I will do it
I am doing it
I have been doing it!
but I’ll do it faster now

his touch is tentative but full of want
he pulls me gently to him
I do not resist
I am an autumn leaf teetering on a twig
I am a soft bud opening
petals dripping dew
I am a blazing ember
disintegrated by flame
cleaving in two
sparks spilling free

he leans in to my upturned gaze
kisses me sweetly
my fate is sealed

I used to be so afraid of losing you
silly, since I didn’t have you
didn’t have a chance of navigating your minefields
I’m not afraid anymore
I’ve given up
if fate exists,
I’ll let her take care of it

in the meantime
I have happy places to find
I will share them with you

I don’t believe in fate
but I do believe in karma
so why do I feel that it is my fate to be alone
but not my karma?

that’s a **** philosophy you have there
wanna discourse?

the greatest thing you can say to your boss
music to their ears
—I’ll take care of it

you need a certain amount of magical thinking
to penetrate the reality of the world
but just enough
to inform the development of your technology
and empirical studies
and no more

this is a challenge
which is why there is such a fine line
between nutcase
and genius

fix your house
reclaim your joy
find the infinite self inside the self,
the wellspring of happiness and love
you, too, can feel that you are
beautiful and sublime
you cannot be found in any mirror
or other
accept your numinous being
and you will be healed

I can’t for the life of me park straight
and it’s getting worse
it’s embarrassing
but I have to live with it
some people can’t cook
others can’t carry a tune
some have terrible breath
me? can’t park straight
(shrugs)

you were a dark alley under a full moon

be aware, gentle hearts
your most powerful and beautiful traits can be turned against you
it’s no one’s fault
your weakness is your strength
out of balance

just flip a coin
you’ll be right as rain

Siddhartha Gautama can keep his fourfold path
of nothingness
but Lao-Tzu can show me the way
any day

I don’t believe in god
do you?
though I can go on all day about Siva,
even Vishnu or Brahma
if I had to practice any religion
it would be Kasmir Saivism
Abhinavagupta ascended way better than Jesus
and he took all his followers with him, great guy

Krishnas are my absolute favorite devotees
I could chant Hare Hare all day long
and the food is phenomenal
though my money is on Kali to kick your *** if needed

the Sufis are the most beautiful and poetic
I can whirl as ecstatically as any dervish and
Rumi, the quintessential lover, was my inspiration
25 years ago, long before he was cool
I can prove it, I have out of print editions

African Orishas are mysterious and fascinating
I did my final thesis on Umbanda
(in 1997, were you even born?)
a syncretic blend of spirit possession and spiritualism
a lovely shade of brown practiced primarily in Brazil
created culturally by African slaves mixed with European colonizers
with the indigenous  just trying keep their heads above the Catholicism

and, of course, we all have to respect
the Native American wisdom,
Wolf has always been my friend
in every sweat, she was with me

I should pay further respects
across the centuries I have been Egyptian,
Celtic, Greek
a keeper of arcane knowledge
for a small collection of mystic peoples

but in this time
my religion is science fiction
physics, neuroscience
my prophets are Tesla,
Philip K ****, David Bohm

while I give Teresa of Avila, Francis of Assisi and even
Thomas Aquinas
my deepest regards
there’s nothing bores me more
in my insatiable quest for truth and
insight into the human condition
than your tedious Christian god

yesterday was tough
anxiety gripped me painfully
thoughts of you are all that got me through
rough thoughts
to make you blush
this morning I feel peace again
the night scrubbed me clean
my body is light and sweet
and ready for gentle love
with different thoughts
of the same you

things are great now
we’re going to live happily ever after
so you can just forget it

I am watching the sun slip
under the horizon
it is 6:47

that was a lie
it is 6:46
I got swept up
in the dusky drama of night
forgive me

I’m sorry
I messed everything up
I wasn’t... assertive
I got crazy
and then... failed

it’s still cold at night
but so warm in my mind

something I learned from my wolf
show your teeth when needed
make clear you have no qualms using them
and enjoy your territory

I enticed
I teased
I begged
I pleased

I yelled
I waited
I talked
I stalked

I sang
I danced
I ran

I smiled
I cried
I lived
I died

I came
I went
I loved

poignant voices
sweep across my skin
rippling youth from deep cells
locked
periodically
in static waves
free now, to run backwards
across my face, eyes, smile

the secret of my youthful visage:
I truly
to my bones, hearts, and quarks
do not believe in time

ooo! I’m being “boosted”!
maybe I’ll have a date this Friday
or maybe I’ll have a gardening accident
maybe a meteor will land in the ocean
or maybe I’ll just dance naked in the dark
like I usually do
anything could happen

my son caught a Froakie
hallelujah
I can stop taking him to every water body in a five mile radius
(for a while)
but now I have to battle the evolved frog warrior
and I can tell you
I’m done for
when he gets to Greninja

Happy Valentine’s Day mother
We will go eat butter
In the summer
Oh, butter!

yes, now I can be happy the rest of my life
now the worst has happened

how did that work again?
were there instructions? or?

