like a perfectly fine cat, but with mange.
You won't touch me, but my own kind will still play.
And if you do, my disease spreads like a plague
And consumes you until there's nothing left but disdain.
Please try to pet me so I can run away.
I want all the attention, without any of the danger.
I know you've fed me....like, every single day.
But that doesn't change that we are both predators.
And that hand that feeds will meet catastrophe
If it happens to wander too close to me.
Cliche time: it's not you. It's me.

So I write and while I'm writing
I find the signs of my demise
Comforting in light of my shortcomings
Falling in place along these lines

Average guy tried to kick the snake, so it bit him
He could feel the venom
A similar incentive

Unnecessary villain
Made necessary by
The collective litter
Turning sweet fruit bitter

His notion for all this
Commotional,
Sappy, emotional
Dribble and spit,
Bargain-quality ****
Is just catharsis, a
Comical, slightly
Sardonic carnival
Of what it is to be
A man alone, loosely
Wearing his bones with
His heart on his sleeve,
Which is ripped and hanging
From a stick, declaring
His foolish little wish
On which he clings,
Desperately.

It may be fate's cold dish,
Either way, he's sinking

I spent all this time
waiting for forgiveness,
Yet it was I
who needed to let go.

I see old friends going on with their lives.
Having kids, some party, others husbands and wives.
Here I sit, reminiscing, can't forget how far I've
Grown from everyone I've ever known.

Time, it slips from open fists.
My mark on the world, a dusty to-do list.
I stand on the edge of a growing distance,
.......................................................­..........

There can't be sharks in chlorine water.
Dip toe just to be sure it's ok,
The temperature, anyway.
Always, always, picking at everything..
Just give in and swim.

The fear of sharks in poisonous water:
give all of your hopes away.
Soon is coming the day when
You'll dive right in to uncover
The true fiend lying in plain sight
Underwater..

Emptiness

Thoughts and prayers

The water that floats is the water that sinks

No forest for the trees, no chain for the links

Polarized penny-****** rubbing clam on hand to seal the deal of sweet body feels, the temple of joy for obtuse bush-beater toy.
Springs of regurgitated hate steep the pores with slime veneer seeping out of the hole you swear holds silver spoons for delivery to the mass's benefit.
Stuffing slits with ignorant mindless droll to make it feel full of life while seeds rot in your gums and thighs, the tides don't curb friction hide.
Polarized poker gives the charge to the joker in the root, rendering the point and the poke moot, popular for being the first smoker, slack grappling super-soaker satisfaction ******* shoot me in my ******* make me feel cute.
Step down to justify rotting apples in the eye, pungent odor from the motor of super-sized ego hoarder. Super-sized meat-fold folder.
Sniff it. Eat the thing. Lift it up to sing, bring me everything for I have nothing. Teeth on petals sting.
**** the stems and never breed.

(A collection, from across time;
for both the pearls and the swine)
-----------

(A letter)

To the walking scar of the eagle star,
You really haven't made it far.
You keep on finding ways to believe
There's reasons you should keep breathing.
From the trees you **** the air,
Stand on life without a care,
**** your waste into the water,
**** away your hopes and bothers.
Grime- and barb-encrusted bone
Without a hole, without a home,
Wandering post-happiness
Looking for a frog to kiss since
Fantasy is all that's left
In that body, soul-bereft.
You will die, alone, afraid
Time and again, day by day.
Ripped apart by your sentiments
Out-dated, almost archaic,
You fall from grace, all good outshone
By hate you let flourish and grow
Deep down, rising up to scratch
The surface, and just like a match
You are consumed by your own design,
Blotting out all the lines.

You are alone, and you are afraid.
You know, all of this, you made.
You see what your efforts wrought,
What your neglect brought, what your lies bought.
You will die, alone, knowing
The winds of change will keep on blowing,
Over you

And away

Dear star, don't be afraid.
The wings of strange creatures such as you are,
Mangled though they may be,
Will take you somewhere comforting

Eventually.

