the most disappointing thing I ever heard him say
(it was a post, actually, I think)
was that he was definitely not a dog person
and I just
I have never been able to forget that

I think you meant to apologize
for being a presumptuous condescending *****
to a complete stranger
but it came out wrong
you can always try again

shoveling snow
is the way to go
I don’t like the blower
(also a bit afraid of the mower)
but walking that scrraaape! down the drive
(so it’s easy to leave, and arrive)
is a peaceful solitary way
to spend a cold bright Sunday
with my quiet
methodical
countenance,
while I watch the squirrels playfully
hop the fence

every hour on the hour
are you ringing a bell?
because my body is responding
like your dutiful test subject

poignant voices
sweep across my skin
rippling youth from deep cells
locked
periodically
in static waves
free now, to run backwards
across my face, eyes, smile

the secret of my youthful visage:
I truly
to my bones, hearts, and quarks
do not believe in time

there was a grand stage
a tiny actor
and all this empty space
it was something

what mess?
I’m great
life is—
fantastic

where are you again?

I reread my poems all the time
so I can remember who I am
and how I feel
sometimes I get surprised, thinking—
Wait!! What?!?
and then—
Oh yeah, that’s right
That is me

there is a dire incompatibility
and it is not time or space
or others
you should know
by now
what it is
I have wrapped my head all the way around you
and my understanding is an ouroboros
who is no longer hungry

something I learned from my wolf
show your teeth when needed
make clear you have no qualms using them
and enjoy your territory

she’s got a demon
clearly
a fat, happy thing, making the most of easy street
and she’s not too bright
I suppose I should feel compassion
you certainly aren’t helping
but maybe it’s all tied together in your mind
that, or you’re a sick *******
ugh, compassion all around
alright then
here goes
this round’s on me everybody

I can barely take care of my self
let alone this whole house
but I’m glad it exists
I like the space
I like not feeling claustrophobic
I like the long walk from the kitchen
through all the rooms
up the stairs
through all the rooms
to the bathroom

there’s lots of potential in all the spaces
I have plans for every corner
every wall
murals and tapestries and furniture that doesn’t exist
or at least I’ve never seen anything like it
what’s in my mind
it all exists in my mind
even if in reality it’s just blank

I think my self is a lot like this

Rupert the dancing bear was one cool cat
course he was also a sexist ****
but even the most sensitive guys often were in the 90’s
which were like the 70’s but with Nirvana
still, I’d call him a good egg
and I think he campaigned for Bernie a few years back
so, there’s something to be said for that

tuna left out for the stray
keys in the ignition
a package on the porch
trail magic
a lost and found toy
who you think

I waited for you, alone
in this brightly lit room
until finally
it was a turn off

last week was really lovely
what shall I believe this week?

my most enduring memory
will be of you pretending
I’m not there

I forgot how it doesn’t matter what I want
I feel better now that I remember

in the afternoon sun
the evening rain
the soft morning breeze

in the
still
moon
light

I want you

that’s a **** philosophy you have there
wanna discourse?

for the first time in almost 20 years
I am (nearly) out of cereal
I can’t wait

everything is wonderful with my world
and I am happy
happy happy
it’s a beautiful evening and I love my house
my street
my job
I am lucky lucky
lucky
the breeze tells me so
in the impenetrably delicate language of chaos theory
and the setting sun
is just a setting sun
no matter how many tales it spins
into electromagnetic currents around the earth
things spin
we spin
I spin
and fall down laughing

yesterday was tough
anxiety gripped me painfully
thoughts of you are all that got me through
rough thoughts
to make you blush
this morning I feel peace again
the night scrubbed me clean
my body is light and sweet
and ready for gentle love
with different thoughts
of the same you

I wish I was with you tonight
which is silly because you’d just say,
in one way or another
- Can’t you take a hint?
and then I’d want to die
again

