Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
I hear sirens again and suddenly I'm back
Buried in layers and layers of this mask that I put on
Drowning in the addiction of the red lines coming undone
Feeling numb for the pain and wanting more
More
More
More
M   o    r      e
I don't feel good
Maybe some lemonade?

Sounds echo around me
It's almost like I'm on a really fast carrousel
My whole body tingles
I see my half empty glass of lemonade, standing in a wet puddle
There's lemonade on the ground
I'm confused
What happened?
I feel like I'm gonna throw up
****
What the hell did I do
Did I cross the line?
Could I have died if I had done it slightly different?
****
Am I going to die?
****
What should I do?
I can't call someone
But what if I black out again?
**** it
911
**** why did I do that

7 minutes
I can hear the sirens approaching

Checking
I'm fine
I'm not dying
Why did I call?
I shouldn't have called
I ask if I can go back inside
I can't
They have to take me because I did it myself
****
I shouldn't have called
I throw up on the way

I'm waiting
Everything is blurry
I'm completely numb
I cry
I text my therapist the updates
I'm panicking
I don't want people to know
But I don't have the money to pay this
I need to tell my parents
****
It's 2am

I'm back in my room
I'm still haunted by what happened
I'm scared
I miss it
I hate that I miss it
I'm better now
I think
Not really
I only made it worse
Okay sooooo trauma dump I guess?
#sh
The moon took the sun’s hand and they walked together.
This felt so peaceful and it just felt right. They had had a lot of fun together and the moon never wanted to loose the sun.
Ever.
This connection felt like sitting inside, in front of the window, watching the rain in a blanket and drinking a hot beverage.
Maybe even with a cat, depending on whether you like cats.
It felt like a blanket in the cold, a refreshing breeze in the warmth, like fresh air, like home.
It was always supposed to be like this.
The moon sometimes still wondered if these feelings were romantic love,but it didn’t really matter.
Not really.
This felt right.
And if this really was how love was supposed to be like, they didn’t need to be together anyway.
Having the sun as their best friend was enough.
They didn’t really know what love was supposed to feel like.
The only crushes they had had were actually mostly unhealthy obsessions.
This was definitely a healthy love.
Platonic or romantic didn’t matter.
The moon will forever love the sun.
The moon doesn’t know how to feel anymore.
The days are dark and the nights are getting longer.

They always loved the night, but now it’s suffocating them.
They’re still struggling to stay bright
because the clouds are getting bigger
since that day where the existing world collapsed.
The only thing keeping them going is seeing the sun again.

Without the sun, they wouldn’t have stayed.

But now they’re trying to shine
for themselves, without the sun,
because even though the sun saved them,

they need to stay for themselves.
But the sun is a big help.
The moon doesn’t know what kind of love they feel for the sun, but they love them.
Is it romantically or is she just their best friend? They don’t know.
Their feelings are deep, definitely.
The only thing that’s sure, is that the moon loves the sun, and she brightens their dark days.

And the moon shines in the night for the sun, when the sun can’t shine herself.

They both bring light into the darkness for eachother.
The moon looked at the sun and saw the sea in her eyes looking back at them.
They looked away, as they didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
They were walking, connected by their hands who clicked together like they were designed just for this.
They were walking alongside each other in the moonlight.
The moon felt as connected to the sun as they felt to the moon shining above them.

A memory flooded their mind.

The feeling they had during this walk reminded them of that one night at the beach, a year ago.
They forgot all their problems for a moment and the magic of the sea at their feet was warm, and the soft, fresh breeze walked past them.
It was a shared memory the moon would never forget.
They feel the warmth of the embrace when the sun hugs back.
A feeling of safety surrounding them as the cold outside air around them tugs at them both.
The sun smiles and so does the hearth of the moon.
Two souls, so different, yet so alike merged together.
The comfort of her arms was a place where the moon would like to stay forever.

For a moment, the moon forgot about their problems, about the loneliness, and the emptiness they felt every day.
Just in this moment, all of that was gone.
Only a warm, happy, comforting feeling filled them.
I feel like a little kid again

Not really fitting in

Wondering why no one likes me

Not talking

Feeling invisible

Not having friends

I do have friends

But are they noticing

That I'm eight years old again?

That I feel like they are gonna leave me?

Like my only friend I had back then?

I'm just a hurt little kid again

Who's scared of the world and doesn't want

to go to school

because they will just end up zoning out

the entire day

But at the same time I'm older

I know more of the world

The world who is now even scarier

A world I don't want to stay in

But I have to

Everyone has to

I am a little kid again

But this time

I just want to disappear

Because I know

Growing up isn't gonna make everything better

So it's better to just

stop trying
My voice is trapped inside my mind

Always silent, no one asks if I'm okay

If someone does I'm gonna break down

I can't do this anymore

I just want to disappear

I'm already invisible anyway

I want to say something,

I want to take part in the conversation

But no one seems to mind that I'm not fully there

My voice is trapped inside my mind

But still no one seems to mind

They notice but no one comes to me

They don't care

No one can hear me

I'm screaming so loud but not a sound comes out

If this goes on I won't be here for long

But I don't think they would mind

They are having fun without me

Because I'm there but I'm only a shadow of myself

I'm already dead inside

If this goes on much longer...

Would they notice?

Do they notice?

That I'm already gone?

Do they notice they're losing me?

That I'm losing myself?

I already lost me

What's even the point

— The End —