Walk with me, dear? The world isn't a beautiful place,
take a glance through my lenses, for you need them as I need yours.
Lets climb the mountain, just to fall back down. Walk with me, and see the changes take us.

Can we even fix our problems?

You and I together, atop the cliff by the ocean.
"You'll leap with me."
Were you ready? Because I wasn't either.
But together we thought we would, even though together was the mistake we made, to hold to our hearts as close as we could.

Things aren't perfect and neither am I, so why did I take you while I lived my life?  
I could barely walk on my own two feet, and neither could you.  
We gave our all together,
just couldn't keep the flame alive.

this was the day I left.
Don't keep asking why, I told you why.
I'm sick of miscommunication,
insults,
pushing my absolute hardest just to please you,
and that isn't enough.
See, it drives me up the wall.
Makes me want to scream.
That's why,
not because I hate you,
or don't love you.
No.
I just can't handle the way things were,
and I will not,
ever,
stick around for that.
I can't.

To my family, I care about nobody but myself.
But in my own mind, I am not mentally sound enough to make a decision and realize the weight behind it. I do care, I care about whether they sleep well at night, whether the weight of my decisions falls into their laps, and whether or not I can do things for them in the long run. I can't leave my past behind and I can't move forward when the past sits in my lap. How do I wake up? How do I come to terms with myself? How do I keep myself from just giving up and throwing my body from the office window? I don't know, but maybe time does. Just maybe.

I made it,
nobody can take what I have earned,
nobody can strip me of these last years,
nobody can tell me I didn't make it.

I'm so sick of living in the eyes of other people.
It's empty doing so,  
and even worse not knowing who I am.
Sure, I can name a few qualities,
but where does the real me lie?
Where does the days in and out of putting up with everything play a role?
I'm sick of my shortcomings being brought up by others,
spending endless nights worrying about adequacy,
when in reality my thought was the only one to matter.
Even with this realization though,
I can't begin to fathom the change in mindset,
I can't begin to breathe on my own,
I don't know how and I need help.
This world doesn't revolve around me and I know,
I have to make my own way here,
But can someone help me out?
Can someone teach me without making me hate myself more?
Can someone give me a ******* chance for once?
I'm sick,
I'm tired,
my entirety aches endlessly.
Someone ******* help me here,
someone put time into me just as I've put time into others,
I'm so tired of being on the fire.

Music, all it ever did for me was help me feel.

Porch sitting,
a cigarette lit between my index and middle,
as usual.
Safari sitting beside me,
unable to comprehend the world around fully,
startled by the noises that night carries on.

"Leave where you're at."
"No."
I commend the brave souls, who face this earth.
As for souls similar,
the screened in area at the back of the house, is home.

The moon's radiance shedding on the sky,
the crickets howling,
Safari, still scared.
Another night, with another cigarette.
The white wicker chair is still, home.

"Carry on, walk away."
"Never."
The heart lies in the grass,
five shades darker than five hours ago.
The soul carries this landscape.
The white concrete floor, home.

I'm not just alone here.
But I'm alone.
The landscape, dreary.
Slow songs from that indie band, nobody has ever heard of in their lives.
Life brought me here,
for what reason? I'll never know.
At this very moment,
as the slaves take orders.
I sit and write this....

Aware that the world moves even when I dont.
I feel sympathy for our world.
So, possessive.
Casting reign, arguing with a bitter tongue.
I feel empathy for those like me, looking for solutions, leading by example, and finding nothing.

Whomever finds life outside this trap,
finds where their heart should be...

Haze,
speaking at me.
Beckoning forth a gift.
Tranquility.
Illusion.
Bellow out, cries of this wasteland,
caress the beat of my sleeping heart.
For I, accept the gift.

I just heard a couple fight.
I don't like to hear things of the nature.
See, I deal with it on a daily.
But who am I?
The guy who also does it too.
But we can't help it.
Can we?
Hell if I know.
I'm not trying to be deep,
I'm just angry.
Not at anyone, or myself.
I'm mad for no good reason.
Maybe it's my setting.
Or the Eminem-looking ****, across  from me giving me looks.
But then again I'm not upset at anyone.
I'd never hurt that guy, he just seems misunderstood.

Am I ******* insane?

Look I get that you ******* worry about me ******* you over but cut me some slack dude, you take everything so offensively like i'm deliberately going out of my way to be an ******* or something when in reality i'm not even doing that at all. You sit here and talk about how you always worry about us being together and how you have all these doubts but the moment you say you want to talk about something "serious" and I worry that it's you about to say you don't want me around anymore, I'm the ******* bad guy. What is that *******? You have the ******* nerve to call me immature when you can't even have a conversation without assuming i'm trying to be an *******. Dude **** that, and *******, I don't have time to kiss your *** and try and win you over. I'm not some guy who's going to do that, you get my attention and that's it, I don't give it to every body and I don't go out of my way to put people into my life. *******, sitting here making me the bad guy when you can't even ******* have a conversation without taking things the wrong way, ******* so much you ******* ****. I want nothing to do with you right now and until you learn how to ******* act, i'm not going out of my way to do anything for you again, stay out of my life.

