He's dead!! They weep and wail
Now they proclaim "He was a hero" apartheid slain
True it was vanquished but at a cost
Acts of terror,  his proclaimers forgot
Preaching peace to a world stage, others you counsel killed each day
The truth is tainted by the media's stage, all colours all tribes dead on the way
I don't decry the good he did, but remember the killing in his partys name.

We seem to run from all that we can't understand
Or label it as wrong, dismiss it as false
If we knew what was right, or what wasn't wrong
Would we be any better people or less of a person?
Fighting each day to just see through the fog
The fog that covers all, spares none.
A deep white veil that clouds the minds of the bigots
Gives pulpit to the zealots and a space to hide for the evil
So a new year a new day a new life, but for me?
Business as usual

About three years ago I visited the Cavern pub on Matthew Street. My friend Ian Prowse runs the open Mic night. They have two rules. No cover versions and three songs maximum. I hadn't been for a while and was immediately set upon by Ian to sing a song he likes that I wrote. So when the time came. Up I got and sang. After I went to the bar, my nerves shot. I ordered a drink and a lady approached me and said how much she enjoyed it. We chatted and she asked was I there every week. I said sadly no I have other commitments. She then said she would be back next week as working in Liverpool again would I like to meet up for a drink? . I agreed to meet at 7, Matthew Street. I had just met Heidi.
The next Monday I finished work. Jumped the train to James Street and there she was. I asked had she eaten yet and she hadn't. So we went to a little Thai place on South John Street. We sat down ordered a bottle of white wine and made our selections. By the time we had finished the starters there was about 1cm of wine left in the bottle and she was very chatty and loud. Much to the delight of the couple on the table next too us who seemed to hang on her every word.
The main course came and went as did the second bottle. I still hadn't got halfway into my second glass. Now truly smashed she says "I suppose you will want a BJ after this?" The lady on the table next too us almost choked, her husband let out a laugh and I said, I know not why, "That sounds nice, but I was looking forward to the Apple pie with ice cream to be fair."
That was it for the couple next to us. His wife almost had an embolism and he laughed his head off.
Heidi got up threw her napkin on the table, downed her glass of wine in one, announced to the fellow dinners "He's not getting laid tonight" Turned, almost demolished the table leaving, and stormed out. The couple next to me now in tears, the waitress comes to the table and asks "Err is the lady coming back?" I reply No I don't think so.
She then asks would I like dessert?
Before I can say a word the chap on the table next to us says "I hope you have apple pie and Ice cream for the poor guy"
The waitress said "No" and that finished it. Three tables of people laughing relentlessly.
I sat and had melon ***** and they chatted like we had known each other for years.
What of Heidi?
She was never to be seen again.

Just attempting to log back in!!
She just said on the phone to him
That could take anything from ten to sixty
....yawn, yawn
Triggered a silly thought again about proclavity
Oh how people complain!
Ten minutes would be a quickie
Half an hour acceptable dicky ?
Sixty minutes now that sounds good
A rather luxurious *****!
I laughed a little at it all
The naughty poet has a ball
I wonder if she ever got her internet back!

Made from the breath of fairys
The dreams of unicorns
And the ******* of Ad agencies
A quick puff as a child and you're off
40 years later a quick puff on an inhaler
Just to breathe
Breathe
Brea..............

I listened to an Aria
The sound of her voice enveloped me
Each note higher in a way that melted me
Madam Butterfly was in the room
My eyes closed I swear I could hear her breath
If I opened them, would she be there?
Then as she came she left
Till next time

As I age it seems to you that I forget the things I need to do.
Names and time, places and meals as each day to you becomes more surreal

Can I ask in soft a tone if you ever feel alone?
Feel like no one ever cares
Doesn't notice you are there
Doesn't seem to see your face
Doesn't know you feel their pain
Never knows what you feel
Always makes your heart reel
Then you as I, sleep alone
We wonder what we do that's wrong
Try so hard to make it right
But sleep alone every night.

Plug pulled water gone
Sat semi recumbent
Now heavy no longer buoyant
Gentle popings as the bubbles disappear
This body has changed some
Not how I remember it
Not how it began
Gravity has done its evil work

Hair perfect, lips so red and full
Almost beckoning in her ignorance
She played her game
Holding court, the queen bee
She knew her craft and what to be

Every glance counter played
With ethereal invites of contempt
One would try but who?
One was all she craved

He sat and followed her every move
The curve of her dress as she stood
Just enough reveal to draw his eyes
To the skin above her stocking top
Just visible in the dim light

She re crossed her legs once more
Make no mistake it was a rallying cry
A call to arms and he was hooked
With the vision of her thighs

