when your hands are so ****
it doesn’t really matter what you do with them while dancing

I wish you happy, playful feelings today
glow in the dark feelings
unicorn rainbow sticker feelings
the kind of gentle, innocent, inspiringly optimistic feelings I had when I kissed you goodbye on the cheek that time after you told me to stay on my side of the car but I snuck that kiss in anyway because I just couldn’t help it and I thought it would be sweet and encouraging

also, I want to have *** with you feelings
I’ll throw in some of those too

... 27, 28, 29, 30!
calming,
an odd fact is that when I count for calming
I never start at 1
I just find the voice in my mind randomly starting
...15, 16, 17, 18...
and then I’ll hit some equally random number
and be done (!)
it’s a strange awareness
it just stops and starts
independent of my conscious intention
never more than a dozen or so numbers in a sequence

I love them though
I love their perfect discretion
the orderly sublime geometry of them
they are predictable and mysterious
clever and elementary
crass and sophisticated

numbers are also very passionate
they combine to make **** formulas and equations
they are not discriminatory
they’ll multiply, exponentially even,
with unknown variables of any persuasion
you think you know a lot of positions?
you got nothin’ on numbers

numbers give you the freedom to fly
or the safety and grounding of gravity
if you need it
you can always count on numbers
they make the best relationships

I have no imagination
only the vivid brush of memory

I met Neal in my early 20’s
he was a professional musician
who I managed to impress with my musical taste.
We talked about the past life we shared in France
I was a young catholic priest
who died of bubonic plague
laying in my own open coffin, waiting to be closed,
in the dark basement arches of a French cathedral.
I knew him as a young woman
who lived in the countryside with her father.
Though my dying thoughts were of her
standing on the hill in front of their cottage,
the karmic association was fleeting.

I was not attracted to Neal,
though he looked very much like you.
We only kissed good night once.
But sometimes our eternities swirl
around the same vortices,
patterns we barely notice
coincidences, surely
...and yet

C’mon baby
take me for a drink
I’ll give you my smile
with a playful wink
I’ll make you laugh
and I promise not to think
tell me your story
you won’t end up in the clink
I swear I won’t hurt you
‘cept with a little kink
don’t make me swipe right
those dudes don’t turn me pink
C’mon baby
I only want you

take me for a drink

hazy thoughts
sleepy limbs
groaning bones
groaning alone
your face
in my mind
saying sleep
stay
snuggle

your name makes me embarrassed
I can’t say it
I can say all of the other things
but not your name
not without smiling
shyly and stupidly

I hid all my scary thoughts under the porch
so you would not think my house is haunted
or an attraction for coarse beasts

a kitty is thinking sweet poetry thoughts
purring in the sun
on a bed of warmly blooming heather

he’s on a date!
isn’t that great?
I hope it’s fate

good luck!
have fun!
I hope it’s love at first site
and if not, blink a few times

I tried composting my thoughts
to make a rich soil
where different thoughts would grow
but they just spun in the air over the bins
like little cyclone fairies
dispersing strange seed into the wind
now my yard is a mysterious canvas
sprouting the ebullient descendants
of those magical first thoughts

I need a back rub
and a hand holding
and a tummy to kiss
and some other stuff

things are never black and white
unless you are a lover of penguins

I care about you so much
I want you so bad
so so much
so so bad
so so so so much
so so so so bad
et cetera

in ten thousand years
our descendants will study a strange people
who worshipped Mew and Arceus
they will study the seventh millennium war
fought between the two sects over who came first,
who was most powerful
Arceus, god of the universe
or Mew, the first being, who beget Arceus
they will read about a third sect
who hid from persecution from both
the worshippers of Pika,
the mouse goddess of lightning

the Pokelogic cosmology
will be a fairly obscure niche of study
our ten thousand year descendants will overwhelmingly be worshippers of
the ancient goddess Tik
and her consort Tok

