Alice, age 4

My mother was beginning to lose her eye sight until eventually she went blind

The day it happened was a horrific experience for my mother like if the whole  world had shut down on her

She would kneel down screaming from the top of her lungs and crying asking god '' Why me?''.

She'd plead every night for this to go away but eventually it kept getting worse everyday

That was the day I saw my own mother go insane to the point of actually doing something stupid

She looked at me saying ''sweetie everything is going to be okay'' with her voice almost breaking and tears running down her face

I was only four when this all happened.

The dream
Oh that dream ...
I'm coming

picking at imperfections like the pimples on my face
now each bite leaves a sour taste
bitter moments tipping on my tongue
smoke filled air trapped inside my lungs
black and white are the only colors i see
i can't even hear the ground underneath my feet
my soul has lost its senses to live
i have lost everything, what is there left to give

I appear to be a wayward daughter,
already headed towards the slaughter.

My misguided acts of intimacy
Have been misinterpreted as acts of
Defiance and greed without intricacy,
Never thought of as a girl’s search for love.

I was focused on my broken parts.
I looked to love as a form of repair.
That is exactly when the soul departs.
Soulless, I let myself into their snare.

That wasn’t truly me who gave it up.
I am left with more damage than before.
Still worth more than an abusive hookup.
They will wreak havoc but I’m still the *****.