I cannot sleep
I am greatly concerned with matters of equity
and social justice
plus, there is a St. Patrick’s Day sale
on wireless remote control vibrators

I do not have a vacancy
which is ok
because I have no reservations

the question may not be
would I love him if you weren’t there
but
would I love you
if he weren’t there

truth is a tiny current
ebbing along the probability wave
of human thought

you’ve been added
to a very small collection
of the most intimate betrayals
you’re practically family

I care about you so much
I want you so bad
so so much
so so bad
so so so so much
so so so so bad
et cetera

he makes me feel safe
he held me while I cried
over you
kissed my forehead
tucked me in
he fills this tiny space with love
seals the cracks
and I feel safe
he’s the only one
whose ever done that

I want to write something inspiring
words beautiful and strong that spur you to action
or prompt you to holler joyfully from rooftops
words that touch your heart in brotherhood and healing
words of comfort and understanding

but I am a simple being
I write of flowers and sun
wind and dreams
loneliness and truth
I would never coax action
where stillness is needed

look into yourself, I say
if your self says
run
run and hide
then do so, I say
do so
until your self says
I am bored
bored bored bored
until your self says
I am ready
for more

if it ever does
I say

come
come to me
I will dance with you
across the rainbow side of the moon
with kisses
and love
and the rest of time

are your birds sleeping?
are they hungry?
are they delivering your messages?

life is about context darlings
also
not giving a ****
but context
it only comes with experience

there’s no getting around that

I’m at the top of my game
when on bottom

until I wake up
you’ll do

I’m sure it’s nothing to do with me
I’m not that important
Or so I’ve been told

Do I love you?
Of course, of course I do.
It’s ok if you don’t exist.
Neither do I.

I forgive you darling
you only need to forgive yourself
and let lovers love
it’s true
only selves can blame selves
I love your God if it has taught you this
I am happy for your good fortune
I will still fantasize about you
though not in high heels

the day doesn’t know
whether to rain or shine
it’s ok day
I’m having trouble too
keeping my kite in the sky

peace of mind
I’ll get it
one way or another
you’ll see
it will be fine

I’m over sensitive
and insecure
but easy to please

I have a nice feeling
I’m not sure what it is
but it’s nice

I would like to be secure
so as not to slip
out of my life
or my mind

life used to be harder when I thought words meant more
I was trapped on an unpleasant roller coaster of love and rejection, intimacy and abandonment
now that I realize words don’t mean so much
life is more equanimous
and less of everything else

well that just made everything worse
based on nothing at all
I’m sure you could do better
but since we shall never meet
I will just recharge

I’ve been breaking records my whole life
but I’m not talking about me this time

arousal occurs at the oddest moments in your 40’s
like sometimes even when gardening
hormones are truly god’s gift to us all

it’s another heartfelt day for living and loving and healing
another day full of opportunities and chances and destinies fulfilled
another day for letting go,
dreaming big,
and believing in yourself
another day to let truth, beauty, and gratitude expand your heart

may you feel hope today
may you feel excitement
and joy
above all, may you feel loved
as you are
as I love you
today, tomorrow, and forever
in darkness
and in light

drugs were looking for people
following them around in small bubbles
attaching to them like static electricity
I kept moving away
even though it was a party
they freaked me out
couldn’t the others see them?
they were like parasitic entities
with consciousness and will
looking for victims
looking for toxic symbiosis
looking for a reason to exist
looking for a reaction
looking for—
I woke up

I can turn every moment of your life into a portrait
that I will admire
from near or far

I realized the other day, I always wash that arm first
with the scrubby
trying to exfoliate the scars away
it’s worked
you can barely see anything there
except when my skin gets hot and wet
and turns pink in the shower
then, ever so faintly
the spidery red lines can be seen
like the disintegrating roots
of some old dead tree

most situations are easy to explain
because humans are simple
it’s just a matter of figuring out
what kind of simple you are

I might have loved you
you never know
I loved him
and he was nothing special
(well, obviously I thought he was but I was biased)
my point is
I did love him
and he didn’t give a rats ***
like you said
just junk floating in a river

so I could’ve
I might’ve
loved you
it’s possible

I don’t know
I guess we’ll never know

bright day
cozy bed
languid thought
my favorite feeling

I don’t know if you love me
or want
very intentionally
to destroy me
this is very messed up
but I am committed to surviving you
either way

I hope your day is good
and you’re not misunderstood
and your thoughts of me don’t give you too much wo...
heartburn

I never know what to say
on any given day
to make things go your way

fix your house
reclaim your joy
find the infinite self inside the self,
the wellspring of happiness and love
you, too, can feel that you are
beautiful and sublime
you cannot be found in any mirror
or other
accept your numinous being
and you will be healed

the words are piling up
becoming jumbled
a mountain of letters
of various fonts
all trying to say the same thing

my wave
made you possible
you’re welcome

don’t mind me
I’ll just be over here putting my heart back together

I felt the same
when you were gone for so long
I got used to it,
was disturbed when you reappeared
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have followed you
it’s just, we were going the same way

my time with you was very disrupted this morning
now I am extremely grouchy
and needing extra coffee

when your hands are so ****
it doesn’t really matter what you do with them while dancing

translated to colors and shapes
I make more sense

she’s so dumb
I don’t know why she bothers me so much
doesn’t even know
it’s not one “piece”
for crying out loud
you even called them notes
thank you, by the way
for the note(s)
still, she’s so dumb

nothing is sticking to me anymore
I had to buy a sticking spray
for love and discipline
and to keep from falling to my death

there are lots of doctors in my queue
which is ironic because I hate doctors
but ****
they are hot

every day I release pains into the air
tufts of dandelion that ignite under the sun
I offer up the hurts
sacrifices to a blank slate
so I can appreciate a new day
so I can appreciate life
so I can keep loving

I used to think I had the key
or I could find the key
or make the key
but he told me
there is no key

if I drink enough
I can’t stop crying
which is such a relief
from the rage

I am an island
a beautiful, glorious fantasy island
you don’t even know