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183 · Oct 2018
Missed Call
Ana Habib Oct 2018
I forget the date
the time even
but it was raining outside
I had no umbrella
my hair had gone limp and
the the blood red pant suit I had on weighed a ton
the buildings looked bigger and more intimidating the usual
I paid no attention to the people
they were passing by in a faceless blur
I paid no attention to the phone either
I did not hear it ring under a mountain of paper make up and scrambled thughts
the phone battery had betrayed me as well
I didnt know what I was so busy with that day but I felt this intense need to just make it home
or else it would be too late!
But I could not make it in time,
My feet did not carry me home fast enough though
I stood there, and watched
didn't scream
didn't react
didn't feel
when a man wheeled you out of the house in a black body bag
182 · Nov 2020
Cham Cham
Ana Habib Nov 2020
He is different
A loner from what I hear
No father
He has accepted my ways
I am different too
Ma calls me “toofan” lovingly
I can never sit still
Books bore me
The kitchen feels like a dungeon
My feet always dance
My fingers are usually splattered with paint or ink
He doesn’t mind
He likes me with my hair down
We meet on the roof on most mornings
Sometimes in the evenings
When no one is around
Drying clothes or chili
Just an excuse
We talk between cups of chai or sweet lassi
I read his hand
He reads my eyes
He writes
Possibly draws
I cannot be sure
He never lets me see
I practice my steps
he watches
I paint
He observes
he clicks pictures
always when I am not aware
to capture something, I think
I can tell him anything
Nothing needed to be hidden in the pages
He understands ever sigh and murmur
Understands every step and colour
But even then
He has not once told me that he loves me
178 · Feb 2018
Failure
Ana Habib Feb 2018
This is our last session together in the same room sitting next to each other
I will walk into a room and witness another piece of my marriage coming undone
My beautiful wife expressing all her anguish and all the emotions she has bottled up for the past 20 something years because life got in the way.
The stress and anxiety surrounding the birth of a new baby.
Walking on eggshells trying to be perfect around the in laws
Feeling drained because of a group of rambunctious cousins and siblings
Nights wasted on hurling nasty words at each other because we were both tired from the lack of sleep, touch, and because we were not listening
Not once did she think about reaching out to me and tell me how she feels
What hurts and what feel good
Take only the briefest moment to let me know that she wanted to take a break from being the best mother, wife and daughter
The superglue that held together out family of four
Protecting it from the dangerous winds full of unkind words and backbiting
Raising two beautiful sons without taking any sick days
Turning an old duplex into the garden of Eden
With her artistic abilities, endless swatches of color and tiny fingers
I miss her handmade handkerchiefs
One for each day of the week
Dipped in lavender and stitched with words from the heart
Words that I never paid any attention too
They have only gathered the results of my hard work
Sweat, tears and on occasion, droplets of blood
From 8am-6pm
I am not a man of even-temperament
But I wonder how she has managed to keep it all together for so long when she was really falling apart
She has the habit of staring into the mirror after a bad quarrel
I have no idea what she keeps looking for
Her skin robbed of a healthy glow
Hair that has more grey then black in it
Lines that were never there before
Did time do all that for was I the reason behind it
I only did what my father taught me
Go to school get a degree, work without breaking my back and provide my family with a life people only dream about
I cannot repair what time has erased for me, my wife, as individuals and as a couple
I hope..,
Mr Kendall you may come in now!
176 · Feb 2018
Black or White
Ana Habib Feb 2018
Black and White

A friend asked me about you today

We were having lunch today together

At Mickeys- lunching on seared tuna, leafy greens, and sparkling wine

Remember that classy little whole in the wall on 59th street
The owner’s words not mine

Something must have been off about me today

Because we almost never talk about you

I told her we are happy together

But she did not buy it

So I have to admit that things are not that great between You and I

Yes you are still attractive smart and charming time has not changed that

Yes I still enjoy coming home to you

But the moment my keys scratches the door lock, a sense of apprehension sets in

It comes home with me and that was never there before

You smile, and ask for a simple kiss but my lips greets the lips of a stranger

Warm and then nothing

You ask about dinner but you are usually to busy to help with the process or give out helpful tips like you always did in the past
Its been like this for the last couple of months

You decide you want to watch a movie together
We pick one out the popcorn is ready but the for the next hour you hide yourself in the sanctuary of your room talking away on the phone only to come back minutes before the ending

We prepare mixers every now and then. I prefer mine with dessert
and you like it with a stack of manila envelopes and your old fountain pen

The clocks read 11:00pm and you make a dash for the bathroom to get ready for bed What happened to cleaning up together?

I climb into bed and you are out cold

Why is our love so black and white?