To those who walked away,

I gave it all,
my heart,
my soul,
to have you walk,
and abandon me.
The life I live,
in the utmost conviction,
to help others,
and never hurt them,
still you walk away,
still you leave,
still you care not anymore.
To that, I say "fine"
walk away, leave me alone to move on.
Like some ghost,
floating abroad.

100 Greatest Punk Songs of All Time,
the highlight of my night,
the soundtrack to my day.
Two people next to me,
going back and forth with one another,
making claims "I'm done" yet,
they still stick around.
"Savior"
we all need one.

The best gift you can ever give is to yourself,
this gift is the ever lasting knowledge, that you can feel.
Every emotion, to it's fullest extent.

What really damaged me?
How about all the neglect?
My father walking away?
The divorce on Christmas?
The genetics that gave me so much trouble?
What about my mother's issues?
The dysfunctional family?
No, what damaged me was letting all these things become my own excuse.

Can I please rest and watch the shadows dance above,
or could you spare some quiet instead?
For I am exhausted of fighting for similar,
and the weight I carry's dead.
I've decorated my insides with toxicity,
and just brought this temple to the ground.
The fire snuffed in my eyes,
with water poured all around.

Acknowledge this plea, with the ears you were given.
As it is muffled by undertow from my revision.
There is no second sermon to this broken body's cry,
and god ******, there never will be because I couldn't hold myself up at that podium long enough to let loose one more breath.

God, I hold a lover's conviction as powerful as you,
but these bones too weren't meant for this world.
So is this the dilemma I must face,
while others keep pace beneath your shroud?
I don't know everything, and I know I never will.
But that's why I've gone up and won't go down.

I'll try to carry these burdens I hold,
but we all opt out at death,
Do you consider the things we think about, during our last breath?
So show me where you'll go and I'll show you where I go too,
because I don't know what's at the end, but I'm not going alone.
I am not alone.

Being miles below ground, I have become diamond.
Waited for a chance,
to shake the dirt from my back,
but it never happened, because I never decided.
Instead I chose to hold,
and let this weight take it's toll on me.

There seems to be such lack for others well being in this world,
I watch as my friends,
go about,
and put themselves before the people who need to be first.
It really sickens me.
Even though I've been guilty of it.
Putting my pleasures first,
guilt free.
Why do I do that?
Why does anyone do that?
Is it ego?
I don't know, but what I do know,
is that we all deserve a place of comfort,
where people help each other out.
Because the way we are taught to live now,
to come first and put everyone else last,
is sickening wrong...

I've spent the last five years constructing a place to rest,
built to lay every piece of me.
It's rose wood, stained black and glossed.
I trimmed each edge with red,
and held it together with stainless steel, blood, sweat and tears.
Every condescending comment,
each lie told,
forgotten dreams,
and ambitions,
all structural foundation.
Blankets of black and blue hue placed inside,
were my mother's keepsakes to me.
Tar pit lungs and an old liver,
laid with so I could sleep.
Set me down,
and bury me with this coffin I built.

I hate everyone that I know,
then I wonder "where did my friends go?"
******* poor me,
always suffering.
Everyone will let me down,
one way or the other.
One day I'll be dead and gone,
maybe then we'll get along.
I'm not holding my breathe.
What do I know?
I know nothing.

Dear Rose,

Life has put me through very much just as it has for you and I know you understand that when I reach a point in time, I just break. We all do. Last night was no excuse to make you cry and to stress you out to the point of yelling and from the deepest conviction, I regret every second of my actions. The wrong look from you breaks me, I let the words of others tear me to pieces, and I let those opinions from others dig at me for no reason. I know it's in my control to let that happen, but at times I forget and I don't know what to do. I lose track of the progress I've made with myself and with you. I know I've got things I need to work on and I try my best to work every day at improving myself and I hope you see that. I hope that you don't think less of me for breaking both of us down last night, for being in the wrong and making things worse than what they had to be and what they even were. I hope you still look at me as the guy you fell in love with and not a burden that comes across to only make your life worse. I know I can't take back last night but I can do my best to make every night after that the best you've ever had or at least better than then. Rose, I hope you're making it well today and I hope that the rest of your days are well too. Enjoy the time spent with your mom tonight and enjoy the time you have to think to yourself. I'll be here, and I'll keep the lights on if you need me. My phone will be at my side, and my heart will remain open just as the door will remain unlocked. I love you...

I see your car everywhere,
and I don't mean every once in a while.
Literally every time I drive,
I look around and there you are.
Not you.
But, what should have been you.
I always ask myself why you left,
analyzing each and every encounter to see where I went wrong.
But I wasn't in the wrong.
I did my very best to make things work,
to make you happy,
to just let the stars align in the right way.
But the opposing force was you,
you weren't dedicated ever,
you let go the day we set sail,
and you gave up a chance at being happy.
Not me.

