It finds me down,
Out of air and *****.
It finds me sour.
These lemons really ****.

It finds me slipping
On rocks that used to support.
Getting lost in reminiscing:
To this, I now resort.
~
You found me at my worst
And raised me lovingly.
Our ideal bubble burst
And scattered vicious seeds.

So I found a way
To give you wings to fly.
I made myself the enemy
And in the same breath, died.
~
Please stop finding me.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
Let the dead turn in their graves
Away from prying eyes.

I had plans, I had dreams.
I have venom, I have nothing.
I was healthy, I was clean.
I am sick, I am *****.
I could walk, I could run.
I can lie; be no fun.
I would try, I would do.
Now I fester, now I brood.
If I leave, If I go,
Would you care, and tell me so?
This is where I would restart
If I had a brain or heart.
But they were both claimed long ago
Because my being tells me so.
I should breathe, get off my chest
This wicked thing of pure regret.
It's arrested me. Sentenced me to death.
Am I hopeless now? No chances left?
Just shackled down to all that's left
Of this empty life, all stained bereft?

Buddy-buddy up to the riff-raff rat pack.
Those self-entitling, blind-as-a-bat Big Macs.
Get your free ride, legs spread valley-wide.
But don't give me your empty "hello"s and "goodbye"s.

I've broken my back to earn this measly stack
And I'll probably burn it up like I'm addicted to crack.
A dollar here, dollar there. Oh no, it's all gone.
It's about that time for you to hear the fat girl's song.

Do you. I'll do me. We're not compatible, see?
I just want to burn trees and make melodies.
I'm not sure what you want, I can't hear you clearly.
Perhaps remove from your mouth that gold-nugget D.

Leave me alone. You smell of regret and greed.
If you weren't so ******, this might be flattering.
I'm sure there's some good in you, some decency.
But I've learned my lesson following these "maybe"s.

If I've grown cold, I prefer to see it
Like I just appreciate the warmth all the more.
Bought and sold, bought and sold. I'll keep on believing
silver linings, disguised blessings. Hmm..

The window, or the door?

I feel like the bug you caught on your vacation.
An inconvenience, besides positive comparison.
Never worry where I'm going,
Never wonder where I've been.
I'm off the deep end, nowhere to begin.
I am pariah, one that
nobody's missing.
Touch me/Don't touch me:
My mad confliction.
To confuse and abuse is not my intention.
I Just have this scratch,
And I can't ******* itch it.

Rolling over for
Evil imagination
Every morning. Still

Affording space to
This once-welcome memory;
Feeding the hollow

Bear witness to this
Filling up of dead space
with dead things
Every word
Lacing disdain
Into a chokehold
Around my mind
Flowing out
Like so many chunks
In a mudslide
Until it stops
Suddenly
Uneventful
Uninspired
All that motion
Held up, choking;

The final thump
Echoes
In the empty room

I steal.
I barter.
I trade.
I'm not martyr.
I gamble, and
With a sleight of hand,
I hope to win my promised land.