I wish to write
But my throat feels tight
Words never come out right
I lose sight
My mind is a constant fight

Im getting sad again

Lets write it all out
Lets tell them all off
Lets be still
Lets go wild
Life's to short to not be all of it
Every bit of everything
All at once

They always say the right thing isn't easy.
But do they ever really explain that to us?
They never told me how hard it would be just to breath
Just to be...
They always said you'll find the strength..
But from where?
They never seem to have the answers I need.

...
We all wanna be apart
...
So we'll all play a part
...
Pretend to be
...
Instead of being truly free
...
That's suicidal art

I wonder how much a baby trusts itself to take their first steps

You said you did care
You were suppose to always be there

When I would cry...
You were suppose to be there

When I felt unworthy
...weren't you suppose to be there?
So many times
So many miscomunicated conversations
You said you did care
But you were never there
Now I'm left here
Naked and bare
Full of fear

I just need to get my mind clear
Diving into the Everclear
Its like they never hear

The end is near
Aren't you suppose to be here?

He molested me
But
Your words broke me

Can you feel

Do you hear

Its no longer ours

My dear

We all must learn how to deal

You have to heal

Ill just wait
Itll all be over soon
Raging typhoon
I just wanna see the other side of the moon
Space and all sounds sweet

Stuck in a fish bowl
How funny
I thought i was lost
Whole time
Im just trapped

Paralyzing fear stood in the midst of the rubble
    ....  a seething self...
   Hell even worldly loathing
A terrifying unknowing end;
My mind no longer works this way.

This time i see a clear palette
Clean slates
This time; i have the tools
I learned the lessons
Exclaimed my confessions
No longer a prisoner to this depression
Its only about correction

Rebuild with protection

◇◇◇
Within our definitions of the act said to be love
¤♤▪︎♤¤
Our own wants and selfish desires lay
●♧○♧●
What a shame
◇◇◇

I puked the cosmos
Dont tell me how a goddess must act
Dont try to speak to me like your intact
I just wanna float through space
Apollos

Scrambled

Maybe even a little rambled

Everything's in shambles

After all of it
Every year
Every milestone
All for a quick bust
That you didnt even get
Goes to show us
No matter how close they will hurt you
Purposefully

Arent mothers suppose to rejoice
Arent we suppose to love our life

Because i can tell you now
I dont feel love in my home.
I dont feel love in my heart.
Im cold.
I look at her and i hate myself
For not being good enough
For not doing enough
For not loving myself enough to be a happy mother.
I hate that men get to choose when to participate and when to leave.
But us mothers.
We got a duty and a responsibility.
Not a light one either
Im scared.
Im alone.
But i will not let her go without
With a heavy heart and heavy limbs
Ill keep moving forward for her to know that loving yourself is the way to greet this world with arms open wide.

How are you suppose to love yourself
When you cannot even stand who you are

I hate every inch of who ive grown to be
I hate the sound of my heavy feet
The cracks my voice makes due to insecurity i hold

Ive never known a gentle touch to my heart
Yet i yearn for it
For a feeling ive never had
I wish so badly to posses such a love

It's how life goes
▪︎
Salvation or damnation
▪︎
I guess I made this commitment
to my own earthly damnation
▪︎
My soul aches for Death's imperishable touch of salvation
○●○
One or the other
Never inbetween
Isn't this how life goes
●○●

Hold tight

But that silver lining never in sight

They told me to jump

And i just might

Now?
Well, now...
I keep your pillows set the way you had them.
I havent turned the fan off
In small hope you wont get too hot out there
I just hope one day you can see
...
I only wanted you to be free with me

Well; I got something to tell
¤☆¤
You arent what i expected
Just everything
The adernaline, The yells, Your hugs
Might not know it, maybe you just lose sight
But you're my best friend
And who tf says a best friend isnt a soul mate
Ive undoubtly created a soul tie again. Just a different one than usual.
No expectations
No feeling the need to hide
Just being with another being
What a beautiful ******* sight
Im scared this may be too much
Or crossed a boundary

I do not expect you to reciprocate
But it wont change this pure love for you.
Youre my biggest supporter. A **** good friend. I love your advice. The aura

I can never repay you for the help/support youve given me in my mental health journey.

Im never leaving you.
I love every ****** up piece of you.