I'm past it now, but there is still that part that wonders what was going on in your mind during the whole escapade.

To those who cared, I cant help but apologize for the lack of communication on my end of the spectrum. I can't help but grieve the loss of myself in the sense that the way I walk this earth no longer intrigues me. I can't help but give the utmost attention to the fact that I lost many years fighting for it to all boil down to nothingness. My condolences go to those who had done everything to assist me, they reach out to those who had ever hurt me, they reach out to the world, the unknown, and the known world of which I had stepped foot on. Sure, I could go on forever about how I hurt and how my life seems to be shambles but we all know that already, we all know that I can't live in a manner in which I can't help bring myself up, I can live in a way which corrupts. No longer, should I be whole, no longer should I try to keep on. Sweet dreams to those who kept it together, sweet dreams to those who made something out of themselves, sweet dreams, sweet world.

Time brought me to you,
The tide took me away,
In your heart,
I must stay.
For you have my own,
And I can't let go,
The storm surges,
I tremble at your ghost.

-M.R.

I write to express my grief.
The countless hours of intermission,
stuck in this purgatory-like place.
Looking for a way out,
of the self-diminishing,
spiteful,
neglect I push toward myself.
When I look in the mirror,
I pray people see the disgusting being,
that I see when I look there.
When I'm in public,
I hope to god,
a car would hit me,
someone would hurt me more.
When I'm alone, I look for more reasons,
to add to the list of excuses to **** myself.

I Put all I had on the line for you.
To be thrown away and forgotten.
Set to the side, for everything else.
You told me you loved me.
You told me we had a future.
You lied.
You did what everyone else did and just ******* left.
You used me until you didn't have to.
You stole my heart,
My happiness,
And the peace of mind I worked so hard for.
Do you even feel remorse?
Does it feel lonely in your bed?
How does it feel to know you broke me?
You don't care,
I don't know why I do honestly.
Maybe because I know how it feels to lose something you put so much time into.
I know you sleep well at night.
I know you don't think of me, but I hope you do.
I hope you feel sorry.
I hope you hate the choices you made.
I hope you hate yourself.
When you look in the mirror, shall misery embody itself upon you.
I hope you stay home and realize that alone is how you'll die.
Your animals will die before you and you'll die before me.
That funeral will be nice to watch.
And when I stomp on your grave as a sincere "*******" I hope you feel it.

Leave me alone

Don't you think you've done enough,
damage on  your own?

I can't stand to look in your direction,
the shadow you cast is in vain.
your eyes scream "disappointment"
I hate hearing your name.

If words could describe,
how horrible you are,
everyone else will realize,
you're simply "sub-par".

I know that you're a mistake,
I never needed you anyway.

So leave me alone
let me go on my own
this is my home
I'll never step back into your unknown.

The smile that's plastered on your face,
is as fake as the life you lead.
Your goals are motivated by spite,
it blinds what  you perceive.

You're everything I ******* hate,
but I wish I could ignore,
the fact that you still exist,
and your "patronizing self-centered arrogance."

She's going to leave and there isn't a thing I can do about it.
The way I plan to cope on this horrendous nightmare is the only way I possibly can. We all know what that means, and get sad to see it happen. But sometimes the pain can't be handled any longer and there is something that sends us to the end. Well, for me, this is it. This is what will do it for me, and to see her leave is something I can't live with...

I ******* hated it.

I took a step back yesterday and thought about nothing.

I know, the wind blows.
So walk with me my dear,
for I see clear,
once again.

We all, look away,
run from things,
scare ourselves,
to become,
different beings,
taking
advantage of everything.

I don't
want to
be apart of it
anymore

Cause its scary to see to see,
this world falling apart
in front of me,
in front of me.

Should we fight?
Should we flee?
Should we make peace?
or become evil beings?

We hold the answer,
no man,
can take that, away from me.
Cause I know, that this globe,
was meant to be
at peace
just like wind and trees.
like birds and bees,
like the way the tide moves,
when the moon takes what it needs.

Set me free
from the chains
that bound me
take off the weight I carry
and buy me a pizza.

I'd rather sit home alone, than be surrounded by people not looking out for my best interest.
Sure, socialization feels great, but it carries emptiness when it isn't genuine connection.
I never find people to connect with, woe is me.
But **** it, I'm happy where I'm at.

I'd never be the one you need around.
I'd **** to just be the dust on your shelves.
Look at me, I exist.
I'm not some background character.
I'm important.
One day, you'll see me.
But no time soon.

For now I wait,
as you lie to your family,
and I leave my job.
The things we do for love,
profound to the furthest extent.
The things I do to show it,
exposing the marrow inside me,
reaching lengths I couldn't dream of before.
All at a chance to experience happiness.
All at a chance,
to be with someone,
I could easily see myself burying.
Not today,
or tomorrow,
but in the future.
I love you,
from the deepest depths of my being,
and would give anything,
to hear you laugh again.