I dreamt of a familiar kind of you,
that I became soaked in my own tears
I swam across oceans to reunite with you, to see you again,
but I know so much of you, and how you hate to see men
And I'd hate to admit it was all just a ******* in the end.

I wonder if you held the key to curing my depression,
I had always felt like a burden, being treated as a sickness
As I couldn't really talk to a lot of girls a while before;
so I'm guessing now, its still my only real weakness
But I learnt to catch myself enough times,
before catching anymore of unnecessary feelings
I had become a master at suppressing my feelings,
even if it meant killing a part of myself in the process
- suffering in love crimes with so many villains.

But I'd kiss a mistress as if I were her last hero,
though, I couldn't get enough of shaking
hands with a bit of lust, -it should have been
my very last in all these secret ***** dealings
Still on top of my head, I go beyond my own ceilings,
I would continue to lock my heart away, like a machine
that had been programmed; to securely lock away
it's heart with time's sealings.


                           Is this what it feels like to never love again?

In the darkest hour, I may rise at 3am,
Lost in a haze, sipping aimlessly,
Aiming another sip down my weary throat,
Yearning to silence a cough, to release my words,
As I ponder the creatures lurking in my mind's sea.

Within the depths of my thoughts, they swim,
Engaged in a fierce battle for breath,
Yet, I question why I label my courage a monster,
For it is I who has been the true beast all along.

Knowing the ways to make you drip like honey,
I find myself lost in thought, afraid to dive
too deep and drown in the sea of emotions
you stir within me.

Every day feels like swimming in a bittersweet pool,
your taste lingering on my tongue and your
touch leaving a blush on my cheeks.
Your sweetness is both a blessing and a curse,
triggering a desire that I struggle to contain.

But I know better than to play with fire, toying
with the knots in your hair and risking getting burned.
So I treat you with the utmost grace,
saying my prayers before every meal, savoring
the rush of your heartbeat as I feast on your love.

"Eat your heart out,"
they say, and I do, with every fiber of my being.

It all feels like a craft of love,
a tight fit in my eyes naked views
A beautiful body of work,
grinding my gears to a halt,
At a place of it being wore out in perfection,
the once new smell, becomes as creased
as my socks.

But even with its imperfections,
the painting still manages to wiggle
its way into my heart, leaving a lasting
impression that I can't shake.

It's like a tapeworm inside of me,
recording every beat of my heart and
every thought in my mind.
I try to pull it out, but it's no use.
The painting has become a part of me,
a part of my soul that I can't let go of.

And even though it brings me pain at times,
I can't help but smile. It's like a silly game
that I can't resist, a game that brings me joy
and laughter even in the darkest of times.
So I'll keep it close to my heart, like a knife in my mouth,
ready to cut open a crack of a smile whenever I need it most.

Confined to my own mind'
-thoughts start to feel claustrophobic
While thinking of all the prettiest of things,
the pettiest of emotions are made of thorns,
And I picture them as a bundle of roses,
as I longed of chasing every dream, before
the crack of dawn, but in between all of those cracks,
All of those very dreams have left me broken.

The loneliest place, -is like not missing home
yet never truly finding happiness in my current
surroundings; as if one wasn't the loneliest  number,
I at times find myself living it all for two,
carrying the weight of solitude for both.

Still hoping I could grow wings to fly above
all of my troubles.

But instead, the days grew colder,
and I found myself caught in the clutches of a flu.
A reminder that even in the depths of my own mind,
I couldn't escape the harsh realities of life.

I was never blessed with a sporting gene,
always lagging behind in any physical activity.
As people used to say that I had a tendency
to run away from responsibilities,
as if my lack of athletic prowess was
somehow indicative of my character.

I never had a knack for understanding
mechanical things either, always struggling
to grasp the intricacies of how things worked.
So please bear with me, as I continue to work
on improving myself in this regard.

Communication has never been my strong suit either.
I never raised my voice enough to be heard,
often fading into the background
and finding solace in the silence.
It's in those moments of complete stillness
that I feel most at ease, away from the chaos of the world.

And then there's the topic of intimate conversations.
I never quite grasped the art of discussing
the more adventurous aspects of relationships.
It's not that I'm prudish or judgmental,
it's just that I never received the proper guidance
or education on the matter.
So, it's no wonder that I struggle to engage
in discussions about the more unconventional
aspects of intimacy.

And whenever I was called to the table,
I was labeled as the spoiled favorite.
However, as the youngest in the family,
I have grown accustomed to living off the scraps
left behind by my older siblings.