Here I am, trapped in an invisible cage, having stones of hate and anger thrown at me. It's been a year since the cage closed itself around me, and with every day that goes by, the cage gets smaller and this feeling becomes more suffocating.
But the urge to get out of this is getting bigger and bigger. I'm finally starting to return pressure.
Now it's only a matter of time before I break out of this cage and finally become that free boy that's been locked away all this time.

Looking into the mirror, I see this 'ideal image' of myself.
I see a happy young boy without a tear-stained face, enjoying life without any worries.
Unfortunately, the real me is the complete opposite....

Looking into the mirror, I wanna grab ahold of the 'ideal me', pulling him out of it, and place myself in it, so that I can finally live life without any worries.

Funny how writing can have more meaning than speech.
Funny how a bit of ink on a paper can have more effect than words spoken out by yourself.
Funny how a pen is able to say every single word your mouth can't.
Funny how a bit of paper with some words can make people interested in you when people couldn't care less about you by words.
Funny how this world can become a different place by writing.
Funny...

Money can be your best friend if you have it, yet it can also destroy everything you have.
Money can buy you anything you like, but at the same time the 'hunt' for money and things can, like drugs, consume you and change you.
It can cause you to push away everyone close to you and it can form a paper money wall around you that stops anyone from getting through.
Money can buy you a lot,  but it can't buy you love and respect for who you are, which seems to be missing in this so called 'united world'.

Why is it so hard?
Why is it so hard for guys to treat a girl like you treat others?
Why is it so hard for guys to stop looking for living Barbies and give every girl a fair chance?
Why is it so hard for guys to look a girl in the eyes instead of eying her looks?
Why is it so hard for guys to see a girl as a person instead of a talking *** doll?

Every girl is beautiful in her own way, and every girl is just as much of a human being as everyone else...

A new school, a new beginning. A new chance to meet new people and a new chance for people to see who you really are. A way to prove yourself, a way to feel better, a way to realise that you do get accepted for who you are. You're not a failure, you just haven't been around people that much the past few months. The first week of college, and you've already made new friends, new people you can spend the year with. A new start, a new beginning.

Baby girl, I'm here for you.
Baby girl, I'm here to help.

If you have problems, don't hesitate to come to me. My arms are open wide, my ears wide open.
I will be there for you whenever I can, if only you'd accept that you can't do it alone, and accept help from this miserable man.

Once again...once again I have this feeling of being a nobody...
Once again... once again I'm just a slice of thin air, a waste of space...
Once again...once again I feel useless, worthless and meaningless...
I just want to be loved, is that so hard?!
I just wanted to be loved and taken for who I am, once again....

It's not enough to say "I'm perfect", it's perfect to say "I'm enough"

Good looks and perfection seem to be the standards in this distorted place we call Earth.

Well, news flash: no one's perfect, we all have our flaws!

To me, the people that are perfect are those people that stay true to themselves! No good looks (looks fade), but the ability to stay loyal and true to yourself, and most important,the ability to listen to your own heart without people whispering things for it.

There I was, a lonely, depressed, desperate, worthless young boy. Friendless, loveless...
I gave up all hope a long time ago, but then...I met this truly amazing girl and she made me realize that there are people who care about me, people that are there for me when I need it. After that, I met some more people, but I wanna say "Thank you so much for bringing me back my hope" to her.
Not just to her, but to everyone. You guys are truly amazing people, each and everyone of you!

My life used to be a cloudy place, but now, rays of sunlight burn through them, bringing back the light I missed for a long time

I might be someone's secret love, I might just be no one's love at all, but for now, I'm just a friendless, loveless young man.

I'm always there for people, yet no one sees me. To everyone I'm just a piece of thin air, to some maybe even a waste of space.

I always try to help, yet no one appreciates it. Everyone rejects any form of help I offer, some even reject me.

Some people say they're lonely but not alone...well, I'd be a happy guy if I could say that too.

Respect, a big thing, yet it's so hard to get.

The moonlight reflects on the motionless puddle of water in front of me. The lights leaves an undefined shadow figure on the brick wall next to me. The figure is shapeless, just a lump. A pointy, rocky lump. Like a **** of clay, waiting to be molded into a proper shape or figure, I too wait for someone to take me for the shapeless **** of clay I am and mold me into the thing I want to be: human.

Her lips are sealed together. Her voice is hidden away inside, waiting to burst through the shame that seals her lips like superglue. Her shoulders are hanging down, like the twigs of a willow. Her eyes are white waterballoons, that are ready to burst. Her hands are folded together, like the only person she trusts, is herself. I can see that she wants someone that will remove the superglue, pop the balloons and who will unfold her hands and guide her down this road, taking a right turn at the end, towards happiness

Soaring high in the sky, slowly crumbling down into flakes, falling down like snow.
I hit the ground, people walk over me, cars drive over me, dogs **** on me...
I stay for a few days, and then I evaporate, lost into the dark voids of the earth.
Snow just keeps getting reproduced, but me, Davy, I'm one of a kind, I'm unique in my own way, would be lost, lost forever...

