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I wanted it to be you
I wanted it to be you so badly
but I am not Alice
and this is not my wonderland

j.f
~ i dont know really.
It kept me
numb
and numb was the
only feeling I
was searching
for.

I used enough
in those days
to avoid
feeling any
type of emotion
for too long.

And when I
cried,
it was mostly
over a memory
of a time when
I should
have cried
but
was too numb
to care.
Originaly "Still Moving On"
"Fell Full Of Empty"
apathetic her eyes glued to the autumn door
leaves gathered there rustle like dry skin
feel the memory of hands cold and dry
smell the christmas ornaments and cookies
the knowledge hidden never really known only hinted
that knowledge has eyes that watch
has a mouth that silently recites each footstep
each tenfold lie

apathetic the spurned take root in shadow
and there delve ever deeper into the dark hand
its ever present fingers prying at the minds cavities
seeking that wet meat stench
and the apathetic eyes shudder and turn away
you cannot bear this alone
speak to me
but small gestures don't suffice
apathetic eyes locked away behind silent white doors
muted by the sound
of autumn leaves rustling in the doorway
like old dry skin

she shudders and a sound like fear escapes her dry lips
standing she turns to leave
but finds the plain white door barring her way
its ornate handle defies her
she collapses to the window
where she watches mutely fall leaves
dance in cold wind
scraping on the wet pavement
with a sound of horror's
christmas approaches once more
an old man in the cold of night
brimming with terrifying cheer
his blood red suit his sack of corpses
(a product of a rainy day)
she cradled the thought of me in the eyes of her heart
and constructed me from fragments
of what she had thought she knew
with deliberate care stitched the pieces
of her self deceptions to the fabric of reality's rags
a wedding cake of circumstance and make believe
that was the union of her fears and madness

she crept up to my window paine
and carved into the stain of frost on winters nights glass
the thought of the face of the bitter dogs
their lonely years hanging loose upon their bones
their fear have all withdrawn to gather in moonlight
the stillness of her own reflection
fails to bear fruits of reason
so she joins them to whisper at the falling sky

she lay in the halflight of evening
fully clothed under the sheets
writing in her mind symphony's of silence
embracing the gloom
while beads of desperation's labors burst upon her brow
her tight lips pressed to retain
but the words cannot help but but be spoken
please love me

in her hearts eye she cradles me in
the embrace of a lover
in her hearts mad mind it was meant to be
she has known it since secret writings came to light
never you mind they bore another woman's name
the just feel like they speak to her alone
in her hearts mad mind
she carves heart shaped love letters
in the stain of frost of winter nights glass
The dress left little to dream, a stained red
her sable hair veiled a porcelain skin.
A body well-toned to beauty's visage,
clinging to its youth in gentle fervor.
She danced with eyes, aloof of the madness
She danced with lips, a smile never faded.

The night felt as if it never faded,
despite that coming sunrise colored red.
With it comes a certain kind of madness:
that furtive creep and crawl under the skin,
that dark attacks all good sense with fervor,
silent beneath a cool and calm visage.

How I gazed on her elegant visage!
How she seemed to glow and never faded!
That way she danced, enthralled in sweet fervor,
twisting, turning hips below a flash of red.
How I wished a taste of that supple skin!
Temptation leading, leaning toward madness.

How hard it may prove to resist madness,
quick, short glances break a stoic visage.
The blood runs warm beneath my pale, clenched skin.
The space around her blurs, faces faded,
till nothing exists but that flaming red.
Hands convulsing in maddening fervor.

The hotel room shakes, same violent fervor,
With naught to do but give in to madness.
The bets are all off when the bull sees red!
Screams painted mute on smile-less visage.
All drowned out, all of everything faded
aside from the taste of porcelain skin.

The sheets peeled off slowly like shedded skin.
Quiet specimen, amidst the fervor,
lays unmoving on the mattress, faded,
left without signs of receding madness.
Sunrise reflected on a still visage:
Smooth porcelain, white now shadowed in red.

That desire for ripe skin, the madness
built in fervor, broke sanity's visage.
Till the smile faded, the dress stained red.
--Sestina--
 Apr 2014 Michael Amery
Tiffany
Fury
 Apr 2014 Michael Amery
Tiffany
Hell hath no fury
Like that of a woman scorned
And soon, love, you’ll realize
The beast you have transformed
 Apr 2014 Michael Amery
Tiffany
What is there left to say
That you’d left me here for dead
You didn’t expect me to survive
Sorry to say, you’ve been misled

I slowly regained my senses
Letting my rage grow bottled inside
I’ll unleash my fury upon you
There’s no use in trying to hide

I’ll take back what you robbed me
A life filled with bliss
But I’ll do so quietly
I’ll **** you with my poison kiss

Hate does something peculiar
To the human heart
It’s made me shrewd and cunning
I’ll make your death a work of art

When you tried to **** me
You left too much at stake
You didn’t finish the job
But I've learned from your mistake
 Apr 2014 Michael Amery
Tiffany
His lips were velvet soft and his voice a smooth caress
The words he spoke were so enticing, charged with a magnetic pull
I knew it futile to resist, and gave in to his finesse

I let him take control and he stole me from my bed
He took me to a place, of the likes I’d never seen
And with his arms around me, I listened to the words he said

“Let me take you from this world, into one you never knew
You’ll never want for anything, and your desire will be quenched
Come my sweet innocent, and I’ll prove my words to be true”

So I let him take me away, from this earthly corruption
And I’ve never come back to this day
Who would’ve guessed Death, to be *the master of seduction
 Apr 2014 Michael Amery
Tiffany
War
 Apr 2014 Michael Amery
Tiffany
War
Men go to battle
But women wage the war
The pen be her greatest weapon
Mightier than the sword

A woman knows the way to win
For it is she who beds the king
That holds the kingdom in her hand
And carries a fatal sting

She does not favor bloodshed
For poison is much cleaner
Pity those who cross her
For soon they’ll be taken by the “fever”

Men go to battle
But women wage the war
If you were expecting a damsel
You won’t find what you’re looking for
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