I always thought it was all about color.
174 · Aug 2019
Last Minute
Ana Habib Aug 2019
Its Friday night
No date
But I was really hoping he would call to say hello
Guess he forgot
His loss
I was really in the mood for lobster tails and crème Brulee
Good thing dads a chef
174 · Apr 2018
Bump
Ana Habib Apr 2018
We tied the knot in April
We have been trying for close to a year
He wants a baby
I am just doing my part
This was definitely not planned
Not for another year or so
I haven’t even graduated from college
He hung up his cap and gown a long time ago
I still have a trouble juggling being a Mrs and going to school
Cooking & Reading
Cleaning and Essay Writing
Laundry and Tests
Its terrifying at times and down-right draining
He will be overjoyed by the news
So overcome with emotion that he will not know what to do with himself
I am filled dread, sadness, pity and anger
Dread for the next 9 long months
Sadness over the future that will never be mine
Pity for giving into societal pressure to get married
Angry that everyone else is happy but me
I am tired from all that pacing
of my feet
of my thoughts
My head hurts from all the tears
I cannot find a solution to this
I cannot imagine a world with a miniature version of myself
I cannot go through with this
173 · Feb 2018
9 P.M.
Ana Habib Feb 2018
Tall dark and rugged
Drink in hand
A night to remember
170 · Nov 2018
Chameleon
Ana Habib Nov 2018
She is not home
She has no final destination either
One day it’s Madrid and next week she is cozying up in Aspen
We did not meet by luck
I saw her first in high school
Painfully thin, limp haired thing with dreamy eyes and a very quiet smile
Years later none of that is there anymore
She has blossomed into a platinum haired buxom and sad eyed enchantress
5 feet and encased in a crimson ribbed sheath dress that shows off her décolletage
A naked face with just a dab of maroon on the lips
She can wear anything and get away with it
I saw her in the airport sipping a cherry  liquid with a black briefcase at her feet
She waved frome the distance and smiled mischevelously
The same smile that ate up 5 years of my life
We talked about nothing even though there was so much to be said
So many answers
About why she left
Why I had to fight left and right warding off pint sized and egoistical men who kept coming to my workplace and asking about her whereabouts.
Called her Ava, Alica, Coco, and Sapphire
I was grabbing for words but nothing came out
I was an expensively clad man who was tongue tied
She grabbed me in that special way that makes a man’s stomach churn and feelt uncomfortable…downstairs
We sat there in brief silence while she played with her gorgeous mane of dark waves
Something beeped and she leaned closer
“ Don’t try to come find me”
168 · Aug 2018
About a Boy
Ana Habib Aug 2018
If I tell you something
Will you promise to listen?
Here goes…
See that tall fella there with the sandy hair and brown eyes
Yes the one wearing denim pants and steel toed shoes
He looks like a dream
Everyone says so
He volunteers in hospitals and soup kitchens
Goes to church on Sundays
Has 2 stray cats and a degree in medicine
So I am not sure why he is still single
He can cook the perfect steak
Give out the best Swedish messages
Babysits in his spare time
So why does he still live alone?
In a secluded little house with an oak swing and lovely garden
He does everything by himself
From cleaning to repairs
To mixing drinks and mending clothes
So why is there still no woman in the picture?
He knows how to shop
Can tell the difference between Chantilly Lace and Galloon Lace
Has a weakness for expensive perfumes and imported truffles
But why has not bought a ring yet?
All the girls swoon over him
Ma laughs at his corny humour
The men appreciate him too
He talks to everyone
Loves reading
Travels a new place every month
So why does he shy away from me?
Devour me with his eyes?
Play with me in his dreams?
But takes a step bad as I take a step forward?
167 · Apr 2018
The perfect vacation
Ana Habib Apr 2018
I think I am need of a vacation
Maybe for a week
It would be 3 if it were up to me
I want to spend my time in the sun
There should be no rain or snow in sight
I want there to be lots of smooth white sand my feet can dive into
People should be sparse
I want to be surrounded by water
A celestial blue I can see myself in
I want to shed out of my heavy clothing and wear breezy colourful ones instead
Kick of my runners and slip into soft leather
I want there to be trees and local produce
I want to wake up to fresh fruit, seafood and fresh flowers
A bonus if they are edible
Ditch this phone for soft clay or intricate looking beads
Be free of heavy luggage and carry around a satchel with beaded straps
I want to be away from the computers, the fax machines and memos
Spend all that time roaming and sketching what I see along the way
I want to mediate next to the sea or sitting down in a hammock
I want to get rid of restaurant quality food and catch my own supper or make breakfast during sunrise
I want to get rid of my assignments and take part in bonfires, singing, and dancing
Go home to a house made from wood which holds only the necessities like a bed, table, chest of drawers, and a shower
I want to stay up at night stare into the sky and jot down poetry
I want to meet a man who will bring me gifts tucked inside a shell
One who will never leave my mind
Our eyes will flirt
Our hands will talk
And our bodies will clash
167 · Feb 2018
The Necklace
Ana Habib Feb 2018
Tonight is the night
I finally get to take Lucinda out for dinner
I have never met anyone like her
Yes that sentiment has been expressed a million times before I am sure but she is an exquisite woman
Her lovely skin reminds me of condensed milk
Hair luscious like fresh strawberries
eyes like dark chocolate
and words sweet enough to melt any mans anger into pure honey
Sorry she is just an amazing cook
I hope she likes seafood though
there is nothing better then succulent lobster, garlicky shrimp and fresh fillets glazed in a golden sauce, on a wintry night  
She works in an art gallery downtown
Art is her passion and I say that she is better then Tamara de Lempicka
She is simple in her attire and taste
But I wonder why she always has that oval pendant around her neck
she wears it all the time and never takes it off.
I fancy her but the sight of that necklace makes me uncomfortable
An simple oval pendant on a thin silver chain
My skin looks flushed and I get antsy
I cannot sit still or pay attention to her
I wonder if that necklace was a present
from the alcoholic father she told me about
from the brother who passed away at 19 from tuberculosis
from the abusive ex husband
a past lover with copper locks and green eyes
These questions are giving me a headache
Oh Garcon  I would like a drink
Ana Habib Nov 2020
Dead Ringer

As Janey’s coffin was lowered onto the ground Adam Graham looked away. The funeral had a been a small affair, twenty-five people showed up. An 8 year relationship was now over and buried into the ground, along with his dreams. No, their dreams to move forward. There would never be a white wedding in the Himalayas now or a  house made from wood and glass in front of the beach. Adam did not want to talk to anyone so he decided to excuse himself and search for his car. He just hated funerals.  

Adam picked up the pace. Once he got in, he began to search for a small flask filled with something called “fireball” a warm orangish liquid that burned the throat. Adam took a few quick sips to steady himself and put the metal flask back into the glove-box. After what seemed like a long time his mom knocked on the window to be let in. She took off the black feathered mess that sat on top of her head, buckled up and was ready to go home.  Flora lived in Veudreuil-Dorian,. A suburban in greater Montreal. It was home to approximately 38,000 people and was a great place to raise a family. It was a small looking house that had three bedrooms, 2 baths and a newly renovated basement complete with sound-proofing walls, and a bar. Flora got out of the car and quickly started for the steps of her house. After fetching a brassy looking key underneath a false rock, the old woman walked inside.  
She shed out her clothes and locked herself inside the bathroom. Water and wine always made her feel better. Her son opted for the same thing except he hid another flask, this time full of Jack Daniels. No one felt like cooking that night so Adam dialed for pizza along with other fried favourites, in an attempt to eat away at his sadness. It did not help very much but he went to bed around 1 am while his mom stayed back. Flora sneakily  logged onto Adams navy blue HP laptop  and surfed the net for a bit. Tonight she was not looking through her emails or shopping for planters Flora was going to make multiple profiles of her son on various dating sites like Ok Cupid, eHarmony and maybe even Tinder. She could not find too many that suited her but his had to be done. She uploaded a recent picture of Adam, one taken during her 55th birthday party. She had typed out the following onto his profile

“ A scorpion 38 year author looking for friendship romance and fun in a woman who loves to go out long walks, eat thai food, read religiously and save the world one day at a time”

It was 4:42 AM and something went “ding” multiple times in his room. Adam sat up in bed and reached for his Iphone.

“ What the—’’ Multiple requests were coming in from Ok Cupid, Tinder and something called the Escape Adam rubbed his eyes and dismissed everything. He was not ready to date! not even the women his mother approved of.

