I wonder why schools teach us past
Not present

They teach us old
Rarely new

They never ask us what we want to do
They dont base what they teach
On who we want to be

They teach us the things they 'think' we need
All the while disregarding who we are
Individually

They base our grades on how much we pay attention
But if you're like me
Too creative to follow standards
Too creative to be the same as every other person
Your mind won't focus
It'll wander

I wonder why we have to all be the same
Why we have to 'fit in'
In order
To be noticed
In order
To be "cool"

The world is teaching us that in order to succeed
We must be the same
As every other person before us

But I will not live by society's teachings

You go from tired
To dying

You go from not wanting to eat
To not being able to

You go from not wanting to wake
To staying in bed all day

You go from skipping a shower every few days
To showering
Maybe once a month

You go from unmotivated
To incapable

You went from tired to dying
And no one noticed

I
Am going from tired to dying
And everyone around
Chooses to ignore
The look in my eyes
Or more so
The look that's not there

The wait starts to fade

You may be asking
The wait for what?

The wait for happiness
The wait for a real smile

The wait for these things
Is starting to fade

Soon I will no longer have to wait
And that's
Because of you

You have started gathering
The broken pieces of my heart
And so far
You have about half

And right now
I'm hoping
One day
You'll have them all

Then piece me back together

You broke me

You broke me with your words
And you broke me with your gaze

You told me you loved me
Then became distant for days

You broke me with your habits
And addictions

You took my heart
And wrapped it in flames

Maybe you thought that
Would warm it back up
But all it did
Was burn it apart
And now it's in ashes
So I can't fix it
Because

You
Broke
Me

Eternally

Confused
That is what I am
About everything
That has to do with you

Because I know
You will never want me
Because I'm not your type
Nor am I a typical girl

But even so
I have to say this
Because if I don't
I'll end up telling you everything

Your smile is like a cold
It's contagious if you get too close
But unlike a cold
It draws you in

Your voice is like the sun
It fills me with warmth
But the minute it's gone
I become cold again

You hugged me one time
And it was like nothing before
Every bad feeling just flew out the door
That's when I knew I loved you
But I cant say a thing

So
I will observe you in painful silence
And cherish every word
Every gesture
Every glance
Every feeling
Hoping one day
It won't just be me
Feeling this way
But I know that's just a stupid fantasy

So every night
And every morning
I'll stay in silence
And put on a mask of false hope
And cover my mouth with restraining lies
Until one day I falter

Until that day I will lay awake
Every night
Thinking of you
Because you occupy my every thought
And keep me awake with thoughts of being called yours
And
Every morning
I'll wake up tired
But with hope that
Maybe I'll see you today
Maybe
Just maybe

I’m falling
Not physically
But mentally

I know you want to catch me
I know you want to save me
But you can’t anymore

I have fallen too far
I have fallen
Past the ground
Past the clouds

Wait-
That’s up

I thought you said you were falling?
I am

I’m not falling down though
I’m falling up
Because I have fallen so far down
I have gone past the middle
And started falling up

Now
I am up
In space
And I can’t breath here

Physically I am still here
In my bed
At my house
With my dog

But mentally I’m in a void with just me
Nothing else
Just me and the darkness that holds me captive

Physically I can move
Mentally I’m stuck

Physically I can scream
But mentally I’m held back

Physically I can speak
But mentally all I can speak of
Is the easy
Never the true

Physically I’m alive
But mentally
I’m

LOST

Hey
I say

Two hours later
Or maybe even more
You reply
You say
I was busy
I say ok
We talk for maybe thirty mins
Then once again
You say you have to go

Where have you been going?
That's what I wanna ask
But I don't wanna be one of those clingy *** girlfriends
That no one wants

But that's who I am
So why don't I show it?
Because I mean I already have
But even so I still try to hide it

But please
Tell me why
And tell me where
You have been going
Cause you have been distant lately

Youre getting
Further
And further
And further
Away

We used to hang out almost every day
But it was two weeks before friday
So how long will the wait be
This time?

It's already been two days
Which isn't bad
But the longer I wait
The more I get sad
Because the longer I wait
The more I feel you will leave
And find someone better
And I'll never know where you met her

Distant
So
So
So
Distant
But why?

You told me yesterday
And since then all I wanna do is cry

Because it's my fault
And now I don't know how to fix it
So im sorry
But im breaking my promise
Cause the only thing that'll make me calm
Is the splitting of skin
And the smell of sin
As blood drips down along and around my wrist

Along with every forgotten wish

I say
Sorry

I get no reply
Because you're busy

One day
I'll saygoodbye
But once again
I'll get no reply
And you'll be too late