I dreamed you wrote me a poem
because that is the extent
of my dreams now

if you are waiting for him to move
I will wait also, to think of you again
I will dim the lights, the desires
turn my heartbeat low
slip into a limbo slumber
put my brain on ice

when he leaves
I will poke my head out of this hidey hole
to see if you are there
or in Germany, still

life is recursive
much like my poetry

it’s time for our annual conversation
I still love you
do you still love me?

that’s never going to happen
this is just
a Lesson
I hear life is full of them
(shrugs dubiously)

thank you for this bit of silence
you are predictable
calming, relaxing
you help me keep balance

with your long

undemanding

stretches

of emptiness

it is just enough space
for a revelation
a soul searching
an enriched solitary intimacy

as well as
a cognac with
a twist of orange

there are jelly beans that taste exactly like
buttered popcorn
which clearly means
you should never buy buttered popcorn

how would you ever know
if you got the real thing?
maybe you’re eating jelly bean flavored popcorn

I am very good at catching Pokémon
and other elusive creatures
we evolve together
collect stardust
wander about in the weather
and wonder about our promising other

what is that on the horizon?
is it the shadow of Don Quixote?
or is it Loki the Asgard Coyote?
perhaps it is a simple tree
waving in the wind at me

my drug of choice
is the sound of your voice
talk to me

my gleeful innocence is investigating
my human foolishness
with joyful detachment
my soul is emanating a deafening love
keeping everyone company

I am talking to you in this strange way
my tongue has become like a typewriter
it is apparently an outdated technology

the greatest thing you can say to your boss
music to their ears
—I’ll take care of it

the waves are crashing
I am a happy pleaser
the season is glorious
I am a beautiful brain teaser

a little hug to start the day
to keep the blues away
to tell the happy, stay

I hope your day is good
and you’re not misunderstood
and your thoughts of me don’t give you too much wo...
heartburn

if you were here
I would take your hands
put them around my waist
slink close to you
with **** slow hips
expectantly meet your fingers
with my body
inviting you to roam
to find your favorite places
and the ones that catch my breath
while I explore you with my mouth
my teeth
my tongue
our bodies would sink together
our clothes coming off
we pulse like one mind
only feeling exists
trust and safety and pleasure
you and I

where are you
besides in my mind?
what are you doing
besides tormenting me?
when will your hands
touch me?
how will I know
it’s you?

the feelings are occurring all day long
causing wardrobe concerns

I like now
the present is the best present

my head is laughing
my heart is screaming in terror
my other parts have gone for a swim

you like to look
it makes me feel an unexpected way
I never felt before you
I like it

I am all talk
my spirit animal is a mouse
I am gentle, sweet, nervous
I run in adorable circles
and make hidey holes
I do not bite, I cuddle
I am a very nice and easy pet

the words are piling up
becoming jumbled
a mountain of letters
of various fonts
all trying to say the same thing

I remember the first time I caught you in a lie
I asked you out
you said you were “wicked sick”
I happened to be driving right by your house
and saw you drive away
I thought, well, it’s POSSIBLE he’s going to the store
to get medicine, but I knew
yup, that’s me

I don’t know what you hoped to accomplish
at any given point
what reality you were trying to create for me
why you didn’t trust me
or tell me the truth
all I know is:
it’s very hard to lie to me,
for reasons previously discussed;
it’s been very painful;
I think you’re still... somewhere;
and I hate how elated that makes me feel

I will do it
I am doing it
I have been doing it!
but I’ll do it faster now

you’ve upended my world again
I don’t know what to think
but my feelings don’t seem to care what I think

it doesn’t matter
everything is moving in the right direction these days
but still
do it again
I will hide in the bushes

wait, was it a coincidence?
do it again

I’m looking for Oranges
juicy exploding Oranges
some trees are covered in them
others you’re lucky to find one
but I think I’m in Orange country now
want to help me look?

I will want to kiss you
a lot
I hope you still have time for that