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Persephone Faust May 2018
My dreams have filtered you in again.
I thought for a second it was safe to sleep.
When I close my eyes, it’s always your face I see.

I open my eyes and stare into blue.
I see your mouth form the words,
“I love you.”

Like an idiot, I smile.
Like a fool, I believe.
Like a child, I trust.

When I wake up I am shaken,
Because I let you in.
I thought I got rid of these memories,
But you keep finding a way to break in.

These memories are painful,
You and me,
Skin on skin,
Tangled beneath the sheet.

Your lips on my neck,
My hands on your back,
Your breath on my skin,
My heart beating fast.

This is making my head spin.
I’m sliding down the wall.
I’m sitting here staring blankly,
As my heart relives it all.

I can’t stop my breath from catching.
I can’t stop the tears as they fall.
The good isn’t all that I see.
The bad won’t be stalled.

These memories are wrecking me,
Me and you,
Yelling and shouting,
Slamming separate doors.

My tears spilling into my hands,
Your form silhouetted in the hall,
My hands shaking,
You walking out that door.

My head is pounding,
I’m feeling very sick,
I’m sitting here on my knees
Heaving these memories,
To flush away.

Finally I am breathing,
The tears have gone,
The movie is over,
But I’m still alone.

There will always be a million “what if’s”.
There will always be a memory of you,
But if I can stand up after this?
I can get over you.

As I lay down in bed,
I’ll turn the light off,
I’ll take that deep breath,
And close my eyes again,
And let my mind wander with ease.
Persephone Faust May 2018
I’m not ready to talk to you,
I’m not ready to hear what you have to say.
Everything that comes out of your mouth,
Is an unapologetic excuse,
Of how things need to be your way.

You’ve never approved of the person I am.
You’ve never given me the respect I’ve given you.
I’ve always had to apologize for everything,
But you never take responsibility for you.

Everything is a fight with you.
I have to fight to be heard,
I have to fight to be held,
I have to fight to be loved,
It’s depressing and sad.

What kind of a mother,
Would let her daughter beg for love and affection?
I came to you on bended knee,
Dying for your attention.

But I’ll never measure up,
To your golden child,
Your first born,
The only child you’d do anything for.

Around you, I turn into a person I don’t like.
I feel invisible,
I walk on eggshells,
I’m defensive all the time,
I cry myself to sleep,
Because inside, a part of me is dying.

I’m over this feeling I get,
The worthless feeling in me.
You use me to see your grandchild,
Do you ever just want to see me?

Is there anything you like about me at all?
You created a checklist of things,
All of which I keep inside my head,
I dress in t-shirts and baggy jeans,
“Just for once can you look like a girl please?”
I keep my hair short,
And that makes you steam.

There is only so much of me I can offer,
Before I am no longer a person.

The rejection and negativity,
I cannot handle,
You diminish the fire in my soul,
Like you blow out a candle.

I just want you to look at me,
And see all this love I have for you.
But most of my life I gave unconditional love
To a stranger...
So who am I to you?
It’s been a long time coming, this poem has been.
I’m almost 26 and have no concrete relationship with my mother.
Persephone Faust May 2018
They told me you were a hurricane,
But they wouldn’t tell me what class.
When I looked  at you, all I saw,
Was a gentle and perfect piece of glass.

My mind ran away with my cloud nine dreams.
I thought I was safe in your ocean,
With the sunrise in reach.
The waves became erratic and the perfect,
Illusion was shattered,
Nothing was what it seemed.

You unraveled beneath the surface,
Unleashed all your rage.
You reached up from the depth and capsized my boat,
With the perfect destructive wave.

I could hear the thunder,
See the lighting streak across the sky.
I could see all your lies and illusions,
Dance across your eyes.

I dove beneath the waves,
Trying to reach you,
And soothe your heart,
To whisper, “I love you.”
Like I have from the start.

I loved you as a hurricane.
But I loved you more as a man.
I even loved your destruction,
Even the lies you had me eating out of your hand.

But it’s time for change.
Time to say goodbye to the destruction and lies,
I want to set sail in a new boat,
And watch that sun rise.
Persephone Faust Mar 2018
You got your hand in your pocket,
The other holding mine.
I cannot begin to describe,
What it means to me,
When our hands are intertwined.

You’ve been in my life for years now it seems,
And I’ve fallen in love with you completely.
My scars don’t make a difference to you,
You see them, and kiss them too.

Where did you come from?
Your like heaven on earth.
I swear I could be happy with you,
Till they bury me in the dirt.

My heart beats like crazy,
And the butterflies swarm,
When the sun goes down,
And I fall asleep in your arms.

