Writing, the mouth that speaks the words for you.
Writing, the bridge over the gap to get words across.
Writing, the boat to sail over the sea of silence.
Writing, the opportunity to let your heart do the talking.
Writing, the only thing to which you can truly say "Actions speak louder than words."

I love this website, it's the well in which I can let my feelings fall to never see them again.
It's a place to share your feelings with others, maybe even to start friendships.
It's always been nice to see that someone started following you, that people show an interest in your work.
Same with following others, you show interest in what other people write.

But for some reason, I can't follow others anymore, I can't show my interest in other people's writings, and people can't or don't want to see my work, and it hurts...

Now, it feels like I'm starting all over again, from the time that I was just a lonely, miserable boy...

It was the 16th of October 2014, I was at a friend's house, well, guy I know from school, and we were drinking. It was around that day that negativity came to the doorstep and rang the doorbel and me foolish enough to open the door. We were drinking, I drank some more, we were laughing, and then.....

Total blackout....

I woke up in the hospital the next morning and I got word that I was a lucky guy.... if the ambulance came a minute later....let's say I wouldn't be here sharing my writings with you....

I was never a believer, but since that day I'm convinced that someone gave me a second chance.....

The heart, a powerful thing, yet so fragile. It's capable of loving hundreds of people, it can cause forgiveness and compassion. Yet, it only takes 1 simple word to break that powerful thing into thousands of pieces, causing millions of tears to be shed.

Here I am, laying in my bed at 3am in the morning.
My mind went to sleep hours ago, but my eyes are wide open.
My mind went to sleep hours ago, yet thoughts race through my mind like formula 1 cars. Thoughts race through my mind, and they keep me wide awake.
All I want is you here in my arms and I need you to make the thoughts go away, so we can fall asleep together, holding eachother.

The sparkle in your eyes burns like a recently lit candle.

The subtle hint of mystery in your face is so small yet so defining, almost like a cricket, barely visible yet so appearent.

There this look in your eyes that pierces right through my soul like a hot knife through butter.

Your beauty struck me like a well shot bullet, and I didn't dive away, instead I took the hit and let it take the best of me.

He's walking down the street.
He's walking like he's totally fine, but if you'd look better, you'd see the pain and suffering that linger within him.
He's walking down the street, enduring the same thing as always, people walking past him, either ignoring him, following him with their eyes or make comments: "Look at him haha", "Look at that fatso", "Hey fatty", "Look at how ugly he is".
Those are just some of the things he has to hear, usually followed up by people laughing at him for his looks.
If only someone would make me see or realise that I'm good just the way I look and am, then maybe, just maybe I'd enjoy being outside...

I've found you after years of total silence. We immediately resumed our lives together as if we were never separated. Happiness ruled our friendship, until that one day...that one day on which your entire was knocked out by a devastating hit of depression and sadness. Now, all I do is try to make you feel better, and even though I do my best, you act like I'm the bad guy, like I'm the one that knocked you out. I just want you to look me in the eyes and say those 2 beautiful words: Thank you...

I see her everyday,
I talk to her everyday.

I see her everyday, yet she feels like a complete stranger. She's always smiling, yet I sense the sadness in her smile.
She always says she's okay, but I hear the sadness in her voice. Her eyes, the gateway to her soul.
Her soul, filled with little creatures ******* away her happiness.
She's had these bugs for years, yet I haven't noticed them at all.
I have known her for many years, yet I don't know her at all.

My body gets filled with anger running from a faucet. My anger just keeps building up, and the core temperature is rising and rising. The pressure is increasing and increasing. I'm slowly but certainly reaching my boiling point: the point on which I explode and let out all the anger, and since I'm on my own, I'll have to take it all out on myself. I'll hurt myself....Stopping that from happening is as simple as pulling the plug and letting the water drain away, but unfortunately, I've lost the drain.....

Why do I still live?
Why am I still on this Earth if I don't have any talents or skills to fulfill any purpose?

Those are just some of the questions and thoughts that run through my mind every day.

Day in, day out, I think about myself, so basically I think about nothing.

Those thoughts fill up my mind, and it's only a matter of time before I explode.

I try to channel the thoughts into my pen, but it's getting harder to focus.

If only someone could defuse the bomb that's called Davy...

