I don’t know who you are
but you never had a chance
no sir
are you crazy?
I’m not a pile of seed left out for the birds

there are jelly beans that taste exactly like
buttered popcorn
which clearly means
you should never buy buttered popcorn

how would you ever know
if you got the real thing?
maybe you’re eating jelly bean flavored popcorn

the cat is blind
the mouse is getting worried
and fat

thank you for this bit of silence
you are predictable
calming, relaxing
you help me keep balance

with your long

undemanding

stretches

of emptiness

it is just enough space
for a revelation
a soul searching
an enriched solitary intimacy

as well as
a cognac with
a twist of orange

I’m not happy the way I was
before, with you... or... him, I guess
I can’t even imagine being happy like that again
can’t even imagine it
that’s the saddest part
since I can usually imagine
well, just about anything

if you try to speak to me
I will run and hide in the dense thickets
peeking out curiously
as you call

this weekend went way too fast
suspiciously fast
I believe I may have been a victim of hapless interaction with a temporal anomaly

or maybe aliens

both meander about
with gross disregard
for time, space  
or love

Why are you sad? he asked
What can I say?
It hurts.
I’m sad because it still hurts.

I organized my sweaters by color this morning
I feel much better now

I long to have too much of you
I don’t think it’s possible

when you eat the fruit of a tree
it’s the only foreplay a tree will ever know
a thick skin is just playing hard to get

we will find all the Pokémon downtown
we will catch them and battle them and other stuff
we will wear gloves and eat donuts

nothing hurts (much)
the light is bright
things are in order
and clean (relatively)
I think I even feel a bit happy
I’m smiling anyway
it’s a day of peace
and gratitude
so far
the first 30 minutes of it anyway

why are you so happy today
it’s very suspicious
I don’t like it one bit

I’m one of those lucky people
whose toast always falls
peanut butter side up

every day I release pains into the air
tufts of dandelion that ignite under the sun
I offer up the hurts
sacrifices to a blank slate
so I can appreciate a new day
so I can appreciate life
so I can keep loving

drugs were looking for people
following them around in small bubbles
attaching to them like static electricity
I kept moving away
even though it was a party
they freaked me out
couldn’t the others see them?
they were like parasitic entities
with consciousness and will
looking for victims
looking for toxic symbiosis
looking for a reason to exist
looking for a reaction
looking for—
I woke up

it’s still cold at night
but so warm in my mind

I am very good at catching Pokémon
and other elusive creatures
we evolve together
collect stardust
wander about in the weather
and wonder about our promising other

truth is subtle and quiet
we have to wait for the dust to settle
then it is revealed
immutable and clear
carved into smooth stone
impossible to unsee

I can’t for the life of me park straight
and it’s getting worse
it’s embarrassing
but I have to live with it
some people can’t cook
others can’t carry a tune
some have terrible breath
me? can’t park straight
(shrugs)

I was marooned in time
along an archipelago of moments
it was paradise

but a hurricane blew me into the present
now I have no idea where I am

life is about context darlings
also
not giving a ****
but context
it only comes with experience

there’s no getting around that

I used to think I had the key
or I could find the key
or make the key
but he told me
there is no key

my dog is trying to meld his body into mine
perhaps he thinks he can protect me from the dangers inside as well as out

I like now
the present is the best present

let’s go together
you go your way
and I’ll go mine

there’s a tiny portal to another world
right next to my bed
a gateway to a magical fantastic utopian world
full of colors and shapes and spinning tops
at least that’s what I imagine
I’ve never been
or found the door
but I know it’s there
because somewhere
in some other time space reality matrix
there is a small happy pile
of beautiful single
earrings

I’m moving on
I wish you’d come with me
but I’m moving on
I’m going to find someone
who wants to go on dates
spend time with me
in person
it doesn’t seem to be you
I can’t let either of you keep me
waiting like this
I’m moving on

nothing I write
on this site
will make him care
about me

farewell then, sweet prince
your unicorn is sleeping
and I must take flight
with my dragon

this is maybe a funeral
no, the party after the funeral
that cool people say they want
instead of a funeral
because they don’t want people to be sad
which is stupid but
someone dropped acid in the punch
to help things along
and we are pretending you’re still here

when your hands are so ****
it doesn’t really matter what you do with them while dancing

my time with you was very disrupted this morning
now I am extremely grouchy
and needing extra coffee

it doesn’t matter
everything is moving in the right direction these days
but still
do it again
I will hide in the bushes

sometimes a but can haunt you
it appears
disappears
but
but
but

just spit it out
you weak *******

sorry
I tend to be ******* myself
at times

hello Friday, Saturday, and Sunday
let’s just try to get along

it’s not that I forget bad things happened
I remember
bad things happened
I just don’t remember what they were

the capitol was vacated
but the capital is still there

I dreamed I was ****
but the lady wouldn’t stop criticizing me
so I stayed in the dressing room

I don’t know if you love me
or want
very intentionally
to destroy me
this is very messed up
but I am committed to surviving you
either way

you have been on my mind all day
please, do you want to get off?

umm...
are you really in prison?!?
and if so, how did I get there?
I do not like this story
I am very claustrophobic

I would have done anything for him
if he had said
“let’s try”

but when he finally said
“let’s try”
it wasn’t to me

there’s nothing in this world to count on
not even your own thoughts
each person is a boat lost in a sea of illusory context
the mast holds as long as the weather
sometimes there’s a fantastic sunset
sometimes there’s sharks
all you can do is touch the water
and tell yourself that you exist

volcanic quaking
inescapable shaking
noise taking
surprise awakening

I wrote you a story
it starts, “my wrists...”
and ends with eating popcorn
a dining room table is prominently featured
but this is the wrong venue for all that

you know by now
when I am done with this face
it will disappear, every trace

** hum
I’m a lonely mum
with only a dog,
a grumpy grouch
it’s rainy, it’s grey
and do I dare say
other company
could be much more fun
on this couch

I thought Barbie would make me feel better
but it did not
maybe because I wore blue