-------
Push away, on the boat
Lift it up, the sail
Cutting through the gray coat
On the river Fear

Looking for the islands I
Know must be there
Places that I love

Places that I care for, and
Reach above
The water I must be careful
to stay out of

-------
(That blues horse)

I've been shown to the water
The waters don't flow for me
I've been down to the water
Followed it to the sea
Knew I couldn't stay any longer
When the tides got mean
Maybe we should call a doctor
I'm drowning
I tell them not to bother
*** I know I must go sometime
and these
Waters

Do flow
-------

I tote a swag, but I don't slay - em.
I got the cards, but I don't play - em.
You'll never catch me out there ballin'
Never receivin any calls and
I buy them bags, n I don't weigh - em.
I get the bills, n I don't pay - em.
I am not on top of ****, but my
Mind my body soul n spliff are lit, I'm
Losing my mind, hear what I'm say-in?
Don't wanna die, but this ain't liv-in.

-------

Almost everybody seems afraid or angry
Raised not to do as done but what they say
Everything's backwards with eyes open, crazy
Violence and abuse, TV-MA

Stay faithful to the system, they'll change eventually
Tomorrow can wait then, it's just another day see?
It's all in the now, you are the center of the happening.
Turn around, smile with your missing teeth, be happy.

Nothing is perfect, so it all meshes perfectly.
Everything is magic, so nothing's magic technically.
The world branches out based on your understanding.
Love. No locks can withstand the key.



-------

Slop on those

little

nuggets of

silent gold.



Lay them out

so maybe

they'll give back

them shoes.


Then I could

run

so fast, you'd think

I took a bite of

young bent's

Mars bar

and didn't get away with it.


This is kind of

like Christmas for me,

When all the gifts

are socks and clothes.

But no shoes.


Or like

when the food you microwave

is burnt along the surface

and frigid in the center

so you get tired of waiting

and just mix it up

vigorously

only to find

that doesn't really work

too well., but,

you knew that.


You'll do it again.

-------
(arbor)

Burning diesel so sour,
Coughing up strawberries
For about an hour, now.
The train done wrecked
And the dream went blue,

Look at what these trees are doing to me

-------
(oml)

Old man Luck never had the roots.
He missed out on many a thing.
He was caught underwing in his first spring,
And so grew used to them walkin boots.

Old man Luck was weighed down
The day that he laid down his
Hopes, and his
Fears, and his
Needs.
Dragging around him
Those dreams that have bound him
To their cold
And lifeless
Remains.

-------
(Gtttttt)

I know you've been wondering
why I do... certain things.
You've only seen a little, and
that's apparently all you need.

Shallow being.

I won't let you make it
water under the bridge.
No, I won't let it be
what you try to make it.
Can't you see? You're fake,
and those aces up your sleeve
are showing. How ugly;
your tricks, foul comments.

Hold

You're blowing it.
Bad signs are homing in.
The seeds you've planted
are splitting with cannibals
that know how to flow with it.
Take control of it.
Take responsibility for your deeds,
see the patterns
and quit ******* ignoring it.

Hold

-------
()

Wake me up now, don't leave me hanging
I don't know how it is I'm found
I haven't seen a trace down here
That's why I'm off the ground

Fill my cup, my soul needs arranging
New Feng Shui, maybe silver-plated clouds
Left to climb. Now I'm left hanging
Maybe I should just jump down


-------


Vintage
maybe one day I'll be
Vintage
With the special plates

The catchy name
The allure
The grace

Vintage

It is a race
Against time

A pace
A sign:

"I will cheat death.
Life's just a ride."

Vintage

Never left behind

-------
(ye)

I'm losing it.
I'm about to give up.
No I won't.
I can't, anyway.

I'll keep on going,
Blood and guts and
Bones and all,
All over the floor.
I've littered the **** out of
**** near every situation
I've ever
found myself in;
Throwing up quietly
at the sight of all this
possibility.

