what to write about
awwww finding your sexuality young

demons and urges, memory .....swept
the stolen youth
most lose, you ......kept,
thrills...... procuring forbidden knowledge
obscure to peers
till  they mature in college

i dont want to talk about this anymore
im not normalizing ****

this **** has been in my system for either 11 years
or 14, at least conscious of it for 11
they asked me all kinds of questions
i knew were just geared for me
do you feel spiders
do you get wierd tastes
do you get bad smells

i mean how the **** could i not know
you guys would bust out laughing
or say really obvious things ten feet away from me
when i had a wierd thought
or felt something wierd
now i go world wide,
its a great feeling isnt it

i mean my sister said ***** supposed to be the opposite
but i always try to correct the thoughts i send out to match
what im really thinkingn constantly  raging an internal war of dyslexia
and other mental addictions and illness.

i hear people around me saying all kinds of ****
and im always right about what there saying
were all up to date on the stupid thoughts
i have like my mind is a steel trap, or trying to do the voice match
or whatever the **** else
or the thoughts you guys get like placebo effect
or im not simulating things
or the goof would have
or whatever else
you guys post little obscure messages about my **** hoping to break through my walls but primarily just end up trying to hide this from me so hard that it becomes even more apparent
im not stupid or dillusional
i may know how to think like a girl but i also know how to think like a bunch of really cool other things
i cant even sincerely tell if you guys think im a genius or your laughing at me, and honestly if you knew how many times i felt like absolute ****, youd just be real with me
like it doesnt matter now if i know or if i dont
theres no way to suppress it anymore,

i know i transmit thoughts and feelings
i know they give this medication to the stupidest worst ******* people on the planet
and it effects them entirely differently
i know its supposed to go into your brains waste bins
and eventually peed out and **** out sweat or whatever
but for whatever reason ive surpassed the ten year mark
.........


i hope you guys know i still love all of you
no matter how many times i thought of ending my ****
i just want to be loved.
i thought if i made everybody happy i could do alot of good
but here i am.
confused about my sexuality
socially isolated and stuck in a town where all my friends are doing really bad *****.....
i mean i dont want to go in depth, but you know i know
i know you know

lets just call er good