I'm a bubble. A tiny bubble filled with anger, sadness and every negative emotion. As the days go by, I grow bigger and bigger, waiting for the point where I pop... And I will be gone, forgotten, reduced to a few tiny drops of nothing, that soon will evaporate like water on a hot plate. That, what was once a bubble, will soon be a vague memory.

I really really really really really really really like you, and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?

Pain, anger, sadness...
Those are just some of the things I feel when we have yet another fight.
You...you always blame me for everything.
I thought you were special...
I've always hoped you would be different...
I've always hoped that you would look past my many, many flaws and take me for who I am....
Well, I was wrong...

Now, you're just another face in the crowd, nothing special...
I wish it would be different, but it seems fate decided to play one of his cruel games again...

Down by the riverside, on a log right next to the water, I sit.
I stare at a point across the river, letting the sunlight reflect into my eyes. The ripples travel across the river. I see myself in the river.
I think back to the good times we had. We laughed, we smiled, we enjoyed the moments. I gave you my heart, and you gave me yours.
I gave you my heart, held together with tape, hoping that you would treat it with care...
I hoped, but it didn't happen.
You broke my heart, crushed it like a bug.
My heart has now shattered into millions of tiny splinters, and it will be virtually impossible to tape it back together.
All because you decided to squeeze in my heart a little too hard...

The wind blows through the open window, the curtains rustle. The candles on the drawers leave a flickering shadow on the wall.
On the bed is the reason for the shadow: two people, a man and a woman, sit there, covered by nothing more than a sheet. They hold hands. Their eyes meet. Their heads get closer to each other. Their lips meet and passion erupts. They passionately kiss, running their hands over each other's naked bodies. She brings out a soft moan as his hand goes between her legs. She strokes his manhood and together they bring out soft moans. She whispers in his ear: "make love to me". He lies her down on her back. He spreads her legs and makes love to her. He makes love to her like never before. He makes her feel like a woman again. She moans and pants, sliding her hands over his sweaty chest.
Then, after hours of love making, disaster strikes...

I'm 18 years old. All these 18 years, I've been alone, living in nearly complete silence. I always enjoyed being lonely and silent.
But since my near-death, this has changed. Now I hate being lonely, it eats away at me, it breaks me down. I used to live by silence, now the silence is slowly killing. The silence screams at me, telling me things I don't like. "You're nothing.", "You're no good to anyone.", "People don't want you around.". The silence burnt these words into my mind, I get reminded of them every day. I try so hard to just have at least 1 friend in my life, but now, I'm convinced even that is too much to ask...

What you see is not always what you get. People might look nice and good on the outside, but they can be the worst on the inside. They might act happy and outgoing, but maybe the monster that lurks in the dark depts of their soul is eating away at them, soon leaving nothing more than that what once was a wonderful person.

Ever since I very nearly died, I believed in you.
I believed there was someone that gave me a second chance in life.
I went to church and read the Bible to find religion.
I always thought you were a warm, kindhearted person who shaped this Earth for the good of mankind, but it turns out you're just an evil mastermind who enjoys playing sick, cruel games with people.
I've prayed for you to take me under your wing, but now I pray for you to get the **** away.

God, even though you live in people's hearts and you're immortal, you're dead to me.

Why?
Why is it so hard for people to keep things simple?
Why is it so hard to just take the known roads, instead of taking undiscovered paths?
Why is it so easy to do difficult things, and so difficult to do easy things?

I ask myself these questions several times, and it just seems like there's no answer to any of them.

If only people could just take time to explore the simple, known things and avoid difficulties, then maybe, just maybe this world wouldn't be this messed up place....

The dream world, a beautiful place where everything is possible and anything can happen. Every night a random dream makes the trip from the dream world to my mind, and every day, I hope and hope that one of those good dreams will come true and bring a nice change in this cold, everyday place...

Dreams, they can be about anything. About our biggest fears, or our deepest desires.
Sometimes you dream about a girl so beautiful that she can't possibly exist outside the dream world.
Sometimes you dream about dying or about anything else.
Dreams, they last hours, you feel they only last a few minutes and most of the time you don't remember them.
Dreams, for that moment of surreality they can make you feel great, but then, when you wake up, you realise it's no longer a dream, I woke up in a nightmare.

I...I wanna throw in the towel...I wanna forfeit the match...
I'm just done trying...I just don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve anything. You keep telling me it's gonna be okay, telling me I'll find someone, telling me my life will be better, but as the days go bye, my hope fades away everyday...it just goes ****...
I'm sorry to say this, but I guess this is goodbye...