Don't you see?
I'd love to be there.
But for all relative purposes,
I'm not breathing

-------

Body-broken, mind-choked, heart-less monotony

Soul-******, fresh-bled, flesh-less anomoly

Spoiled leftover. Improperly stored meat.
Wolf it down daily. Was it ever sweet?

Tainted courier of a love-less soul,
Bow to oblivion
~~~~~~~
Fgai


I'll keep looking but I won't see
Forget about it
I'll pretend I'm something I don't wanna be
Forget about it

I'm everyone in their cars, in their homes, on the streets
I'm everywhere you are, yea I'm everyone you meet

I'll keep listening but I won't hear a thing
Forget about it

******* the pooch. Hell yeah.
Bundled up in the heat of May,
always wantin' to play, but never do.

The ******* Scrooge. That's me.
Contradicting, let me be.
That's okay, my worries are always true.

Souvenirs never meant that much to me.
Am I blind? is there something to see?
Have I read between
all the wrong lines?
Have I wasted all this time...
tying myself to a, poisonous tree?
I can't believe my eyes.

Watch the news: **** me.
The pain is gone, where could it be?
Traded all my warm colors for blues.

I have to choose,
company.
Every action brings irony.
To see me change would **** my only muse.

Answers, biological bonds, communication can cause definite decisions demanding dominance, expansion eternally endeavoring enrichment equally for friends, for foes, forever freely giving generously, gemüt gestalt generating genesis growth.

You're blowing wind
Into my ear
You're blowing wind
I cannot hear

It's in the air its everywhere
I breathe it in it's on my skin
It's in the air its everywhere


You're blowing wind
Into my ear
You're blowing wind and
I don't care

A soft caress of a palm glide,
A kiss for each temple,
A wispy sigh.

The bugs drink my blood like wine
As I bathe in that moment,
Crystallized in time.

I don't know what I was thinking
I couldn't say what should be said
I think this is why most start drinking

You can't **** what's already dead
It's really got me thinking
Of things that shouldn't be said

General health is sinking
Sunk mind in an ugly head
Rotting teeth start stinking

Look at where love led
Chains of intricate linking
Ironically tied to the tool shed

When the counter's wet
When the sink's a mess
When the floor is sticky
With every step
When the crust is set
When the bugs ain't coy
When molds collect
When disease employs
I won't  clean it.


When the milk spoils
When the cereal is grey
When the veggies are old
When the fruits decay
When the cookies are clay
When the jelly is white
When the bread can't break
When the nuts have mites
I won't throw any of it away.

Inspired to quit.
Perspire and spit.
Let them know it.
Flames grow silent.

Kick a pile of ****.
Track it on the carpet.
Lick a mile of mint.
Try to hide the scent.

Use it for the moment.
Hate it for the moment.
Confused in the moment.
Trade it for the moment.
Abuse it for the moment.
Use it for the moment.
Use it in this moment.
Use it in this moment.

It finds me down,
Out of air and *****.
It finds me sour.
These lemons really ****.

It finds me slipping
On rocks that used to support.
Getting lost in reminiscing:
To this, I now resort.
~
You found me at my worst
And raised me lovingly.
Our ideal bubble burst
And scattered vicious seeds.

So I found a way
To give you wings to fly.
I made myself the enemy
And in the same breath, died.
~
Please stop finding me.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
Let the dead turn in their graves
Away from prying eyes.

Reaper pour the poison steeper than the misty peaks, thicker than their majesty, quicker than the light can reach,
Reaper pour the poison deeper than the mind can think,  sweeter than the tooth can eat, rivers flow and waters meet, undertow come to surround me, pull me out to peaceful sleep

Never could I be so free
to look up at the turning sky,
let go of what let go of me,
and end this with an empty line.

So long did I
Avoid recognizing
This play for
What it was.

No stars aligned,
No fire radiated
A single sign to
Pull me from these lines.

Long ago,
Deep below,
Treasures in the night
Only waited...

What was I thinking?
I could never let this go.
