Going through my old school copybooks and notes,
The scribbles and drawings portray the mind
of someone ill-at-ease with the world,
Yet they summon odd nostalgia.

In the calm of the room, by the window's
fading sunlight, I leaf through
my secondary school biology experiment book

There are lines and references to Gordan Freeman
from Half-Life 2, and other art media of the time,
such as quotes from Heisenberg in Breaking Bad
and embarrassingly detailed instructions
and cost estimates for synthesizing MDMA.
Maybe it's for the best I didn't take chemistry.
Then again, the margins of my third-level notes
contain updates on darkweb marketplaces of old
as well as Anglo-Saxon poetry and Game of Thrones.

I wonder about my metaphysical health during these times
but make no judgements on fond memories
of old friends, home comforts.

Strange, these moments
from past lives.

Such power runs thru
cascading technology,

So driven is the word
spread thru comms networks
and uttered by multifarious devices;

Soon consumed
by feedback and
amplified until it

subsides for lack of dopamine, and then:
Soothed by new content a cascade begins again.
Socials can feel like a perpetual, unstructured interview
but think what a novel form of interrogation it is
and what a humane place this is become;

Yet some still hold to their crypt
over this brave new world
and the people in it.

Yesterday's analog echoes,
Today's digital samples,
Tomorrow's quantum timbre

will change how we hear ourselves
or determine our fantasies.

Thus passes a lifetime.

After a long break I feel refreshed,
I had been working such that
my focus was waning.

Semper amicis hora,
I must pray and work
with love, rhythm and change.

Each of our
human disciplines
seems to have their epistemic
crutch to lean on, whether it
be Science and objectivity,
Politics and democracy
Philosophy and truth,
Psychology and self,
Religion and faith,
Law and reason,
Logic and truth,
Poetry and
meaning,

We stray
from epoch
to epoch, from
paradigm, milieu
or scene to moments
we share Between Two
Worlds; we'll stand in time.

What do you feel you need:
Stability, resilience and focus
to see me through a new chapter of my life.

What do you hope to receive:
Re-connection and clarity,
To be comfortable, strong and confident in myself.

How will you integrate afterwards:
Through breathing, movement, sound.

By leaning into the fear we find our strength,
We reclaim our voice, and thus our story.

Notice the place in the body
where you feel the sensation,
Breath into this, feel its warmth and have self-compassion.

Trust in the world. Care for yourself. Be around people.
Accept you're not in control
but direct the flow of things.

Hear me shatter and dissolve
like a pane of ice dropped on a warm floor.
Barefoot, I stumble home
and wonder whether sensation is egoless

and why cognition is not; but of course
serius est quam cogitas.
I find myself in memories so distant
they are like past lives,
I am so changed, mutation, smoldering;
I remind myself

I am awash with this stuff, day-dreams
and stupor, imaginings, and visions.

The life I lived when I had those dreams
I only catch glimpses of in my sleep.
So strange, with Eternal September over

and everything in flux, the world is
full of potential, possibilities, panta rhei
and thence everything flows