“Good morning mom, Is there anything you want to tell me” “

Flora had her back to him and was busy frying something on the stove. The kitchen smelled like fresh batter, fruits and coffee”
Adam got straight the point.

“ I do not want to date any time soon Ma, I am going to take this time to work on my latest manuscript and see where that takes me, so don’t bother introducing me to any of your friends daughters or nieces.

Flora sighed and piled his plate with food. He ate in a hurry because he wanted some peace and quiet. He was going to drive to the nearest Starbucks and spend the remainder of his day there.
Adam walked out of the house and towards the car. He was about open the car door, when a 5’4 amber haired, doe eyed woman blocked the way.

He had no time for this but she looked like she had all the time in the world.

“ Hi are you Adam Graham? ”

“ Yes I am and I have no—”

I am  Nicole and I noticed your profile on Escape this morning. I was hoping that we could talk or go out for coffee”

“Get in” Adam gestured towards his car.

Nicole squealed and talked non- stop till they got to Starbucks.
Niciole was 29. They had gone to the same high school. She completed university in Toronto in Psychology, masters as well and was now working as counsellor for people who suffer from eating disorders, addictions and ****** trauma.  She ordered the drinks and he found the perfect table but something told him he was not going to get much writing done today. She was very talkative and made him laugh. Over the course of the next few hours, well until closing time. Nicole and Adam talked about everything. There was just something about her that put him to ease, she was very insightful and pretty too… Adam got to know that she was into water sports, loved to travel like he did, had fostered a kitten and wrote in her spare time.  

There must have been something in the coffee because Adam let Nicole know about Janey. She didn’t say anything but left him, her number. It was 10pm when they departed. Adam was feeling better and he had agreed to meet Nicole again the next morning.
Flora was no where to be seen the next morning, She left a note saying that she was busy with a friend and hoped that Nicole was worth his time. His mom had done research on the girl after she pried every detail out of him last night.

Nicole decided to see him that morning. She wore no make up and had on a lilac coloured dress. Janey loved lilacs. They had brunch at “Allo mon Coco” Adam settled for crab cakes Benedict and she happily munched her way through a tower of apple and cheddar pancakes.  Janey loved the combination of apples and cheddar too.. after brunch Nicole and Adam spent the next few hours at a flea market looking at bits and pieces of practically everything.
Adam went straight to the booth that sold movies and books and Nicole was skimming through romance novels and necklaces. At the end, Adam bought all the DVDs to underworld and she a necklace made from black pearls.
Adam paid for the necklace and dropped her home.

Nicole and Adam had become a couple at this point and they spent as much time as possible. Date night now happened 3 times a week and she was slowly helping him overcome his grief. Adam believed that he will always love Janey, but it felt nice to have her presence around.  Nicole in return hoped that he really and truly liked her. She never liked Janey very much but she was determined to become a better woman then dead Janey. Nicole paid attention whenever he spoke very fondly of his wife with that look in his eyes and took notes on what she was like.
Nobody liked it when she was herself, but maybe Adam will like it if she was more like Janey.

After 6 months of dating Nicole texted Adam to meet her at Le Colbert, An Italian restaurant.  He did not ask any questions. Life was great, his mom finally stopped pestering him, she approved of her and his book was really coming along. It was about two lovers who died a tragic death but meet again in the afterlife. He dedicated it to Janey.

Adam got there at 8:00 and she walked in at 8:05. Adam did not know what to say. Nicole had changed into somebody else. She dyed her auburn hair black, wore grey contacts, had on a leather dress that brought attention to her assets and walked around in a pair of black platforms. Nicole looked exactly like Jamey when he first brought her here six years ago. He was suddenly feeling very nervous but she looked confident as hell. She kissed him on the lips and opened the bottle of wine.  She had already ordered “Surf N Turf” for him

She filled up his glass with Sauvignon Blanc and then hers, repeatedly.

“Do you like it Adam?” Nicole asked

“ I have liked you for so long but I couldn’t tell you that night, you brought Janey in here and I served you that evening. You were going to ask her to marry you and all I could do was just watch.” So I left Montreal that same night and decided to only come back after I’ve made something of myself” I’ve lost all that weight, people notice me now and I know you like me too” This was how it was meant to be …

Adam gulped down the wine in seconds and felt very dizzy, he was suddenly experiencing chest pains and his heart was racing

“Are you alright darling?”

Her voice sounded very distant and then everything went still.
163 · Mar 2018
Born to fight
Ana Habib Mar 2018
As I look down at the 6 pound Emily rose
Nestled in a pool cotton, color  and comfort
I cannot help but smile, but only a tiny one
She looks perfect
With her luxurious black curls
Sea green eyes and peachy looking skin
Too perfect for a world full of ugliness, deceit and double standards
What does it mean to be a girl today?

Will she have to fight to get a bigger meal or she be rewarded with leftover scraps?
Will she have to fight to get a proper chance at education or will she be handed a pan and dish rag and taught how to look after a house for the next 30 years or so?
Will she be able to attend school year round or be asked to stay at home because she is menstruating?
Will she be taught how to love her self, that smile, her curves and her big heart or will it all be destroyed under the weight of harsh cultural practices, criticism, peculiar beauty standards and what it means to the perfect woman?
Will her dreams and aspiration be worth something or is it just another reason for people to put her down or huff and puff at her idea of a bright future?
Will she able to attain a degree and make a difference in the world or will it all be for nothing and she will be asked to leave her home to enter another with the person the world has chosen for her?
Will her words and feeling be of any worth to the man whom she will call husband?
Will her family stand by her side when things become difficult?
Will she be happy with whom she is destined to be?

