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Please don't make me regret opening up to you
Please don't tell all of the secrets
That only you knew
Just please
Let me
Trust
You
The way that I do.
The human skin can be hard to live in,
That's why most of us tear it.
And I, my loves,
Am a hypocrite

I tell you not to tear such precious, innocent skin
While late at night
I hold my blade
And carve it in.

I like to push oh so hard.
Only to get the adrenaline
of seeing the blood and make sure I am still alive
Though I feel as if I'm not at all alive anymore

I'm a zombie
living in the palest of skin
And if your lucky
I'll let you in.

It doesn't happen often
But for some it may
Those lucky few
Will be dismayed

For I seem like a bright ray of sunshine
In this dark dark world
But jokes on you
I'm the darkest of them all.
 Dec 2013 Michaela Ferris
Lizzy
Another cut
Another tear
Another dosage increase

My life seems to be going in the same cycle
Over and over
I'd do anything to break free

Free from the medication
From the scars
From the hopelessness

Yet when you feel worthless
There really is no point
So I come to realize
*I'm stuck here in the dark forever
 Dec 2013 Michaela Ferris
Lizzy
"How can someone love you
If you don't love yourself?"
The words of therapists trying to help
Won't go away

They're right
I'd been thinking about it all wrong the whole time
There's
         Nothing
                     To love*

They didn't want me to be happy
They just wanted to put me out of my misery
I've decided I'm not going to let people hurt me.
If only I would not hurt myself.
I've fallen into the tricks of society.
Now I'm someone else

*and I'm sorry..
I'm falling apart?
I agree.
I'm not the same girl,
I used to be.

I tried to stop,
And go back to how I once was,
It didn't work.
I'm very sorry
Let me have a demon party
 Nov 2013 Michaela Ferris
Lizzy
I keep trying to wash away
The pain from my skin
But no matter how hard I scrub
The scars are still there
A broken life
was the time I fell on the ground in tears,
laying on the floor for so many years.
Trying to gain a little strength,
Trying to gain a little happiness,
A little hope, and a little love.
Maybe happiness isn't for me.
But my broken life showed me giving a smile to those who don't have one is a life.
Giving someone what you don't have is kindness,
i try so much more than the rest to give people the best.
A broken life was when I was in the classroom screaming in silence when no one could hear a thing,
all the way from the top of the mountain just another lonely human being lying above the sea trying to escape the insanity.
I'm lonely and im sad and I just wanted you to see, that a broken life shouldn't be.
 Nov 2013 Michaela Ferris
Lizzy
I have failed
Yet again
Although this probably isn't a surprise
Another thin red line up my thigh
Each one having less of an importance to me

A scream or cry to be happy
Why me? I ask
To anyone who listens
But I don't want an answer
I don't want your sympathy

I can't let you care
You have problems of your own
Taking up my problems too,
Well that would just be too heavy of a load

For someone who is struggling with them self,
How can they love anybody else?
My hate within is only for me
I'm the only one who deserves to be unhappy.
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