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Maria Horvack Jun 2020
Come back to me
And love my broken soul.
I have never felt more empty.
Is it the meds or the sincerity of home
That dulls me into this

I am 100% sure he said.
I am 100% sure he said.

While I am 100% sure that I can do more.
Be more

Give more.
Yes I broke
Again but let me tell you of my faith

I do have

I am supposed to be here.
Maria Horvack Jun 2020
Dear God
I know we haven't talked alot lately
Now I'm talking to you in public
I am praying to you to help me
Help me hold my head together
Help me not feel so freaking alone
Help me please to hold down a job
A relationship
A life.
Good I am a sinner.
I have chased cheap thrills
I have not realised gifts you have given me till they are wrecked
Please God, if I could just lie in a loving man's arms my world would be completed. You know the man I need.
Help me survive this please God
Help me please
I ache
I weep
I urn
I would rather spend my life trying to be perfect for him than have this dizzyness of freedom u have even me
With no one .
Except snakes.
I wish someone would speak to me and say this prayer is being heard
Cause right now I feel like a empty pill bottle. Would better the situation please God I won't be stupid. But would u send me a sign?
Maria Horvack Jun 2020
All the he's are gone.
And I am left with
Me. Mum and dad.

I'm about to run away again.

Just me and an expired car

It's been a hard year..
I have had the best *** of my life
But found no love
Never allowed to lie in the arms of the strangers who use me.

The one I long for
The one I cry for
And the one I pray for

Has blocked me everywhere. .

Now I am alone.

I feel like a cheap ****.
I never cheated but I tried to replace him to soon

I should have just waited prayered harder that he would change his mind

I hope his new lover is kind and smart and beautiful.

I feel like trash
Surly it gets better than this.
Or was that my day in the sun
Breakup heartbroken
Maria Horvack Jan 2020
I met a man.
He's Indian and older than me
On the first date his car kinda smelt like curry
it made me smile. I like curry
On the second date i slept with him
and after he came he told me he wished i was slim.

I met that man again
and we went for a long drive.
He said he was looking for a wife.
I was just looking to not feel so ******* alone.

when i met the man for the 4th time he commented on my shaking
he asked if I was on drugs and i had to explain.
i was.
lithum, eplium and haloperidol.
I almost cried and he held me close.

I now met this man most days he still wants me to loose weight and my whole family hates him for that. But they dont understand that my mind is finally calm when I lay in this arms.

He may be rude to me but I know he is just honest with me.
I am not wife material. He wants a family.
And I am so afraid I will drag him back through the dugeons and hospitals that I have seen since my digonisis.

this man keeps talking to me, he texts me and i drive him crazy.
He is mooder than me, but I kinda like that he is emotional too.

he had started pushing me away somedays, then others he wants me.

i have never met a man like him before.

     but he is better than anyone before.

I met a man. And he didnt make me loose my mind.
He made me find my heart.
Maria Horvack Jun 2017
They say we live like pigs.
Weaker, and more dangerous though
A risk to our own young.
I am rotting with the stench of
The stimga today.
The TV tells, how others see me
Sitcom fortune tellers
Predicting my behavior
If I ever attempted to achieve life again
More than movies online and microwave meals
Is this me? Living up to my label.
Or is the label now the only one that fits me.
Bipolar.
Crazy.
Lunitic
I am haunted by history and am just trying to be human
And survive
Maria Horvack Jun 2017
I volunteer.
my time is spare
so take it
first before all my friends.
let me lead the march to
the grave
my wirsts are not scared yet
but my story is broken and
I know exactly what to shallow.
pride.
shame.
washed away with the metal
medicine that prescribed to calm
which shall grant me the only sleep I desire.
I'll be the first to retire

— The End —