call me now
im an angel in a devils skin
rise from ground
im a devil with an angels wings

call upon me when you feel wealk
im not afraid
call me in i will save you
from those demon fangs

hold you up
the pain is red
my feelings should not be left unsaid
the past is gone
the past is gone

hold me now
your cancer like an open sore
hold me in
be my rose and spare your thorns

dont drown against
the rising tide
my heart is here
let fate decide
and when we are nothing more than
tiny specs
we believe
all these things that make no sense

To whom it may concern
When reading me. Choose to read the preface first. I come with a story. Though not at all rational. I seem
To leap off the page. At certain people and to others fall utterly and tragically short of worth. To some I am a joke. To others a marvel. To few I am completely genuine and forthcoming.
And to most a maze of elaborate discontinue.
I mostly worry about the readers that may interpret my story as grotesque or disfigured. Trying to reshape the way others may see it so hurriedly and desperately that sometimes I forget it was grotesque at times. In my experience one can only truly know him self by severing the bonds between him and society. Only than will he truly know himself. But it comes with a **** load of mental and emotional pain. Tears and heartbreak.
But to live with no secrets is the greatest gift God had ever given me.
And for that I will gladly face rejection from society over and over again.
I want you to imagine for a moment every body knew of every thought feeling and action you have ever experienced. Now imagine everybody embracing you for who you are. No matter the bad *****. You would feel truly blessed. *** we all hide away certain aspects of our self and eventually it becomes so routine that we lose our Devine identity. So no longer are you genuine your a juggler.
I've been this way for far too long. It's time to be real. No matter the consequence. If you embrace me for me. Than I love you right back. If you deem me unworthy than I disagree but I respect your opinion. Truth is if I keep up like this I'm going to die. So let's get real.

Things I primarily don't understand
How you say your a gem. A major 10. I'm a loser. Your the better man
Number 2 is my confusion.
It's the ever illusive
Dan the ******* weatherman.
Call me goof. I suppose.
The formula never consisted of a better plan.
I stand against the weathered glass.
And beg your dad to lick my sweaty ***.
Machete glass.
And paper cuts.
And weapons ..... right....
You ******* bet I'm right.
I'll set your life into a cleaner scene. If your worried your the methy type.
Who gets things messy right.
Who does drugs and drinks most every night
**** the world.
I'm more in line with. Forgive thyself.
On not just one. But on fuckn every night. Before you close your eyes.
And grip your pillow type.
Remind ****.
Not to sit inside the tactile breaches
Of your inner mind.
And sit inside.
Might get a ****** mind.
So left enverose.
Sifts. Like salt or sodium.
You know inside my soul.
The ******* weather's fine.
I created more than mold from clay.
Paint by numbers.
Underrated raps that come in ******* heavy weight...
So admit. Before we catch the snitch like playing quidditch in harry Potter's eyes. You ******* gotta die....
You tattled. I feel bad.
They shouldn't a friggin stabbed you guy
I know you felt bad
But that's what happens
For ratting on your fam.
If you ain't a family guy....
I wish you hadn't done that
Kind of yapping.
***** the tragic type.
But you know what happens
To the cast of magic Mike after they
Get yapping about.
The gals. They ****** back stage.
For cash. Respect and ******* bragging rights

A wise man once said.
Turn a person into a narcissist.
Hell never find a pharmacist
With as much.
Passion. Love and charm he has...
But than again.
When a narcissist looks to hard and ****. Into his own reflection.
He becomes a **** inside the garden of the misfortunate.
It's so stereotyped.
But I support this type of condemnation in a sense but its....
More like even evil ****** like narcissists.
Have a human root.
Like baby groot
Beneath their garments n



I spent time eradicating vampires.
From my fathers barnyard while those fanged retards were always
Starting ****.
Till I learned that food to them. Is the goat they bought to slaughter next.
And we as humans
Eat the goat
So who's a monster to a Martian shitttg.....


It means a killer can change his stripes.
A ****** can change his life.
I car jacker
Or ******* jack can find sanctum in his life
..
It's like the murderes the monster.
But were the ones who made him

Than caged him.
Lifting weights became
his day job.
So he learned to **** people for pay off
*** when he was young his daddy didn't earn as much as Bernie macduff.
He felt inclined to follow friends.
And raid piggy banks
No need for day jobs.
*** thugs he knew
Made more from coke
Than the prime minister made
From taking scams
To fly his plane off....
He swore if he made it out the preversive indifference.
A racially motivated hate mob
Including prisons.
Loan offices and teachers thinking he was way off.
That hed prove that equality exists.
Or at least the semblance.
Of face talks.
With the race topic
Hot buttoned.
Face logic
And he still kills it

Feel his hand in lucid dreams
With human beings
The stupid things I've seen
The mood that's been
A movie scene
That sparkles in a pile of
Thefted rubies. Blue ishgreen
Diamonds
Like a huge of bleeding
Blue that leaves a looming
Rumour onthe topic of
What we thought we knew of things
Foolish me
To pursue any status other than
Of a foolish human being
Who thought he knew too many things
So he could superceded. The
Rules of the supreme
The one who cleans the slate
Of every room untill
The sleeping tomb is clean
For man to rest
Free from doom
He who grew in peace
Who never knew the gruesome beast
Or pledged a word in shadows
Just to change his mood for jesus
I must admit I'm dark
And due for grief
For how I've sewn this seed
For new hope of things
Now I know it's me
That's broke and weak
I mostly speak
Of hope. And getting sober
So many reasons
That god chose me
To be a spoken thought you may recieve.
Though its grandiose of me to leave
A complex I h0nestly believe
I'm both a joker with a poker
Cheat stowed up his sleeve.
And a fire poker prodding burning smoke. From choking fallen trees
That burn
The words of fallout boy
Are to hard to believe
To hear a signal
Never seeing
Your the mirror image of
Every thing you make of decisions
Dreams
And things that you believe.

shiver at the prospect
neath the rivers sky at star let
bargain penny bartered garments
for the naked moonlit marching
im exhausted, to be honest
i am starting to turn nauseas
while the seeds of dreams
between the stars
grow farther from my conscience
while i ponder how i got so wrong
from honouring thy father
im disbonded far from concert of the swan
that song is honest
so here is you

Practically the most amazing.
Proper vernacular is changing
She who once was called a *****
Is now the woman that drives you crazy
And the little girl your raising.

