I want to give my dangerous innocence
to your eyes
twist your desire
to my darkness
turn you into my favorite monster
and let you off your leash

processing loss is a very dangerous job
the machines are terrifying
the hours are long
and the pay is terrible

try explaining circumcision
to an uncircumcised 12 year old boy

as far as I can see
the only reality
is you
avoiding me

indefinitely

a very unstable astrological arrangement is afoot
it’s a good thing
he locks the doors now

I think I will give walls another try
castles are underrated
you don’t even need a drawbridge
if you can fly
cool grey stone
built into a cliff up high
mythic falls cascading past
with an endless sigh
fearsome forest creatures
who won’t let you by
yes
I think I will give walls
another try

please don’t **** on me
I’m not into that
and I’m sorry but
we have no public restroom

another dream
a really great one
I’d like to go back to sleep

in the tiny reflection
of my shiny tub spout
my ******* look
archaically aboriginal
comically distorted
and I wonder if all mirrors aren’t a bit like that

this whole endeavor started because of you
sorry, him...
so maybe it will be an interesting change
to see where it goes
without you—
errm—him

as muse, that is
probably a lot more poems about
the finer existential points of
earrings and cereal

it is now so recognizable
anxiety
the need to run
literally
figuratively

it seems the crazy train has left the station
hopefully chugging some other kool aid
cause this kool aid is mine

please keep my heart safe
while I stitch a thicker skin

I want to feel good
to be free of insecurity and despair
but some days
it’s very easy to be knocked off my post
and I need a bit of a boost
to get back up

a dead silence
grinds the nerves
into long strings of tendon
holding together nightmares

my mind conjures the sound
of Sweeney Todd
making sausage

the rain has come for me
to say all the things I no longer can

can we?
can’t we?

I couldn’t even talk to him at the end
my brain frozen in fog
couldn’t look at him
or myself
now we just look away
it’s fine

don’t end up on the wrong side of my tracks
it’s a dangerous neighborhood over there
but there’s lots of signs to keep you safe
if you’re the sort to pay attention

what happened to your gentle love
what happened to her innocence
you see the faces
meant for you

it has been the slowest tide in millennia
the moon went traveling to a distant star
leaving the ocean in such a state
lovers are lost
wolves are incensed
the estrus is in peril
meanwhile
the tide drags itself out
foam curling like lazy toes under bed covers
rising against gravity
disappearing momentously
up
into a serpentine mountain of water
reaching
for its fading mate
the moon

the wave holds time
inside the precipice of its crash
a breathless, silent
pause

the moon looks back, gently
seeing only a warm farewell

good morning love
the days are expanding into chapters of a joyful life
I’m one of those foolishly optimistic narrators
who knows there will be a happy ending
you are my favorite character

I don’t see you
You don’t see me
Not really

life used to be harder when I thought words meant more
I was trapped on an unpleasant roller coaster of love and rejection, intimacy and abandonment
now that I realize words don’t mean so much
life is more equanimous
and less of everything else

time is delicious this evening
sweet and spicy
deep and rich
like Mexican chocolate
or cinnamon elixir

time is content tonight
heavy and smooth
drunk with svelte pollen
over slick naked petals
and bowed branches rocking

time exists carelessly independent of me
unconcerned and lazy in it’s duties
telling me an inside joke
remember that time, he says…
and I see a small distant warmth

Mercury is in Aquarius
just so you know
it does not bode well, for people like me
AND it goes retrograde later this month
then Venus... jeez don’t get me started
I may not pull through

forget, whispered the wind
and then died

troubled sleep
woke up in full delusion mode
you were him again
it was disturbing
depressing
destabilizing
I woke up in love

you are always one step ahead of me
as I chase you across the night

when your guard is always up
you can’t enjoy the revelry brought by
fun loving bandits

I am talking to you in this strange way
my tongue has become like a typewriter
it is apparently an outdated technology

when I woke this morning
the sun was gentle
the breeze was cool
I found new blooms on a flower I thought was dead
the cherry tomatoes in my garden turned red
the pit in my stomach dissolved
and turned into a fire in my mind
the fear is not vanquished
but at least I have a sword to fight it
it’s the most wonderful kind of day there is
thank you angels
for putting me back together

— why are you so squirmy?
— because when I get hugged and kissed I get super super happy, and I like squirming around

I wrote you lots more poems
with all the same feelings

don’t worry, I won’t touch you
anywhere

scams of the heart are most egregious
and while I don’t like to think the worst of you
alternative explanations seem absurdly naive
though, I am a descendant of European colonizers
and we are a notoriously jaded bunch

there were balloons today
flying into the sky
no one was holding them
they dodged and bounced in the breeze
colors weaving and streaming
I think they were laughing

don’t fret darling
there is no force in the universe
stronger than the existence between us

I am a tunnel between sunrise and sunset
life breezes through me
time stands still inside me
I am invisible to the wind
I am invisible to myself

my dog does not know
what the vacuum cleaner is
but he understands
it is a terrifying
dangerous
machine
and he is ready
to protect me
when the time comes

it’s all there, the complete mutable story
in the record of happenings outside of time
I have been ripping out chapters
that keep reappearing

I find a strong will very ****
but it can be a detriment to a joyful life

I love her course hands
the scoring on each finger
like the tread of a tractor tire
wise with wrenches and grease
she will tell you what to do
just like a man
so obnoxious and confident
she’s a study in authentic masculinity
I’m mesmerized
by her imperfection
and competence
in all matters of this life

feline curl
in the crook of your arm
relaxed
in the blind feral faith
that she is the one

he woke drowsy
with a tuft of those
familiar
crinkly
hairs
in his mouth

his mind raced in this half sleep state

seconds later
fully conscious
he raced to the bathroom and
trimmed
his
beard

I am having significant trouble to focus
there are feelings swirling in areas that do not help one to think
and in my brain
thoughts of you
have performed a coup

the landscape is especially sparkly today
so many sparkles entered my body
it’s like fireworks in here

it’s a perfect day to behold the face of your love
the warmth of the ground will coax your feet
the rays of the sun will guide your arms
the light in the air will carry your words
the joy in her heart will melt your fears
even a few minutes of love
will bring peace to your mind
it’s a perfect day for that

I fell further and further down
it’s like I thought
maybe I’ll come out the other side
or find a vein of gold
so I kept slipping
deeper and deeper into the shaft
but when I finally gave up
clinging to some narrow ledge
looking down
looking up
I realized all I had left
was a really long climb

I’m basically out now
though still staring
like Ahab
into the empty hole

I want to write something inspiring
words beautiful and strong that spur you to action
or prompt you to holler joyfully from rooftops
words that touch your heart in brotherhood and healing
words of comfort and understanding

but I am a simple being
I write of flowers and sun
wind and dreams
loneliness and truth
I would never coax action
where stillness is needed

look into yourself, I say
if your self says
run
run and hide
then do so, I say
do so
until your self says
I am bored
bored bored bored
until your self says
I am ready
for more

if it ever does
I say

come
come to me
I will dance with you
across the rainbow side of the moon
with kisses
and love
and the rest of time