He ventured over ready to engage
Before he could say a single word she spoke
" ***** martini, no ice"
Make it quick as you're mine tonight

Monday was busy
So I put it of till tomorrow night
Tuesday brought unexpected news
So I couldn't get it done
Wednesday came, and passed
I was so ******* I simply forgot
Thursday was manic as the ending of the week
Then the children to entertain
Friday I had a meeting and emails to send
before I knew it I was playing daddy again
Saturday we went to the beach made castles and laughed
The day was gone in a blink of an eye opportunity lost
Sunday I washed ironed and cleaned a weekend as many have been
Then in a flash Monday was back and I still didn't have time to tell you
I didn't find time to say I loved you
I didn't make time to do it
Then time had passed
So had you and I
like so many loves we blew it.
Taken for granted on both of our stances
That love didn't need to be spoken
Tell that to a soul who's asleep on her own
A heart needlessly broken
So remember today in some kind of way even if it's only a hug
Tell them how special they are in your life
Make time to say you love them
Before it's to late to say anything

You better not cough or sniff or cry
Don't get sick I'm telling you why
The Tory party is coming to power

They see you when your'e working,
then taxes all your pay
They say it's for austerity and you voted it that way

You can't have any help from them, then when you die your taxed again
Camerons claws are running the town

In solitude my thoughts bait me
Like a pack of dogs with no reason
Thought after thought
No order
No sense
No purpose
Just the restless mind playing games
Scenarios like the minds eye is a stage
Playing the day back
Past situations
Alternative outcomes
A reality based on make believe
A waking dream if you will
A counterpoint to the nightmare life can be
So is it really solitude
No not with the thoughts
The thoughts of the black dog.

I'm a remnant of a past me.
Driven to the brink
Yet now a few steps back from the edge
Stolid in how I view life
Bereft of a need to just be
Longing to find peace
Together or alone it doesn't matter
Some days are unbearable
Others palatable
A few dire
But if your lucky there is a tomorrow
It may not be your tomorrow
But tomorrow none the less.

I'm a remnant of a past me.
Driven to the brink
Yet now a few steps back from the edge
Stoic in how I view life
Bereft of a need to just be
Longing to find peace
Together or alone it doesn't matter
Some days are unbearable
Others palatable
A few dire
But if your lucky there is a tomorrow
It may not be your tomorrow
But tomorrow none the less.

Circumstance the judge has said
Is all the cops have brought to bare
Facts that are clouded at best
From an officer in stuk himself
He's sat today and make a decision
If he can be freed until his trial
Yes or no the world awaits
It wont bring her back today

Held so tight like a child
String wrapped around fingers
A last anchor in the abys
Then let go
No change of position
Just loss
Deep marks cut into fingers
All thats left
Faded minuites later
Then
Nothing
No memory

Cast an eye over the things that matter
Are they close or far away
Unattainable or simple impractical
But do those thoughts fill the day
Does distance change emotion
Or enhance its fire within
Does the cold of night comfort you
Or savage at what dreams have
Did great explorers travel with their lovers in their mind
Was livingstone restless in his pursuit of knowledge
Lying alone night upon night
Until he bedded his African wives
They buried his heart when he died
Beneath his beloved foreign skies
Alexander centuries before an explorer who took to war
Took comfort at many a camp with native girls of every land
Was he a better or worse person to do so
I guess that shall never know
Now voyager
See the world in all its splendor
Feel sand between your toes
See dawn in a foreign land
See sunsets many more
For it is time for you to go
Walk in footsteps of the great
To lands faraway
Would be fabulous to see you on your return
If you come this way again
Don't get bitten or sick this time enjoy the world
YOU GET ONE LIFE!

If you could feel the earth's heartbeat would you care more about her?
Do you not feel her breath and see the rivers of her tears?
Do you not feel her tremble when you hurt her?
Or was she always dead to you.
Did you not see how she protected you while you hurt her?
You cut her and she bleeds, yet still gives to you.
But like your real mother, mother earth is dying.
But you will not be able to mourn her death.

A subtle shade of orange
Sprayed on to darken porcelain skin
Eyes heavy, the weight of false lashes
Hair an explosion of colours
Nails patterned in a cornucopia of designs
You learn your craft, try all its treatments
A student in the art of cover up
Makeup in layer upon layer
Yet you need none of this
The vogue of female presentation
It's trappings have captured you
So many become dependant
Like a drug
Habitual a ritual
Made up, made over
I wonder what the real you looks like

Becoming invisible, more each day
Withdrawing inside to feel safe
Building walls as all bridges burnt
I stood on them as the timbers flared
Trying just to survive each day
People don't see you fade away
A little less of me to give each day
Until the walls are now so high
They can't hear your soulful cry
They can't see you now
To them not there
You became invisible
You no longer care

My little friend
My tickle stick
My happy unatached rubber ****.
Don't have to cook or talk to you
Just flick the switch and off you go!
A shimmer here a tingle there
Oh Mr Shake you take me there
Then when I'm done its wipe you clean
Then pop you in my drawer again.
I don't have to call to phone or chat
Or score your visit in my bed
Batteries cost about a pound
For mummy your just superman!

