the farther away I get from him
the better I feel
and I realize
what is right
for me
is this what you feel?

because I don’t need


anyone

Time is making fun of me
she’s all
—Yeah!! Whassup girl? Yo, you feel better doncha?!? Who did that for you?!? Me!! That’s who!! Don’t believe in me?! Ya ungrateful *******!! Go on!!

and I just hang my head
sheepishly

it’s still cold at night
but so warm in my mind

it all just slips through your fingers
which is fine if you’re tired of holding things
like I was

everything is wonderful with my world
and I am happy
happy happy
it’s a beautiful evening and I love my house
my street
my job
I am lucky lucky
lucky
the breeze tells me so
in the impenetrably delicate language of chaos theory
and the setting sun
is just a setting sun
no matter how many tales it spins
into electromagnetic currents around the earth
things spin
we spin
I spin
and fall down laughing

stop freaking out
nothing is changed except everything
which is no big deal
also, I still love you and you should come
bravely
for a visit

I forgive you darling
you only need to forgive yourself
and let lovers love
it’s true
only selves can blame selves
I love your God if it has taught you this
I am happy for your good fortune
I will still fantasize about you
though not in high heels

it’s all good lover
it doesn’t hurt anymore
like I said
I’m moving on
we’ll all just take our chances

most situations are easy to explain
because humans are simple
it’s just a matter of figuring out
what kind of simple you are

what a fabulous day
a shiny, rare, legendary kind of day
with very high CP and a 3 star assessment
a day for golden razz berries and hatching eggs
hope you have a happy pokeday

you should never have performance anxiety
as you are clearly a very talented actor
and I am an easy audience
when it comes to you

I can feel my heart beating
pulsing
pounding
just not in my chest

my time with you was very disrupted this morning
now I am extremely grouchy
and needing extra coffee

I’m going to commit a ******
then we’ll have leverage on each other
which is the foundation of all trust
and I can afford the plane tickets

my fantasy won a marathon
but then passed out at the finish line
when my reality finally caught up
it quickly went to work administering cpr
they are now snuggling together by a cozy fire
both having lost the competitive drive

all you need to do is be yourself
and laugh at my jokes
well
not all of them
I don’t want you to hyperventilate

I’m in love with you
so
I hope you like me

when I was a kid
the cute little next door neighbor boy would come over every day
and knock on the door
-tink tink tink
my mom would open the door
and he always said
—can hevver and ehwin come out to play?
and we did
you should try something like that

I never know what to say
on any given day
to make things go your way

you are my catnip
you give me bad kitty thoughts

can we?
can’t we?

I’m hearing a tone
it’s emanating from the molecules that make up my brain
resonating all around me
a gentle synthesized chord
it’s really beautiful and feels amazing
or it could be a tumor

I am taking slow small breaths
in my square of sun
I am feeling wonderful
I am feeling shy
I am feeling naughty

your coaster is at the top of the track
you are about to have the ride of your life
hang on
scream if you must
but it is just the two of us here
so smile

I am painting you the most beautiful picture
a blank white canvas

I write some of my favorite stuff in the shower
thinking of you
there’s more emotional space in there somehow
and more happy
naked, wet, warm, clean, steamy happy

I dreamed I was at a massive train station
but there were too many trains
and I didn’t know which one to take
I couldn’t see the numbers on the trains
or read the schedule
or remember what the map said
then I started crying
so I walked

it is not polite to take your coffee
into a different coffee shop
especially one with bats in the belfry
that will leave guano in your cup

experimenting, with punctuation!
I never know. when is the right. time.
to punctuate;
periods! terrify me—
semicolons; are we? writing? a dissertation?
and commas.
“tie me up in knots”
let’s. experiment!
with, punctuation,

the space around me is naked and expectant
it has been yours for a long time now
your crime is negligence
I am calling social services

we’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
year after year
running over the same old ground
and how we found
the same old fears

each time I see you
I become more stupid and incapacitated
you’d better stay away
before I forget how to tie my shoes
or slip into a coma

the scrolling is making me sea sick
nauseous
I have dating vertigo 🤮

I was startled out of my body twice last night
twice!!
I floated there, momentarily weightless
before being snapped back in
it was very rude

the second time I was flashed the gateways
vividly
like a smack in the brain
wake up ya zombie!
I was all, Jesus Christ! I hear you!
lemme go back to sleep!
some of us didn’t pick up a buncha worshippers and we have to work for a living!
**** esoteric trust fund kids

I needed you then
I needed help
a smile
a hug
I needed your willingness
to be there for me
but I’ve got through it alone
just
don’t bother
if you ever did

I’d like if you could face the breakfast
and the music
it would be a great show

I just stare at the screen
the screen itself
—not any of the contents on it—
just the screen
an object of fantasy and lust
which is quite a modern fetish

everyone needs someone to think about
when they’re in a
thinking about a person kind of mood
I think about you

black, white, mud, and
the properties of light
create a reality
that becomes something different
on each side
of the lenses in my eyes

poignant voices
sweep across my skin
rippling youth from deep cells
locked
periodically
in static waves
free now, to run backwards
across my face, eyes, smile

the secret of my youthful visage:
I truly
to my bones, hearts, and quarks
do not believe in time

I enticed
I teased
I begged
I pleased

I yelled
I waited
I talked
I stalked

I sang
I danced
I ran

I smiled
I cried
I lived
I died

I came
I went
I loved

frustration rips through me
I let it pass
I’m watching it pass
like a race car on a desert track
leaving a temporary cloud of swirling dust
the sun is still warm on my back

I am suspended in a healing euphoria
I haven’t felt this for so long
my connection to greater self seemed blocked
but I am expanding now
a minor ecstatic state
integrated with my mind
swelling in my chest
my limbs are numb and beautiful
the dimensions are folding loosely inside me
portals opening
I feel an incorruptible power and purity
a gentle ineffable pleasure of peace
and rightness
in truth, I do not know what it is
I call it energy, spirit, light
I call it Love
I call it Self

sometimes, I have no skin
just raw
nerve, muscle, sinew, tendon
a flayed meat avatar
slick and red
wearing only
a nameless burning agony
calmed, satisfied, abated
somehow
through pain, and more pain
until subject and object dissociate
—I am not that
I am this other thing
this safe, perfect other thing
and she carries on
like a snake with a new skin
glistening, young, smooth
supple, wet

I’m moving on
I wish you’d come with me
but I’m moving on
I’m going to find someone
who wants to go on dates
spend time with me
in person
it doesn’t seem to be you
I can’t let either of you keep me
waiting like this
I’m moving on

I am all out of smart *** gas for the night
but I have other
more combustible sentiments
to keep you warm

he called, texted, left messages
no response
but the ad is still up!!
at this rate I’ll have to wait till his dad dies
so he can buy something on auction
you might think, the man’s in his 80’s
it can’t be long
but he’s bat **** crazy
and thinks he’s going to live to 140
and knowing bat **** crazy like I do
the ******* probably will

I have been looking at shoes all week
scrolling scrolling scrolling
through dozens and dozens of types
but I cannot find a single pair I want to try on
it’s ok, I don’t mind going barefoot
and I have very pretty feet

I can turn every moment of your life into a portrait
that I will admire
from near or far

I have this amazing handle on reality now
you would be so proud of me
I carved it myself out of driftwood
it has horns and wings
and is painted ocean sunset colors with
glitter dried seaweed streamers
it is very practical