Why does he love you? he asked
What is it about you
that he loves?
Presumably because he couldn’t imagine
why anyone would

well, we’re done
Germany
Germany
Germany
I’ll let you know
if I’m ever that side of the pond

sometimes there’s not enough time in a life to heal
lovers lose
children die
hearts are never found
and we just laugh laugh laugh ourselves to the nearest grave
the life is still beautiful though
course it is

you’ve disrupted my rhythm
it’s all good
I like to re-examine my commitments
it keeps one authentic

I dreamed of a new lover
he was tall and thin
he was old and young
    (like me)
he was strong and easy and kind
he did not believe
in absurd myths of human subservience
we walked together with our jangly arms intertwined
we laid together with anticipation
we smiled together with shy hope
I woke up with all the best feelings
in my favorite parts of the body
he’ll be back
he was a keeper

pain is nothing to me
I have no aversion to sacrifice
obsession, a peculiarity
my wants are secondary
action rules the day
and I don’t want to make a mistake
the consequences always feel so ominous
especially in matters of the heart
we are imperfect, absurd creatures
who should not be trusted

so I do nothing
maybe this is like you

maybe
will only get you so far
but most of the world’s population has not realized this
as they bow their heads in prayer

I would like to take your hand
lead you down a path of never ending blooms
the way it is in my heart
when I think of you

humans are social creatures
like dogs
we’re not meant to be alone

Siddhartha Gautama can keep his fourfold path
of nothingness
but Lao-Tzu can show me the way
any day

if you are waiting for him to move
I will wait also, to think of you again
I will dim the lights, the desires
turn my heartbeat low
slip into a limbo slumber
put my brain on ice

when he leaves
I will poke my head out of this hidey hole
to see if you are there
or in Germany, still

it’s Thursday
what did you expect
as you stumble down the stairs
with your six figure salary
that you never dreamed would multiply
like this
and the tears spilling over your lids
oh, darling, do you now have something
to lose?
are you missing something?
what
exactly
was your point?
when you started all of this?
your life, I mean
do you even remember?

you now have a Cat
she lives Deep Underground
maybe you can find her

I don’t need to be gazing always at the sky
though the stars inspire my dreams
they are desolately distant, and space is cold
their stories and movements are outside the span of my life
I could be content staring at the ground instead
bury myself in soil and seasons
the blooming of flowers is lovely and tangible
and happens in a day  
they wrap my heart in joy and color
under the warmth of the sun

I do love both
but perhaps I should get my head out of the clouds
and focus on what I can touch in front of me now

you have no idea...
well, ok, you have some idea
aw hell, who am I kidding
you have tons of ideas
you’re a freaking idea machine!!
it’s just...
none of them are right

a phrase that has become meaningless
and impossible to say
‘I love you’
too painful
if not entirely cliche

a perplexing range of types
with one that matters most
a disappointment, a weapon
true for children
and ghosts

forgive me if I do not respond
in the right time
or place
perhaps this will change
if ever I see your face

I try to move on
I think that’s what you want
but for every step I take away
my heart pulls me two steps back
tightening the knots binding me to you
and it is not unpleasant

Atreyu’s horse sinks steadily into the mud
his weak limbs cease to move
white coat turns dark
his heart races in fear as he’s slowly entombed
Atreyu shrieks in tears
pulling on him not to give up
it’s no use
the swamp of sadness has swallowed hope
Artax is gone
Atreyu must go on alone
with only his grief and memory

I’ve revisited some of my past offerings
I’ve given you
a breathtaking display
of devotion
and lust
there is no denying this

I expect you have appreciated it
I’m just saying
I see it too

a little rest
to deal with the stress
and too much pain
don’t go insane

I cannot reach past my skin today
my self stays inside the safe beautiful place
today I am the flower
not the gardener

all that time I thought I was in love
I felt weightless
unbound by Newtonian theorems
limitless, I had tapped into the physics of
immortal love
that’s how it seems now
as I gaze into the night sky
back in the chains of gravity

good bye girl
thank you for your place in this world
I appreciated your company
and your protective iron-y
your hope, compassion,
self deprecating wit
I admired your honesty
and that whole **** bit
I still love him
so I’m sure I’ll still visit
but as far as it goes
I think this is it

that’s never going to happen
this is just
a Lesson
I hear life is full of them
(shrugs dubiously)

they waited and waited and waited
but the sky never fell
and eventually
they fried that little chicken

never ending spin
thread, spin, thread
spin
weightless baby bird

do you mean anything
you say or do?
is there any reason at all
I should trust you?