It never started out as a journey. There was no destination.
No one place that was ever headed for or a place they could call home.
When they started out they took with them the hopes and dreams of something.
A vision in the mind and heart. But nothing of substance,
nothing but hope.
Then house bought to make a home, plans made and children born.
Jobs changed and hours grew longer.
Quality time is all but over.
Drift along and drift apart,
Journeys end is all they have.

I beseech you
Take a moment
Tomorrow morning
Begin your adventure
Don't delay
Stop!

Look around
Look up
Look at the architecture
You pass it each day
It's splendor it's majesty

For you must see
Adventure starts when you do
Not when the plane lands
Not when the ship docks

Look at the trees, their leaves
Floating in the breeze
Grass, imagine it between your toes
Nothing feels the same

Walk on the beach, close your eyes
You could be anywhere
Be where you wish to be

Look at the familiar faces
But take notice of them this day
Look, smile be a part of their day
You see it could be their last or yours

What if today was the last
It could be the one, the only chance
So don't take chances with your chance

Be Livingstone! Find your quest
Don't try to see over the rainbow
Lie beneath it stare in awe at its colours
For you have the world all around
It's within, it is your adventure

Begin

Death becomes you I heard her say as she watched me shed this mortal coil
Lifeless carcass upon the bed eyes open stare to space.
The poison had done all its work and now to leave this crowded earth.
Year upon year weary and worn in effort to destroy my living soul.
Thou almost did it, killed me off with mental poison but you could not
Fot the spirit is stronger than your vile heart
So today I'LL LIVE!
You can *******

Did the earth move for you ?
Or just the headboard shake ?
Was it physical and rough enough ?
Do you have the scars today ?
Did she tie you up and slap you ?
Stuff things up your *** ?
Normality has fled your world
Your nothing but alone
Was it one more notch to add
To a catalogue of *****
A series of liaisons payment just to *****
You hurt all those who loved you
Not a thought of their emotions
You threw it all away
You have no concept of loving
I despise what you've become
I sleep alone at night
Because of what you've done
Now you carry on your madness
A cancer eats at you
I want a gentle lover
Who holds me in the night
It's hard for me to find him
You left me cold inside

The silence at the close of day surrounds me
No motion or thought just being
A void of perspective and matter
A place we hither to hide from
But it's always there

In bedrooms now across the borough, they try to dress like no other.
Make up here, slashes there and rubber arms everywhere
A bikini  top, a blouse to tight for **** to fall out tonight
It's all a laugh and games you see for Bexi Boos birthday treat

The wizards sleeve or otters pocket
A place to shove his pocket rocket
A few drinks more and start to fear!
He's  looking for your mouse's ear.
Such ugly words we doth describe the place where Mr ***** jibes
But ladies whit is just as bad when talking of your little lad
The meat and veg the one plus two the love handle mother gave to you.
So sausage or **** hammer or throb
The names are all the same
Trying to get in the clowns pocket the ultimate aim !
No xmass time is at the door and many a load delivered raw
Unwrapped no label just a jump to keep the festive cheer on course
Be careful if this tale is you
For come September you will be blue
if the CSA come after you!

Friend and brother
Father and grand father
Great grandfather husband and lover
To all who he knew he was someone
A godfather who cared
A husband who nursed
A man who was for all seasons
At 92 your god came for you
And I hope you meet up with Joan

Goodbye uncle Titch

Islam and Christianity
Politicians debate
Extremists fuel a cause

Well you are all wrong
You sold out your humanity

To be a good person is not in scripture
It isn't in any dogma
Believe that and your lost

It is in our hearts

It's how a parent teaches
What a parent teaches

Teach any child a religion
They have a faith
The majority will follow it

Teach your children bigotry
The majority will follow that too

Teach them to love
Teach them to care
Teach them to aid

Then regardless of their faith
They will teach the same
They will see humanity

Morals are not a faith
But a faith can support morality
As to it can bolster hate

So don't tell me your a Christian
Don't quote Muhammad
I don't care if your agnostic

Just teach your children well
The future is all they have
Don't condemn them to our past
Our mistakes

Act now as time is not on our side
Act now and create a proud nation
A nation of all faiths united in love

Buy a computer it's like a baby
It has a bios I guess we do to
You can load both with info
Good or bad
You only get out what you put in
Remember that when you blame a child

