my neighbors are
Big Fans
of military history
and every so often
when we’re hanging out
and they’ve had a few beers
I find myself thrown into
a unique kind of
Friendly Fire

if I ever saw him again
things might be different
but I don’t expect I will
so it is what it is

try explaining circumcision
to an uncircumcised 12 year old boy

I tried to hide it
the damage your actions caused
I didn’t want you to feel bad
that’s just like me
if I got stabbed
I’d worry my attacker might have hurt his arm doing the stabbing
I knew I had to fix the tear in my space though
I was slowly seeping out
becoming something I’m not

but the magnitude of damage was striking
even to myself who experienced it
I know you don’t believe in any of this
though you’ve had plenty of evidence
of inexplicable knowing
uncanny conclusions
explain it away as coincidence if you must
you can’t know me
no matter how much you watch
because you don’t believe in my fundamental existence
but I believe in you

do I still exist?
I think so
I have a house
a family
friends
I work some days, not others
I have a phone, email
various social media accounts
I am not invisible
or untouchable
or unreachable
I think I still exist
I definitely do

time is delicious this evening
sweet and spicy
deep and rich
like Mexican chocolate
or cinnamon elixir

time is content tonight
heavy and smooth
drunk with svelte pollen
over slick naked petals
and bowed branches rocking

time exists carelessly independent of me
unconcerned and lazy in it’s duties
telling me an inside joke
remember that time, he says…
and I see a small distant warmth

sometimes a song can come out of nowhere and rip you in two
a song she sang for you
only you
prepared, practiced, performed
for you
once

good lord why does it hurt so much