Forever is a long time
To be sinking...

So long have I
Gone without deciding.
So long, dear life
I'll never know...

You                   let                        go.
What it could've been, well, we'll never know.

Line up your memories in a row.
That way, when they fail, you won't
be confused
anymore.

There won't be a single thing left to throw you off your trajectory.
There won't be a single lingering unknown.

Leave it all in a neat little line.
Shouldn't take long, you've barely lived your life.
Disregard the voices in your mind.
Your heart has died, they'll tell only lies.

Let.         It.           Go.
Quit fighting for whatever, God only knows.

Give it up and welcome in the cold.
It's all you have left to hold.

I was accompanied today by a dragonfly
as I rolled through a lot of small-town killers;
Weaving through the headstones my mind laid out
After first impressions marked them all dead.


I was reminded of when I was little,
when a cloud of dragonflies followed me
every day to the bus stop, every day home.
Long before vile things filled my head.

Running through life,
not knowing exactly
where I'm goin',
or what I'm passing by;

It's always good to lie
down.

The blood in my cries
should let you know that
I'm just like you,
I'll slowly but surely die.

No need to cry,
now.



Solutions
are only
tem po rary,

when you solve
your problems
by being
a *******
clown.



Confusion's
the cornerstone
you'll marry,

if you go in search
for the meaning
behind the hounds.

Meshed into the cosmic fodder.
Torn and strewn; universal lard.
Maybe this is dying...
Oh hi, Moirai!

This pendulating plane,
circumambulating
understanding.

An existential game,
I didn't know how to play.

Went back for round two,
Just to test the subjectivity.
At first I was astounded
By the sheer volume of mystery.

You crushed, you pulled,
You played me for a fool.
All the while, mocking me
Like some bully at school.

Oh hi, Moirai!
No need to hide or disguise.
My eyes are open wide, now.
I'll no longer try to slide out.

Ever since I stepped into this
Buffer between the gross and divine.
Nothing has been the same (lol).
I walk the middle line.

**** this funny bone.
It always finds a corner
Every single day.

Married to the criminal;
Married to the saint.
Eventually the dreams are grinded;
Seasoning for the steak that
finds its way to the plate
Every single night.
When will I wake?, you say
as you take a bite.
'Tis all, I'm afraid, she replied
as she raised her knife and
portioned out her life.

A tear fell away;
The steak was seasoned, right?
Just another day,
A husband and his wife.

Bear witness to this
Filling up of dead space
with dead things
Every word
Lacing disdain
Into a chokehold
Around my mind
Flowing out
Like so many chunks
In a mudslide
Until it stops
Suddenly
Uneventful
Uninspired
All that motion
Held up, choking;

The final thump
Echoes
In the empty room

I was wrong, I see.
My water mixes poorly
With the flame of you.

Don't even think.
I'm here for you.
Just do as I say.
I'll steer for you.
Won't lead you astray;
You must have faith.
I honor, adore, and revere you.
I only ask the same,
in your own little ways.
I am yours as much as anything.
I am always here,
Never far away.
Through every year,
Through every sway.

When you go, I'll be
getting comfortably
carefully
closer to my grave

When I lay
the last time
it will be
like any old day

Humming to a tune that only buried men can sing.
Tell me when the music stops and where I begin listening.

When I'm picking through the treasure dug up from the ground,
Tell me there's some meaning when the lightning touches down.

And if in spite of everything, the world, it spins again..
Is there anything to lose and what is left to win?

All this fear, would be accepted, if there was something left to lose.
All this anger, would be welcomed, if there was anything left to break.

Must.... make my mark...
- - - - - - - -
Lost in the gravity of your...
- - -
Prestation...
- - - - - - - -
I will... Climb...
- - - - - - - -
Pay homage to your...
- - -
Dedication...
- - - - - - - -

So I see
Somehow,
Maybe
Accidentally,

You found
a key;
A suspicious
Mystery.

Head in the clouds,
