I miss you
even though
there is so little
to miss

I am very good at catching Pokémon
and other elusive creatures
we evolve together
collect stardust
wander about in the weather
and wonder about our promising other

my time with you was very disrupted this morning
now I am extremely grouchy
and needing extra coffee

Why are you sad? he asked
What can I say?
It hurts.
I’m sad because it still hurts.

it doesn’t matter
everything is moving in the right direction these days
but still
do it again
I will hide in the bushes

this is maybe a funeral
no, the party after the funeral
that cool people say they want
instead of a funeral
because they don’t want people to be sad
which is stupid but
someone dropped acid in the punch
to help things along
and we are pretending you’re still here

I used to think I had the key
or I could find the key
or make the key
but he told me
there is no key

volcanic quaking
inescapable shaking
noise taking
surprise awakening

the captive audience is getting anxious
they are looking for the exits
they are feeling tricked

when you eat the fruit of a tree
it’s the only foreplay a tree will ever know
a thick skin is just playing hard to get

drugs were looking for people
following them around in small bubbles
attaching to them like static electricity
I kept moving away
even though it was a party
they freaked me out
couldn’t the others see them?
they were like parasitic entities
with consciousness and will
looking for victims
looking for toxic symbiosis
looking for a reason to exist
looking for a reaction
looking for—
I woke up

hello Friday, Saturday, and Sunday
let’s just try to get along

umm...
are you really in prison?!?
and if so, how did I get there?
I do not like this story
I am very claustrophobic

the cat is blind
the mouse is getting worried
and fat

if you try to speak to me
I will run and hide in the dense thickets
peeking out curiously
as you call

experimenting, with punctuation!
I never know. when is the right. time.
to punctuate;
periods! terrify me—
semicolons; are we? writing? a dissertation?
and commas.
“tie me up in knots”
let’s. experiment!
with, punctuation,

I’m one of those lucky people
whose toast always falls
peanut butter side up

frustration rips through me
I let it pass
I’m watching it pass
like a race car on a desert track
leaving a temporary cloud of swirling dust
the sun is still warm on my back

there are jelly beans that taste exactly like
buttered popcorn
which clearly means
you should never buy buttered popcorn

how would you ever know
if you got the real thing?
maybe you’re eating jelly bean flavored popcorn

is the panic caused by sadness?
or is the panic the culprit?
why the violent bashing of my heart
like an angry ape pounding the earth?
why the weakness in my limbs
****** dry of life and joy?
begone dark creature feeding on my fears

my dog is trying to meld his body into mine
perhaps he thinks he can protect me from the dangers inside as well as out

I’m moving on
I wish you’d come with me
but I’m moving on
I’m going to find someone
who wants to go on dates
spend time with me
in person
it doesn’t seem to be you
I can’t let either of you keep me
waiting like this
I’m moving on

I enticed
I teased
I begged
I pleased

I yelled
I waited
I talked
I stalked

I sang
I danced
I ran

I smiled
I cried
I lived
I died

I came
I went
I loved

you are standing there
but I am looking... elsewhere
not disclosing how keen is my peripheral vision

my dog hates the dishwasher
the dishes go in yummy
and come out completely tasteless

it’s not that I forget bad things happened
I remember
bad things happened
I just don’t remember what they were

I see you in black and white
the smoke is writhing around my body
silks draping from me
my hair is long and soft
my skin is naked and pale
you are looking at me
with too many faces
your eyes hold too many meanings
I’m intoxicated, incapacitated
by your meanings
yet I know you distill
into one simple clear truth
and I know this truth of you

I like now
the present is the best present

nothing I write
on this site
will make him care
about me

thank you for this bit of silence
you are predictable
calming, relaxing
you help me keep balance

with your long

undemanding

stretches

of emptiness

it is just enough space
for a revelation
a soul searching
an enriched solitary intimacy

as well as
a cognac with
a twist of orange

I dreamed I was ****
but the lady wouldn’t stop criticizing me
so I stayed in the dressing room

When he was little he always told the truth
He didn’t even know it was an option not to
His word was gold
Now
Did you take all the treats? (Lie)
Did you do your work? (Lie)
Did you pick up? (Lie)
Did you quit stalking that poor woman?

farewell then, sweet prince
your unicorn is sleeping
and I must take flight
with my dragon

I would have done anything for him
if he had said
“let’s try”

but when he finally said
“let’s try”
it wasn’t to me

I know I haven’t said lately but
you’re wonderful and perfect and
there’s nothing wrong with you at all
...in the grand scheme of things

I was obsessed with him
so what
you were obsessed with me
so you know how it is

I wrote you a story
it starts, “my wrists...”
and ends with eating popcorn
a dining room table is prominently featured
but this is the wrong venue for all that

truth is subtle and quiet
we have to wait for the dust to settle
then it is revealed
immutable and clear
carved into smooth stone
impossible to unsee

what happens when you sleep?
does she get away from you?
you can’t take care of her?
she tricks you?
you miss crucial plot development...?
what happens when you sleep?

Do I love you?
Of course, of course I do.
It’s ok if you don’t exist.
Neither do I.

you have been on my mind all day
please, do you want to get off?

eventually you were just
gone
and, even if you weren’t,
it didn’t matter anymore

that’s how things sometimes go

the capitol was vacated
but the capital is still there

It came!
so will I

it is not polite to take your coffee
into a different coffee shop
especially one with bats in the belfry
that will leave guano in your cup

even emptiness has a character
emptiness can represent some of my most vivid states
I do not know, truly, what nothing could possibly be
not very zen of me

some tests
you can only pass
by failing

life is about context darlings
also
not giving a ****
but context
it only comes with experience

there’s no getting around that

there’s a tiny portal to another world
right next to my bed
a gateway to a magical fantastic utopian world
full of colors and shapes and spinning tops
at least that’s what I imagine
I’ve never been
or found the door
but I know it’s there
because somewhere
in some other time space reality matrix
there is a small happy pile
of beautiful single
earrings

the question may not be
would I love him if you weren’t there
but
would I love you
if he weren’t there