Chasing daisies in the okanagan
But I forgot Alberta raised me
Hard as nails.
So put one in the coffin
But not the day to push up daisies


I'm like coffee in the morning.
While your sitting deep in traffic.
Combination makes you wanna
Get up and dance
Or flip somebody off and get your *** kicked...
Ain't it romantic.
Sleight of hand. Looks like I planned this.
When life comes full circle
Than I... yes I..  young simba will understand it...
I try in life to never treat ppl underhanded.
But don't mistake me for a saint
*** my angel wings
Are satan branded...
Like I'm trying to stop the bleeding
But theres no hello kitty
Bandaids
Boom boom. It's a mission.
Just to get myself a man date
Unappreciated by these guys
Who just want my body.....
**** straight.....
Did you think that I meant mandate
As in mandatory ...directive ...order
I really meant I need a man that wants more than fantasies.. directed... at my *****....
Maybe plan a summer solstice trip across the border...
to see the wall.
Than make a trip. Into the White House. To remove the Donald's *****
But you fools that know it all.
Think racism and hatred ******* fly.
I'm throwing up my flag of pride
And waving high to every
Single race of guy. Inside my naked mind...

Introvert with shady mind...
Border unauthentic...
Cosmic realm on dumb
Intelligence.. on from
Oh I forgot its not hannaukah or Christmas...
Mortal bones
In corpse of sort of broken
Spoken from a former resting

I invest on neck pillows... fly the coop
But I walk on egg shells
I
Unless this bird is nesting....

Similar existence to a home of gifted
Weapon fam...
I detonate a sentence... and the alphabet becomes a weapon man....

Syllables on corrupt but I'm about to faulter...
Illicit vision... simple decision
I'm alone at fathers alter...
And none nut Sargeant omy god
Can save the onslaught martyr....

Bout to break these legs like records
Set in fitness
Fitness whole **** in my stomach
Can I get a witness

Manic stricken. Free lance so listen
Spider man just **** his pants
So get this.
New edition
The snake is hissing
Number one is reminiscing on the ****
He wished he didnt.
Im the ******* with em
A decimal point from going to prison
Shapeshifting. Creating visions
In a matrix prison.
With a dime for resistance.
Delivering narcotics. With a wrist so willfully been slit in segments.
A mindful section turned to acid induced halucinagenic movie pictures movie magnets. Like a cupids strike like lucid nights spent doing every thing we knew was hazard.
And in the losing battle
I refrain from chewing canned tobacco
*** cancers a losing battle
And with the proven status.
I become a texas ranger ******* loose in saddle. Losing shooting battles.
******* lose my data.
Becoming centiped thats groomed to sell so many shoes
Its like its moving gravel.
Kick up dust. In turn its tar
Like cigarettes
Who knew there was ensuing cancer
Callme genius. Its irrelevsnt.
Im detrumental to whats moving after.
I give the noose a nother reason to hang loose before i lose my shadow.
And rvery second ive been eluding to a truth that doesnt hold no answers.
I know your ******* sick of rhyming so ima tell you fools just like im spewing laughter

I dont care if noone likes this just know brooks was here. Back at ya

Drawing her in my mind.
Smoothing the graceful edges of her cheeks rounding like turtle shells.
Rolling down the subtle curves that
Spell her name like sweet poetry in the winter huddle.
Her eyes like whisps of smoke against the roaring flame that runs through her veins.
And i start to scratch the pen against the pad. Knowing in my heart her beauty. From where i see it. Could never be reproduced.

I collected words in search of brilliant minds
scattered like  backwards patterns that I would hurriedly find,
I sat in awe, the pause before the plunge into the deep,
a breathe, with tempting debt, to loan the poems that I need,
discreetly stealing the thoughts of demons at sleep
the teasing trail of fiendish beings dressed as sheep in their fleece
without meaning, I was seeing a story unravel,
a common theme between the beings
that were speaking this channel
and as it baffled me, I woke inside a dungeon of sorts
my skin a canvas for the lies of miniature sport
and AS I finished this game,
the diminished became
a shell of recognition that once hid
behind a sinister frame
so ask me nicely, whats the difference,
the same, I exclaim
im just a little bit different but all this **** is the same

Lil bit of sickness in the red sky.)))))
I thinks it's best I.))))))
Let the lies ride.
And fall back on photographs.
I've collected in my )))))9 lives.))))
*******--- asinine 999intentions.999
Its--- declassified but 666sensitive.666
My mind is fighting for the right time))))
To get this message into
Any bodies right mind.))))
*** and overdose on white whine.))))
With ******* ingestion.
A suggestion**. In your search.
Before you ever ******* fly high ...))))

I'm not in my right mind.))))
**** the lime light.)))))
Maybe I'll be angelic in the future tense.
But for now I'm down to night ride.))))
It's a cause for blood.
And in the mix.^^^^
I hit the  final flat line.))))
And fifty bricks^^^. My eyes.
Are going white. Ohshit.^^^
I think think its finally the right time.))))
To get rid of my addiction.^^^^
Hit the bricks you ******* high life.)))
I don't need a sickness.
Living in my minds eye....)))

Interrogation of my brain
Is useless its a land mine.
I lie. And act delusional.
Its practically my past time.
Delivery en pointe
Like ballet slippers at dance time.
I lose track of seconds.
Redirecting every definition
That exists into a bad rhyme
If little ***** was victory
I'm winning by a land slide.

Break to pay homage
And give honour
To the project
I'm stuck in
Karma's allmamata like a drama
Reincarnate of my father(
Dropping less sense and dollars than
Fenty addicts pocket.*
I mean stuff my little *** till I'm dripping out your hot stuff...*
I may look like a gangster
But dress me up. **** I'm a model....
Blonde wig with pink lips.
And the body of a goddess.*
Think **** slips.
For a tick
I'm talking honest...
While the clock makes more ******* wishes. Than
A muslims hottest mistress...))))
**** is like a taught out lesson...)))))
I'm like modest in description)))))
I could **** my own ****
Before I ever went to college *******.)))
Get it...
you guys got good brain.
Like I gave my ****. knowledge isn't it...
Don't mean I'm different.
**** your husbands prolly wishing.
I go alien autopsy on his ****
And his **** **** up missing

Hail Mary. Tupac. Written verse
In 30 minutes. The definition
Tupac in blessed ambition.
Favorite of Jake quitley
Logans friend
Who has ascended into heaven...