Time is making fun of me
she’s all
—Yeah!! Whassup girl? Yo, you feel better doncha?!? Who did that for you?!? Me!! That’s who!! Don’t believe in me?! Ya ungrateful *******!! Go on!!

and I just hang my head
sheepishly

good luck!
have fun!
I hope it’s love at first site
and if not, blink a few times

I got confused
it happens
in my defense
the voices were REALLY loud
and persistent
they invaded my dreams
took over my mind
told me a story I wanted to believe
it was my fault for listening
I know they’re all liars
but the circumstances you created
were irregular
I never stood a chance
against all those lies
the ones inside
and out

it’s no wonder we’re anxious
paranoid
that we have boundary issues
when those of us who can hear
would be called schizophrenic
when we are all being watched
every moment of our lives
not by tech companies
or the government
or aliens (they’re no different)

but by them

the dead
the angels
demons
parasites
the non-corporeal
...our souls
it’s very stressful
trying not to betray them
or ourselves

the scrolling is making me sea sick
nauseous
I have dating vertigo 🤮

we have a backlog of requests
we are waiting for response

I write some of my favorite stuff in the shower
thinking of you
there’s more emotional space in there somehow
and more happy
naked, wet, warm, clean, steamy happy

I was not made for this reality
they tried a cross over from a different one
to like, mix it up a bit
that’s my excuse

what’s yours?

the day is swirling around you
with never ending love and fantasy

morning has come again
but my bed won’t let me go
don’t worry bed
you will have my dreams again this night

we had the greatest romance ever
it was full of passion, intimacy, intrigue
tenderness, joy, heartbreak
mystery, intensity, playfulness
humor, attraction, fantasy
in fact, I think you were the love of my life
I’m so sorry you couldn’t be here for it

yeah, but
you don’t know people,
he said
and I thought,
exactly

I got an impact massager
for my legs
which are always super tight after my workouts
it is AMAZING
like a massage and physical therapy all in one
and it kind of has a mind of its own
jumping all over the place
at least that’s what I tell myself
when it ends up
as it usually does
   there
I mean—
those muscles are super tight too

I hate self fulfilling prophecies
because of the free will oxymoron

where, oh where, did that tender trusting soul go?
she is hidden in a treasure chest
at the bottom of the sea

but don’t worry
dreams are her oxygen
and she has plenty

I need a body double
for my pillows
this is a very dangerous maneuver

you’ve always got to hold a bit back
at first, it’s true
just
not so much
for so long

if you were here
I would take your hands
put them around my waist
slink close to you
with **** slow hips
expectantly meet your fingers
with my body
inviting you to roam
to find your favorite places
and the ones that catch my breath
while I explore you with my mouth
my teeth
my tongue
our bodies would sink together
our clothes coming off
we pulse like one mind
only feeling exists
trust and safety and pleasure
you and I

objects in mirror should appear as far away as they are

those who wish to remain hidden
should not befriend those
with x-ray vision

I hear the rain
like the forest
there is no other sound
just existence
of rain
surfaces
textures
resonance
of shapes
the fullness of rain
in every sense
consumes me
I am complete
in the symphony
of rain

it can’t be forgotten
or washed away
only hardened in the throat
a stone held, until let loose
in whispered resolution
and gentle remorse, or with

wild broken screams
cursing faceless floods that carry love away

many things are lost in a flood
spread thin, buried, left
an old photograph, a cracked teapot
a shattered mirror
   forever loved
but never restored

if we may, let us choose no reserve
before time breaks the patient ****
and erases the peaceful course

he’s on a date!
isn’t that great?
I hope it’s fate

I’m afraid it’s too late
was this always your fate?
I tossed you so much bait
yet you couldn’t approach the gate
to ask me on a date
how could I ever be your mate?
if all you do is wait
make me feel third rate
leave me in this state...

still, dear, there was never any—

I’m very good at holding still
at camouflaging time
pause... pause... pause
grains of sand defy gravity
under my spell
I   can    s l o w    i t     d o w n
to make a safe space
with no effect
only
c   a   u   s   e