He takes orders
Just not from women
I think
His momma does not count
She is a witch
He does not listen
Trust me, it is not because of the language barrier
He does not care about the hurt
Where it spreads
Who it infects
Things break
He turns a blind eye
Brushes everything off
Sweeps what he does not want the others too see
Under a big rug
A big ugly thing
Been there for ages
And no one is going to change it
He does not care what gets destroyed
He is not big on feelings
All the positive ones
I cannot see them anymore
The bad one always remain
Pain
Anger
Hatred
Bitterness
Selfishness
Arrogance
Self doubt
Pity
There is no end
I am forever wiping things off
Every day
But disinfectant is not going to do it anymore
There is no way to get to his heart

Walking to the left
Running to the right
Standing but still confused
Sitting down and frustrated
Counting sheep is annoying
Swishing
Slurping
But it wont go down
8 hours every night?
Am I really resting
Or just wasting more energy
Navigating through one dream after another
Asking questions
Looking for solutions
Trying to fix what is ugly
What needs to go
Trying to go back to an older self
one that was younger
In sprit
Smiled just because
Didn’t give a **** about the others
Stayed away from trouble
Didn’t let anyone get too close
Didn’t have to turn to cold dark corners
Just to save herself
From breaking
Its just tiring
All of it
Weather my eyes are open
Or closed

Forgive him the heart screams
let him suffer smirks
the brain
All you need is a break the body moans
watch him walk away giggle the eyes
he needs to figure this out for himself the mouth whispers
Its all a mess
too many voices
to many parts
not sure who to listen to
not sure who to ignore
why am I like this

all the answers to a test
you only have to pay attention
you only have to listen
I know you have it in you
the rest will carry itself out with time
you cant even be bothered to do that
you do what you know best
listening for the sounds of chirping birds
sound of the wind
sipping on coffee and cracking bubblegum
while I drone on and on
your not listening but I still try
Hope made me do it
I hate her
you flunk repeatedly
complain over and over again
when the answers are right in front of you
I can shake you
I can rattle you
but you wont break
your already broken
I am only starting to realize this now

there lies a sea full of hatred and mistrust between us
you cannot even swim

She looks like a vision
Wispy blond hair
Kohl lined eyes
Red stained lips
Signature beauty mark right above the lip
She is still
There is no friendly chatter this morning
No baked goods
Silly jokes
She is still
She has a smile on
But something feels off
I know my job is to take pictures
But I can sense unease
She blows something invisible out of the way
Strikes one pose after the other
A smile here
a tiny laugh there
Graceful in a black off the shoulder gown
Bare back
Fingers gripping material
She smiles at me
But all I can see is sadness
A woman suffering from indescribable anguish
She is too proud to talk about her worries
But I can see that she is breaking through the lens

Well this is something
The lights are quite bright but they don’t hurt my eyes
I don’t think any one here can tell that I have been crying over you
I decided on bangs
A Maroon cocktail dress
silver heels
Left my phone at home and skipped the clutch
Just wearing a smile
I hope there is some life left in my eyes
Who is there to call now?
No one there to welcome me home after a cold night
The food is agreeable
At least my friends look happy
Talking
Laughing
Cozying up to smiling strangers
Non threatening strangers
I want to sit down
But I am afraid ill have to start talking again
Fake interest in who knows what
No I think I am ok here
Sitting by fire
With the cat by my feet
The fire isn’t hot enough to thaw out my heart tonight
But I can always strike up a conversation with the cabbie on the way home