Masterpieces in breThing form.
Kids in between teaching
From experience of parents.
As we see the norms.
What we teaching more
Or what we experience more
Human beings
In the demons whordes
Don't feed the pour
America in
Between two wars...
Or feeding Pablo. Chavo. Chapo
From a  need for more....
Legalize the narcotics
Education.. safe product
And be informed....
Kids stay sober
In happy homes.
But addicts come in many form...

Legalize get addicts clean supply...
And control the street side
Spend the profits on rehabbing
The diseased minds...
Build street wise kids...
With clean minds...
By telling them hey weeds fine...
But you wouldn't be pushing dope
At 17 guy...
If your momma had free time...
To nourish you
Instead of working all her cheap life....
*** our economy
Rapes. The hurting. With three lies...
Paper. Home and labor
Add upto a free life...
Than they ******* three times...

Anyway economics state..
If you bust a shipment of supply
The demand stays high
Supply is low so prices rise...
The cartel gets the same price...
After getting raided twice...
Jail time. Incarceration
Have a major price....
Cons get educated on gangs
Violence. And heinous crimes...
While the state pays the raising price...
To let them stay in jail for life....
And upon release. They couldn't score a job. If they were walking into
A Chinese brothel with a bag of rice....
Yeah the bag of ice
Has an asking price
It takes half your life....
Legalize. And cultivate. Jobs made.
Retail vendors...
Rehab the addict mind...
While casual users...
Don't die from
A massive spike. Of fentanyl
And Pablo won't get

Half as rich.
As the government.
Investing profits. To social programs
Half of which...
Would reduce poverty
In potential addict kids...
Demand would drop
As generations gap the addict twitch
And live clean
Sober satisfactionate....
But ghats way to crazy
To imagine it
When **** is still illegal
In America...
******* amateurs its just cannabis...
It is medicine... better re examine it...

Wanna say some big words.
Dig first.
And pull the remaining numbers.
After making half a fraction.
Of this big world.
But **** it. It's a glimpse. In time.
Like me oh **** it I'm a big girl.
I make **** stir. So fry. Them veggies
You noodle heads.
Bite your lip. . And flip it till the lid burns......
Like I dont want to chem death.
Sail away. Before my essence.
Lives its seven lessons
Inside our fixed world
Opening a can of millipedes
A hundred feet.
Marching with the big worms.
I really know Michelle.
Became addicted
After twisting. Paths
With trans vibes
Hoping substances made big girls...
So I'm scared to get addicted.
**** is risky
With my home address.
Resident. To solely live in this world.
This girl.
Ninja turtle. Tunnel vision.
Fixed on splinter
Better get shredder when my **** hurts.
Competitive. My shell. A diamond stone
That's hard and cold.
The compress. Make complex.
Diamond.... born of coal.
My home away from home
Not roads you name.
Unknown and overgrown
But rode daily just the same

My shoes. The souls.
A gentle step.
From. Being properly formed. Bit torn But more like love protection
From the storm. And worn to keep me warm.
My insides crack like. Magic. God snaps. His fingers. My back gets cracking
My lungs a cancer tract.
I hope that I cough up
What's  remaining brain cells still
In practice
Need to quit. This ***** severe
My weirdness. Kept inside madness
Magically appears
Until the emptiness grows near.
Dreading life without a change.
My world of pain.
And shame and tears...
I need god. To motive make.
A slow and most dramatically break.
That lowly flows from head to toe

*** mona the warrior. So waits...
Severed head. To overflow her plate
Tony tucker. Get it straight.
Blood flows like smuggled dope
Inside the freights.
Tryna show off something
Unnacomplished yet. Seems
So ******* fake.
Refrain from saying it.
Till god actually breaks your face....
Have a toilet autopsy. Inquiry. Into the king's untimely death.
My queen forgets. The torment lent to her at his hands inside her head




**** me. I **** at transformations.
Leave it to someone who's better.
I tried when I was a teen.
Couldn't do it.
Trying now. Really not happening.
If it happens awesome if not. Well oh well.

So judge me.
For everything I am.
My pain. The juggling game
And lines drawn
So neurotically in sand...
With ammunition
Meant for judgement...
I stand. What's left
Beneath the cover of a man....
My feet like butter
In their hands...
I sleep like something
From insanity...
And cant feel cuts
That scuffs my hands...
And all the while
My smile unfaded
Draw  the nuts
On every hand....
But poker hurts my ******* guts
So just try
To dummy up
And love me as I am

The time has come... I'm feeling
That my words fall up towards the ceiling
And the star that gives me meaning reaches
And speaks light inside my being....
Meaning in a way
Is the way my mind can balance

Reverse the words that damaged
What was left alone to fight for
Hours with a man that had no answers...
So I'm looking for entrancement
Branches bones butter and banook.

Tripping out on dinner bro
Like a fat kid on a skipping rope.
How does minute rice
Out A little dinner bowl
With you. Taste better.
Than lobster biscuit dinner rolls...
I am reputable.
With minimalistic dimensions.
Your built from the thicker mold.
Lafex liquid rolls
As we paint the beginner home.
You call me centerfold.
Even though I'm Katelyn Jenner yo
Trans girl. You would dismember
Any man who tries to enter yo
Remember though.

Its not jealousy I crave.
But eventual praise
At the rain of grey days come and left
With weather stains.
That went away
Awaiting better days.
Together in a letter stained
By tears and ink smudge.
Think love. Was best our drink ***
*** the sentimental stage.
Of a letter is signature. Header phase
And the mental pain
Of leaving this for you in case I went away...