Everytime...
Every ******* time...
Everytime I look at myself, I don't see a young boy, I see a bag of sadness and misery, tied together by depression and ugliness.

All around me, I see people who look at themselves without making disgusted faces, or people who have others to tell nice things about them to make them smile...

Not me...
I'm all alone, I have to carry this baggage by myself...all by myself.

Summer should be the season in which people are happy, but for me, it's winter all year every year

I thought I knew you, yet I don't.
I thought I loved you, yet I feel nothing.
I thought you were always there for me, yet it feels like you're not.
I thought you were my father, yet you feel like a stranger.
You live in the same house as me, yet it feels like we're thousands of miles apart.
I thought I had a father, yet you only feel like the man who gave me life.

"Snap out of it"
That's the advice I get. Nothing more, nothing less, just that.

How, in the god forsaken world this is, can that be helpful advice?

Having negative thoughts has a serious effect on your life, and if it really was that easy to just "snap out of it", then why the **** are there still so many people with negative thoughts?

"Snap out of it"...people want me dead, but hearing that sentence hurts more...

Giving you my heart was the dumbest move I've made.

There I am, trapped in a cage of depression and negativity, like a parrot kept as a pet, nowhere to go, unable to live life like I should. I'm thinking back to the times before I was locked in this cage, enjoying life and being happy. Now, the only thought on my mind is: "Somebody please unlock this cage and make me feel it once again, my freedom"

"I'm here for you", that's what you said.
"I always help you", that's what you said.
"I appreciate your help", that's what you said.
"I don't love you back", that's what you said.
"You're a selfish *******", that's what you meant.

Every second of every day I was there for you. I did my best to make you feel better. I did what every best friend would do, but you got mad at me, we fought and now...we're no more than just friends...

It's scary how words can leave a more devastating result than any given weapon.

Home, a place of your own.
A place where you don't have to worry about others.
A place where you're in charge of what happens.

Home, a safe haven.
A place to run to if you're scared or upset or anything.
A place that offers shelter from the evil that lurks outside.

Home, the base of your life.
A place where you take care of things.
A place where you go to sleep every night and wake up every morning.

Home, it can be big, it can be small, but what really matters is that you can say "Home, sweet home".

Why do you talk to me?
Why do you spend your time typing words to me?
Why do you wanna talk with me, Davy, the friendly neighborhood loser...?

All I do is hurt you, yet you keep talking to me...
All I do is **** you off, yet you keep talking to me...
All I do is upset you, yet you keep talking to me...

You keep talking to me, despite your hatred towards me...
You keep talking to me, but actually you want me dead...
You keep talking to me, because no matter how much I do wrong, I'm the only thing inside your head

Years have gone by. Years in which I've sometimes felt lonely and scared.
Years in which dark clouds sometimes gathered over my happiness.
Years in which the feeling of despair to find a girlfriend became stronger and stronger.
I know I'm only 18, I know I shouldn't worry about love.
That's why I've learnt this one very wise lesson: Looking for love is a hopeless quest and will only take you further away from love. You should let love find its way towards you and bury itself into your heart.

Where are you?
I need you...
I need you to embrace me...
I need you to wipe away my tears...
I need you to accept me...
I need you to just be there for me...
Forget those other things, just be there for me, I beg you, cause no matter how hard I've tried, this a war that cannot be fought on my own.

One of the first hot daye this summer. People enjoying the beautiful weather. Children playing in the streets. People walking around in a happy mood and with smiles on their. Yet, there I am. I don't enjoy the nice weather. I feel cold and I'm wrapped in a blanket of sadness and loneliness, with a few patches of despair. In my head, it's just another rainy day. If only someone would take the time to bring some sunshine into my day...

How could you do this to me, your best friend?
How could you play me like this?
A few months ago, I told you I was in love with you. You told me that you weren't in love with me, but that it could come. I have held hope from that day forward, thinking about you finally telling me you love me too!
But then...
But then you flew into the arms of some other guy, telling me you're deeply in love with him...
I have held hope, but now, all of that is now crushed, and it just shows once again what people are capable of....

I'm lonely, yet not alone.
I'm cold on a hot day.
I'm dark in the brightest of lights.
I'm bad to everyone's good.
I'm a waste of everyone's space and air.
I'm hideous in this superficial world.
I have no purpose in this society where everyone has purpose.
I have absolutely no talent in this talented community...