I cannot say and do not know for sure
I only pray that this world gives my child a chance at living
156 · Apr 2018
Tired
Ana Habib Apr 2018
How are you feeling today he asks
Tired I answer back without moving a muscle

Tired of being stuck in one place
Tired of going to school and unsure of what comes next
Tired of staying married to a man who is always busy
With what?
Not sure
But always busy
Tired of carrying forth a dead relationship
Tired of cleaning a house that will get messy the next day
Tired of his mom, she will be leaving soon but I just want to be alone
Tired of wondering what my future holds is it bright or endlessly dark
Tired of attempting to smile when all I want is to stay in bed
Tired of drinking coffee, cup after cup to mask the obvious signs of fatigue in my face and body
Tired of rubbing my eyes and just hanging on

Uh that’s nice he responds staring down at his phone with his mind millions of miles away from here
From me
153 · Jul 2018
The Party
Ana Habib Jul 2018
The clock on the wall reads 11:58 PM
Where are you?
I cannot sit still anymore
pretending that all is well
this party was a bad idea
you insisted so I came
the house has been decorated beautifully for the occasion
the food a tad spicy but delicious
the hostess is so full of grace
28 bright eyed and carefree

I feel like I do not belong
I am cooped up in the parlor
with a group of woman
mid 30's late 40's
all dressed in blue
who I do not wish to ever see again


The one to my right says that she saw you at the pub necking with her little sister Gwendolyn
the one of the left boasted about all the little trinkets you bring to her every Thursday
Pay day no?
The one in front of me bringing in colorful drinks
is praising your looks and masculinity

Why do you go out of your way to belittle me
What is it that they posses, that you cannot find in me?
152 · Aug 2019
Inevitable.
Ana Habib Aug 2019
I envy those who sleep soundly
Not just every now and then
But every single night
No this doesn’t include babies, furry or otherwise
Not the elderly either
Just your basic average human just trying to get by life

The 14 year old who dreams of becoming a doctor so that he save his ailing sister from leukemia

The teacher who has to grade papers every single night while keeping an eye on a ADHD riddled son while a nasty storm brews outside

The weary mechanic who works double shifts to make ends meet and wonder if his doll-like wife will ever make it out of the oncology unit

The fashion intern who works for nothing only to escape and unsuccessfully cover up the abuse she faces at home

The minimum wage young man who flips burgers and occasionally over salts the fries who comes to work with a fake smile when his best friend hasn’t been seen since last week

The overworked doctor who continues to save lives with a steady hand and collected mind even though he just buried his son yesterday

The short frumpy lunch lady that everyone makes fun of at school who cant keep it together because her house is about to be repossessed and wonders where shell be sleeping at night

The bold smiling five year old who is quietly suffering from Alopecia and accidently pats her head in the hopes that whiteish peach fuzz will grow on top

The delinquent that is in detention almost every day of the year not because he a trouble maker but because he his trying to complete homework since it is near impossible with an alcoholic mom who is in charge of everything

The large ***** who everyone continues to harass because she was born with hirsutism and differently colored eyes

People don’t ask for trouble nor can they always escape it
The questions, raised brows and unwanted attention do not falter
Hope begins to evaporate faster then water
I think the absolute worst is when we begin to overthink and replay all of our problems right before sleep sets is when the eyes beg for closure but the mind is still at unease.
151 · Mar 2018
Let me Out!
Ana Habib Mar 2018
Let me out

It’s going to be a good day today
I can feel it in my bones
No really, my bones ache when the weather gets colder
Knees hurt when it starts to rain
I no longer have to put on that hideous forest green parka and
Those grey sorrel boots
It will be a navy pea coat and black laced up boots instead
I can barely wait to get them out of the closet and try them on
Goodbye silly hats, and scarves
Arrividerci heavy mittens and earmuffs
Hello leather gloves and colourful headbands
I no longer have to tie up my hair
It can now flow freely down my back
Those chocolate highlights were definitely worth it
The skies will be a glorious blue
Birds will be chirping out natures love songs
Squirrels will be scurrying about
And the raccoons better be out of the way
The trees will have on their green ensembles
And guard the earth all year round
Flowers will bloom white yellow and red
It just started snowing!
Maybe tomorrow will be the day
151 · Sep 2019
The Worst
Ana Habib Sep 2019
What’s the worst kinda pain after heartache he asked
“ A toothache”
151 · Aug 2018
Beautiful Disaster
Ana Habib Aug 2018
I have not seen him in years
not in my dreams
not in my nightmares
or out in the open
I almost forgot what he looked like
How he made me feel
His words sickly sweet and sticky
His touch warm and then freezing cold
His smile,
A little crooked but it did things to me
Unexplainable, irrational things, which I had no excuses for
no remorse whatsoever
All it took was his quirky laugh
a pat on the arm or a kind word or two
I would loose myself in the madness all over again
Become part of a world where there were no pesky adults
nosey old ladies
annoying children
or yapping dogs
It was just the both of us, dressed in our finest
the rest did not matter
or maybe I was too blind to pay heed to it
We were almost never up to any good
tricks, mockery, manipulation, breaking hearts robbery and deception
we took part in all of that and so much more
I lived for the thrill
the rush that came with going out with a man that was off-limits
one that the world thought was not good enough for me
a danger to himself and bad to the bone
His kisses lit a fire from deep inside
His embrace was gentle and full of strength at the same time
His word was the law
149 · Dec 2020
Father Figure
Ana Habib Dec 2020
I woke up knowing that I was not going to have a good day
But nothing, absolutely nothing could have prepared me
for what I was about to deal with next
The very unexpected news of your demise
I broke down right after
Every was off
Surreal even
The day dragged on
I might as well have been drugged too
Nothing was making sense
It was up to me to gather the facts
Of what was your last day om earth
Your final moments
I am not blaming anyone
We all have to go
One by one
We are all in line
Without the knowledge of who will go next
I understand that much
But nothing else is making sense
I am doing what I can
As quickly as I can
But I don’t fee like being alone with my thoughts
I cried and I thought I was done
But all I'm looking for now is a distraction
Or maybe 10
The news has spread
The prayers are pouring in
Your are finally one with the earth
But your loss will be felt for a very long time
I fear for my mom and her siblings
I fear for the family and children you have left behind
But I hope you are in a better place now
I already know you were a good man
Who had done so much for people
Those very far and those close to home
Who always found a reason to smile
Had the gift to make others laugh till their sides hurt
Till they got the hiccups
Who had faced many ups and downs
Lived by his means
But could always spare something for someone else in need
I will always remember you
As someone who loved me
As someone who helped raise me
As someone who made me laugh
As someone who was there to wipe away my tears
As someone who always had something nice to say
Even when I ******* up
As someone who did not hesitate to speak on my behalf on the days it seemed like the whole world was against me
As someone who always thought of me and wished me well
As someone who always kept me in his prayers
These words cannot fully express how much I will miss you
How deeply your loss will be felt
But I hope you are happy now
May your soul finally rest in peace
149 · Mar 2018
I am not Ok!
Ana Habib Mar 2018
I am not Ok!