Hold your ground
She stalks the towers.
Neath the banner of your freedom.
She's a demon. You feel the talons
Pull you down into the bowels
Of her being.... she speaks in madness.
Magic and ***. Her ancestors ancient  beings of summer seasons. clearly they dislike the company she frequents... when she's in the hands of men who feed greed and take  no mercy in their dealings

Be warned she's not the least bit
Harmless or defenceless.
When you see her
She's a mortal soul extractor.
Razor teeth. And gorgeous features..
That sink her teeth
Deep in your tissue.
Till your so relaxed you hardly feel her. But the real her....
Is deviant. A fiend.
A winged serpent. Known by Those who keep her. .......As a beast of God's good medicine they
Swear. She's an ancient form of healer.

I miss her if I'm honest
She treats me bad.
And that hurts my feelers.
Just know when my kids learn about her.
Shell meet them under the safety and guidance of their teachers

Ambitions for Angel's. Heavens in knowing I'm in it...
I got flows like a ocean. That lead str8 to the river...
Turning wiser. And older..
sentence of addiction...
Still illuminate the dark.
hitting Edison switches...
With the recipe to hell
Gordon's back in the kitchen

My heart is a ******* arrow. Coming str8 up the *** of the competition.
Not hell or high water can stop me from ******* this ***** up.
Im like tom cruise on benzos talking about scientology.
Im that delusional.
But hey im a good person. Think i might get a *** change
Ya know do some proper consultation first. Than cut that ******* off.
Its not my fault i was born with such a ******* good looking *****.
Goonna be hard to say good bye to.
Should donate it to the space snd science center so they can show visitors its immaculate aerodynamics.
Weve had some great times .
But its time to let her die young.

Saddle up my girl.
Ride into jason Kenney's hotspot.
Taco bell
madonna make up
Marijuana hot box...
And a massive box of chocolates....
I'm a little submissive daddys girl
Who wants nothing more
Than to be a *****
For a daddy. Who wants my body
And won't stop.
Untill my greedy fingers shoplift...
Stop me from excercising
These lips. They know more
About belts than teenagers in karate...
Melt like chocolate.
In your hand. Make your hands massage my body.....
Pump the disco ball. And flex your spine. Like the naughty paparazzi
Watching...
You got james dean in your veins.
I got Sarah Palin's body...
So invade alaska. Say **** canada.
Before I reveal I'm 17 and
This is date line with chris Hansen...

Love is not a foreign place.
Freedom isn't born of hate.
My mental prison.
A collab.
Of vocal torment.
At a morbid pace.
My force is great.
Like morphing
Isn't normal.
But your nothing normal
So my bones would say.
A portion.
Of a storm.
My vocal chords
Like strings that tore.
Away...
Nothing more to say.
I'm morphing
But it never comes
So the voices say
You'll be gorgeous babe

abortion is a sin?
so is unpaid child support
so is fetal abandonment
or birthing resentment
just as precious as a childs life
is a womans body and her right to decide
everybody is faced with life shaping decisions
and sometimes the right decision
isnt what we feel is right as human beings
but the sin isnt in the decision
the sin is in the condemnation
of a nation of preachers with out a righteous sermon
to be in the shoes of a single mother
no education
no work
no child support
and tell her that it would have been a sin
should she had made the decision
she felt was wrong but knew was right
well thats religion for you

I feel like my **** is going to stop
I make spider man .
Look like a little kid.
In Dennis Rodman's ******* hobby shop.
A marching caravan of killers.
With the farthest need for constant watch.
I'll citizens arrest yo ***.
Right now. For playing with my *****
Better than a soccer mom...
I make these eyes.
Hint your size.
Is perfect for my mommy palms.
I **** you off.
Than call an Asian ***** into
******* your ****
Just like a saki  bomb....

I'm mister ******.
The viet Kong.
Just realized what kind of
Rock I'm on...

I make Taylor's swift look like.
An ugly blonde.....
That just awoke and realized
What kinda drug she's on..
She sliding into ****
Like theres hey yalls in a country song..
I'm trying to bug the phones
But I'm still wondering.
If someone calls.
Will I be more than just a lurch
You rang. And make miss Adam's stomach crawl...
So **** it yall

Why do we do these things???
We think small of ourselves
We cast ominous shadows on our dreams and ambitions
And hide in fear from the chance that we will ever truly be our real selves.
We limit ourselves
With statements made out of cowardice disguised as humility.
You'll never be good enough?
You'll never be loved?
You'll never find worth?
Every day another excuse. Another lie.
Another truth whispered in the dark for only our ears to recieve it.
These thoughts
Manifest into feelings
And take truth as actions.
For good or bad it's no consequence
Now it has happened.
Some feel guilt.
When guilt is not enough to inspire change. It becomes shame.
Shame is the idea that no longer are your actions bad
But you yourself are bad.
And so this now becomes a deep seated belief.
And as time passes. Our failures compound. Reaffirming these beliefs.
Whispering in the dark with only your ears to recieve it.
The kitchen becomes a place of duty
The songs left unsung
Become dust behind a picture frame
Of a photograph where you once
Smiled with the grace of a child
And now....
Just a memory....
Your scared....
Scared of so much and yet so little...
Yeah I think your funny...
******* hilarious....
*** you show me so much love.... love you may not even show yourselves...
You hide behind an excuse...
I may not be worthy?
Who gives a ****?
To fly requires years of falling.
To fish requires dedication...
To love requires patience
And to be yourself requires honesty...
Should you be a bad *** bird who can fly catch fish. Loves bird ***** and knows himself.
Than fox homie we should chill
Ya know light a spiff.
Drink some Gatorade...
Ya know... marvin Gaye and Aretha...
But in all honesty...
The truth to human reality...
Is it is constantly evolving.
What's true one day is irrelevant the next....
A new friend may invite a world of new tastes into your life
You may have never thought to try
Tastes and song and joy.
These will bring new emotions
And soon new behaviors
And eventually new beliefs
New stories you whisper to yourself in the dark...
And with each new friend
Comes a new you...
A warped view on what you thought was possible...
So in telling you this I tell you.
I have become all your friends
I have deeply. Hilariously. And profoundly impacted nearly every human being on this planet...
And some might not like it...
Some it hurts to have outside opinions
Or have their beliefs challenged
But those who hate gunna hate
**** em like 50 cent and Mary Jane
I gotta baby by aman
I can't stand all the drama
Call the cops on me
**** a **** baby mama...
I guess what that means is you soap opera rappers sound like all my children...
Drake said it best when he said
And I quote
Steve Martin you little *****
Stop flicking my nuts....
But you know Steve Martin
That foo dont care about a **** thing...