I’ve got to respond
to protect myself
for the record
a woman can never relax
she has to try harder
the bar is higher
she’s constantly under scrutiny
and judgement
they can raise their voices
but she can’t
they can be disrespectful
but she can’t get frustrated
it used to be my happy place
now I can barely walk in the door
anxiety and panic daily
it’s time to go
I can’t stomach it any longer
literally
I’m throwing up
I have hope though
there’s a better place
a safer place
and I have excellent references

best pick up line ever:
I’ll groom it however you like
it’s not my face going down there

—Mom!! Moooommmm!!
    Help!!! I need a hug!!!
    I’m dyyyy-inngg!!!
    I need a hug mom!!! Heeelllp!!!
mom stands staring blankly
at dramatically flailing
not very small child
trying to figure out
the safest angle
of approach

hello poetry should change its name to
Not A Dating Site
there are lots of other sites for that
and they work pretty well
in my experience

there was a woman who lived
in a glass box
there were no doors or windows,
chains, or locks
she smiled and cried
she watched flowers bloom
and die
she read poetry
and dreamed of romance
on occasion
she danced

but always
she touched glass
hoping for isolation to pass
she longed for warm fingers
and peaceful embrace
for the box to be lifted
to kiss a man’s face
she’s still there now
with gentle grace
wondering if love will ever come
to this place

I no longer take responsibility for my feelings
there are aliens in space toggling levers back and forth
shooting experimental pink beams into my brain
while eating Reese’s pieces

dear rain
please
stop!
I have to paint!
I have important Things to do!
my porch is not going to finish remodeling itself!

also
my flowers want me to tell you
so I will
begrudgingly
and contrary to my own desires…

thank you

he’s got the nicest smile of anyone I’ve ever seen
…
the end

I remember when I was younger I had this crush on an older man.
He was an Ayurvedic practitioner that I took a cooking class from. His name was Sonam and he played the digiridoo.
It must have been very obvious that I had a crush on him, because once when I had to drop something off at his apartment, standing in the hallway of his building before I left, he said, almost as an afterthought, with a humble smile and nod of embarrassed appreciation, “and thank you, for your…affections…” as he gently closed the door.
It was the sweetest and most painless acknowledgement of a futile attraction anyone could ever experience. I walked away surprised, with humor for myself, and appreciation for him.

We should all learn to say no with such grace. I wish I had retained the ability to accept no with such grace.

we were a thing that never was
a place that never placed
you never chased me because
there is no elephant zebra race

in some future world
originals are being murdered
and frauds are prolifically plagiarizing

I’m in love with you
so
I hope you like me

every time you write you say something senseless or cruel
so don’t write
don’t think
speak
or forget me forever
just forget me forever

dear Mr. Postman
I have shoveled the walk for you every time
every storm
every morning
every single day
sometimes twice a day
so please
please please
pretty please
no more bills

in wavering
the timber sounds strong

I’m feeling different, better
sure, there’s still the debilitating emotional vulnerability, but not nearly as bad
and I feel peaceful, accepting
almost zen

course I did just go to the gym

I just spent 30 minutes
trying to tune a cheap electric guitar
at least I’m not on Facebook

I felt the same
when you were gone for so long
I got used to it,
was disturbed when you reappeared
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have followed you
it’s just, we were going the same way

he’s a cutie
with his sweet smile and boyish looks
who holds his hand at night?
who kisses him goodbye in the morning?
I’m very concerned about this
everyone needs these things

you tell me
do I see you?
do I see
all of you
yet
in the smoke
in the mirrors
in the moonlight…?

because I feel you

everywhere

guilt is following me around today
like a bad hangover
but I haven’t drank a thing
dear god of sin,
stay in your lane

it appears there has been a miscommunication
my apologies
it is a lovely day here in New England
I hope you have a good evening

walking in the dark
holding hands
bashfully
no one has ever
innocent kisses
lips exploring
joyfully
no one has ever
waiting loving hoping
waiting trusting
patiently
no one has ever
betrayal lies fear
forgiveness
betrayal betrayal betrayal
no one has ever
she didn’t come
you didn’t come
you never came
no one has ever