There's so much I wanna say to you, so many words that need to be spoken, but my mouth just can't produce those words. Whenever I try to talk to you, I become this newborn child that hasn't learnt how to speak yet. It's like fear is holding my mouth shut.
There's so much that has to be said, so I'm letting my pencil do the talking. My pencil isn't afraid to say the words. Its lips aren't held together by fear.
There's so many words that need to be spoken. If not by mouth, then by pencil.

I see you sitting there, your hair waving in the wind like the leaves, your eyes sparkling like the water's surface, your smile so illumating that it lights up even the darkest of times.

Whenever I see you, it's as if time comes to a stand-still, as if I get surrounded by a brick box with a hole just big enough so that it only focuses on you. Whenever I hear you, your voice echoes through my head.

I know I'm just some guy to you, but I want you to know that you are the music  that lacked in this concert known as life.

WHY CAN'T I  DO ANYTHING RIGHT?
IS IT TOO MUCH TO JUST NOT HATE ME?
WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG TO DESERVE THIS?

It was a beautiful, warm, sunny first day of July. Not a single cloud to be seen, not a drop of rain to be heard.
Everyone enjoyed this day, including me.

But then...

At work, it was me and 2 other people. From the moment I got there, I felt abandoned añd neglected. I felt like I was one of the products, not like an employee.

Ever since 12pm, the start of my work day, my  good mood got swept off it's feet by a well placed swing of neglection, abandonment and despair.

"Davy, you're so friendly, you do a good job." All lies...

Truth, honesty: 2 things everyone can offer, but not a chance in hell that someone will be truthfully honest to me...

People always have a high expectation of me for some reason.
Those expectations always turn out to be too high, since I can never seem to live up to them.

This ****** up world is full of overly ambitious people, who only perfection, nothing less.

When will the day come that they realise perfection is a expectation too ambitious for any human being? Being perfect doesn't exist, you can say you gave it 100%, but that's never a full 100,000000%. It is and will always be 99,9999999%.

When will the day come that people lower their standards, and give every single person an equal chance to do right is this wrong place?

There she walks, that girl.
There she talks, that girl.
There she goes around, keeping up the appearance that everything's okay, but as I look into her eyes, I see the pain she suffers from and I see the tears she tries to hold back. Whenever she smiles, I can read the despair from her face. Whenever she talks, I can hear the shout for help in her voice. Me and her might not look the same, but on the inside, we're perfect twins.

18 years ago, I stood at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive. I got on, but without any set destination.
I just rode and rode, taking whichever route the bus took.
Now, 18 years later, I still ride, still follow the route.
Unfortunately I notice that people leave the bus while it is in motion, because it doesn't take them where they want to go, and I've experienced a few stand-stills, but I remain on the bus.
I keep riding the bus, hoping that it will take me along the right route, out of this *******, into better times.

This moment has come again, this moment of complete emptiness.
First my head was full of thoughts and ideas and inspiration, and now..... everything's disappeared, ****** away in a vacuum cleaner.

This moment has come again, this moment in which my life is an empty void, a dark hole.

Why? Why can't I have someone in my life to fill the void?

What have I done to deserve this?

Please...make it stop....

I hate you...
Three little words...
Three little words, holding enough power to destroy a human being...
Three little words I've heard many times in my life...
The sad thing is, the reasons why people don't like me all seem to be true...

Is it really too much to ask for three  little words that can mend a already devastated heart?

To love...
To love is to always be there for each other.
To love is to accept each other and say: "You are who you are and I'm happy with it."
To love is to be each other's sunlight in the darkness.
To love is to reach out to one another when they need it.
To love is to be able to look past tiny flaws.
To love is to love when you can say "I love you" truthfully.
A wise man once said: "In order to be able to truly love others, you must first be able to love yourself."
I keep waiting for the day that I can look a girl in the eyes and say "I love you", but to do that, I must first love this miserable pile of **** known as Davy.

Skinny, ******* and large butts...that seems to be what some guys call "beauty", but if they'd only take a moment to look at a girl's eyes and use them as a window to her soul, they might realize that people can be way different on the inside. Use those eyes to look at her soul and when she still seems great, then you can say "She's beautiful"

"There's a silent storm inside me, looking for a home. I hope that someone's gonna find me, and say that I'll belong. I'll wait forever and a lifetime, to find I'm not alone and there's a silent storm inside me...and someday I'll be calm."

For those of you who don't know it, it's the chorus to Silent Storm by Carl Espen. I really love this song because every word could be said by me. It's just so similar to how I feel...

When I first heard the song I thought: the melody went through my mind and formed the lyrics out of my thoughts.

This was a night like no other.
I layed in bed wide awake, but incredibly exhausted.
Something inside my brain kept poking it, keeping me up all night.
Drops of sweat, sweat from the warmth, sweat from insecurity rolled down my face, mixed with the salty waterfalls coming from my eyes.
All I could think about was death, death and death.
What it would be like if I was dead, how people would react if they found out Davy was no more...