As if
On a mountain's peak.

Bring up what is down.
Also,
Other way around.

Do not be meek.
No time. Just speak.

Feet on the ground,
As if
On a mountain's peak.

This is where the body goes.
Where are the brains?
Where's the heart n soul go?
It comes from within? Oh.
Way to make me feel stupid, bro.
I know I have those things,
Head chock full of tube grains,
Barely beating heart and
A black soul.










All this bearing is making me cold,
Like a bag of forgotten coal,
Dying to smolder and blow away;
Smother this stranglehold.
I don't have the words, I know.
I just know where the title is,
And I know where the body goes.

Sticks and stones make homes,
Which hold a far greater threat
Than broken bones.

No secrets to find.
No mystery to inspire.
One blasphemous road.

No guilt, no lessons.
No growth, no revelations.
Sleep and dream their dream.

Heaven costs life.
The very act of life: sin.
The irony: lost.

You must be jealous
Of my ability
To control my stream
Like a laser beam

You must be miffed
That I can scratch
As casually as my back
My holy sack

There must be envy
When, in the snow,
I write in cursive
My name in yellow

I must be mean
If I aim at you
Or maybe it's a blessing
Either way, they're just shoes

I usually sit
But I'm no lady
Call me crazy,
I'm just lazy



Just be glad
When you're aroused
You can walk around
Without walking funny,
hunny

I have been clothed
in despair; the
Golden circle
Crowning me.
I have known the
Silver tongue; the
bridge that's been there
All along.

I have been clothed
in fire; the
Golden glowing
like a brand.
I have met her,
touched her hand, and
Let her know I
Understand

Slam some clam
Catch some ******
Pound some mound
Traverse the meat purse

Heave the wizard sleeve
Slip into some snipper
Push on the bush
Dine on the wavy line

Stab at the grabber
Lick the prickle
Hit the slit
Slap the trap

Splash into the ****
Embellish the crevice
Wrench the trench
Budge the drudge

Sink it in the pink
Swish some fish
Stir some fur
Plunk some dunk

Root the coot'
Revel in the bevels
Loosen the pin-cushion
Feel up the lip cup

Drop on the crop
Press the crest
Rout the pout
Rub the slick muffin

Ride the great divide
Stick it in the bald biscuit
Brave the love cave
Rough up the bunny tuft

Power the flower
Sock the wallet
Ruffle the pink truffle
Rock the tackle box

A wall
stands tall
before me

Blocks
my sight
from truth

Grips me
like
fine honey

Stands strong
without
proof

All-knowing,
all-
denying

Dirt floor,
Sistine
roof

This wall
seems to be
growing

Growing where
flowers
grew

Flowers sown
with heavy
stone

The wall
puts them
to use

A weakness is in me
and it won't stop eating,
meeting the maker soon,
be sure to ask just who
my anger should go to,
I can't see due to bad weather,
I've noticed it gather
around storms
like they need to be wetter,
so I'm hanging on
to the hopes
for some clerk or
automated
directory
to show me the perks
of the concentrated misery
I sweat out like lighters
after you finally buy one,
when I finally fly out
of my skin
to the sun,
I hope I won
a few
tickets
for something fun
for my special someone
who's memory
is
a **** ton
to be
forgetting
so I don't,
I let it
keep eating.

Bleed life dry, savior.
Set up shop and pay no rent.
Vacate the premise.

Go ahead, do it.
Leave me pondering "what if"s
An endless wallow...

Consider me gone.
There is nothing left for me
In this shell of fear.

Some days ago I realized I'm only getting older
So I tried to be bolder, shake the whole world off my shoulders
My failure has only made me colder
The fire inside, unfed and dying
I can't keep track of all the times I tried to hold her memory
Tried to forget all the lies I told her, silly
And all the lies told to me I let them roll over
Like Sisyphus and his boulder, forever crushing my four leaf clover

Deceit bred a hate I held dearly
A fear grew from what I'd see if I ever saw clearly
I drink what I drank and deny insanity
Still hoping for the change to spawn from monotony

To be continued, I'll see you when I see you
Today tonight tomorrow, next year, anywho
I'll still be a fool and you'll still be a queen
A jester in your court till the fat lady sings