Blood drips down my wrist,
The pain is like my escape,
i bite down my lip,
as tears star to take shape.

This is my life now,
putting up a wall,
blocking everyone out,
acting like i dont care at all.

i want to scream and shout,
i hate the way i've become,
my insecurities defeated me,
the cure? seeing my blood run.

i walk around in school,
acting like i'm fine,
i feel so on edge,
maybe this is my time?

all it takes is one jump,
one cut, one rope.
no more pressure.
no need to cope.

something stops me,
every time, someone saves me ,
the tiniest thing,
then i feel so free

it may not last long,
but it makes me smile.
i have some hope.
i can hang on for a while.

just a cut
just a scratch
"what's that mark"?
"it was the cat"
just an excuse
just a lie
"whats with all the bracelets?"
"just fashion why?"
just a tear
just a scream
"why are you crying?"
"just a bad dream"
But it's not just a cut or a tear, or a lie
it always "just one more until you die"
(n.t.)

I want to be a blade
Held down to the grindstone
Enduring a long
And near endless
Pain
As I am ground away to nothing

I want the stone to tear at my body
Destroying all semblance
Of the life that once was
I want every bone broken
Every vein
Every artery
Every capillary
To be torn open
That the blood of my life might seep forth
Wetting the stone
Slicking it down
To more easily cut into me
And make my existence
Turn to the dust of stone

Remember the time
I thought I liked you
But it only lasted a week.
Remember the time
I cursed for the first time;
And it was at you.

Remember the time
I liked you for an entire year
And obsessed over you.
Remember the time
You teased me everyday.

Remember the time
We used to take piano from the same woman
And I saw you at a lesson one day.
Remember the time
You told me about the night
The black thing came to you,
Up your arm.

Remember the time
We spent backstage
Goofing off.
Remember the time
I wrote about how much I hated you
In my diary,
Everyday.

Remember the time
I dated your best friend
And you were the obligatory third wheel.
Remember the time
You threatened to punch me
Because I made fun of the girl you liked.

Remember the time
We spent during choir practice
Looking at squirrels through the window.
Remember the time
You told me
"I don't care what homeroom I have,
As long as you're not in it."

Remember the time
The stinkbug kept following your shoes
In Spanish class.
Remember the time
You threw a pinecone at me
Because I deserved it.

Remember the time
We sat together in all our classes.
Remember the time
I dreamed about you
Dying
In my front room.

Remember the time
We Skyped for three hours.
Remember the time
I beat you up
Because I was angry.

Remember the time
My two best friends started dating
Because you finally got up the courage and asked her.
Remember the time
You told me you wanted to break up with her.

Remember the time
You stole my Sharpies
Until I asked him out.
Remember the time
You broke up with her
And avoided me for a week.

Remember the time
We spent after school,
Studying for Spanish.
Remember the time
I was scared of you
But walked with you,
In silence.

Remember the time
You had a rave in class
And asked me to tape it.
Remember the time
I cut myself
And you got mad at me
And we spoke even less.

Remember the time
The algebra teacher threatened to separate us
Because we talked too much in class.
Remember the time
I messaged you
And messaged you
And you wouldn't answer.

Remember the time
You and your mum invited me to dinner.
Remember the time
I saw you for the first time
In two months
And, despite the same clothes
And hair,
You looked like a stranger.

Remember the time
You asked him out for me.
Remember the time
We Skyped for five minutes
And had nothing to say.

Remember the time
You held my hand all period
Because you were cold.
Remember the time
You told me you were insane
And we couldn't be like we used to.

Remember the time
You told me not to worry,
That we were still the same, relationship-wise.

Remember the time
You told me not to cry
But I did.

Remember the time
You held me while I sobbed,
The first time you'd ever seen me cry.

Remember the time
You assured me you'd be fine.

Remember the time
I shook while you held my hands.

Remember the time
You hugged me after class,
A week later
And I nearly cried of happiness.

Remember the times.

Do you remember the times?
Because it seems all I'm doing these days
Is remembering you.

I tried to mend the wounds you made,
But they're deeply cut and will not fade
Fingers stuck down my throat,
And pills sit next to my death note,
Anger,fear,sadness, and more,
I don't know how much pain i can endure,
"It'll just be one" i tell myself,
But soon the razor has cut more than i can even count