Racists ***** with Donald Trump...
Pull the riot squad...
I'll make ammense though wise at heart... I tried my part my Nina
Cried dishearted... start of minor scars
My life of charting stars is over...
Till we tie the March of bigots
To a dying art... under neath the diamond arch.... my wise turns rivers into crying shards of crystal glisten
Sky in start the very fabric of our primal charge...

what to write about
awwww finding your sexuality young

demons and urges, memory .....swept
the stolen youth
most lose, you ......kept,
thrills...... procuring forbidden knowledge
obscure to peers
till  they mature in college

i dont want to talk about this anymore
im not normalizing ****

this **** has been in my system for either 11 years
or 14, at least conscious of it for 11
they asked me all kinds of questions
i knew were just geared for me
do you feel spiders
do you get wierd tastes
do you get bad smells

i mean how the **** could i not know
you guys would bust out laughing
or say really obvious things ten feet away from me
when i had a wierd thought
or felt something wierd
now i go world wide,
its a great feeling isnt it

i mean my sister said ***** supposed to be the opposite
but i always try to correct the thoughts i send out to match
what im really thinkingn constantly  raging an internal war of dyslexia
and other mental addictions and illness.

i hear people around me saying all kinds of ****
and im always right about what there saying
were all up to date on the stupid thoughts
i have like my mind is a steel trap, or trying to do the voice match
or whatever the **** else
or the thoughts you guys get like placebo effect
or im not simulating things
or the goof would have
or whatever else
you guys post little obscure messages about my **** hoping to break through my walls but primarily just end up trying to hide this from me so hard that it becomes even more apparent
im not stupid or dillusional
i may know how to think like a girl but i also know how to think like a bunch of really cool other things
i cant even sincerely tell if you guys think im a genius or your laughing at me, and honestly if you knew how many times i felt like absolute ****, youd just be real with me
like it doesnt matter now if i know or if i dont
theres no way to suppress it anymore,

i know i transmit thoughts and feelings
i know they give this medication to the stupidest worst ******* people on the planet
and it effects them entirely differently
i know its supposed to go into your brains waste bins
and eventually peed out and **** out sweat or whatever
but for whatever reason ive surpassed the ten year mark
.........


i hope you guys know i still love all of you
no matter how many times i thought of ending my ****
i just want to be loved.
i thought if i made everybody happy i could do alot of good
but here i am.
confused about my sexuality
socially isolated and stuck in a town where all my friends are doing really bad *****.....
i mean i dont want to go in depth, but you know i know
i know you know

lets just call er good

Listen to the crazy wisdom
With space age victims
In replace of lazer vision
We got lazy kids and
Pension problems.
Immigration feds hurr
And slave ships. Like a pez dispenser
Meds in dressers
Oxycontin popping
should be said never
When **** is best pleasure.
Best med ever....
Clever
is the military budget list
If nobody endeavors
to **** with this
Forever are we stuck up kids.
Better love for destructive ****
Than settle money on lunches
For some hungry kids.
Mamas brunch. And like some eggs
To soft
I be running this...

So I had no idea that I was female.
Everyone knew.
I compare it to twilight.
Bella spends a full hour trying to figure the inner workings of Edward's outer shell.
His masks. She finally figured it out.
And everybody in the theater had become aware. From the sneak preview. 3 months prior to the screening.
Still just like me. Bella scurries to find the truth of Edward's origins and nature.
But Edward's hot so I'm cool with it.
I just want to accept this.
I tried so hard to make the world feel amazing. And help everyone.
But it was me that needed help.
So many thoughts of suicide.
So many fake relationships.
Shallow promises. And emptiness.
Breaking my families heart.
And trying to impress the wrong people. Looking like a fool.
And surviving for my kids. And my mom and brother. My uncle and grandma as well. It was so confusing being a girl ina boys body. To this day. I suppress thoughts about men.
Or rather disassociate and numb witha a void filling habit or two or ten.
What you felt for those two days was at my core for years. My brain made every survival technique possible.
All maladaptive.
Drug addiction. Delusions. Self harm
Grandious thinking. Self medicating.
****** programming to like women.
I really put myself in the worst spots for no reason.
I could have just as easily figured it out and changed genders
Younger in life.
But in a way imsuper glad for all my ******* endured. I had two beautiful kids who are the world.
And I changed alot of people's minds about women. Trans. Racism. Environmental. Obesity. Mental illness addiction.  Maybe you tell me I'm ******* crazy but this was all happening to me. I was broadcasting thoughts to the entire world.
I thought the world hated me. I didnt know why everyone laughed at me.
Or avoided me. But I see now. You cant be mad at anyone for them judging you after you gave them false impressions. Or made shallow attempts at being something other than what you truly were.
I think I love the world. Thank you for loving me back. Sorry if i offended anyone. Except trump followers. You can lick the brand new car smell off of my *******. I'm done. God bless

Delicious with the resin play
Resonates from sentient abstraction
Attachment to a wedding date.
Meditate. Celebrate. Get straight
Set the blast and detonate.
Appreciate the sentiment
Settle 8 with 7 lakes.
Wedding cake.
Credibility of sentry wait.
Attach weapon. Level plane

Heart by hand.
Hold me in the touch of night.
Slowly. Roll.
And know I'm hidden.
In the wilderness of your rigid might.


The curves you follow.
Fingers thin and hungry.
My body aches.
Your touch is rain.
And *** is something
But my time is my money.
You gotta tame
This fiery frame.
And make me change
My wicked ways... though honey
Deep inside
I'm feeling faint and funny
My moon is dim.
But your my saviour when
Your natures sunny...