I am having a bad day
My morning started off with a war of words
Between my husband and I
I have forgiven him for his coarse language
I have forgiven him for his loud tone
I have forgiven him for his irrational behavior
His stubbornness
His loss of patience
I know I am not perfect
I talk when I shouldn’t
But I am sorry for what I have said as well
I am still hurting
I talk to him because I have to, Not because I want to
I cannot even look at him
and trust me when I say that he is a good looking man
I see him now but I am reminded of the ugliness that spilled from his lips
His words still ring in my ears
This sadness has taken over me for the last 12 hours
I go on with the day doing all that must be done
But a part of me, deep inside
Wants to cry
So far I have used 6 ****** tissues
The left side of my pillow
And My prayer mat
But the tears still have not subsided
I am out right now fighting the stinging sensation behind my eyes
But I will have to return home soon and look into his eyes
I pray that the lump in my throat
the quiver in my lips and the hurt in my eyes
will not give me away—
149 · Mar 2018
Dear Diary
Ana Habib Mar 2018
He looked at me today.. and smiled!
What could this mean
Will he be coming by after class
And ask me to lunch with him
one bologna sandwiches and Twinkies
Under the peach tree
Ask me to be his lab buddy in biology?
His bus buddy?
Give me his phone number?
Take me out for pizza on Friday nights
Does this mean I finally have a date for the homecoming dance?
Will I get to meet his mother? I hear she is very nice
*** he is waving at me
I raise my hand to wave back
But Marisa beats me to it
His girlfriend?
148 · Apr 2018
Out of Order
Ana Habib Apr 2018
What is the secret to finding the balance between school and marital life?
Trading in your books, and schedule for a white dress and bouquet
Throwing caution to a possibly bright future and bending to all his wants and needs
Making room for babies and china instead of hour long lectures and lab reports
I am unable to find a balance between the two
Do I carry breakfast in one hand and a calculator in the other
Do I keep a spatula handy as well as a pencil tucked behind my ear
Do I stay up to look after a sick partner when everyone is asleep or spend that time to study for an upcoming test
Do I opt for a morning smoothie or a morning coffee because I missed the 6’o clock alarm
Do I sit there and take the time to memorize a three page essay or all of his favorite meals in alphabetical order
Do write out of 750 essay or write out shopping list and invoices
Do I paste fake smile and twinkle in the eye and wear that all day long even though I am boiling mad underneath
Do I babysit my mother-in-law 6 days a week or spend time catching up on last weeks homework
Do I sweep, clean and do laundry for the next two hours as well as I agonize over a test I have not yet studied for
Do I climb into bed with him at a reasonable hour or spend the next 8 hours on late night assignments till early in the morning
How do I find the balance in all this?
What do I do first and leave for last?
I am ready to throw in the towel as well as my favorite ball point pen!
147 · Feb 2018
Bad Idea
Ana Habib Feb 2018
There is a solution to everything I think

If you cannot babysit one night
I suggest you tell your mom that you are still getting over your cold and you do not want to get the baby sick

If there is a test in school and you haven't studied for it
I suggest you fake a stomach ache

If your mom is upset
I suggest you buy her daisies and jellybeans

If your best friend wont talk to you over a silly misunderstanding
I suggest you break the ice with food and song

If you want to play hooky one day
I suggest you go to the beach have fish and chips with ice cream

But what am I suppose to do with you?
147 · Jan 2018
Night Terrors
Ana Habib Jan 2018
The clock reads 1:04 pm
I will have to spend this night like every other night
I should be asleep but I feel restless
The silk on my skin feels anything but luxurious tonight
My mind should be free from thought but it replays every memory i have of you
The ones where you spoke to me
The ones where we laughed together
The ones where we looked at each other with love
The ones where lips were kissed, skin was caressed and moans were silenced
The ones where you raised your hand and could not look at me the very next day
It is chaos in there and that was three years ago...
My hands should stay at my side but they grab at the sheets
My eyes should close any moment now but they sting from the tears that are about to fall
You caused the pain, you left behind the memories, injected the bitterness now find me the cure!
147 · Jan 2018
You me and him...
Ana Habib Jan 2018
I know it’s just you and I in the room
Not another person in sight but I can still feel his presence
I know none of it makes any sense.
His words ringing in my ears, breaking the silence and I cannot hear myself think
Mocking me from so far away until I am an on the brink of crying.
What kind of love is this? I wonder
I go out with you but always feel the need to look over my shoulder even when it is time to cross the street
When you place your fingers in mine. I start to panic, it starts all the way from my toes and keeps on rising and only goes away at the very end of the day.
Your kisses touch only skin and nothing else.  
When you come close to me I feel the need to pull away, even though there is no force or ugliness between us
When your lips close in on the nape of my neck I feel cold instead of warm and close my eyes to embrace emptiness
When it gets dark and the door closes I am filled with dread.
147 · Feb 2018
Silence
Ana Habib Feb 2018
When you showed0 up at my door with roses and chocolates on my birthday I could not say no

When you proposed to me up in the air on a hot air balloon with a ring bluer then my eyes, I could not say no

When you set me down in front a of a mansion made from glass and crystal which I could fill up with my dreams  
I could not say no

When you got busy right after the wedding and buried yourself in your work and stayed out real late
I could not say no

When you picked up the phone sounding half intoxicated with a with a female companion snuggling up to you
I could not say no

When you would cancel all our lunch or dinner plans and spend them with your friends instead
I could not say no

When you would go out with your pretty little perky secretaries in the name of business I could say no

