sitting on a used bed
your presence disappeared into the pillow sheets

opened a journal
like a treasure map

running around
trying to get me back

hiding inside a box
without a lock

almost died
I cried
bled
felt the end of the world

everyone knows me
that's not the truth

pages
I spilled myself on

under a lake

asking myself
why does my heart
feel so heavy

can't hold a pen

I hear odd sounds
as if I lived underwater

presents
a book filled with empty pages
standing in front of me

I should know

I'm running away
from myself

I know myself
that's not the truth

////
don't come looking around for someone who doesn't exist
don't go loving someone who doesn't feel the same
\\

sky's so cold
reminds me of her
she always blew me a cold kiss

eating ice cream when it's zero degrees

ice queen
she covers the sky
with an independent gloom

I'm waiting on the snow
she gives the best shows
wearing glittery shoes

eerie feeling
you aren't here with me
I almost felt you beside me

I need to let her go
move on

let the sky fall

All the noise in my head
Doesn't let me sleep

I used to make lists
REASONS TO LIVE
it was filled with names
reached the bottom
didn't worry about them

I'm making the list
can't find someone to hold
nothing comes to mind
worried for myself

never did I write my name


I don't know how to feel
fear
guilt

worried about my life
and loved ones

I don't know

It seems all meaningless


(Lists have caught on fire)

I'm dying inside
trying to convince myself it's all lies

Your soul

slumbers

at night under

fairytale

whispers,


and your

heart

wonders

singing

out loud

a favorite lyric

through

the universe,


like a comet

fire and embers

dancing..



the ordinary

does not

become you.


what is

over the

next hill is

more your

gypsy style.


and I

watch in awe

of you,


everything in

your life

before you.


not a yo-yo

on a string

existence,


someone

who will

leave and

then always

return to

the same

place again

and again

and again.


without

meaning.


your kisses

have great

meaning

I am certain,


like the sun

the moon

and the stars.


you hold them

in your

eyes  I

I can see

it.


sitting there

magically


in the

night.