A great awakening
To take me
On a path
That's truly blessed
You make me
Fake a smile
I confess
But its the best I got
When I'm depressed.
And in my head
I'm dead to night
My moon is dim
And birds can rest
Just take me in embrace
And I'll dive deeper
In your depths

Mirrors in the hallway.
Reflecting back my nonsense.
Hearing placebo effect.
Or holy **** he's really conscious
While I'm drunk at 6 o'clock
And walking into closets.
It's my ****.
I'll never quit.
Thats Like  ex alcoholics. Giving up their chocolate.
Nonsense.
Like a doctor with a pending lawsuit
Still prescribing oxycontin.
Shout out to Johnny rotten.
And the very **** pistols.
I just bought myself some liquor
And a  ziploc full of crystals...
Stairway up to nowhere
It ain't fair. I'm not the devil
While I let my zeppelin fly
And put some lead into my pencil

What did you think recipe is
Eminem manifest destiny is
I should quit pathetic
I get it.
Like a ***** flick.
******* before
Actors practicing  exiting
Amityville. Damnd if he will.
Say yes to the dress again
Hand at the wheel
Transgender
Extraterestrial
Disecting pedestrians
Like genesis
Not scripture.
Talking the saga.
Rather the myth the legendary legolas.
The ring is a curse
Dwarfed when its
next to this
Fear of rejection
Of an obsession
sick. As dimensia medicine
For  Vietnam veterans
Dimensional benefits.
Like **** size in a tetris fit.
Its minus 77 red ink
Red face imbellishment
Period like a 7.7 point deficite.
You faking. Your pregnant
You got a point
But the ketchup smears selling it
Think in heinz sight ill
Invest in it

Interest percentage
Lending attention
To your
******
Mentorship
The way you handle
Your staff.
Like a 7.7 point deficite
Is inches in industry.
And your **** just invented it.
X y factor equation
Next gen tech there developing
Exposes. Plot holes.
Oh no science returns
To relish this ****
Like *** with ketchup
Mayo take your ***
Away I dont beef so lettuce
Be friends again

Flirting with ***
And eminems ****** instruments.
You know you sound
Oblivious.
And frivolous. To all the men
You had casual *** and ****
Like you didn't know
They all had *****
When they hit that ****.
Okay thats actually rediculous


***** who you pretending with
Cut with the sob stories.
Difference in indifference
Is pretending you different
Heed Goliath for what he is
And aim at deliverance
No affidavids
Daily diligence
Or brain games
At millennial
intelligence.
Pass as female satire.
Or be fire and flame
As hot as turbo chrmical accelerant
Wreck it Ralph
And Hectors ******
Hetero deceptive
Secretive intelligence
I got a
Masculine past
Relax your a mannequin
Still **** and
My fashion staying relevant
Your ******* it up.
Cha just kidding  bro your cellibut
Switch up with the rhyme scheme
Though
Like a flow from
The west side of heavens bed


Frame persuasive arguments
Like a painting from karmin
Or my dead aunty Margaret
Clothes and
Garments
Marked for bargain basement
Retail prices noone can argue with

Fashion on bark. Talking dog park
Evaluation. **** yeah bag it *****  and walk with it
If you got **** from
My corner store. I got a deal we can spark it quick
Like a moth drawn to a lamp
Or a cigarette **** to the carpet
I'm probably the
Dissatisfied customer.
Returning my product for bargain chip.
Its not defective. Just not selected
By the demographic we marketed
We targeted an audience.
And relentlessly marketed
But the target market.
Wasn't smart enough
To scarf it in.
I guess there not starved.
Like your *******
Heart for him.
******* martyr sin
I just bought my own *******
**** I marketed

For the record
This whole things dumb and ******
Marshall Mathers *****.
And ketchups never good on subs
My fashion isn't relevant.
Mann again.
With plastic mannequins
Chemical  imbalances
Of us

The ring is actually a curse
And tetris never fits.
Its a two dimension  curse.
Goliath was a *****
David put him to the dirt.
And the deficite. Would be less
If you put the period first.
Whats the point. I'm dotting
Eyes. Crossdress tease em with the verse.
*** the beat is never thumping
Less theres living
People in the hurst

Let me be clear my reality is torturous
My delusions
Proof of rediculous ego
disproportionate
To intelligent logic.
Sad deformed
And torn like documents
In storage bins
. That show. Moments
Of my pre collosal morbidness
And internal shore
Of sailors coming home
To get awards for valour
On Normandy shores and ****.

Take awY the course of tomorrow
When my secret is
Clean but born of demons
And ***** that gets me *****
Like of course
Thats all it is.
If I just swallow it.
I have to acknowledge everything
From torment
Positive attraction
Satisfaction and the opposite
The closet kid.
With a tropical climate.
Thats an obstacle.
To any bit of purpose
I'm nervous
Marshall law will be a distraction
From the constant thought
F
That God is law.
And I'm all thats wrong
With all this holding on
I want whatevers law
To set str8 whats wrong
And quit holding on
And change.
Embrace and face my god
Away from godlessness
Or at least stop me
From talking ****
Or least make me more cautious ****

im a semi conscious pervert
with words that scar and ****\
submerged in undercurrents
that give ****** charges chills
im the first to make a burger
look less appealing than the fries
so you got beef throw all the salt you want\
it still wont cross my eyes

lets skip this,
his mind was ******
he lusted for the world
his eyes were like pearls
and songs on repeat
he trusted his labedo
as he made a new friend
the two were of mostly the hetero type
but with curious disregard
he made bonds with others in the circle
but never straying too far
from the object of his desire
the two were like ambient sounds of birds chirping across the stream,
coming in close but never truly being one
just simply observing eachother in the small surrender
of the peaceful world
and as time went on we decided that sometimes
birds must flock to their own
but still i remember that beautiful song
and what a way it was

Write your heart out.
The contents of your soul on paper.
Little etchings and scribbles
Like memories folded after into
Your pocket
The creases of the paper
Like the little lines underneath his smiling eyes..
You fought so hard jordan.
You and him were like rivals at times.
But dont forget how much he fought for you.
Thats right. For you.
Remember him always.
Richard gablehouse
Born today. This day some 62 years ago.

silence with an echoe displacing
lightning hit the scene
cherries, barely change her ****** taste
all that's left cannot be seen

her fingers scratch my skin
a scene from beauty and the beast
my appetite
monstrous
satisfy my every need my beauty queen
its only me
and the echoe in between

her eyes like diaries
they tell me everything
I believe in love and memory
cemetarys andevery angel
death and heaven maybe this time let it be
my heart her token prize
her cage a rusted old
antiquity
a memory of love and lust
and whats in between
when angels arrest your heart
and demons learn how to forgive