When I would ask to come along you could not say anything

Where did we go wrong?
147 · Jan 2018
Monday
Ana Habib Jan 2018
Its's not quite 6:30 yet
I sit at my desk with the pc on
A blank page stares back at me
and I feel that itch
It starts at my fingers just waiting to tackle the keyboard and ready to type my problems away for the day
deleting my thoughts one by one from my brain and onto the screen
to make room for  life's more mundane tasks
like making sure that Mr breadwinner has his shoes polished and a matching tie to wear to the office
or chase a silly little five year without breaking a sweat because she refuses to wear slippers or let a brush come close to her auburn curls.
I usually enjoy the chase but not today
the sight of her precious face and that shrill but infectious laugh is enough to get a headache going
not sure what that's about but here it comes...
Maybe a cup of joe will do the trick or is it chardonnay?
can't remember anymore
it has been like this for the past couple of weeks.
He goes to work with a happy smile pasted on his face while mine is replaced with a silent plea " Please give me the strength and patience from within to stay on my feet from dawn till dusk"
Should I wait till he gets home  to tell him what is on my mind or save it for the end of the month when all the bills have been paid off and everyone has been waved off until the next month.
It only seems like yesterday I brought Anjulie home buts it has already been 5 years
Motherhood is a blessing  and all but what I really need a pause button every now and then
Where is the remote when you need one?
Can anyone think of a good title for this piece?
145 · Mar 2018
Forget me not's
Ana Habib Mar 2018
They were your favorite
Surprisingly enough mine too
It would always remind me of the blue sky
How we would spend hours upon hours
Under the blue sky
Just taking, sometimes eating
And almost always hand holding
We would give thanks for the smaller things in life
Like your blue-black curls
My goofy smile
Our togetherness
45 faithful years have passed since then
It really was not enough but I am mighty thankful to have spend them filled with your love, comfort and company
But today as I look up to the sky
I..
I have nothing to be thankful for
The mind is empty and my heart feels heavy
It feels like I am bleeding from the inside
You lie beneath my feet
And the air—
It smells like forget me not's!
142 · Apr 2018
Untitled
Ana Habib Apr 2018
Untitled
There are 24 hours in a day but I always have 25 things to do
I am unsure of what to begin with, what to discard and what to leave for tomorrow
The cooking, cleaning, sweeping, moping, serving, redoing, undoing, and bickering is done on a daily basis
Attending class, completing projects and assignments, note-taking, pent up frustration and procrastinating goes happens every other day
My sleeping cycles are irregular
My appetite is hit or miss
My acne is on point
A bad hair day is the norm
Blood shot eyes, short temper and newly found pessimistic behavior is all I ever wear now
Confidence levels are sinking
Anxiety levels are rising
How do I fix this?
A new haircut and coffee I.V?
Get my nails done and have on that make it till you fake it attitude?
Can someone suggest a title for this piece?
141 · Jul 2019
Pocket Sized Darling
Ana Habib Jul 2019
I thought mom and pop would be happy
a baby girl after 5 boys
yes they loved me
with all the pink frills and bows
loved me like mad and treated me like i was made from glass
the green kind
they pinched my cheeks
tugged at the bow in my hair
and tightened the sash at the back of my dress
those ugly ruffled ones
When I become to much for some one to handle
especially ma
it was always wagging of the finger
tsking of the tongue
and wondering where ma had gone wrong
wrong about what, i will never know
I was either hushed, shushed or scolded much later
but I could not venture out for too long
not on my own anyways
there always had to be some one next to me
I wondered what people were afraid of
what they saw in me
I dressed my best and always minded my business
even then i could not stay out to learn nor observe
learn about the world
meet new faces
laugh about something new
look forward to better brighter memories
I had to always come home soon and stay with the elderly or the babies
Work a broom, mop or the occasionally the rolling pin
But it bothered me
How I could  not go out like other women
apparently it was wrong
so i sometimes wish i was small again
not baby small but small enough to fit in mans pocket
go everywhere
see everything
be part of something so big that i cannot explain it to the peoples back home
it sounds strange
i bet no one has ever wished for this
but i know at least he wont let me down
138 · Apr 2018
Free
Ana Habib Apr 2018
Oh I am so glad your leaving
I can finally sleep in till 10 over the weekends
I can stay up and study passed midnight without any disturbances
There will be no one there to criticize my food
My clothing and choice in shoes
Shame me about how I’ve gained 2 pounds in the last three months
I am free from your snide comments about my choice to continue my studies after marriage
I am free from your demanding ways
Stubborn nature
“Holier-then-thou” attitude
Best of all nobody will be hogging the couch or leave the toilet seat up!
138 · May 2018
The Other Woman
Ana Habib May 2018
Did it hurt when you fell—
Fell out of love with him
Did you feel an overwhelming sense of sadness?
Hold a pity party?
Did it happen while you two were out in public?
Or in the comfort of your home?
Where there people around?
Or was it just you two stuck with each other?
In the dark, under the covers
Did he stare at you for just a moment longer then usual before speaking?
Do you feel anything now when as you sit there with his head in your lap and tousle his wavy brown hair like old times
For the sake of feeling something
Does he still make you smile?
No a sad one does not count
Does he still take your breath away?
Not when his hands are clawing at your throat but just like the first time you two met
I still remember
Does he still ask for hugs?
Good ol bear hugs and  not the sticky ones
Does he still listen to you?
When your hurting and not when he has 5 minutes to spare
Does he still take you out?
No not after a nasty row
Yes these walls are very thin
Does he get angry at you?
For the sky being blue?
For being fired?
Burning the croutons?
Run and don’t look back!
137 · Mar 2018
He said, She said,
Ana Habib Mar 2018
He said, she was too plain looking
So Jane learned the How-to’s of Hair and Makeup

He said she weighed too much
Jane changed up her diet and began to exercise more

He said that she was not very bright
Jane threw herself into her school work and come home with nothing less then an A

He said that she should learn how to cook right
Jane learned how to cook all of his favorite meals to perfection

He said that she should give up her hobbies
Jane threw everything away the very next day with a smile

He said that she should stay home and tend to his needs more often
Jane now stays home 4 days out of seven without a complaint

He said that babies are a must
Jane threw caution to her future and her dreams and did things his way

He said that his mom did not approve of her ways
She put her foot down and said “ Love me for me, or leave me!”
137 · Aug 2019
Wishes
Ana Habib Aug 2019
Now I don't believe in genies
I don't blow on candles
Look for dandelions
Or throw pennies into wishing wells
But I do wish for some things
I wish I was smarter
I wish I was prettier
I wish I was skinner
I wish I was clever
I wish I was good with numbers and statistics
I wish I was musically gifted
I wish I was genius with food
I wish I more organized and resourceful
I wish I didn’t love so much
I wish I didn’t care so much
I wish I didn’t feel so much
I wish I didn’t have to hurt so much
I Just wish I had been enough for him
136 · Mar 2018
Dreaming
Ana Habib Mar 2018
At exactly 3.22AM
I always dream in color
About incognisant things
Like puppies, the rain and chocolate mousse cake
Funny memories
Childhood scenes
I suppose that just means I am just missing these things or wish to relive these events once more because reality is sometimes less then pleasant
This dream was in color once again
But they were all and depressing color like shades of red and grey and black
So much black
so much emptiness
and the shadows!
Shadows everywhere… of faceless people
Peoples who are still very much part of my life but they kept of moving about
Not watching where they were going and never at me
Moments later the silence sunk in only to be pierced by angry sounding screams
Full of pain and torment
The type of torment that often comes from widowed people and orphans
what was all the pain about?
Its hard to see but this was enough to take in as an insomniac
It was complete chaos in my mind.
I could not turn it off
The pictures robbed me of my voice completely and my lips had become chapped
I felt hot and uncomfortable all over
What had I witnessed?
Hell?
Something out of horror movie?