I dig me some funk
I can dance the finish off the floor with that ****
the groove grabs my torso
and it all gets loose
a lifetime of conscious living
really shows through
diet, flexibility, strength, fasting
gymnastics, diving, running
boxes full of ribbons, medals, trophies
yoga, dance
African, salsa, ballroom, modern, ballet
you want to know me?
you don’t know me

there’s a tiny portal to another world
right next to my bed
a gateway to a magical fantastic utopian world
full of colors and shapes and spinning tops
at least that’s what I imagine
I’ve never been
or found the door
but I know it’s there
because somewhere
in some other time space reality matrix
there is a small happy pile
of beautiful single
earrings

I saw you differently today
our eyes met on a one way
street
gaze froze in time
me forever wishing
you’re mine

I let your technicolor gaze alight
stealing mirrored glances into your night
to catch your red hands in my site or
swallow you whole in my hungry bite

what say you now, gentle bandit
as you hold my heart strings tight
shall we run further away from this
or indulge our dangerous delight?

if the wind this morning is taking requests
it will deliver to you my gentle caress

let go your entropic self
and curl like a resting cub
in the gentle flame of your love

my wave
made you possible
you’re welcome

I’m much too intoxicated to write this poem
the title is all I know
not any associated sentiment
what does it even mean?!?
surely
nothing

I wish I was with you tonight
which is silly because you’d just say,
in one way or another
- Can’t you take a hint?
and then I’d want to die
again

Why are you sad? he asked
What can I say?
It hurts.
I’m sad because it still hurts.

I’m alone on this plain of earnest sentiment
it’s exhausting for most
cozy in front of their screens
their half lived lives
entertained by stories
I live my story in dream time
on the streets and in my head
I search for real magicians
matches to light hidden flames
antigravity warriors slipping between dimensions
my flame is not on this channel
it’s not bundled
it doesn’t float
put in another quarter
you’re so close to an extra life
it doesn’t matter if you miss the bus
it’s almost over
let’s watch my show next
everything will be ok
do you have a light?

sometimes people want you to be angry
they feel a kind of acknowledgment
or empowerment
if you happen to not get angry
it can be a great offense
a sign of your apathy
rather than an expression of your own mechanism
for coping with pain

I’ve been on both sides of this equation
so I know
anger can be a gift
if you know how to give it

I try to move on
I think that’s what you want
but for every step I take away
my heart pulls me two steps back
tightening the knots binding me to you
and it is not unpleasant

I almost forgot
because I can’t remember anything
but I do remember the boys under the porch at church
I must have been 4 or 5
I couldn’t tell how old they were
you know how it is when you’re young
maybe 9? 10? 12?
they wanted to see girl parts
so I showed them
it meant nothing to me
they didn’t touch me
only looked
stared
intently
as I stood there with my pants down
I got the sense something wasn’t right by the way they acted with each other
arguing
the meaning was opaque to me
I don’t know why I remember this
or why I’m thinking of it now
I feel shame I guess
I don’t know

women, are just as much a mystery to me
as to the average men in their lives
I fail the girl test every time
in class the other day
I’m pretty sure the three of them talked about
eyebrows
for like, ten minutes
I checked to verify this
   —(timidly) are you talking about... eyebrows?
which, fine, no judgement here, great
but, I can’t—
I mean,
what?
I don’t think I’ve ever even looked at my eyebrows

fortunately, they are pretty accepting of me
maybe they even feel the same
they just...
did the homework

be happy
be healthy
be safe
be free

I will be here
still
waiting for someone
who wants to want
and need
and love
me

there was a woman who lived
in a glass box
there were no doors or windows,
chains, or locks
she smiled and cried
she watched flowers bloom
and die
she read poetry
and dreamed of romance
on occasion
she danced

but always
she touched glass
hoping for isolation to pass
she longed for warm fingers
and peaceful embrace
for the box to be lifted
to kiss a man’s face
she’s still there now
with gentle grace
wondering if love will ever come
to this place

good bye girl
thank you for your place in this world
I appreciated your company
and your protective iron-y
your hope, compassion,
self deprecating wit
I admired your honesty
and that whole **** bit
I still love him
so I’m sure I’ll still visit
but as far as it goes
I think this is it

I thought feelings were shared that were not
I thought experiences were shared that were not
I believed many things that were not true
I suppose I’m in good company there

it appears there has been a miscommunication
my apologies
it is a lovely day here in New England
I hope you have a good evening

There’s only one thing better than ***, drugs, or meditation
And that’s a good run in the middle of the night
with your tunes just slammin’
That moon is a bonus

I used to love your ears
you have big goofy ears
I suppose they match my weird smile
and strange face
but none of that matters now

it’s a gorgeous day
my heart is full of Red Bull
I am cracking my wrists
I am cracking my neck
I am flexing my muscles
(which can be seen for miles)
I am feeling like the day

I remember when I was younger I had this crush on an older man.
He was an Ayurvedic practitioner that I took a cooking class from. His name was Sonam and he played the digiridoo.
It must have been very obvious that I had a crush on him, because once when I had to drop something off at his apartment, standing in the hallway of his building before I left, he said, almost as an afterthought, with a humble smile and nod of embarrassed appreciation, “and thank you, for your…affections…” as he gently closed the door.
It was the sweetest and most painless acknowledgement of a futile attraction anyone could ever experience. I walked away surprised, with humor for myself, and appreciation for him.

We should all learn to say no with such grace. I wish I had retained the ability to accept no with such grace.