The eyes cast judgement
Staring
Judging with fire and ice
Like snakes in the sawdust
They feel,
They move in my shadow
And I call to them in hopes I'm a decent man
In hopes that I am not the monster in the night
The watch is a lurking gasm
Not or not ore. Not nor the gasm the decisions
Laughter.
It's a profiling decision
Forensic eyes and hairstyles too them
See the trends and I'm unsorted
Sort of clueless and unfriended
But I'm paranoid my itch to know
Has known no endless. Pit of rotten
Self ambition
Mired in delusion, no proof n, short of scrooge like self inclusion
Trying to rhyme as if
Get this
Self indulgence was a solution
Masked
But garnered rights
And carnivore types
And fangs so pokey tensing
Sought the war of me against myself
The bitter end
No death scene
Its a mixed becoming a man
Puberty a foul cave to hide
Say no more I understand I'm weird

Hell or high-water.
Ill make it the greatest
Well hi to thy father
Im eternally changing...
Why bother
When thy son is your daughter
*** change in the making.
Product of honor
And gods earth creation.
When water is shaking
Hydroponics. Hypnotic methods
Gods earthly creation

Cot blood with a heated iron.
Trees and wires
Growing like poetry
In the deep seated desire
Of subconscious theater
Jehovah you know Allah  leafs.
4 local **** supplier
Legalize it
With freedom writer
The **** to grow. And keep us higher
Mentor to the season.
Seeds and dreams.
A blaze with freestyle fire

I'm a massive ****** case.
With a plot to diffuse
The system in debt
To a chronic medicine
When its properly used
Its the best
***
god wants *** to be used
Smoke it and snooze
Get lots of rest
Medicine for  glaucoma too...
Hemp grows round the clock
You know it's the best
Cbd is joint remedy.
Like a detox for rock-bottom
Dudes. In a sweat
Toxins and McDonald's food
Mob in a sauna room...
Marijuanna is meds.

Mind the watchmen.
Mind the gate.
Mind travel. Place your name
For roulette decides your fate.
In times of trouble.
Mind the watchmen.
Lurking in the guard.
Turn your bullet into an ace of spades
And play the winning cards.
Take your winter breath
Like moons of ghost.
And make the little start.
Take your open wounds.
And bandage all the hate that breaks my heart.
Say my name.
Cradle my ego.
Call me pretty little lies.
Wonder with. Little legs that follow
Crumbs left to mark the path
I must decide.
Try to stick into the mind of evil.
Chosen. In my panic.
Set the status. Of a widow.
*** the kids just lost dad
And all that's left. Is empty glasses

Stupid. Unscrupulous
Underhanded dumb and  greedy....
Jordan your ego is speaking
So ******* needlessly.
Your gums are ******* bleeding...
Did you finish up your gang signs
Walmart parking lot graffiti.
Stolen box of wheaties
And some rainbow Sox just
For your feeties..... sweety.
Oh please.... Hello kitty
More like mister scared of *******
You ain't run a ******* red
Light never mind running a city...

But I wasn't rapping hard ****
Trying to escape it
All together. Whether
I'm a better artist
When this **** is all finally put together.. its meh whatever...
Cant say I'm ******* clever
Won't deny that I'm a genius.....
Complexes so egregiously....
******* feels I'm no smarter
Than a fetus......
School of ancient arts
The meaning suppose to be
The wicked
******* wizards in the art room
And turning witches. Into dishes....
That I scrub like TLC.
Before I ask if they like fitness....
They reply with smiling teeth
Along the lines of yeah I'm healthy
Not asking if your healthy
Mean fittingness **** inside you belly

Talk like false teeth.
In the maytag side by side.
The clatter. I arose to yo
St nick. Collapsing next
To prancer. As my dad was.
Getting out a ladder.
The laughter mom exhaled.
Was a feeling hallmark couldn't capture.
Than my dad was ******* his pants.
As his wheel chair rattled off the ladder.
Santa your much fatter.
How you get around.
You silly *******.
While I lost my mind on 12st
And my GPS said this was faster.
It appears.
I've neared and steered.
My bladder. Into a a tantrum.
I **** in hugs when house to house.
Than fire them out at random.
Held Donald's wife for ransom.
And withheld gifts for Charles Manson.
Russell Brandt is pretty naughty
But Harrison Ford is just as bad
And good at being handsome.
Enough about the naughty list
Help me clean my pants up.
I've only got a night.
To give this *******.
To these fake as kids
So miss clause will
Reward me with a *******

Integrity with specialized heat for my ******* husband...
Turn from **** into a something
Adorable. And functioned
Like fall for me with pumpkins
Halloween and turkey luncheons
Stunting like my daddy batwing
Butterfly is coming
Christ is love man...
Why my country man..
Take Trump and hatred over planet wide perfection...
Correction earthly disturbance...
Of emersion into determined lunchkits of love abundance fam
Meant to stay the fist of hunger
Like a mother gift consumption....
From the stomach of another man...

You believe your deceived wrappings it in plastic is packaging dope
No hope its insinuated it's a rubber for
The **** bout to poke a hole in your throat.
Drastic is savage how you manage bad tactics like a crack head in a black bed. Light your trap house with gas and matches soak your mattress like a can of nitrous gents a black wire set to blast ****. Have it you blackhead attack and stab like bed bugs attack female abdomen. I'm a savage kid.
Your bout as average as a sadness in a hinder concert
Get nickleback to frame your picture in their photograph so your last day on earth is bout as happy as the *** you never had *****. **** it I'm a habit you cant grab so I'll wreak havoc on your planet. Stash your body parts and dismantled *** in the trash can next to the Pepsi cans you had next to my mash potatoes you *** **** stuff your prison up your ***. Go **** your dad and. Cry about the drugs that enhance the logic that your trapped in
Let's agree on one thing after this happens we gotta manage as ateam or crash and burn in damnation like damaged plastic afire and smoking toxicity gasping like a snoop dogg ***** flick with ******* laughing at your *** crack I must be forgetting passion they asking what's your rebuttal. Something subtle or drastic. *** this game of masking your existence to be free of guilt is actually fuck8ng classic but your gonna your asskicked oh it's going to be drastic wrapped like caskets burgers chips and dips and every ******* single thing I want like devils glass
******* and massive grass to grab like plants of madness in my field of dances... your up ***** cant wait to laugh it. Have it.


