I have this amazing handle on reality now you would be so proud of me I carved it myself out of driftwood it has horns and wings and is painted ocean sunset colors with glitter dried seaweed streamers it is very practical
every morning I feel unprepared for the day like I left something undone in a dream someone needs me back there I want to go back the blankets and pillows protect me I am warm and floating and safe but I have to get up eventually go through the motions of the day and wait until night comes so I can live the real life
that was such a great day we had a picnic on the dock and laid around holding hands we laughed so hard telling stories when the sun was setting he kissed me in the waning light the moon was a pale wafer in the sky we said sweet things and held each other close our bodies fit together like long lost puzzle pieces our hearts softened with relief and devotion we made a love only found by dreamers and fools
she’s so dumb I don’t know why she bothers me so much doesn’t even know it’s not one “piece” for crying out loud you even called them notes thank you, by the way for the note(s) still, she’s so dumb
dear crocus you are like a **** librarian with your rich violet petals peaking timidly from spears of green ****** and demure I will paint my dreams with you tonight
I know what it’s like to live for a certain day for all the days in between to go by in a blur while you wait each week each month for that day thinking the whole time that on this day this one day something amazing will happen
but it never does it never does and eventually that day becomes like all the other days a blur all the days then are just a blur
poignant voices sweep across my skin rippling youth from deep cells locked periodically in static waves free now, to run backwards across my face, eyes, smile
the secret of my youthful visage: I truly to my bones, hearts, and quarks do not believe in time
I hear the rain like the forest there is no other sound just existence of rain surfaces textures resonance of shapes the fullness of rain in every sense consumes me I am complete in the symphony of rain
****, I just realized I’m going to be horribly depressed in two weeks I knew I shouldn’t have done this I had such progress the greatest progress in the history of progress
but then I remembered his fuzzy warm face slender fingers the angle of his smile and then there was no one else again so here I am
Christianity is like the Donald Trump of the religious landscape incomprehensibly dominating everything with very little logic and even with good intentions both comically and tragically missing the mark while causing its maker to turn in his nonexistent grave
and that’s how you do it you say, no, you are wrong I am not this person
unless you enjoy playing games with them, being the object of their misplaced infatuation stringing them along for years which, whatever man, to each his own but you know, that’s weak
I thought I was playing it safe I thought I was taking it slow I thought I was getting to know a person making a real connection not acting out of lust or selfishness or boredom I thought I was being responsible
I didn’t realize I was falling the whole time I didn’t realize I was building something inside me that couldn’t be destroyed I didn’t realize my heart was already making an irreversible commitment I didn’t realize I was wrecking myself
she only calls me when there’s no one to get drunk with her other friends, they go to dinner hiking hang out at each other’s place I get the equivalent of a late night ******* for getting wasted maybe because I don’t judge? or maybe I’m just really tolerable when you’re drunk that’s pretty much the only time he spent with me too that, or maybe you just need to be ****** every day
I am all talk my spirit animal is a mouse I am gentle, sweet, nervous I run in adorable circles and make hidey holes I do not bite, I cuddle I am a very nice and easy pet
it’s easy not to care so much when looking down from a lofty perch from a magnificent view so far away from the consequences of any one action so far away from any being with a moral paradigm so far away from the source of gravity and feeling so far away
I can sense the distance, the space, the ease I can sense the complacent emptiness children starving children given to strangers children locked in barns, basements, closets children becoming women and men or not so far away from the safety of the perch inside
I’m looking for Oranges juicy exploding Oranges some trees are covered in them others you’re lucky to find one but I think I’m in Orange country now want to help me look?