I won't leave until you tell me
That you don't want me

I won't leave until you find
Saying my name
Exhausting

I won't leave until you
Let go of my hands
My love

You make want to write poems
About you
Until my hands fall apart
Crack
Bleed
And break

My love for you is the kind
That poets read about
In the middle of the night

It's not pretty
Or wholesome

It's not magical
Or perfect

Its raw
Dripping red
It makes ur throat close
Steals your breath

It's not pretty
Or wholesome

It's not magical
Or perfect

It grips
It claws
It smiles
It laughs
It cries
It sobs
It dances
It sings

But most of all
It stings

It stings in all the right ways
It stings in the back of the throat
In the middle of your thoughts
In the front of your heart
In the corners of your eyes
And all over when you shiver
From the depth of how it feels

My love for you is not the kind in love songs
Or movies with happy endings
My love for you is not the kind in fairytales
Or plays with depictions of forever

Its raw and it bleeds all over the place
Affecting everything with a clumsy sort of grace
It closes off your throat and makes you breathless
With every kiss and every held down tear

My love for you is beautiful in the way of poetry

I will forever write about you
My love

I will forever cherish every smile
Every touch
Every word
Every intamate act
Every kiss
Every laugh
Every hangout
Every frown
Every tear
Every fear
Every thought
Everything about you
My love

I will forever wish to call you mine again
And if I get that wish granted
I will never let you out of my sight again
My love

I will whisper your name into every single section
Of my body
And my brain
"My love
My love
My love
My love
My love"

You've got me trapped here
Like a caged animal
Frozen in fear

Every move u make
Every noise u create
Has me rigid and scared
Like an animal in a cage

You step in my direction
And I try to back away
You step in my direction
Briefly place a hand on me
And I feel like a hunted animal
Stuck in a trap
That's been placed around me

You are the hunter
And I am the prey
But you don't hunt me to devour
You hunt me to keep you company

I am a coyote that you've tried to turn into a dog
You fiddle and muddle me
To fit me into what you want me to be
You put a collar on a wild animal
To make me seem more tame

When I can no longer behave like I dog
And I lash and attack like the wild animal you trapped
You place me in a cage
And abuse me
Until I can once again become your dog

I study your every feature
So that I can embalm it in my memory

I do up your buttons as you ask
But then undo them again
So that you'll ask me all over

I kiss you like its my last breath
As I consume every ounce of you
Against my mouth

I carress your skin
Feeling every bump
Every curve
Every flaw
In hopes I don't forget you
Within my soul

I touch your face
As I drink in how your skin feels
So that maybe I can feel it
Within mine

I give you every left over ounce
Of my emotional availability
So that you can remember me fondly

I give you every left over ounce
Of my love and affection
So that you can remember me
The way that you loved me

I know this is it
I know you'll be gone
So in our last moments
Let me embalm every inch of you
And engrain it into me
Before I'm gone

When you inevitably leave
All that I ask
Is that you don't destroy
The home that we built
On your way out

There's too many destroyed homes
Within me already

When you inevitably leave
All that I ask
Is that you don't chip off
A piece of my heart
On your way out

There's too many chipped away spots
Already missing

When you inevitably leave
All that I ask
Is that you don't take
All of the air from my lungs
On your way out

There's too much oxygen already gone
There's not enough to replace it

When you inevitably leave
All that I ask
Is that you close the door gently
All that I ask
Is that you lock the door securely
All that I ask
Is that you move out of the home
Without taking the home with you

I ask
I beg
I plead
I whisper
I scream
I stare
I grasp
I claw
I caress

All in hopes that you hear me
And you see me
And you feel me
Without destroying me

My head and my heart
Refuse to admit
That it was that bad

Even when I remember
I refuse it
With my whole being

Even when I remember
The way I gripped onto you
With every fiber of my being
As I begged you to take it all away

Even when I remember
The way I screamed
With every ounce of air in my lungs
When you became HIM right infront of me

Even when I remember
The way I stared at your face
With no faltering and no break
Just to remind myself that its you

Even when I remember
The way you held me down
With every muscle in your body
As I screamed and hit because he's in my head

My head and my heart
Refuse to admit
That it was that bad
Because then maybe I can forget
Outside of the rare moments
That I remember

Bite my neck
So that I can forget
The way that he would caress it

Choke me
So that I can forget
The way that he would hold me

Abuse me
The way that he never would
When he would use me

Replace the memories
Of his burning love
And toxic touch

With yours
And yours alone

Take wvery time he was gentle
Amd double up on the opposite
As you bite and use me
The way he never did

Shoe me un-gentle
And unkind love
As you replace
Every unwanted touch

I scream into the empty space beyond
"I'M HERE"
But all I hear is my own scream echoed back

I scream out loud
But there is no sound
Except for my own echoes
In my head

Its dark
Empty
Cold
Crushing
And you're the darkness

You're the darkness and he let you back in
With his harsh words
And zero remorse or genuine conviction of care

You're all around me
You completely surrounded me
I can't run
I can't hide
For its endless
And I'm tired

You completely surrounded me
As I drown myself red
To add any colour to this dreadful dark
But it's so dark that nothing could hope to ever see
So the red flows black
Nothing but a feeling
Fleeting
Eating me alive

I scream
"PLEASE HELP I DON'T WANNA DROWN"
But all I hear is a soft voiceless echo
As my cries leave my mouth wordless
So all that can be heard
Is the silent echoes
As I'm swallowed
Now gone