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Raven Jul 2
Why eat
When it will just rot
Inside of me
Feed the maggots already feeding
On all of the rotten feelings

I want to break my hand
That already may be broke
So maybe just break it further
Break it until all thats left
Is an appendage hanging limp
Is that a hand?
I can't tell
My brain demands

I want to
Claw
Beg
Scream
Bite
Drag you back here
Into this dark place
With me
So that you can brighten it
Back up
Being me back into reality
But I fear I'd steal all the light
You have to give
And leave you
In darkness

I want to lay in the grass
In the middle of a forest
And never move
While I slowly
Rot
Decay
And become soil
For the earth
Until I'm nothing
But a pile of bones
And then maybe I could get up again
Start up my life again
Without all of these feelings
O
  N
    A
      N
         D
            I
        N
     S
   I
D
E
O
  F
My body

I want to paint my room red
With every feeling
That wishes to spill out of me
Let them free
Let them seep
Into everything around me
I want to paint my room red
With this metaphoricality
July/1/2025
Raven Jul 2
I want to write a violent poem
But the words won't come out
They won't flow

I want to write a violent poem
To display every voilent feeling
Eating away at me
July/1/2025
Raven Jul 2
I like who you are over text
With me
But I'd like to leave
Out the rest

The person over text
Is never the person
Infront of me
Atleast not verbally
As that's really
The only comparison
There is
When all you are is an existance in my head
And over text

I like who you are over text
With me
But I'd like to leave
Out the rest

You're different
When you're physically
Here
Sharing a space with me
But maybe not

Maybe it's me
Maybe I'm uncomfortable
With the physicality
Because the only physicality I want
Is him with me
July/1/2025
Raven Jul 2
I want to write poetry
Until my hands bleed

Pour out my soul
Until I'm empty
Give up every piece of me
Until me
Is no longer left

But instead
I WAIT
While I silently
And secretly break

Wait for what?

I wait for every day
To go dark
Alongside me
So that I can step outside
And actually breath

I wait for the dark
To go outside
So that it can
Consume me
Hold me
Own me
July/1/2025
Raven Jul 2
Beginning or end
Where do I place them first
My hands a part of me
But seperate in this story

Beginning;
A secret reason
A want to keep the reason
Close to me
And nowhere to be seen

End;
Easy to talk about
But emotionally hard to deal with
Feelings
And thoughts
Flowing into everything around me
Turning them instead
Into these lines of poetry

Beginning or end
Where do I place them first
Hands broke and torn
Hands held ever so gently
Which to have you hear about first

Typically the beginning
Is where all things start
But let me start you
At the end instead

End;

I sit on you as I smile
Goof around
And laugh with you

But then a faltered gaze
Staring lower at where my hands rest
Near your chest

You don't look away

I look down
I frown
I ask you what
Already knowing the answer
You know I know too
So all you do
Is softly
Ever so gently
With all the care in the world
Take my hand with yours

You look back up at me
While holding it against yours
You hold my gaze
I falter
But I won't break

You ask me
"Why?"
The tone of your voice
The hurt
The care
In your gaze
Almost causing me to
B
  R
    E
      A
        K
But I don't
I won't

I know you saw that
All in the seconds
Where it unfolded
But I quickly recover
I breifly show you the other
Your gaze ever so gentle
So caring

I joke then
Break the serious with a stupid
Quip then

I can tell
You haven't let it go
But you let the jokes flow
And you don't ask me another
Question that leads into my soul

Beginning;

You brush past me
Hands in contact
Very briefly
I move on
I don't focus

Next day
Events that make me feel
Like my hands
Are ever so completely useless

These hands
Ever so worthless
These hands
Unable to execute a plan
To get me moving and out of here

I blame my hands
Even though there is no plan
For them to follow
And my brain cannot come up with one
Aswel as neither can my therapist
Or the universe

But these hands
Take no actions
For safety
For protection

I look at them
And they're useless
Seperated from me
But part of my body

I tell them to move
They do
But all the times it mattered
Not even a twitch
Just a tiny little itch
But no movement

Useless
Worthless
Stupid
Silly
*******
Hands

They have been of no actual use to me
I wish to harm them and seperate them
Away from my body

One
Two
Three
Four
One hundred
Or a thousand more

Hands now red
Stained
Bleeding
Dead

Not an entity
Entirely on their own
But now an entity
To me on my own

No care or thought in my brain
About anyone seeing or caring
Because they don't truly see
Or look at me

Beginning and end
Beginning to blend
You saw
You looked
And I almost broke
Right there
Infront of you
Spilled the secret beginning
That simply stays in my head
And haunts the background of my being
Enshrouded in a cloud
Of denial
And misbelieving
July/1/2025
Raven Jun 23
Why is my body the only thing
That I care about when I'm
SAD

The only thing I wish to
Desecrate
When everything is
BAD

When all I can think about
Is the blood
Covering my hands
I see it on my body
Dripping down
Then hiding it behind
This hoodie
Or those pants

When all I can think about
Is white flesh
Burning
Peeling off
My body is whats underneath it all

But my body is also what takes the fall
When my brain flips
That switch
And wants to be desecrated
By anothers lips

I curl up under this desire
To be underneath you
Consumed by your lust

My body takes the fall
When my brain flips that switch
Turn the pain
The misery
To longing
And wanting

Longing
For your gentle kisses all over
Soothing the fire
And desire

Longing
For your hands grazing me
Soothing the crying
And dying

Longing for your soul merging and mingling
Soothing the rotting
And decaying

Longing for your body inside of mine
Soothing the bleeding
And breaking

Wanting
And clawing
And begging
For your hands around my throat
Obeying your every command

Wanting
And clawing
And begging
To be under your control
Hands tied
Cuffed
Secured

Wanting
And clawing
And begging
To be desecrated
By your desires
And your words

Drag the blade over my body
As I bleed for you
And not for me

Burn the candle brighter and hotter
As my skin warms and burns
For you
Not for me

Say degrading words
That you don't mean
Not from my head
But from your voice
Sinking deep within

When the desire flips
From desecrating myself
To you turning mine into yours
Body no longer belonging to me
June/23/2025
Raven Jun 23
Tonight I breath with you
Same air
Different area
Tonight I breath with you
And feel the love
I once knew

However I know
That tomorrow
That air will once again become seperate
Like we're strangers
That never breathed in each other's
Secret whispers

Tonight I breath with you
And remember
When my heart beat
And my body
And my breaths
All aligned with you

Until tomorrow
When its like
I never molded into your arms
And folded into your heart
Wriggled and writhed
Until I fit

Tonight I breath with you
And I take every breath
Carefully
Engraving every bit of oxygen
That carries a piece of you

Until tomorrow
A day anew
No scent of you
June/23/2025
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