Split personality hey denial itself
Concocted script you knew was wrong.
I live it well so sit in hell
And **** your self
Slit your wrists and listen to the
Rythym of your heart since your so smart you only get yourself.
Furthermore. Evicted from your prison I ******* built so well. Eventually you built yourself. And the prison clothes youfitso welll
So sit in hell.
You selfish toy that never helped
Go fist yourself it fits you well.
You got stabbed by **** so well. You cried a little bit poor boy you've been through hell.
But heres no love your plate of **** can spill. Drastic plans of rapid cracking of limbs and body tissue will fill my hope with love and devotion to promote my open self. Go to hell.
My boat is well. Stash my *** in the trash *** I'm *****. And that's my *** as well. Grab it well. Romance is swell. But dancing with the devil is a dance with chance that actually matches well with how you have yourself.
**** **** your *** is *****
Cancer tip you have your **** you laugh at **** that lasts like bicks at psrtyd where theres random kids blazing massive spliffs
Cant handle it
The tactic is. I'm eradicatingrvery center of power you managed to position ammunition in a plan to have me blasted *****. I outlasted satan's plan you think you have a squint and grabbing any chance at this
Your dance exists for two minutes
Heres my *** handle this your switchblade is fuckingmanly ****.
The plan is this I'm sick as ****. Of surviving always asking forascrap of esteem from god or passengers on this path we get. Its laughing capacity I couldmanag3 actually with out you in my family. You actually tactically kept my fragile self in happy health and fuckingtoxicly mis managing and tragically opposite of what I want romantically halftime guysaroundme ******* want me actually I'm amazed gods brought me Hope's of life beyond senseless prisoner bitter denial depression and insanity.
That ravaged me so savagely
You laugh but it's not funny its very sad to me.
You gladly and happily where my protector when my fragile soul was grappling with battles unmanageable damaging. But now you've grown insatiable and practically so terrifying I'm afraid I'll pass my life with drugs and suicide and no love left for my boyfriend kids or family. My uncles passing came like blasts from heaven that wrapped him in an aura of glowing light with magic like gravity to keep his soul in heaven when god was mad at me.
An angel he took to heaven. One good friend and sacred family.
Darcy your practically a massive black hole that sits empty like a blackness cavity in the center of my anatomy
Tragically
You battled cancer but god never waits for Angel's. Specially when he has to be. The watcher of creation and defender of reality.
Happy me I wanna see you in the realm of angeps with my beloved family and laughter fills our gasping lungs with guilt free cancer at lungs max capacity for exhale detonation placed so much buttons in this rhapsody its practically packaged labelled match me up on tinder let's get this freaky **** happening I know you want me so bad you practically attract my *** like a black hole collapsing in a pocket of a space attracting madness to your black ****
Savage get my *** licked. With a passion for romance like candles make a blanket feel like panic in a disco. Like let's go into abyss and finish what we started. Let's pump this heart. And get *******. Who's the marksman whose the target. Regardless I'm going to be the smartest your the hardest. I'll see when every card revealed and my darkness becomes your heartless target in the part so ******* even Gabriella and serial killer valentine's yo smart and scared to watch it.
Slowly marshmallow
My hearts jello.
This parts mello.
I start with hello
Smart but metal
Is a complex
In my mind that never let's go
With a pencil scripting truth like dental floss keeps teeth from being yellow.
Instrumental suspenseful
Pen on metal like mulisha
Intentions like mental
Retention on forgetful
Eventual. The devil
Of hello.
With fangs like ivory moon
By silent
Silent but dreadful
Incredibly lead soaked
To bad that the rest of his buddies
Are dead yo
A weapon of settling with ***** status
And learning your not a devil nor god nor king of the temple.
So your the chosen sent message.
Of god and his men. But you feel weak and resentful. *** you were tough.
And no one told you an order.
So your slowly learning submission
Let go of your heads load.
And focus on worship
Regret is a dead flow.
The rivers stagnant no growth in contempt the fish dont go where
Lifes not willing to let go. Embrace totality of god surrender and be s member of gods home.
Were not known. But so hot yo. Cant wait to watch for the hope of having myself back in order. Pray I'm not alone in the journey you fought so hard to watch me walk home with slot of love you brought home to my top dome. My heart a hot zone of love your like a rock show.you talk so gravy you and god saved from a rotting talk show where I never ate hotdogs and pretended to love nachos.
Where oprah unfolds before my eyes I'm in a foreign body. But I reject it and fu kingwalk home
I dont want those. I fuckingwant home.
Be awesome when I get to heaven I fought the devil. Awesome wish but god ill accept any gift you give me. I know it's not home
Unless god knows
We all have roles. If I'm the door greeter I'm never gonna talk slow.
If I'm feet warmer I'm a make them feet go from hot cold.
Server of elixir. I'll drop half the tonic on the furnace to ignite a flame *** fall out boy obnoxiously thought so.
Like I'm the slowest to complete the list but different in every box that's chalked or marked and oprah's talks full

there is a shadow
beyond the morgue
where those souls come in droves

they sit in silence,
echoes longing,,,,

the unknown mind
consioscly talking

the death do part
and in between

the souls come flocking
like birds of beast

and in this pain,
you must decide

does life have meaning
after suicide

chorus
does the light still haunt the corners
of the room
does your memory still wander
to the places that you knew
did you make ammense
with lacking common sense
it was never your fault
never your fault


she said goodbye
in a letter on the cabinet
her goodbye letter
with the words
she put in rap and

you read the letter
tear soaked pages
dead inside,,

she left
the world an empty
place, christys suicide


does the light still haunt the corners of the room
do you still think back
to the memories you knew
does it still make you sad
when feeling comes from that sad thought
remember babe,
oh babe it was never, i mean never your fault