Your a beautiful soul,
Sounds insane buts it true,
I cannot seem to get the right words out,
When it comes to describing you.

You shifted my world on its axis point,
Everyday I’m with you,
I always see the stars.

This is destiny,
You and me are fated to be,
It all becomes so clear when you kiss me.

You’re the missing piece in the puzzle,
The big picture I’ve been dying to see,
Everything that never made sense,
Makes sense now that you’re with me.

I’m crazy about you,
I’m tripping over my feet,
I’m day dreaming at work,
Thinking about the next time we meet.

This is real,
This love,
I’ve never been more sure.

I never thought I find anyone,
Let alone someone just liked you,
I will love you for the rest of my life,
If you want me to.

I was born with a purpose,
To find you, and love you,
For the rest of our days,
You and I will be together forever,
It’s a promise I made.

You are everything I thought you be and more,
You got me, all of me, both feet are in the door.
This is my promise,
To you, the love of my life,

To hold you everyday, even when the sky rains and turns grey,
To speak softly, when I’m mad,
To cry on your shoulder when I’m sad,
To be ur strength when you need me the most,
To be the woman who stands strongly by your side,
To build you up, when you feel like life is a lie,
To kiss a smile on those perfect lips,
To hug joy into your heart,
To put a fire in your soul,
To love you unconditionally until I’m old,
And when it’s time to say goodbye to this life,
I’ll be right there next to you in heaven,
When you open your eyes.
Persephone Faust Mar 2018
It use to be easy to love you,
I really wanted to hate you,
I use to be lost without you,
But I don’t know what I should feel for you.

You left me,
You came back.
It was the beginning of a pattern,
I accepted without question.

Then California came into your mind,
And I’d knew you’d leave one last time.
There was no coming back,
There was no goodbyes,
I laid in the corner of my bed and cried.

But you were gone,
You didn’t care.
The emptiness you left in me,
Grew into something more.

You cracked the foundation,
The foundation of me.
You stole my heart,
Out of my chest, and watched me bleed.

You said you loved me,
Claimed to care.
But when I really needed you,
You were never really there.

I was nothing to you.
Just a person for you to use.
You’re the devil in disguise,
You build your future on lies.

Your lies gave you a power.
And I fell for you in my weakest hour.
You built me up,
Just to toss me aside.

You assumed I was fragile,
And I will admit I was.
My remains were shattered,
Broken on the ground.

But I picked myself back up,
When you left town.
No I will never get the,
Pieces of me I gave to you freely.

I don’t want them back.
Keep them, trash them,
Put them on a shelf and stare,
I’m like the tin man,
With no heart,
So I don’t really f*ing care.

I rebuilt myself stronger,
Replaced my old brain,
Stole courage from a lion,
I roar now without pain.

It’s like clicking my heels,
And saying there’s no place like home,
I’ll leave my memories of you in a basket,
On the dirt road where we once started from.

This isn’t Kansas,
This isn’t Oz,
This is the rebellion of my long lost heart.
Persephone Faust Mar 2018
It was simple with you
And I miss it that way
Waking up to your smile made my everyday
Being your friend was never going to be enough
It’s true what they say, you cannot help who you love
Maybe I should...

It was difficult to love you
But I miss it all the same
I got to witness your demons
And I felt your pain
But you hide behind a mask
Maybe you shouldn’t...

Together, it was a disaster
Together, we were a mess
I say I love you
You know when I say it, that it’s true
But when you say it back
All I hear is, “ Goodbye to You.”
Maybe you should...

With nothing to say, you turned around and left
I felt my heart shake, then it shattered
I’m tattered and torn, left broken on the floor
But my love just wasn’t enough for you
I have words to say, the ones that could make you stay
Maybe I shouldn’t...

But in the end,
My Heart,
My Soul,
My Love,
My Words,
We’re. Never. Enough. To. Make. You. Stay.
Maybe they should have been...
Persephone Faust Feb 2018
You took my hand
And softly whispered in my ear,
“Come away with me.”
I asked you where we’ll go,
Your reply,
“Somewhere only we know.”
I asked you if it was an adventure,
Laughing, you cupped my face,
And told me,
“It’s always an adventure when I’m with you.”
So I followed you,
Through the trees that were painted white,
Past the stream where it flows over pebbles,
By the rustic cabins with broken windows,
Away from the well worn paths,
Where nobody dares to wonder.
And we found ourselves,
In the one place we wanted to be,
Away from the world,
Lost in the woods,
In a field of wildflowers,
Laying on a blanket,
Staring into each other’s  eyes,
As the world just falls away.
Just you and me,
In the only place I want to be,
Somewhere Only We Know....
I’m a hopeless romantic and often I day dream. This poem is the outcome of that day dream.

— The End —