there is a dire incompatibility
and it is not time or space
or others
you should know
by now
what it is
I have wrapped my head all the way around you
and my understanding is an ouroboros
who is no longer hungry

I’m looking for Oranges
juicy exploding Oranges
some trees are covered in them
others you’re lucky to find one
but I think I’m in Orange country now
want to help me look?

two is too many
even for one
who is too much

Time is making fun of me
she’s all
—Yeah!! Whassup girl? Yo, you feel better doncha?!? Who did that for you?!? Me!! That’s who!! Don’t believe in me?! Ya ungrateful *******!! Go on!!

and I just hang my head
sheepishly

it all just slips through your fingers
which is fine if you’re tired of holding things
like I was

he’s on a date!
isn’t that great?
I hope it’s fate

it’s not fair
there’s so little you have to do
you: walk down the street
me: get separated, rearrange my entire life, pay child support
see? not fair

what a fabulous day
a shiny, rare, legendary kind of day
with very high CP and a 3 star assessment
a day for golden razz berries and hatching eggs
hope you have a happy pokeday

I have crocheted a thick blanket
of sarcasm and innocence
it’s a bit clashing

no offense but
I think you are crazier than me
like, more deluded and disturbed
I’m not sure if that makes me feel better
or worse

athletic, beautiful, chivalrous
where did you get this
when you love someone
you see what you want
you see what you want

shoveling snow
is the way to go
I don’t like the blower
(also a bit afraid of the mower)
but walking that scrraaape! down the drive
(so it’s easy to leave, and arrive)
is a peaceful solitary way
to spend a cold bright Sunday
with my quiet
methodical
countenance,
while I watch the squirrels playfully
hop the fence

I dreamed European airport tellers stole from me
five crisp new hundred dollar bills
smug old white men with smoke stained fingers and
invincible plexiglas protection
my mother appeared
brief and sympathetic
I appreciated her show of support

my thoughts are so convoluted
I can’t even make most of them public anymore
they are a knot of illogical forms
like a suburban American neighborhood
coming to no conclusion
having no insight into the human condition
or universal truths
I wish I had Stonehenge thoughts
or Egyptian pyramid thoughts
even English garden thoughts
but no, my thoughts are cul de sacs,
interconnected parking lots,
irrigated lawns
my thoughts are 2 inch caliper pin oaks
in 16 square feet of backfill
and they need a vacation

in the afternoon sun
the evening rain
the soft morning breeze

in the
still
moon
light

I want you

you like to look
it makes me feel an unexpected way
I never felt before you
I like it

I am laying in my bed
alone
feeling shy and happy
naked and alive
missing your eyes

there was a grand stage
a tiny actor
and all this empty space
it was something

all my old haunts
are too intimate
I probably shouldn’t go back
I definitely shouldn’t
but I already did

it’s a little bit safe, though
since it’s just in my mind and
I don’t have your number anymore

the continuity of skin
and breath
the appearance of mental health
these are the basics needed
to get through a tough spot

you’ve always got to hold a bit back
at first, it’s true
just
not so much
for so long

the feelings are occurring all day long
causing wardrobe concerns

unfortunately, I am not afraid of normal things
like a god fearing woman should be
like ****, or ******,
or being photographed without make up
I’m afraid of
supernatural parasites
being abducted by aliens
losing my place in line at the DMV

also, sharks
if you were a shark
I would find you terrifying

as it is
I find you fascinating
and ****
you would be a great way to die
or live, if that’s an option

that’s a **** philosophy you have there
wanna discourse?

the scrolling is making me sea sick
nauseous
I have dating vertigo 🤮

all my states
are united under one country
of which you were the capital

if you were here
I would take your hands
put them around my waist
slink close to you
with **** slow hips
expectantly meet your fingers
with my body
inviting you to roam
to find your favorite places
and the ones that catch my breath
while I explore you with my mouth
my teeth
my tongue
our bodies would sink together
our clothes coming off
we pulse like one mind
only feeling exists
trust and safety and pleasure
you and I

every hour on the hour
are you ringing a bell?
because my body is responding
like your dutiful test subject

I wore a short blue dress
it matched my eyes
and my body
it was quite glamorous
quite ****
I wonder, why was I feeling so fancy
in my dreams last night?

tuna left out for the stray
keys in the ignition
a package on the porch
trail magic
a lost and found toy
who you think

all of the thoughts
and feelings
for better or worse
belong to you

I am
perpetually and
inevitably
yours

she’s got a demon
clearly
a fat, happy thing, making the most of easy street
and she’s not too bright
I suppose I should feel compassion
you certainly aren’t helping
but maybe it’s all tied together in your mind
that, or you’re a sick *******
ugh, compassion all around
alright then
here goes
this round’s on me everybody

I reread my poems all the time
so I can remember who I am
and how I feel
sometimes I get surprised, thinking—
Wait!! What?!?
and then—
Oh yeah, that’s right
That is me

I’m afraid it’s too late
was this always your fate?
I tossed you so much bait
yet you couldn’t approach the gate
to ask me on a date
how could I ever be your mate?
if all you do is wait
make me feel third rate
leave me in this state...

still, dear, there was never any—

my most enduring memory
will be of you pretending
I’m not there

there is a thin steely streak
an unrelenting
unforgiving
unsympathetic
streak
it’s usually reserved for herself
but you found it
it’s not your fault
it’s just how she’s built
it’s like the rebar
holding the foundation together

I wish I was with you tonight
which is silly because you’d just say,
in one way or another
- Can’t you take a hint?
and then I’d want to die
again

the most disappointing thing I ever heard him say
(it was a post, actually, I think)
was that he was definitely not a dog person
and I just
I have never been able to forget that

it’s no wonder we’re anxious
paranoid
that we have boundary issues
when those of us who can hear
would be called schizophrenic
when we are all being watched
every moment of our lives
not by tech companies
or the government
or aliens (they’re no different)

but by them

the dead
the angels
demons
parasites
the non-corporeal
...our souls
it’s very stressful
trying not to betray them
or ourselves

we have a backlog of requests
we are waiting for response

will he leave?
yes, of course
that’s inevitable
when?
I don’t know
but I’m sure it makes no difference
to a guy in Germany
with a passionate Italian admirer

what mess?
I’m great
life is—
fantastic

where are you again?

I hid all my scary thoughts under the porch
so you would not think my house is haunted
or an attraction for coarse beasts

the day is swirling around you
with never ending love and fantasy

I forgot how it doesn’t matter what I want
I feel better now that I remember

black, white, mud, and
the properties of light
create a reality
that becomes something different
on each side
of the lenses in my eyes

I’m very good at holding still
at camouflaging time
pause... pause... pause
grains of sand defy gravity
under my spell
I   can    s l o w    i t     d o w n
to make a safe space
with no effect
only
c   a   u   s   e

you are a carbonation that never goes flat
and you are shaking inside me

anxiety is riding me
I am tired and unwell
spaceships invaded
massive buildings of red light
passing through, melting giant creatures
reordering their beings
I hid in fear
but they followed me easily
I attracted them into existence

my head hurts
maybe I am dehydrated

I write some of my favorite stuff in the shower
thinking of you
there’s more emotional space in there somehow
and more happy
naked, wet, warm, clean, steamy happy