do you know what non duality is?
well, I think you should
because it is the future
of science, technology, philosophy
get on board
or be left behind

I remember every word he ever said to me
None of those words were
“I” or “like” or
“you”

no offense but
I think you are crazier than me
like, more deluded and disturbed
I’m not sure if that makes me feel better
or worse

walking in the dark
holding hands
bashfully
no one has ever
innocent kisses
lips exploring
joyfully
no one has ever
waiting loving hoping
waiting trusting
patiently
no one has ever
betrayal lies fear
forgiveness
betrayal betrayal betrayal
no one has ever
she didn’t come
you didn’t come
you never came
no one has ever

we were a thing that never was
a place that never placed
you never chased me because
there is no elephant zebra race

you know by now
when I am done with this face
it will disappear, every trace

hello poetry should change its name to
Not A Dating Site
there are lots of other sites for that
and they work pretty well
in my experience

the most disappointing thing I ever heard him say
(it was a post, actually, I think)
was that he was definitely not a dog person
and I just
I have never been able to forget that

oftentimes, in a mask, one old guy looks like the next
and I know a lot of old guys
so this past year, I’ve needed to rely quite a bit on
my ninth sense

scams of the heart are most egregious
and while I don’t like to think the worst of you
alternative explanations seem absurdly naive
though, I am a descendant of European colonizers
and we are a notoriously jaded bunch

even emptiness has a character
emptiness can represent some of my most vivid states
I do not know, truly, what nothing could possibly be
not very zen of me

well, we’re done
Germany
Germany
Germany
I’ll let you know
if I’m ever that side of the pond

I do not have a vacancy
which is ok
because I have no reservations

I like now
the present is the best present

to understand where something begins and ends
you need to understand object permanence
but that's what a lot of people are missing

life is about context darlings
also
not giving a ****
but context
it only comes with experience

there’s no getting around that

Christianity is like the Donald Trump of the religious landscape
incomprehensibly dominating everything
with very little logic
and even with good intentions
both comically
and tragically
missing the mark
while causing its maker to turn in his nonexistent grave

it’s time for our annual conversation
I still love you
do you still love me?

I’m much better now
so much better
this here
is my regular amount of malaise
not some special extraordinary kind of misery
laced with longing and anxiety
no, this regular run of the mill depression
I’m quite comfortable with
we’re old friends
we’ve been here for each other
a long time
we know each other’s ins and outs
strengths and weaknesses
I’m perfectly safe here
content even
with it
and not you

To no effect,
I made every synopsis
To no one in particular,
I leave this ellipsis

sometimes a song can come out of nowhere and rip you in two
a song she sang for you
only you
prepared, practiced, performed
for you
once

good lord why does it hurt so much

I remember this one look
we had just started spending time together
it was a sunny afternoon in front of City Hall
we were saying goodbye
I hugged him and looked up
he hugged me back and kept his head high
our faces far apart
his eyes gazed down at me
so so so
warily
he was not smiling
there seemed to be so much there
behind that pensive gaze
I wanted it
every last bit
of whatever it was
it’s ok, I tried to say
with my smile
I love you already, I tried to say
I’ll never forget that look

it’s not fair
there’s so little you have to do
you: walk down the street
me: get separated, rearrange my entire life, pay child support
see? not fair

I want love
I want peace
I want myself
Only

you have been on my mind all day
please, do you want to get off?

one person’s breakfast menu
is another person’s ****

I’m looking for Oranges
juicy exploding Oranges
some trees are covered in them
others you’re lucky to find one
but I think I’m in Orange country now
want to help me look?

my love language is music
I am transported to a place where my feelings are real
I can say what is true in my heart
I can fly in dreams and other worlds
and love
love is real
in music

but I have never
never sent someone a mixed tape
or a playlist
or even a song
I have never felt compelled to share
what is in my heart
I have never felt those fantastical feelings
for a real person

well, that’s not entirely true

there was this one person
…

I organized my sweaters by color this morning
I feel much better now

one thing I am not cursed with
is disorganized thought
my emotions may be a mess
but my thoughts...
they are very organized
they are actually
self organizing
as if my thoughts have a mind
and will
of their own
an order they want to be in
a point they want to make
and I am just an observer of this process
a smart *** observer

he’s on a date!
isn’t that great?
I hope it’s fate

tuna left out for the stray
keys in the ignition
a package on the porch
trail magic
a lost and found toy
who you think

our kisses are being edited
playing over and over
forward and back
slow and fast
clip clip clip
pause delete copy

we may need to do a few more takes

has been upstaged
by you

all of the thoughts
and feelings
for better or worse
belong to you

I am
perpetually and
inevitably
yours

I couldn’t help but look—
but positively stare
I lost control of myself
couldn’t help but slip
back into you
how did you do that
with a simple walk down the street
my brain is still trying to catch up
with the decision my body instantly made

trapped on this flying bus
they just turned out the lights
do they not want us to see each others’ faces?!
while we plummet to our fiery deaths?!

I will want to kiss you
a lot
I hope you still have time for that

where, oh where, did that tender trusting soul go?
she is hidden in a treasure chest
at the bottom of the sea

but don’t worry
dreams are her oxygen
and she has plenty

I am painting you the most beautiful picture
a blank white canvas

the moon was hiding in plain site
well, half of her was
she was staring down unabashedly at me in broad daylight!
I knew I was being watched!

it’s nice to still have feelings
I don’t, really
I’m folded up into a paper basket
not pretty enough to be pretty
and too useless to hold eggs

I’m very good at holding still
at camouflaging time
pause... pause... pause
grains of sand defy gravity
under my spell
I   can    s l o w    i t     d o w n
to make a safe space
with no effect
only
c   a   u   s   e

every hour on the hour
are you ringing a bell?
because my body is responding
like your dutiful test subject

the peas are delicious
and perfectly sweet
they are my gardens
most delightful treat
pretty yellow flowers
and crunchy plump pods
vines swirling up
tendrils reaching for the gods
heavenly peas
fresh and new
I hope you don’t mind
I’m going to eat you

the morning walked along an ecstatic shore
under a pastel drawn sky
flowing in white scarves
the morning was a beautiful woman
with long hair emanating peace
and gratitude
the morning was perfect

it’s a perfect day to behold the face of your love
the warmth of the ground will coax your feet
the rays of the sun will guide your arms
the light in the air will carry your words
the joy in her heart will melt your fears
even a few minutes of love
will bring peace to your mind
it’s a perfect day for that

most everybody seems to persist
they close their eyes
and when they open them, they’re still there
it’s...

amazing

but I think,
I think I can do that,
in theory,
I should be able to do that, too

Rosco, my sweet, you are taking up too much of my bed
your twitching feet are filling me with dread
I love you devoted pup
but you are keeping me up
and it isn’t very pleasant in my head

I am becoming more alone
the boundary of myself
regaining definition
its been
a long time