We went from building futures in one another's eyes
To building futures in others arms

Invisible
Irrelevant

The coldness of my being
Pained and screaming
Dying and depleting
Was only ever for your well being
With no place left for retreating
I'm afraid I won't make many more evenings
I'm sorry though
I never meant to leave you bleeding

I do not fear my end
So I freefall
Gracelessly
Out of control

Without you
But
For you
As
I was never good for you

So it's come
Years of planning
My disappearing
Death certificates
Nothing but a figure
No one among the masses
My ghosting
My new life in death
A face soon to be nameless
A second unsaid goodbye
Better left unsaid
For love sake
For my family sake

Truly uncertain
This hearts been too strained
I guess too many times betrayed
So much I've lost
More so everyone I've pushed away
Laying down with murmers
Twitching inconsitant beats
Falling in pain
This heart of mine truly is
dying
With no love but family
I worry not
For in the end
I'll be just another
Only to be forgot

Sometimes and still feeling
I had to die so she could live

There's this soul
Once
The one to waken my very own
Now
The one for which it calls
Never to see
Never to feel
Never to hold
Not ever again
Yet this soul
The only one to change me

For the betterment
Of my humanity
Through her divinity

Where does time go
When lost in pondering
A place drawn by a single person
Of beauties
To good for the likes of man

The day I watched you walk away
The very same day I'd never be the same

Like thieves
We are all
Inlove with stolen hearts

I just need to fade away
Even if I'd seen her
What would I have to say
Well honestly
She'd see me and walk away
So this had become of me
Most and if not every day
Finding my peace
In my time of wreckless grey
Broken myself over her
Withing my own minds dismay
It was the way she looked at me
Telling me to go and stay away
I guess it's just that
That's all I've left to say

Deluded ramblings
A mutation of a man
Inadequate and empty
Yearning yet still
For a love unrequited

So it is
That the poet is lost in translation
By all that was
All that shall never be

I've met Art
In the form of woman
The likes, a realm outside my reach
Afar yet so near
The likes of one still
Changed one's darkened ways
Instilled values grasped in moments
Guiding to this very day

I use to write poetry
Apon a time
Thereof a woman
Dearestly held
Another later found
The other now a mother
This one the last to make me suffer

Feelings
A mix of chemistry
I'd thought ceased to be
The thought of me with somebody
Feelings
I'd felt were dead
Outside of this poetry platform
I've used for healing
Now for someone I'm again feeling

No longer recognizing reality
In a manner of normality
At a pace unmatched
A level of meaningless ending
With a frequency depleting

I am nothing to you
I need you to break me in two

2nd dose down
Burning me to the ground
From inside out
The only thought for comfort
The one I live without

My dreams my solice
Existence my bane
Living always with so much pain

Again dreaming
Energy depleting
Yearning still
The silence of night
With the woman I still love

I haven't felt happiness
Not in a long time
Then you came to me
My mornings dream
Simply sweet
Forever with me
Oddly enough my reason to be

To a love I knew
The same love I lost
The love I'd pushed away
The love that haunts me to this day

I've let it be
However
This is it

Lee's dead
It all got to his head

There came a point
Since then
I haven't felt anything

For I the flame born of darkness
Set unto thee only for warmth
As for thee to spread light

Life isn't what it seems
Sometimes all we have is our dreams
A little lucidity between the seams
Something to show us what it all means

Dating amidst the generations of the 21st century is prioritizing someone only to become their option

I am that which is lost
I am the departed
Merely something which no longer exists

Standing alone
Amidst the killing field of one's self
Left with little of a past
Not much of a future
Hands and a mouth
Good for only destruction
With Graves to close
Years of work ahead
To fix myself further
Gragments of souls
Filling places mine once was
I have only their humanity and love
With my knowledge
Critically In use
Only for the betterment
Of those held dearly
Amidst the rubble of a once
Ever so fortified heart
I now allow the foundation of the greater good

Standing in fistfuls of blood
Shattered glass pulled to the floor
A man in hand
His doings unquestionable
Undeniable to my community
My actions just
To civilians surprise
My inner
Enraged by stupidtiy
Pained by loss
What it'd taken to release
My worlds might
I cannot project
Not my pain unto others
Standing aside
As law enforcement arrived
The situation contained
My muse
Saving not only I from
My pain
Saving mens lives
With her drive

I've failed again at being withdrawn
For an individual
I must mourn
Not for death
For a friend I do so much adore
I wish only her well being
As we stand to watch our nation healing
My concerns fleeting
I might aswell be bleeding
For tonight I go forth
Assisting my fellow countrymen
With my God at the reigns
My heart filled with love
Against those
Destroying our country
Making sure only they are fleeing

Two shotguns
Aimed at our heads
Six more men
We were **** out of fortune
A horde looting
Our lives on a line
Held up in broad daylight
Until they'd left with nothing to spare
Savages to which
My men's lives
Meant as much as a case of beer
All in mind
The safety of my men
Whether I'd ever see her face again