Maybe tonight will be different….
136 · Mar 2018
The one that got away
Ana Habib Mar 2018
He left
I stayed back
Wearing a mask made from pain, and grief from morning to night
Choking from all that wasted time, energy and potential
The potential to grow together as a couple
To travel the world and learn from eachother
We have clearly both moved on
but still…
He is probably flying from country to country with her fingers intertwined in his
While I still here in this chair old as time and reminiscing about a simpler time
Well.. it was simple in my head
When I thought I was happy with him
I thought about the big pink elephant that was always there and refused to budge
Life being all about rainbows and roses
And the glass being half full
Too bad it is not strong enough to wash down the bitter feelings
That still make their way to my throat and stay there.
134 · Sep 2019
Allergies
Ana Habib Sep 2019
Honestly didn't need this today
I present in the next 10 minutes about why this place needs a gym, and activities like spinning classes and more vegetarian options on the menu
No doubt they will be judging me right down to my shoes
Make up cannot fix this mess and I left my contact solution at home so I am stuck with black rimmed granny glasses
Confidence levels are seriously starting to dwindle
the box said non drowsy works in 20
but I don't know, I am starting to feel kinda funny
almost loopy
Ok 5 minutes to go
I am going to slowly count down to 100
my throat feels weird
but at least my eyes do not itch and nose isn't so red
Crap
somebody's already done
he's coming out and looks ghastly
all sweaty, kinda pale and hair sticking out in all directions
"Well then, you look like **** but good luck in the dragons den"
I cant believe I am suppose to see this guy later
charming my foot!
134 · Mar 2018
Dirty
Ana Habib Mar 2018
*****

My wife looks like a vision of loveliness tonight
In a black dress clinging to her ***
Tighter then spandex
Legs encased in floral looking ***** hose
And manicured toes hidden under a work of leather and tiny bows
She does not look a day over 28
I am standing here talking to one of my collogues from work
This party was her idea
A few new faces down the street and she wanted to break the ice.
Marcy is sweet like that
All I really think about right now is how much sweeter it be to take carry her into the nearest room
Lock the **** door
And throw her on the bed
Strip off my clothes in a haste and take my sweet time with hers
Take in that smell of flowers, cherries and sweat
Its more potent then any other smell out there
Strip her till she only has on skimpy looking pair of underwear
And fear in her eyes
As her brown eyes grow big and dark with arousal
I want to rip off the last bit of cloth off with my teeth and kiss her all over
Kisses that will set her skin on fire and glisten
One by one from her navel to her lips
Get a taste of that cherry lipstick and wipe it clean
Bring my hands down to the smooth triangle between her milky legs
Legs that go on for days
Get her to squirm
Pant
Scream
and finally Release!
133 · Oct 2019
4532
Ana Habib Oct 2019
Know what I hate the most about myself after a big fight
a heated discussion
a nasty row
The fact that I cant remain calm
The fact that I cant sit still
The fact that I cant keep quiet when all I really want is to blurt something out something negative
Something hurtful
Something stabby
Something that will make me feel better for a split second and hurt him for days
Its not always possible to be the bigger person
Its not always easy to take the high road
Is this what happens when you have kept quiet for way to long?
Act nice to those who you really don’t like just out of good manners and cultural norms?
Look the other way just to keep the peace?
Nobody likes living in a house filled with angry words that scar up the walls
Nasty looks that stain glass
Resentment that lingers everywhere
From room to room
Like worst smell you can think off
Bitterness that is so strong that concrete and brick weigh nothing
I am tired
I wish I could get lost
Forget my way home and throw the key away in the nearest bit of water
let it rust away like the memory of my first night with you
It would still be the same ugly house
Even if someone has cleaned up the insides the old fashioned away with a bucket mop sponge and toothbrush
Fix up all the doors and windows
Slap on a glossy coat of paint
Make the bathroom squeak
Make the kitchen smell like freshly baked cookies
Place a new welcome mat
133 · Mar 2018
Writers Block
Ana Habib Mar 2018
The ivory page with the floral detailing stares back at me
waiting to be caressed the soft tip of a feather or pen
my array of colored ink and lead lay motionless on the mahogany desk
There is plenty going through this head of mine
but I am unable to write tonight
A simple sentence, stanza, song or story
the task of jotting down words, and forming sentences is too much for me
The letters do not flow, they have become scrambled up like alphabet soup
the sentences make no sense and are falling apart like my favorite pearl necklace
my voice is broken
The paper void of words, emotion and passion, is soaking up tears instead and the red ink has bleed into my fingers
Maybe some things are better left unsaid!
131 · May 2018
Dear Husband
Ana Habib May 2018
It has just been a year and some days
But I think I’m falling out of love with you
Maybe it was when you called me out and said that my clothes don’t fit right
Maybe it was when you said my hair is too short, and it makes me look like a boy
Maybe it was when you said I had no ambitions in life
Gave it no thought and just laughed it off
Even after you  knew about my past
Bits and pieces, but certainly enough for a stranger
Maybe it was when you started to compare me with other woman
“look how thin she is”
“ look how well she manages her husband”
“look at the way she runs her household”
No woman likes being compared my dear
So I am no exception
But I must say I am glad it has happened
You expect too much from your forever person and they well hurt you
They well let you down
You sit in silence and expect him to understand you
It never works
You argue, loose patience and try to make him understand you
But he does not
He tells you what he thinks is right and calls it a night
Well  this will be the last time you hurt me
Misunderstand me
Make me cry
I feel pounds lighter
My expectations are slowly dying one by one
Maybe it is for the best
Distance has done nothing for this heart
I cannot even say I am sorry for the ways things have ended on my part
131 · Sep 2019
Hey
Ana Habib Sep 2019
Hey
I am not suppose to be waiting up for you
not when there is a million other things to do

I am not suppose to waiting by the phone
wishing you would call
wishing that you would just give me the chance to talk
explain my side of the story

I am not suppose to be feeling this ****** and down
when you messed up

I am not suppose to just feel alright
forget about what happened the other day
smile and ****** up those roses
and plant a big kiss on your cheek

I am not suppose to light up
after waiting all day on you
to get back to me

I am not suppose to let everything slide
because you had an extra hard day and cant think straight

I am not suppose to pretend that everything is ok
when my face looks like hell and make up aint helping

I am not suppose to get past something that meant a lot to me
and smile at you because you forgot

I am not suppose to keep everything inside
and calm the hell down when there is company around

I am not suppose to stand around while you charm everybody else acting like you have all your **** together
when we both know that there is less 20$ in the bank

I am not suppose to be quiet as the tall men come in my house
ready to repo every **** thing in sight because you were a little late paying the bills and lying to me about how you have everything in control

I am not suppose to mopping floors, cleaning up after rude customers and working 10 hour shifts when there will soon be somebody else to think about

