I.
“You say it doesn’t matter, but I like to scream it does.
You made our little dream shatter, but oh what a dream it was”
I listen to a melody
Familiar to me
From beyond understanding
I danced elegantly
“Where does the ocean go?”
I’m not sure
For it changes rapidly
Because water always flows
Like my mind
Unending and restless
Somehow I find some kind of understanding
And make up the rest of the story
Like a bird making a nest out of dreams and imagination
The color of my soul
I laugh when I hear it
“I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier”
“If you can’t hold on, hold on”
My pen is alive again
Searching for the right words
To ignite the eyes and rapture the soul
Souldancing
I kinda like the sound of it
And to it I must submit
I will not bother where it hits
So long at intention is what one gets.
Butterflies on my imagination
Where do you flutter flutter by to?
“Who taught you emotion?”
My notebook calls to me again
There is something screaming to be created
Like
A rainbow of thought and emotions
A picture of a memory long passed
Of a happy mahogany girl living in dreams
Or a sad mahogany girl crying over a lost relative
Colored in sepia
Edited in photoshop
Shared with the future generations
Beyond the initial understanding
There is art in the making
Inspiration in the works
Lost between thoughts, I pause the music
Lightning strikes my epiphany
Then another song to requite my restless creativity
“Locked in a room”
I’m locked in my mind right now
Please leave a message after
The tone that sounds like me screaming
And I’ll get back to you eventually
“Must be Dreaming”
I don’t feel
Asleep at the moment
There is a smile waiting for me
Trapped under all that is complex and useless
I find true happiness
Beyond the measures of what is expected
I shall travel, but not alone
“The future is coming on”
The present lingers only in consciousness.
Lost beyond my heart and soul
There is always a map to me
“Somewhere over the rainbow”.

II.
“Locked in a room it is small it is not. It is empty and cold, so you fill it with thoughts of a wonderful nature, and various sizes you doubt you could think your way out”
I’ve reliving a memory right now
The moment before the last breath and the first realization
I am the only me, but is the only me
Worth the attention of my expression
My words are melancholy again
The poet’s disease strikes again
“Hunger hurts, but I wanted it so bad, oh it kills”
I feel that way about living
It is painful, but that’s a part of living
Being numb
Feeling nothing makes one
Not feel alive
“Silhouette is painted on the wall. How many times can I say that I miss you?
I can see the silhouette of my life on these walls
Over there is the depression
Over there is the happiness
On the ceiling is the future
And I can’t make it out
“What your soul taste like, baby”
I can taste it
It tastes like Dr. Pepper with a twist of happiness.
“It’s all about the money”
Not for me it isn’t
I’m American, but money doesn’t own me
“All I do, is think about you”
The rapture in my soul begins another story
“She leads a lonely life.”
Well, I did, before that day in May
That changed everything
12 days before Christmas makes me sadder
Than it used to
But that, like now
Is a memory that is in my heart
And my understanding
That things will end eventually
“When everything’s made to be broken”
Including me
But I can be sad for a short period
Feel sorry for myself briefly
“In my house feel free to dance like it's May, but there's a lot 'a old bills I gotta pay”

I saw a woman look at the sun
“So predictable” she cried
Then she went on about her life
But was everything so predictable?
If we look at the sky every day
Do we see the same sky?
Or the waters that run in the riverbanks
Are those the same waters from yesterday?
I’ve heard otherwise
But, depending who you ask
The answer varies
Then I remember my mother
How she’s changed all these years
She who was dealt a hand of fate
To forever be bound to the wheels of chairs
Yet never seeing such as a burden
She who walked through fire
Only to lose her feet in the process
Only to walk on
Down the road of life with ever wonderment
As if it was a blessing in disguise
My father too…
He has changed the most
From my infantile memories to dirt
He has attained true freedom
He has attained true peace
But it was at the cost of never being able
To see his family again
It’s hard to gauge
Which one is better
I can only subjectively from the living side.
Then I wander back to nature
*** it breathes with life
The violent trees that travel without moving
The wildlife that is out to get me if I’m not careful
The smell of life passing you by
And just like the smells
It varies from time to time
The decay of death as something rots
The complex perfume of incense as something is imagined
The nutty smell of peanut butter on a sandwich
It is everywhere
Then I look at my grandmother
How her mind is deteriorating
How this woman use to be with the power of all that is independent
And here she is
Becoming more and more child-like and forgetful
But all that matters for now is that she is healthy
And that she remembers me
By name no less
She is still so clever
But not the same woman I knew so long ago…
Then I weep like a child
Remembering the terrible things that befell me
Have you lost so much?
How can you keep your sanity through it all?
It’s so hard to breathe sometimes
Yet I continue to do so without thinking
So much more than existing
But what keeps you going?
Throw that question to the void
You will never get the answer you’re satisfied with
It, like the world, is ever changing
Time is too short
There is never enough time
In the end
I’ll never make it out alive
But I have to make the most of my time here
Or else it is completely wasted
And I wither away in the wind
Then I remember the wonders of my mind
How I’m compelled to collect names and their meanings
How a coin on the road calls to me
\Any coin actually
How in some cases I can write like the dickens
Without trying
But in other cases I write like the way time flows for the bored
Slowly
How many unfinished works do I have?
Too many to count
I am gifted with creation
But not as gifted in completion
I just hope I don’t die before I complete
My more interesting works
I believe I’ve hit a low point in my studies
As I adjust, I find I’m pretty dumb about everything
Yet my mind still wanders, like the sky
Ever changing
Even as I suffer
From numerous afflictions
I still end up
Back where I started.