My homeland
Under siege
Looted and burned
To free the corrupt
The ignorance of a nation
Indoctrinated into chaos
Yet here I sit
Hoping only for the safety
The safety of all I love so dearly
Be it the love I have
The love I never had
My concerns only
For the safety of all
Where pieces of my heart resides

Time and time again
My mind runs
Far to a place it cannot be
Coinciding so sweetly with memories
There it finds solice
On a beach
Maybe at backline
Gazing back in the waves
Each time emerging
The most incredible being
Any man could ever lay their eyes on
As drawn to the earth as I
Be it the ocean
Personifying the waters of life
Most crucial of all
Glimpses of heaven
Exalted gloriously in her eyes

When will the inner me
The subconscious *****
Get a grip
You were never hers
Those soft eyes
The true stairway to heaven
The very same eyes that only saw pain
Reflections of my own distraught world
It was only care
She never loved you
Get it into your head!

Forget it

She's permanently etched
Deep within
Along fibres and neurons
From thought to coping mechanisms

You were mearly her friend
Wait
Acquaintance at most
You ****** it all up though
Just someone she now wishes she'd never known

Morning lies
My trial for error
Hearings and lawyers
My boss and his wife
Three indivuduals
I've to convince
I'm sorry
Then
Why it happened?
How could I tell them
These things in my brain
Roots to likes classified
Something I myself denied
A penalty cursing through time
With no resemblance of my old sight
I really did not mean to start a fight
It's just I've truly lost my might
You see I'm afraid I'll never someones knight
Self demise, my very own plight
I guess it's now time for me
To drift off into the night

I've never known anything easy
From love
All the way down
To work
I couldn't give myself a break
This my curse
My inability to be a burden
More so a fear
Always being too much
I drove her off
I made her hate me
Now she's forgotten me
Even worse if she thinks me a freak
Do you see?
What it's like to be me
How does one carry on being
Here I question it
Tomorrow back at it
My mind is diseased
I've purposely been torching it
I've never known anything easy
Atleast I can't allow myself the ease
My mind and soul
Now running off
Just like her
Taking the smart route
While all I know, the hard ones
I guess they had to flee
For their own safety

The fire
Once ruled my heart
The very same fire
Now torching my mind

Last night I got arrested
I snapped and strangled a coworker
I couldn't see nor hear
Fueled by pure rage
I had to fight myself to let go

Then it happened again
I went for the next one

Safe to say
I really have issues

I'm jobless now
Still the family disappointment
Now the delinquent too
Being dropped off some time to midnight
A convoy of police vans

My whole neighbourhood
I guess now they all see the delinquent in me

I've lost the plot
My mind societies game
Just another pawn

I really do have more problems than I'd hoped for

Left still to wonder
This pain inside unseen
Hopefully soon I can figure out my way
To never again be seen

Dahlia
The name of an absolute beauty
A soulful being of splender
Delight and wonder

DAHLIA
The dog
Above all others
The dog that saved me
A time I'd gone yonder
When I'd fallen for an angel

Dahlia
Her name recalling
My fondest reminiscence
Our first walk
Our walk with that woman
I'd pictured to be my wife
Leaving me now with only
Irregular breathing
My mind bleeding
Nothing more for life

Back at it self studying
Psychology
When all I'd thought
Life's what you make it out to be
Then again
It's never been for me
I'd only realized this
Knowing it wouldn't be us til eternity

Faces forever more
Foreign to me
My inability to look
All this my only fear
Seeing your eyes
The only thing I'd need
That moment
Ultimate bliss
Incomparable heartbreak
Which it'd be
I wouldn't know
I've become permanently afraid
Afraid of seeing faces

Her heart
The Grandest Sunflower
Not to wild but free
I wouldn't catch it
My fear, saved her
I had to let her be
Only truly free
Without me

Life's mysteries
That which I'd prayed
To change
Realizing
It couldve been better for me
It would've only been worse for you

I don't know what's real anymore
Back at it once more
To the moon and back
Everywhere inbetween
This crippling anguish
For a love never mine
What is this all for
That heavily barricaded door
I tried getting through
To declare one's sorrow
For a time long ago
Tirelessly I've prayed
For one I'm deprived
Endlessly ruling a withering heart
I repent
A thousand times over
A million more
It doesn't help
I guess I'll carry on
Dreaming
My only peace
Seeing her as I open the front door

For love I pushed the Dearest away
When all I want is to hold her
Burning within to this day
Could she have been my cure
The miracle I saught to save
Instead saving me
Ones kind too rare
Now lost in the wake
Seeing her be swept away
The best for her sake
Happy for her I wade off indismay
In silence and poetry I break
Solitarlily I fade

Oh how I've prayed and plea
In excruciating agony
To be free
For you and me
I feel as if thee
Were all for me
But I had to flea
Impossible I'd thought for us to be
To realise unfortunately
I couldn't even save me

For the life of me
Could our two worlds not collide
Just once more
Once more to last
Forever more

I wonder
Will there come a time
A time of clarity
One of peace
That moment of Bliss
Raw love and admiration
Apologetic

Will it devour us
Could we let it save us
If ever you and I could ever be
With you, the happiest I've ever been

It's all I dream of
Everything I crave
First and always
It's still you