But what to do.. I am in love
130 · Feb 2018
Inside the Hammock
Ana Habib Feb 2018
We lay here together
on a bed of polyester and colored cotton
held together by two palm trees
tiny lights dance above our heads
a path of candles of light the way to the guest house
I do not wish to change anything about this picture
but there is no happy ending to this
I cannot change how I feel about you
When we are together, it is easy to talk
the words slip out from my lips
there is no place for awkward pauses and
time is not wasted on hesitation and useless assumptions about each other
I can talk to you about you about anything
dreams, nightmares, wants, needs, past losses, and the future
yes some of our conversations escalate to screaming matches
but for the most part its nice
I am not sure how to tell you this
The words are stuck in my throat
my skin suddenly feels strange
cold
you feel it too
your hands rub mine
But I feel nothing
when you touch me
in other ways
the butterflies are dead
no goosebumps, whatsoever
no sheer bliss to loose myself in
just endless silence
and a rude ending
130 · Feb 2018
Cocktail
Ana Habib Feb 2018
Fancy a cocktail?
No well don’t mind if I pour one
In a glass brittle like our relationship
With something strong for how much I used to love you
Sugar for all the sweet nothings you used on me
Something bitter for all the times I had to choke down your lies
And a simple garnish one like my smile to make everything seem better
Now drink!
130 · Dec 2020
One Last Trip
Ana Habib Dec 2020
One Last Trip
The weather must have been really bright when you left home
I just wished you were feeling the same
Your friends must have been really happy with no worries for the day
I just wish you were feeling the same
The beach must have looked really beautiful
Peaceful
I wish you felt the same way
The sand super smooth
The air clear
The water extra blue
I just wish I knew what you were thinking
You should have reached out
Instead of living a lie
You all must have dined on fresh seafood, flatbread, mashed foods and coconut water
Your favourites
I just wish I knew what you were thinking
Your friends must have walked along paths taking turns telling stores
While you tagged along pretending to be OK and telling no one about your pain
I still wish I knew what you were thinking
Life at home was unbearable I imagine
Minus the pandemic
Your wife kept you on your toes
Your children kept you busy
But as soon as the food water and medication ran out
Your worries and frustration ran high
You still never said anything over the phone
Through the screen
I went along with it
Your thought of everyone
You spared us all from worry and sandiness
But really all I feel now is pain
A deep ache in the shape of a huge hole
Its eating its way right through the heart
I don’t know how far this will go
130 · Feb 2018
Heartbreak hotel
Ana Habib Feb 2018
Its dark outside and getting very cold
I look at Brian
He looks so lost and tired
With very little money and hope in our hearts we aren’t sure where to turn
They wont find us here I pray to my self
There is a group of people to the right and a long road that stretches to the left
We decide to walk down the road
There aren’t too many people around and no one who might recognize us
We pass a restaurant or two
He shakes his head he isn’t feeling very hungry and I’ve got not appetite tonight
A convenient store, We have all that we need
A jewellery store, the simple gold band with leafy etches is just perfect for my finger
We keep walking till we stop at a big building with plenty of widows all covered in black and has the number 230 etched into the wall
An ugly green rectangle serves as the door.
It looks very run down so hopefully the inside looks better
I put on a fake a smile and walk inside
I make my way to the lobby but it does not get better
Within seconds strange smells assault my nose.
It smelled like desperation
A mix made from whiskey, cigarettes, sausage and cabbage
I hold my nose and Brian does the same
We meet a young thing at the reception hall with overly pale skin and the lightest blue eyes that almost seem to glow
She has a black bob with too many piercings on
She looks us over and her eyes linger on brains face just three seconds longer
She asks for ID and cash
60$ a night for peace of mind- not too bad I guess
He smiles at her and is presented a rusty looking silver key
No more words are exchanged and we make a run for the room.
I Just want to lie down for a minute
I fumble with the lock and we welcome a room full of darkness.
The light switch does not work so both of us touch our way to the bed
Place the keys and bits of nothing on the nearest bedside table
Kick of our shoes at once and lay in bed.
My feet hurt like hell but I say nothing
I am petite in size so I climb on top of Brian
Slow melodious music starts playing in the distance just then
His fingers reach for my face
This almost feels perfect lou the dark, the music and just us
I say nothing and allow my lips to hungrily seek out his neck before they make there way to his lips
Yes the perfect night to a horrible day as man and wife
129 · Mar 2018
Polar Opposites
Ana Habib Mar 2018
He loves numbers
I once had a T-shirt that said “I hate numbers”

He can sing and is a bass guitarist
I’ve never hit a single note in my life

He does not believe in the power of positivity
I personally thrive on it

He never forgets anything
I am pathetic when it comes to dates

He is…Ross
I am Racheal

He can roam around the city all day long
I can stay home all day long

He is a hygiene freak
I throw my towel on the floor

He eats very clean
I don’t I need my carbs

He takes foreverrr to get ready in the morning
I take15 minutes

He loves horror movies
I close my eyes 99.9% of the time during a horror movie

He is on snapchat all the time
I hate dog filters


Yes we are very different but we complete each other
129 · Mar 2018
Mirror Mirror
Ana Habib Mar 2018
Mirror, Mirror on the wall
who is the most frazzled looking one of them all?
Would it be Me?
With my normally glorious caramel tinted hair looking like straw
My clear blue eyes bleary and unfocused
from too many cups of coffee and broken slumber
Blackish puffy eye lids void of ebony black kohl
Dark circles to really bring out the tiredness in me
I am out of cleanser, forgot the toner and there is no moisturiser in sight
I present to you dry ashy looking skin
I forget when I last smiled
but I have on a pair of chapped cracked lips
lipstick nor lip balm will help my case
Do you think he will notice?
Ana Habib May 2018
I think I met you on a Sunday
I think it was at the mall where I work
I think you smiled at me
I think I was adjusting a mannequin when you walked in
I think you asked about a pink scarf
I think it was for your sisters birthday
I think you invited me
I think I asked you to meet me at 6pm

Everything else after that was a blur
That was three years ago

I don’t remember when we last smiled at each other and meant it
I don’t remember when we last held each other for dear life
I don’t remember when we last sat down to eat dinner together
Woke up to bagels and rose for sunday brunch on the roof

That was eons ago

I cant forget the sadness you wear every day
I cant forget the anger that is buried deep in your eyes
I cant forget the pain that creeps into your dreams and keeps me awake at nights
I cant forget all your broken promises
I cant forget about all the yesterdays we’ve wasted together

Its time to move on

From you
From her
From my old self
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