Your love
was a
promise
we knew
I couldn't
keep.

We woke up entangled-
just bare limbs
wearing suggestive grins.

In a moment of weakness
I said that I felt
like I was in your world now-
and it's true.

And don't get me wrong,
it's less than ideal,
But I still feel
so much more sorry for you.

Because I am in your head now,

And this time
it's going to take more than
a tank of gas,
a quick **** from someone new,
a million hits from whatever **** you're smoking now, or
a few bottles of whiskey
to get rid of me.

I never had a choice.
This reality has always been my truth,
(And it might be overdue)
but the only difference is
that  now it includes you.

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

Darling, for now let us linger
In this moment for it will
Soon pass us by.

Let me kiss your lips so when we meet
Our souls unite in one goal
To make love in pure ecstasy.

Let me hold your hand
And when our fingers touch
Let us know nothing but
The happiness we give one another.

And although this moment
Will soon be a memory
It is nothing but a passing
You will return my love.

I don't know what the future holds
I know you will return
And maybe not to me
There is nothing is fear more than that.

But you have taught me, darling
Nothing is a lesson wasted.
I will be forever grateful to have
Kissed, held and made love to you.

I will be forever grateful to just be
there with you.

My grief was ugly,
Like a black tar.
So foul that I shut it away,
In a dark room within me.
Letting it dry and shrivel,
Hoping it would die.

But through my ears
Flowing to every nerve
Came our song.
The one I was avoiding.
My veins drowned in sadness
That spread like a fire,
At the echo of that beat.

The music filtered through
A maze of rooms.
Reaching the grief,
And with one intake of breath
The door unlocked.
My grief was freed.
Releasing into my blood,
As I'd feared, like a poison.

My heart felt the pain instantly
In one fell swoop.
The familiar notes
Were a bittersweet release.

I tried to sing but
No sound came out.
Overwhelmed.
All I could do was cry to our song
And pray for the grief to leave me.
Like you did.

A wild storm
rolled out onto the sea.
Taking my boat
and discarding me.

I couldn't see.
Could hardly breathe.
What had happened,
I couldn't believe.

The waves hit against my
head and limbs.
I blacked out to try
and forget everything.

Deeper I sank
and there I would stay.
The storm forgotten
as my body decays.

But the surface calls
me to take a breath.
And face the sky
in the storms death.

The light came closer
and the surface I did break.
Neither sad nor relieved.
No expression on my face.

Not yet ready
to begin the swim.
So I float for now
and recall the dim.

I sat next to a heart that I knew was breaking
He laughed along to the rhythm of the room
And only broke his pretty little smile
When he was sure no one was watching
But I never really looked away