Black dog day
Black dog night
Black dog life
I didn't have a dog
Now day becomes night at noon
I talk to the knight to calm the day
If the dogs not here he's with knight
****** dog

A first date
Had he made the right decision?
Had she?
Two strangers
Tickets for the Philharmonic
Rachmaninov tonight, his second symphony
Oh it's to late now to speculate if she's educated
You're hear, it begins

Spirits may come spirits may go.
The only talk to those they know.
Those who have a lending ear and listen to the others here.
Usually grey haired old bags with 20 cats and 40 ****.
But Anna isn't quite the same she's not what visitors expect.
She greets each one with a smile.
But their eyes can't see they miss by miles!
Instead the look upon her chest, for what a smashing pair of *******.
I even think the spooks just come to take a peak at her ***.
Imagine that a ghost on top with an enormous supernatural ****!
Slid between her silky legs until she screams and begs and begs.
A medium she thought it was, in fact it was an XL ****.
A frenzy in the reading room as more arrive to see her moan.
It's like a wiken **** now, at 44 she's in her prime.
I wonder who will "come" next time.
The psychic circle all a gasp, are playing with their mortal tackle.
Who would have thought she wore a basque, underneath a witches tac.
Now its like a wanking club, spooks and mortals all a tug.
finally she howls with delight.
Another soul has seen the light!
So remember when you see her pass check her **** and little ***, imagine she's on top of you in stockings basque and heels to.
Though one thing you should bare in mind...

Unless your dead forget it mate!

Every xmass some celebrity writes a book on how to slim or how to cook
Tells the world about their life in an autobiographical pile of *****
Bought by sons for mums and dads
Just to sit and gather dust

Fit to burst and burning inside
Thoughts of harm and despair all the time.

Reach out they say. If only I could.
Why tell the world I've had enough?

Read it on Facebook and Instagram too and twitter to make sure they all knew
But what's the point? None can help, when you're living in your mental hell.

So say nothing,
Smile,
Carry on,
They won't know until I'm gone.

I thought by now things would be better but it's like yesterday replays only darker and worsens.

Alone and cold, walking in shame as you didn't fit in to this human game

So some pills or a bridge, oh the sea looks inviting! Will it stop all this pain if I leave the world quietly?

The ties that bind me
None are visible
Yet restrain my every move

Tight
Cutting
Invisible

The more I resist
The tighter they cut
I know only pain

My bindings have no knots
No ends no escape
No release

My past binds me
What binds you?

She sits
Tears trip down her face
Rolling into air soaking into her childs coat
Her embrace is stronger than any bond or chain
It was only moments ago she was shouting
Ranting, screaming and she snapped
Snapped and lashed out
They both cry
The red hand shape mark on her daughters face
You try being a single parent
You try day on day taking on the world
But it was home out of sight
It was unseen
This time

Brian has a Subaru, he drives it very fast
He likes to see the people look as he goes whizzing past
Brian thinks he's special a celebrity of sorts
Tearing up and down the street with his oversized exhaust
The truth is Brian no one gives a toss
They look in hope and pray you write your ****** off!

I looked in her eyes and saw so much love.
I also saw so much sadness.
It was as though I had known her a lifetime yet met a stranger.
I just wanted to tell her it would all be ok.
I doubt she would have believed me
The more I see her the more I miss her.
Totally contrary to all I believe.
Yet all day I think of her, love her words her honesty.
Fear her cold steely will, for I may be jettisoned.
Sometimes the thought of her makes me fear life itself.
Sometimes I fear my own sanity.
Nothing I had imagined
Just a soul with so much love and so much distrust.
How do you fathom that.
So I guess I can't

Ever watched the soapy bubbles blow in the wind
The excitement and laughter to a child it brings
Looks of delight as they chase and pop
Begging for more as you blow on the wand
A simple pleasure they won't forget
A childhood memory, one of it's best

When does one write a bucket list
Before the need? Well you can't after it!
Places to go people to see
A work of many possible things
For a world of most you have never seen
A thousand things you said maybe?
Or is the list a cathartic chore?
To make amends to those you scorned
Whatever it is, you must write yours
Before you shed this mortal coil

In youth they swooned when she entered a room, she had her choice of men.
She commanded them without a word and they always did her bidding.
But not all would woo, bow and scrape.
A few ignored her and her ways.
For that alone she was intrigued why they favoured others, and not she.
So one by one she picked them off to prove she could have just what she wants.
A plan she had and then the rub... Her best friends man, he was one.
A sanctioned **** it came to be and then that night she did the deed.
A foolish game for all to play as it ended all from that day.
The trust for all had now been lost and what in all was the cost?
To simply prove she could have it all, then loose the same before the dawn.