I guess the only 'positive' thing I can say about me is "I am"

People, I'm stuck with this thought...
I'm thinking about leaving HP...
It's nice to have a place to be yourself, and it's nice to have a place where you can be honest, but it just feels like some people make fun of me, like they don't take me seriously...
I know not all of you do that, don't get me wrong...
This thought is just pulling me away from the one place I can be who I am, and I just hope people can and want to talk me out of it...

If only you could be there...
If only you could be there when I crash after a long ride of happiness.
If only you could be there when I fall out of the sky after a flight of joy.
If only you could be there when I crumble under the weight of my own problems.
If only you could be there when all the walls close in on me and for a tiny box around me.

If only you could be there to be the pillow that reduces the crash impact.
If only you could be there to be the tree that breaks my fall.
If only you could be there to form a safety structure to stop me from completely crumble apart.
If only you could be there to break the walls before they close in on me.
If only you could be there..

I'm ready...
Ready to give up...
Ready to leave this cruel world...
Ready to leave this cold and very lonely place...
Ready to say goodbye to whatever I have...
I doubt anyone would miss me...
I doubt anyone cares about me...
I doubt people like me...
I know I don't have much to offer, but please, just please look past my exterior shell and see what kind of person I am inside......

What should I do?
On one hand, writing soothes me, keeps me calm, it's a way of expressing my feelings, I enjoy it.
On the other hand, I feel like I'm making you guys bored, it feels like my writings have lost meaning, like it's just a bunch of words written down by a pathetic loser.

Please, what should I do?

I need you, but I can't seem to find you...

Pretty girls, I see them walking all around.
I see them walking and I think to myself: I should start a conversation with her, maybe we could get to know each other, but me being the insecure loser I am, keeps walking and walking past them and with every girl I pass, the regret builds up.

Why is it so hard for me to just say hello...?

I know I'm ugly and uninteresting, but saying hello can't harm anyone...

I just want to be able to say hello to girls that seem nice, and I want them to be friendly to me as well, but maybe I just don't deserve to meet girls...

Is it too much to ask for respect towards eachother?
Is it too much to accept eachother for who he or she is?
Is it too much to ask to stop all the namecalling and to stop making fun of people about their looks?
Is it too much to just treat eachother in a normal way?
I'm not the best-looking, cutest, funniest, most interesting guy, I found that out a long time ago.
And just when I reach the point of loving myself just a little bit, someone comes and knocks the foundation from right under me.
Is it really too much to help eachother build a foundation, instead of breaking it down?

Jealousy, a bad feeling to have.
I've been taught that jealousy is bad and useless.
Jealousy isn't gonna give you what the other has.
I've stayed true to that my whole life...
But as I stare out the window, into the street, and I see all those happy people, those happy couples, people hanging with their friend groups, I feel this sensation inside me slowly growing and growing.
Jealousy, best to avoid it, cause it can break ya.

I'm Davy, an 18-year-old boy from a small town in the Netherlands. My hobbies are drawing and writing poetry. You mighy not see it, but when you take Route 66 through my eyes into my soul, you'll see a distorted world, full of chaos. I tell people I am what I am and they just have to accept it, but deep down, I know that I'm a nobody, a waste of space, just another leaf on the tree, just another drop of rain, nothing more than a piece of thin air, hoping that someone will make me feel special and loved again...

Love and Hate, involved in an Eternal War since the beginning of times.
Love and Hate, constantly fighting to gain control over the heart.
Love and Hate, always on the battlefield as foes, but sometimes they laid down their weapons for a while and fought together as allies.
Love would be in control for a while and then Love would casually step aside so Hate could take its place and make the heart crumble a bit, more and more with every type of foul play by the two.
Love and hate, Right and Wrong, Light and Darkness, normally each other's foes, but occassionally each other's allies.

Your loved ones can sometimes hurt you more than 'strangers'.

True love, one of the most valuable things in life, maybe the most valuable, yet so hard to find.

True love, a gift from God, only handed out to a certain group of people.

True love, such a beautiful thing to have, yet a killer if you don't have it.

Regular love isn't something I deserve, so I'm sure true love is definitely way out of my league.

All I want is for someone to say to me "I like you", and actually mean it, cause then I have something to fall back to if I have a depressed moment