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I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it----

A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a **** lampshade,
My right foot

A paperweight,
My face a featureless, fine
Jew linen.

Peel off the napkin
0 my enemy.
Do I terrify?----

The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.

Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me

And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.

This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.

What a million filaments.
The peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see

Them unwrap me hand and foot
The big strip tease.
Gentlemen, ladies

These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,

Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.

The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut

As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else,
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical

Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:

'A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge

For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart----
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash ---
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there----

A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.

Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
Yelling, screaming, shouting
Yelling, screaming, shouting
Yelling, screaming, shouting
The voices in my head
Shouting, screaming, yelling
Shouting, SCREAMING, yelling
LIVING, BREATHING, TELLING
THAT I AM NOTHING BUT DEAD!
Why do the persist?!?
Where do they live?!?
Why don't they go away?!?




They keep me up at night
The voices of memories
Faded shadows of people
Lost but not forgotten
They're here. They're there.
Lost but not forgotten
Memories don't sleep
Shadows don't vanish
Without another presence of darkness
The darkness of our past
Lost but not forgotten
Out of shape
I bend slowly
into an old
man.
Don't you dare wish for the death of your soul.
Please don't hope at 17 that your life is cut short,
Because somewhere out there, a little girl, only a few years old, hasn't lived to make her first mistake, while you attempt to make your last, the innocence of her soul is severed quickly from her body, fighting for her life while you slit your wrists just because some boy just doesn't ******* love you back.

Don't you dare try to tell me your life isn't worth living, because the only God forsaken problem you have is the lack of the innocent love of a teenage boy.
All these people trying to **** themselves while little babies are dying left and right makes me absolutely sick.
from society
from friends
from family
from school
from work
from culture
from religion
from morals
from values

*from self
I'm so lost.

— The End —