I already had the blade against my wrist, ready to end it all, but right when I was ready to cut...I couldn't...
It was as if someone was holding my arm, trying to keep me alive to live another day.

I don't know who or what it was, but it saved my life...

Me, a miserable boy, just roaming this world, cloaked in a cape of sadness and negativity.
Me, nothing more than just a spec of dust.
Me, sitting here, being the failure I am.
I'm so lonely...yet not alone, cause you came into my life.
We only talk on HP, but I already consider you a close friend.
You care about me, you are there for me in times of sadness.
To you, and to everyone else who (silently) cares about me, I wanna say: Thank you for keeping the knife away from my wrists...

You and me...a very special combination.
We're the pinball inside the machine, we bump into everything and we are just as unpredictable.
The first moment we can start the day friendly, the next we bash each other's skulls.

You and me...a duo made in heaven, or a duo raised from hell?

This place by the river, this beautiful spot. I come here whenever it gets too much, too much to bear.
I just come here and stare, stare at nothing, just stare straight ahead.
I listen to the wind, brushing through the leaves, I listen to the motion of the water, I listen to people passing by.
Whenever I have no inspiration to write about my feelings, I come to this place, to let the thoughts get carried away by water and air.

I come to this beautiful place, this place, so beautiful and soothing, it's the poem that never has to be written.

An empty room, no chairs, no light, no whatever.
An empty room, except for 2 people.
2 people, complete strangers to each other.
2 people in an empty room, saying nothing, just listening to the alternating sounds of breathing, with an occassional cough and sigh.
2 people, saying nothing, only breathing.
Breathing, which after a few minutes formed a perfect alternation.
2 people, walking around in a perfect circle, without them knowing.

They picked up each other's "actions", without knowing the other or having seen the other.
Just 2 people, complete strangers, walking in a circle towards each other.

Soon, their worlds will collide and become 1.

When I walk outside, I see all these happy couples around me.
Young, old, same ***, it doesn't matter, they're happy couples.
Just that sight drills me even deeper into the ground.
All I think is: What do I do wrong? Is it because I'm ugly? Is it because I'm lame, weird, stupid, boring, uninteresting?
I just want someone to love and who loves me for who I am.
I wanna walk outside, being one of those happy couples...

When I'm with you, I become a completely different person.
When I'm with you, I turn from this lonely piece of crap into Superman.
When I'm with you, I feel like I can move mountains. I feel like I'm on top of the world, instead of in the deepest depths.

You are my addiction, my drug. You make me feel free and good about myself and you clear my mind of all those negative thoughts.

I don't know how you do it, but when I'm with you, I become the person I've always wanted to be...

Why?
Why is it so hard?
Why is it so hard for people to just look at others without judgment?
Why is it so hard for those people to just respect others, no matter what race, religion, *** or whatever?

I'm glad I'm not part of that group, I'm glad I know how to give respect and I'm glad that I don't have to feel guilty about hurting others by calling them ugly or stupid or whatever.

I'm glad I'm part of that small group of people that actually tries to be respectful in this cruel, cold world.

I'm just laying here in this lonely bed, looking through my notifications, and tears pop up in the corners of my eyes.
For once, they aren't tears of sadness...

Seeing all those positive notifications, people liking my writings, people giving sweet comments, it just starts to mend my crushed heart a little.
For once in a long, long time, I have a feeling that people actually like what I say, do or write.

I know all of this sounded pathetic, but I just wanna say, to everyone, thank you, from the bottom part of my broken heart...

Words, either the most beautiful things or the deadliest weapon.
Words, they can lift someone up when they're down or bring someone down when they're up.
Words, they can mend a broken heart or break a complete heart.
Words, capable of both healing and hurting, loving and hating.
Words, they can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

You and I, converged as one.
You and I, connect by a (seemingly) unbreakable.
You and I, forever till the end of time, or so it seemed.
Years of friendship, washed away by that one day. That one moment on which our friendship was reduced to being acquaintances.
We've known eachother for years, yet, on that moment, we showed sides that neither one of us has ever seen.
I showed an evil side, and I'm sorry.

You, the one I wanted to run away with.
I, well, what's there to say? I ****** up again, like I always do...I'm just a failure...
For everything I've ever done wrong...I'm sorry...

Your words...
Your words, sneaky as a slithering snake, pierced through my heart without notice.
Your words scar me more than any blade could do.
Your words make me bleed more than any of my cuts.
Your words, spoken so innocently, yet so cruel, killed me.
They tore out my soul and ripped it to pieces, like a plain piece of paper.
Your words, the sharpest, most painful weapons imagineable.....

You, you are the sunshine of my dark days.
You, you are what keeps me warm on a cold winter's night.
You, you are the tissues that wipe away my tears.
You, you are the bandaids that stop the bleeding.
You, you are the sparkle I see during brief moments of happiness.
You, you are everything I need.

Unfortunately, you are just a dream...